How It Works
How It Works
New to this, and I have a concern...
I signed up for this site because I'm generally lonely and I just want some sort of physical intimacy (not looking for casual sex). Until I visited family recently, I hadn't even had a hug in nearly 3 years, let alone anything more than that. Having been depressed for nearly a year now and absolutely no one I can even get a hug from in my every day life, I decided to try this site. But here's my concern: I'm not looking for sex from this site, so it will be of the utmost awkwardness for me if I'm spooning someone I met on here and I get an erection. Especially if I fall asleep while spooning her, because then there's the chance I'll unconsciously hump her and/or have a wet dream while pressed up against her. It's physiological, not intentional, and incredibly awkward for me, because I don't want to be accused of molesting her just because of an unitentional erection. Is there some sort of generally accepted protocol in place to address awkward, accidental erections? Because I'm afraid it's bound to happen to me; just the thought of cuddling a woman even without any sexual intent sometimes gives me one. So how do I become a cuddle buddy without having to worry about making either of us uncomfortable by me getting an erection? I'm seriously worried about this.
CatInBoots (deleted user)
Personally, I'm not offended when that happens. I know that men can't really help that, especially in the morning, and it doesn't mean they're trying to molest me or anything. It's just part of how their bodies work. Erections are normal, and not even always sexual.
I think a lot of other women have the same understanding of it. I think men are much more embarrassed over it than many of us are.
But if you're concerned about it and it's making you anxious about finding a cuddle partner, this might be something good to bring up when you start having communication with someone and just talk about it so you feel better.
edited June 2015
In my personal experience, it happens more often than not. Probably relates to oxytocin.
So ideally the woman would expect it which should mean minimal awkwardness.
GoodHands (deleted user)
Good answer, CatinBoots. In addition to the above, there are steps guys can take to minimize those awkward moments. I have actually taken to wearing compression shorts (such as football players wear) under my sweatpants or whatever other outer garment I'm wearing. They're actually pretty effective. I started doing this as a courtesy to the woman, so we wouldn't have to have the "how would you feel if I got aroused" conversation. And we're able to enjoy very close contact without the distraction of any "oops, don't mind me" moments.
I have cuddled regularly with a pair of "pro" cuddlers. [I'm on this site because I'm looking to find a fellow human touch enthusiast who is in it for pleasure, not money.] One thing I've noticed is that having purely platonic sessions with the same person over time produces a little less of the old automatic body response. It's easier to relax as the novelty of intertwining limbs with this woman wears off. Not to say the reflex ever goes away, but it does calm down a bit. And compression shorts seem to deal adequately with the rest.
Thanks, CatInBoots. Hopefully I'm able to connect with someone in my area who has the same outlook on it as you. There aren't many users within 100 miles of me, though. The conversation about accientally getting an erection while cuddling was awkward enough when I had it with my last girlfriend, and it turned out to be an unnecessary conversation, because it was a long distance relationship that ended before I ever even had the chance to cuddle her.
I feel like that sort of conversation would be inherently more awkward with someone I'm not romantically involved with, so I hope most women do have the same outlook as you so that the awkwardness is minimal.
Thanks to everyone else for your input as well! I appreciate all of it and will keep it in mind. Everyone feel free to say more on the subject if you have something to add.
Honestly, my first cuddle buddy had this conversation with me. He just asked if I'd be uncomfortable if he should happen to get an erection while cuddling. I later asked him to let me know if there was ever a time he needed me to stop doing something. There were times when it happened and he apologized and I hadn't even noticed. I am kind of oblivious sometimes. I have a lot of empathy for guys having to deal with awkward, accidental erections.
If it is really awkward, it might be easier to have the conversation by written communication instead. I figure at some point there should be a conversation about boundaries and what you do like as far as the cuddling/platonic touch goes. The conversation about accidental erections could go along with the conversation about boundaries.
I do think a lot of women understand. I think it would be a great idea to simply express to a potential cuddle buddy what you have written above - that you are just looking for physical intimacy and not sex and that you're worried about making her uncomfortable should you happen to accidentally get an erection.
There is A LOT of shame when deal with bodily or mental things we don't want to have. In regards to here at Cuddle Comfort, it helps to believe that those you come in contact seek the same things as you, regardless of what unintentional actions should be taken. In regard to dealing with shame in general, well...that's a battle and a half even I'm trying to figure out.
EkstrasBaso (deleted user)
I don't feel awkward about it at all. It's natural and normal. If anything I feel complimented. Even if you were to have an ejaculation while sleeping it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It would not bother me.
I also wonder if it would help if you masturbated before you met up with a cuddle partner to relieve some of the pressure, if that would help you relax and enjoy the session more.
In theory it might help delay it happening for a bit, but it doesn't typically make much difference for me, especially in regards to my liklihood of having a wet dream. My discomfort on the matter stems from not wanting my partner to be uncomfortable, and the nature of the issue is just an awkward topic to broach, especially within the context of platonic cuddling as opposed to a romantic relationship, where it's more expected that you get aroused with/by your partner.