Terms of Endearment

BlueIris

How do you feel about someone using terms of endearment in their very first message to you? Do you find that too familiar? I'm also interested in how the pro cuddlers feel about it and how clients feel about it.

I'm very friendly, and it's not unusual for me to use terms of endearment with people I like a very short time after I've gotten to know them. However, in a first message as a professional cuddler, I wouldn't. It can be misconstrued as romantic or unprofessional. I don't mind if people use terms of endearment with me after a short time of getting to know me. But in a first message, depending on what's in the rest of the communication, it can give the wrong impression.

I think that overuse of terms of endearment tend to lessen their meaning.

cuddlebugTM

Depends on what and how it’s used . I don’t prefer it if we have just met . You don’t know me well enough to talk to me that way .

Morpheus

I think it’s kinda cheesy to use terms of endearment in general but especially worst with someone you don’t know. I use terms of endearment with my wife but that’s about it.

The key word there at least in my opinion is “endearment”

pmvines

@Blueiris I am not really someone who would do that or expect to receive that in a first message. However once rapport is established I don't mind, as in the case with you, whereas I don't mind that you call me muffin and sweetness since we are friends on this site and in the real world lol

AshleyCuddles

Southern girl jumping in here! Lol. Ok so in case you guys couldn't tell I absolutely use terms of endearment aaalllll the time. Lol. I say hun and sweetheart or sweetie. It's my culture and how I grew up and I feel like it makes people a little more at ease with me. But I will say for me different words mean different things. While the ones I listed above are more friendship terms in my eyes ones like babe or baby I have only used in a relationship so I wouldn't use those in this context. If that makes sense.

pmvines

@AshleyCuddles I don't mind that you call me sweetie! You can call me anything you want so long as you giggle when you do it

AshleyCuddles

Lol

pmvines

And I am certain that you are truly laughing out loud

AshleyCuddles

As per usual right? Lol

Brandi

Totally guilty of almost over using terms of endearment. I usually call everyone hun, hunny, sweetie, darling, love, lovley.
I have had someone request I didnt use those names with him and I was taken back by it, because I genuinly didnt think anyone would care, like ashley, I see them as friendly terms. but now thinking on it, can see some people being bothered by it. of course I stopped Immediatly after, but Its comes out naturally, and is almost like typing emoji faces at the end of each text lol.
I loved that he vocalized that he prefered I didnt though, communication is key with every boundry, and terms of enderment is no different, so if it bothers, no biggie but it should be said, because of course people are not mind readers ^~^

cuddlebugTM

I don’t mind it but not in first interactions . If it’s a first message and they say hay baby .... I don’t think it’s appropriate

BlueIris

I would like to repeat, the initial question was not about using terms of endearment in general with people you know, it was how you feel about total strangers calling you honey or sweetie in their first message to you.

I totally get that it's a friendly thing, particularly in the south, and as I said, I use terms of endearment liberally with people I know. But the point is, I get to know them first before I do that.

Morpheus

I was just thinking about something amusing right now. I use more terms of endearment for my guy friends than I do my females friends. They are generally insulting though cause that’s what guys do to their buddies lol Example, hey jerk, what are you doing? Hey knucklehead, wanna go get lunch? etc lol

Although, staying in line with the initial question, I would not refer to someone that way when I initiallly meet them. I can see it already, I go to a business meeting with someone I just met and I’m like hey jerk, it’s nice to meet you lol

Scarlette

I wouldn't use terms of endearment in an initial message that I send to a potential client. It's just not professional. However, if someone sent me a message using one it wouldn't bother me a bit. Some people just use them liberally. No big deal to me.

Morpheus

There may be cultural differences as well. I wonder if people in the South for example are more likely to use terms of endearment more than people in LA or New York.

