The End of Free Cuddles

@OhioMike Love the meme!

Best free people to cuddle are not on this site. Neighbors, coworkers, classmates, and friends just to name a few.

I live at the beach on the Westside of Los Angeles, with LA County having a population of 10,000,000 people. When I initially joined the site there were much more enthusiasts but these days that number has dropped significantly.

I reach out to all new members with a thoughtful introduction reflecting that I’ve read their profile, if they even fill in anything, and an invitation to check out my detailed profile and (extensive) karma reviews. Sometimes I’ll even do one short follow up message days later; I feel like I do everything right.

Having said that, so very few even reply. So many get inundated with a million messages and go back into their shell, get banned or turn pro immediately…. but that’s just the landscape.

If I want a free cuddle I just put on my strait jacket. Nonstop hugs.

I was on here before years ago. Had a woman contact me about a cuddle and she said she had never done one before. So we did a few times. She was a nice enough gal. Within a month she told me she was going pro and going to charge others. Said her inbox was so full of people looking for cuddles that she knew the demand was there. She started charging $100 per hour and was getting it. Can't really blame her or others that go pro.

@durantpiano what's your YouTube channel? Your profile says your a YouTuber.

Supply and demand happened

@Violetblanket the admin work omg yes. For my neurodivergent brain i have been trying to find ways to optimize the admin work we have to put into messaging clients. Don't get me wrong, I love to connect with everyone, but there are reasons why I put as much detail into my profile including on how to book for a smoother process instead of receiving vague responses.

I also got a tip from another pro cuddler to include a lot of it into an image...it's a shame we cant manually order our photos too. But a lot of that goes overlooked especially when users repeatedly ignore when you (after posting in messages how to do it step by step to reduce back and forth messaging and get clients booked right away so they can get their cuddling sessions in.

I also wouldn't do this for free knowing the amount of time, effort, and other executive functioning skills we put into to build and maintain rapport with our clients.

And I agree with most of the comments here regarding the safety issue as a female too. Often times, the work of cuddling doesnt just end there. We are very mindful of how to make our cuddler clients as comfortable as possible that are within our boundaries to do so.

Although the cuddling sessions definitely allow me to decompress somewhat, especially if the cuddling session is respectful and whatnot.

I'm looking for a special platonic connection in a cuddle buddy. I don't think I would find that with someone who is just in it for the money. If I could do it for money, I wouldn't. I would think that a paid cuddler would have to deal with more inappropriate demands and people with whom they don't have a genuine connection. I would rather cuddle with someone where there was chemistry. The problem I find is not too many paid cuddlers, but so many of the no-pay women listed haven't been on the site for a year or more.

@MikeySaintLouis I can totally empathize with your perspective, but I do want to offer a different perspective on the idea that paid cuddlers might not have genuine connections with their clients.

While not every session I've had involved that deeper level of chemistry or connection, I've definitely had sessions where I genuinely connected with someone and appreciated the vulnerability, comfort, and authenticity we shared without ever needing to go beyond platonic boundaries.

I think a lot of it comes down to how we individually experience human connection, intimacy, and physical touch.

As someone who is demisexual and AuDHD (autistic and ADHD), I experience attraction and connection a little differently. It takes a lot for me to feel genuinely invested in someone romantically or sexually, and physical closeness doesn't automatically translate into sexual attraction for me. I can feel deeply connected to someone without wanting anything sexual from them.

Even in my past relationships, I sometimes struggled with the expectation that cuddling would eventually lead to sex. Sometimes I just wanted to cuddle, be present with my partner, and enjoy that closeness without it needing to become anything more. I used to go along with what my partner wanted because I worried that saying no would make them feel unwanted. I've since grown out of that mindset, but it definitely shaped how I view physical intimacy and the importance of having clear expectations.

Of course, the boundaries I have with a romantic partner are different from those I have with clients. But the value I place on genuine connection, consent, and being present with another person remains the same.

And I think that's where professional cuddling can actually offer something meaningful. The fact that money is exchanged doesn't automatically make the connection any less genuine. You're paying for someone's time, availability, experience, and the space they're intentionally creating with you, not necessarily purchasing their emotional connection.

A lot of my clients come from different backgrounds and circumstances. Some are navigating grief, loneliness, major life transitions, or simply trying to become comfortable with physical affection again. Others want that closeness without the pressure of dating, sexual expectations, or becoming emotionally invested in a relationship they're not looking for.

And I think that's perfectly valid.

I also think there's a difference between wanting a cuddle buddy, a romantic partner, and a professional cuddler. None of those relationships is inherently better than the other. They just serve different purposes and come with different expectations.

