If you read the forums, you can see that numerous women have left because they experienced unsafe and intrusive behavior in real life, through messages received and via male posters in the forums. There are men here who understand women's situations, but It seems many men would rather create an echo chamber by blaming women knowing that few of us bother to post or respond any more. An environment of blame is not going to bring women back; quite the opposite.
Gents, you do realize your forum posts can drive women away (or attract them), don't you?
Don't you?
Gents know and don't care.
Pros know and many of them don't post in the forums anymore.
Self-awareness drinks for everyone!
I can only speak for myself on this issue. I have considered withdrawing from the site only because it has not turned out as I had hoped (no fault of the site - and I know I've only been here for a brief time). I have kindly and gently reached out to some of the other cuddlers in my area (Nor Cal), and have only received minimal responses, none of which indicated any desire to continue with any kind of conversation. I understand that my status and circumstances would keep many at bay (see my profile), but these are the very things that drove me to this site in the first place. I haven't given up just yet, but may delete my profile in the near future if no sign of life/hope emerges.
It's only been a month so there's that. But also cuddleparty.com lists various parties in your area inc. Santa Rosa and San Francisco. Check them out. I know others in the same boat. Good luck and see if you can find my coping self-nourishment tips elsewhere in the forum
@ sometimes Thanks. I'll check those out.
@overstuffed It was not clear if you had only reached out to pros or to anyone in your area. Your lack of results has nothing to do with the site. It's the same on dating sites and many other sites. Some people respond, some don't. It takes time and patience to cultivate relationships on here. I always cultivate a relationship before I cuddle a total stranger. I am not a pro. That's just what I do.
Meetup.com also has cuddle groups. They might have one in your area. (By the way, I was born in Nor Cal and my best friend lives in Roseville!) I see on your profile your join date is August 2017. Good god, man. Give it some time!!!
Thanks, BlueIris, for your input. As I mentioned, I'm not blaming the site, and I realize I've only been on for a short time. I just had read some of the comments, and thought I'd venture out and comment, too. Thanks, again.
I would like to throw out there as a professional cuddler that I have had many people come cuddle with me who did not expect anything more than a sweet cuddle. I think that we really underestimate Humanity sometimes. Not that it hasn't ever come up, but for the most part the men here have been very respectful.
Love what you have written, SugarMagnolia, and your perspective. I am looking for, and not expecting, anything more than benefiting from mutual cuddling. I have to believe there are those in my area who want the same, and we will eventually find each other.
@sometimes "If you read the forums, you can see that numerous women have left because they experienced unsafe and intrusive behavior in real life, through messages received and via male posters in the forums."
Not sure if you're directing the mention in my direction or just generally stating, but I honestly don't keep up with many forum posts, so I don't know if any women's written horror stories of their experiences. The only thing I recall is that some women receive negative messages from guys at times (for not responding), and I think I replied that this is kind of standard per a lot of online communication sites, and to try not to let it get to you and/or to take it as a confirmation that that person was indeed a good person not to reply to.
I think it's a error to think that all men are jerks just because of some messages you receive online, which come from men. There's a lot of good guys around, but my experience generally is one where no one gives me a chance. I initiate many things, and I have to and am expected to because I'm the guy, but it's generally the women's job then to be able to filter out those messages and respond. Most women I find respond by not doing anything and/or avoiding, which is imo not a good way to filter. How much can you really tell about someone from a simple picture, and via words on a profile? Very little, really, it's by having some back and forth communication that you find whether someone is legit and whether or not you'd be compatible with them. If not, cool, at least you tried and gave it a chance. If so, awesome! And the likelihood of safety is increased cause you invested some time into it. Bc of that I say, the ideal way imo is a back and forth communication to better determine whether or not the person talking to you is a good guy or a jerk. Ignore the jerks and haters, and look for the diamonds in the rough.
-"It seems many men would rather create an echo chamber by blaming women" Honestly, some of my statements can probably be seen as such, and if I 'got real' about my experience and opinions it would not sound favorable, but it's come after years of thinking very favorably of women, but then having expectations and experience tell me otherwise (I could go into details, but then my message would prob be ignored). One may see it as blaming women if they wish, but personally when I state such things it's to express myself, and provide feedback to women (on how their actions are being interpretted at times, and that it's hurtful, and/or better ways to potentially handle things, imo). So if one ignores the messages or just see it as an attack, I would say they're missing any value they could've gained from my communication.
Well, it's true that not all men are jerks. But all women have been messaged or harassed by jerks at some point in their life.
@Sunflowerfield “Well, it's true that not all men are jerks. But all women have been messaged or harassed by jerks at some point in their life.“
Absolutely agree. While the dynamic may be, and probably is different, messaging and harassment by jerks is not gender specific. I agree this can be most aggregious when it is a man harassing a woman, but it can and does happen to us all. Jerks be jerks.
Women here who are not pros seem to treat cuddling like dating. It’s harder to find a cuddle partner here who is not a pro than it is to find a date. They care too much about looks and all kinds of things that have little to do with cuddling. It’s very discouraging.
Gonna go out on a limb and say every human has been messaged or harassed by a jerk.
Heck two days ago a girl felt the need to message me and tell me my dating profile was “stupid” because I noted I enjoy “isolation, peace and freedom”. She told me a relationship is the exact opposite of those things.
The type of relationship I want does include those things so I’m glad to see it’s weeding out the undesireables.
While it’s no secret women get the bulk of unwanted and ill-intended messages, men get their fair share as well.
@chococuddles At this point I'd almost welcome a message or harassment by female jerk. At least I'd know someone is out there.