[Deleted User]auroraborealis (deleted user)

Hi everyone! I'm new to this site and was just looking for non sexual comforting cuddles. I get really lonely due to my crazy work and school schedule and I just wanted human touch, but I've found that many men just message me to go out on dates? How do I avoid this? Should I maybe just stick to professional cuddlers who respect boundaries? I don't want anything sexual or romantic. I literally just want to spoon with someone (man or woman) for a bit. Advice and explanations welcomed.



  • You can't avoid it entirely. There will always be someone who wants to push boundaries. Some guys will always test to see what they can get away with. Just don't respond to the ones who want dates.

  • If someone messages you and they want more than just someone to cuddle up with the best thing you can do is block them or report them. Won't stop other people doing the same but at least it'll be one less person for you to worry about. There are those who aren't pros who are only after what you're after just a case of just keep looking until you find them, all you can do unless you just stick to pros!

  • Wow. Men asking a beautiful young woman for a date!!! I hate when that happens.

  • edited September 2017

    @Carlos You're not at all hearing her. She does not want a date, and this is not a dating site. It is not too much for her to expect, to not be annoyed with requests that are outside of the scope of this site. However, the reality is, as I said before, there will always be guys who will try to push things as far as they can get away with. Know anyone like that, Carlos? :D

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    edited September 2017

    Yeah, there are a lot of people who come on websites like this looking for a date. There are a few ways you could deal with this problem:

    1. Avoid men who give physical compliments (e.g. men who send messages like, "You've got such a pretty smile" or "You look sexy")
    2. Make it clear you're only looking for something non-romantic and non-sexual
    3. Meet up with them a few times in a public place before actually cuddling, so you can get to know them and gauge their intentions
    4. When you do decide to cuddle, be very clear about all the boundaries beforehand e.g. no kissing, no touching of the breasts/bottom/genitals, must be clothed at all times, etc.
    5. You could also make it clear on your profile that you're not after a date or anything romantic/sexual out of this
    6. Another option is you could avoid cuddling straight/bi men, and just cuddle women or gay guys - but they are harder to find in my experience
    7. Also, people in polyamorous relationships may be less likely to be desperate for something romantic and sexual, if they have several partners and are getting their needs met already. I've had a couple of good experiences with ethically polyamorous men who are already partnered (I met their partners and they were lovely too!)
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
  • I generally don't compliment people I cuddle with platonically. I think it's a good rule.

  • [Deleted User]auroraborealis (deleted user)

    @CarlosHunt I'm not saying that I'm above men asking me out. What I'm saying is that men are sending me crude messages that make me uncomfortable especially since I've done nothing to indicate that I want anything sexual or romantic and I want to know how to avoid this.

    @BlueIris Thank you for understanding what I'm trying to convey :)

    @Sunflowerfield Thank you so much for all the tips. I'll be sure to use them!

  • Sorry you need to deal with that. I actually do have an idea of what that's like so while I don't really have any suggestions I do want to say I understand at least somewhat.

    I wonder if removing your profile would help. I am really not sure but maybe?

  • Yes, she is pretty. Taking down her photo might help. But really, all the best ideas have been mentioned already, especially reporting and blocking. You can't avoid these types of things happening, but they can be dealt with.

  • [Deleted User]auroraborealis (deleted user)

    I read on a different discussion about a girl experiencing the same issues as myself and she said that it didn't really help deter any perverts. But alas, at this point I'm probably going to try removing my photo.

    All of this is just so bizzare to me because I've never really thought of myself as "pretty". I mean I never thought I was ugly per say, I guess I just wasn't aware? And I'm still not I suppose. There's definetly an inherit disconnect for me concerning my looks.

  • @BlueIris That's not quite what I was thinking when I suggested it. Removing a picture to me puts the focus more on what you've written and less on the fact that you're of a particular gender. I don't know though, maybe that's just me.

    I do agree that reporting people can be pretty good though. If everyone did it and the mods are good the problem would be minimal. I am too new to know if this is effective though.

  • @JasonCuddles Oh, I thought you had mistyped a word. Removing a picture of a pretty girl definitely would put the focus more on what is written, and they would have no idea how pretty she is, which is what these men are responding to right now. Removing the written part of the profile entirely would limit her ability to attract anyone, in my opinion. I'm generally not attracted to an empty profile, myself.

  • [Deleted User]Frankincense (deleted user)

    @auroraborealis It's unfortunate that you have to deal with guys who want more than the platonic cuddles that this site is intended for. People have suggested removing your photo, and I'm sure that will reduce the number of guys who will hit on you. Another suggestion I have for you is to change your settings for your availability in your profile. You have "afternoon, evening, night". I suggest that removing at least the "night" option will make it more clear that you have no interest in sleeping with anyone.