Even in intentional dating or relationships, people reciprocate in different ways. One person might provide more emotional support while another contributes more financial security or stability. That doesn't automatically make their connection transactional or less authentic. What matters is that both people understand and agree on the relationship they're building.

One thing I've noticed about modern dating is how often people leave their intentions and expectations undefined, which can lead to confusion, especially when one person becomes more emotionally invested than the other.

With professional cuddling, the relationship is defined from the beginning. There's an understanding of what the connection is, what the boundaries are, and what each person is consenting to. And within that clarity, I think there's still plenty of room for genuine warmth, vulnerability, chemistry, and meaningful human connection.

So while I understand why you personally prefer an enthusiast cuddle buddy, I don't necessarily think being paid and being genuinely connected to someone are mutually exclusive. Sometimes having those clear boundaries is exactly what allows people to relax, be themselves, and enjoy the connection without wondering what the other person expects in return.

@MikeySaintLouis

The number of paid female cuddlers definitely out numbers the female enthusiasts. We’re out here but it depends on your area.

If they haven’t been on in a year, they’re probably not coming back. You can filter your search so it only shows folks who have been on in a certain amount of time.

And as for as paid cuddlers having to deal with more inappropriate stuff, that just isn’t true. We all deal with it. Way too much. Some folks would argue because it’s a paid cuddler the client feels entitled to push for more. Others argue that because it’s an enthusiast, they don’t have to follow the rules as strictly.

Marketing says the cuddles are free, but you do have to pay for the time. But cuddles are free.

...cuddles are free.

But they are ? Or can be? Ooh, right... 🤐

I find the concept of “free cuddles” as absurd as a paid professional of any sort—like a therapist—trying to convince someone that cuddles should be free.

On the one hand, calling them “free” normalizes “paid” for those who want to think they should be free, and on the other, the market forces dictate that by default, if you ain't gettin cuddles without paying, then you know it comes with a cost (and not necessarily, but typically, financial).

This discussion has kept me up on more than one night trying to place things in my head.

Philosophically, I believe cuddles should be free in a mutually symbiotic encounter. However, this site offers forums for pros only and I have found them beneficial in setting my safety protocols. I got way more unwanted proposals as an enthusiast and could hardly be off mute. Lower rates actually statistically also open the doors to more creep type behavior. So in order for me to find safe cuddles, I was effectively spending hours sifting through messages only for several people to show true colors and intent once contact info was exchanged. That's a lot of time I don't have. I do admit, I do not get as many enquiries as some pros but, I'm very up front about my vetting process and screen diligently. My safety and mental health depend on it.

In other words, finding ways to support enthusiasts with safety would help. But the pros bring the money to the site.

There's a gender imbalance here. I think it's as simple as that.

A woman may initially be an enthusiast, but as others have said here, that becomes like a job real fast. They're inundated with messages and x% of those are not the right people looking for the right things. Same with the pros, with some charging under $100 and others charging $250+......you might raise an eyebrow at that cost, but it could very well just be someone wanting fewer messages for cuddles.

If there used to be many more enthusiasts and now there are fewer, I'd probably look at the people contacting them with nonsense and start there.

Others argue that because it’s an enthusiast, they don’t have to follow the rules as strictly.

👍👍👍👍

Definitely agree, or many will assume that Cuddle Enthusiasts are wanting a "date" over just platonic cuddling. Well speaking as a Cuddle Enthusiast (who is also a Terrotaphile 😁🐺) if you can't physically transform into a being that isn't human... We're just cuddling and nothing else! Period. 😁🫂

@MrKinder you nailed it! Especially when you said, “I’d probably look at the people contacting them with nonsense and start there.” If more men understood that perspective, there wouldn’t be so much clashing between men and women in the forums. Sending you lots of love and good energy! 💖🫂

I've come to view "everyone has a right to cuddles, so cuddling should be free" the same way I view "everyone has a right to food/housing/education, so food/housing/education should be free". Yes, I believe all things required for a human to thrive shouldn't cost money - but that doesn't mean any one particular person is required to provide that necessity. If someone needs food, I am not required to give them my own food. If someone needs housing, I am not required to give them my home. If someone needs education, even my being a former teacher does not mean I am required to personally educate them.

Instead, I think that necessities should be provided collectively, funded by society as a whole because it benefits society as a whole, and provided by willing people who are fairly compensated for their time, energy, effort, and skill. I believe that with the right system of collective funding and support, those willing people will be free to do the providing because they won't be so consumed with having to provide for their own needs as well. We have to take care of the caregivers or else they disappear into their own cycle of self-preservation.

So while in an ideal world professional level cuddling services would be provided for free to the client, the professional would be compensated and supported by a society that recognizes the necessity and value of their services.