Scarlette

I think it also depends on the term. "Good morning Beautiful" is way better than "Good morning Baby"

AshleyCuddles

I do use terms of endearment in the first message. I think it makes me more approachable. Example: "Hey hun, how are you on this beautiful day? Thanks for checking out my profile and I hope you have a wonderful week." Y'all are welcome to tell me it's unprofessional and not good to use in a first message but it generally works for me in opening a dialogue. If not, no big deal maybe it just makes someone feel a little more welcome to the site.

cuddlebugTM

I do think women have more if a reaction to terms of endearment then men . I usually air on the side of caution but if it works for you great !

Good morning beautiful
Hey sweetie , hun are ok for me!

Hey baby , hey sexy , sweetheart. Are ones that make me more uncomfortable from strangers .

AshleyCuddles

Yeah definitely different terms have different levels of comfort attached

pmvines

I do have to make sure that if I call someone something it is within appropriate context of the relationship I have with that particular person. I am well aware that It may come across as creepy or weird to a woman I don't know, or for example to a coworker. And I also don't want to come across as being flirty, though I admit I can be at times, if we are only friends on a superficial level. So I suppose it really just depends on the persons comfort level with me, as well as the nature and context of my relationship with the person .

Felicitas

I'm from the south as well but I'm very careful with who I use terms of endearment with as I don't want to send the wrong message, so I almost exclusively utilize it with good friends or the kiddos I work with. I do have a question though. I got a message today from a man whose opening line read "Hey cutie." That, to me, is an automatic no-no because it immediately changes the intended dynamic from platonic to attraction. I'm not a pro, but for those of you who are - or even those who aren't, I appreciate the feedback regardless - would you consider that a red flag? & How would you go about handling a situation like that?

BlueIris

@Felicitas - That will happen, whether you're a professional or an enthusiast. I wouldn't necessarily consider that all by itself as a red flag. It would depend on what else was said. But I will say that of all the people I've met on here and cuddled, and all the people I've met here who have become friends, none of them had any terms of endearment in their very first messages to me.

...Huh. I thought I despised all terms of endearment, but after reading that post by @Morpheus, I realized there are some terms I actually like—once I've gotten to know whoever it is, obviously.

Even so, if someone just called me a jerk straight off in their first message I probably wouldn't be too bothered; but if they called me darling or cutie I'd probably be downright insulted. What part of me is darling? What are you, my mom? And what am I, five? [rueful] It's pretty much a sure-fire way to make sure I want nothing to do with the message-sender ever.

I am a weird person.

calineur

I use terms of respect first, and I am apprehensive of the motives of those who are strangers but who use terms of endearment with me to start a conversation. Of course I would take into account the culture, background, environment and personality of the one using said terms of endearment.
I would treat with caution anyone who initially uses terms of endearment.

calineur

@Felicitas :
If I were you I would consider it a red flag that someone start with “hey, cutie!” We will notice if you are cute but it isnt good to start with that as a greeting. Some of us men can be really uncouth Hound dogs. Would you feel different if a member said it differently? What if he says it like this: “Hello, I saw your profile and thought you were cute and would like to chat with you”. Would that make a difference?

Other than that, what BlueIris said about “it depends on what else he says” makes a difference. But you probably knew that.

PlushyProzac

Nah... not crazy about being called a cutesy nickname off the bat. As a New Yorker I always found it condescending when someone greeted me that way here in the south.

Felicitas

@calineur & @BlueIris Thank you both for your input! I think it would make a difference to me if the wording were different; the way you phrased that comes across as more of a compliment and then expressing a desire to get to know me as a person rather than a pretty picture. I did notice some questionable wording on his profile so that also raised a red flag for me, but it looks like he's been banned so regardless I'm glad I left it alone.

UKGuy

Call people by their name is my rule. Or if they say they want to be called Jen instead of Jennifer, or Liz instead of Elizabeth, I respect their choice.

@UKGuy I agree, in baltimore everyone is hun, which i could tolerate but the other day at a restaurant the waitress is calling me baby and all kinds of stuff i could not eat fast enough to get out of there. I am in central florida now.