    @BlueIris You talk about what guys "can get away with", as if the only reason guys push boundaries is to "get away with" something. Perhaps some do simply because they like the girl and want to see if she's interested to take things further? You make it sound like guys are just sleazebags who want to get away with as much as they can whenever they're with a girl. Guys are not all like that. And on the flip side of the coin, male members here have reported that some of the women they've cuddled with have repeatedly pushed boundaries. I guess those women were therefore trying to get away with as much groping as they could?

  • @BlueIris Oh oops. By mistyped you mean didn't even type it out at all haha. Yes I meant profile picture.

  • edited September 2017

    @Frankincense If you reread what I wrote, I said "There will always be someone who wants to push boundaries. Some guys will always test to see what they can get away with." And that is absolutely true. I qualified my statements both times: someone and some guys, not all.

    It was entirely in keeping with not only my own experiences, the experiences of my friends and clearly in the experience of the OP, and it was in no way intended to be nor was it a condemnation of the entire male gender. I'm sorry if you interpreted it that way. That was not at all in the statement nor the intent.

    And yes, those women were indeed trying to get away with as much groping as they could. THOSE women.

  • Another issue that is a major contributing factor are the girls out there that allow this type of behavior. The pros for example that will let you guys grope them for an additional upsell during the session, it makes men think that all women on the site offer the same thing.

  • Any guy with a brain cell should know that not all people are equal. If one girl allows something, it doesn't mean they all automatically will. I can't believe that is even an issue.

  • Also, it's unfair to label someone asking for a date as a pervert assuming they didn't ask for anything sexual. They may be unaware of the purpose of this website. Dating sites are pretty common. Platonic cuddling sites are a new thing to many people.

  • edited September 2017

    Some people use the term 'date' to describe a hangout that's just a guy and a girl (which, a cuddle session between a guy and girl would fall under that). Doesn't necessarily mean they want anything romantic, or are thinking of marriage or long-term dating, etc.

    Same goes with guys asking a girl if they would be interested in cuddling, doesn't necessarily have to mean anything big.

  • Agree, @Mike403. Obviously if an upsell (higher cost) is involved for "more groping" then no, men will not assume all women are available to be groped--just the ones who charge (extra).

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)

    The thing is, not all men will push boundaries and test to see what they can get away with. But every woman has dealt with men who push boundaries and test to see what they get away with.

  • edited September 2017

    My thinking is that just because you would not do something yourself does not mean that others would not as well, so it is understandable why female cuddlers would be on alert

  • [Deleted User]Alternis (deleted user)

    Shame you're not from Los Angeles. I'd love to cuddle you and I'm pretty respectful. Hope you find someone in your area.

  • @BlueIris -

    Know anyone like that, Carlos? :D< Cute, but you know I don't kiss and tell in public

    Life is short, if a nice lady wants to grope me I THINK I can deal with it.

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    Well, okay. I have kind of a rule: People who break boundaries generally Will always break boundaries and take advantage.

    Obligatory exception to the rule: If the person who feels their boundaries were violated can't tell you when, where and how the boundaries were set, shame on you!

  • A corollary to my earlier post is that men who are conditioned to see sex-assiciated upsells will then associate upsells as part of cuddling. This would explain all the entitled messages treating women like service providers, which are rejected.

    @greybeard insists on blaming/shaming the victim, which is horrific

  • Because physical boundary breaching is assault. But then he has already admitted that his initial attempts on this forum were failures because he overstepped boundaries. The fact that he now insists on blaming/shaming the victim for all boundary breaching makes me very relieved that no woman put herself in harm's way by accepting his overtures.

    Boundaries are not just one person's responsibility. And boundary breaches are the fault of the perpetrator. Let's call it what it is: unwanted intrusion, menacing and assault

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    Aw, sometimes, you put your meaning to my words. I'm just saying that expectations are a variable that can controlled by spelling out the boundaries clearly and in the presence of the other person. Just because you have common sense doesn't mean s/he does. If they screw up and violate your boundaries, your night/weekend/life is screwed up. Wouldn't you rather increase the chance that you might avoid that?

  • @Greybeard where I agree with you that communication is key and boundaries should always be respected and discussed, keeping things platonic and not becoming sexual or in that direction is common sense stuff. If somebody pushes themselves onto somebody, and willfully and knowingly violates basic common sense boundaries, you cannot blame the one who was violated. I am not a woman so I cant speak from experience, but I have heard from several on here, both paid and unpaid cuddlers, who have had experiences that constitute assault, where the men downplay and minimize act dumb about it. Not the womans fault at all for not spelling out that she does not wish to be disrespected, depersonalized, or assaulted.

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