While we are discussing the initial responses: FOR LADIES ONLY GETTING MESSAGES FROM MEN: how do you feel about the initial response when joining this site?
Sorry but I keep voting accidentaly (it was #2)
Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have put in #6 - if they didn't come back, how could they vote?
@mmpacom: I suppose they might vote just before quitting. But you'd have to catch the ones put off by too many messages at just the right time, so odds are no matter how many women pick that option, there are way more out there who've already quit, and so can't vote. Oh well.
Ironic
I mean I was in the band camp of quitting honestly. A lot of messages were along the lines of "hey let's cuddle. Now?!?" And it felt like it was just another dating site and the use of cuddles was just a replacement for "wanna f***?". I feel like I say this a lot but it is the truth that the forums are what kept me.
@laylanie: Yeesh. Well, I'm glad the forums did what they did. I like having you here.
@DarrenWalker that tugs at my heartstrings! ❤ I like that you are here too! In fact there are quite a lot of people who are regulars in the forums that I am genuinely happy to see.
@laylanie
I assume you voted "offputting"
What you you CHANGE if you had a magic wand? Maybe the concept is sound, but the execution is sorely lacking?
Maybe someone would listen
@mmpacom Honestly, I just couldn't stand the fact that new people get broadcasted across the site and that would last for quite a few days. I understand its just a friendly gesture but once I had gotten pasted the newb days it got better. Also, just... Don't be creepy... Pushing to cuddle as soon as possible without a simple "hi how are you" just seems a bit sketchy.
What do you think of the idea of a "meet-and-greet" in public (restaurant, mall)
If only to make someone cool their heels (while the warrant check goes on haha)
@mmpacom all for that, though it seems that when I suggest a meet up some place public for our first meeting, that's when I get flaked on. I've already had 3 recently that flaked on me for meeting somewhere, but they were really quick to suggest meeting someplace private. When they contacted me. Not sour at all about it, since it's no skin off my nose, but it has been kind of funny. Especially after reading so many post from guys complaining "women don't answer!" And I'm here actually replying but not afraid to say "I am not about to walk into a strangers house". Especially if this stranger hasn't even made an attempt to get to know me beyond my profile message.
@laylanie It seems to me that is the best place get flaked on : in public !
Your impression? Guilty conscience? Or ...
@mmpacom heavy assumptions but it deeply implies that the other person may have had ill intent. Again it's assumptions because the person will usually a) ask to go somewhere private and b)have little to no detail about themselves (no profile pic, 2 words in their description, and the message just says "wanna cuddle?") I could either meet the nicest person ever or a friggin serial killer and I won't know! Lol
@Laylanie agreed
Only one fem so far? I think we need more quorum to be serious on this subject. by the way... thanks @laylanie for participate.
That is the purpose of the poll at the top,
That is, those voting are presumably contributing to the "quorum", for lack of a better word
I am going to summarize the results for the first few days: as of this moment
5 of 8 (!!!) Voted either #5 or #6
@mmpacom: So, eight votes—not counting yours, I'm guessing?—and five were either "overwhelming" or "off-putting - leaving and not coming back."
What were the other three?
Maybe I'll just give a summary:
Out of 8 (not counting my mistake):
@mmpacom: Oh, that's very tidy! I like that summary. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing the results of the poll. I always wondered about the results of the polls that I cannot vote on.
So here's another related question per @laylanie's insight:
Let's say there are three general categories: 1. Ladies on the site 2. Serious men on the site 3. @laylanie's "flakes"
Obviously, if we divide the total number of men by total number of ladies, the ratio is very high
But if the flakes are not counted (and might be eliminated by a public "meet-and-greet" like she discusses,) how does that affect the ratio?
Maybe some of us men need some examples of how to message. Maybe some don’t understand how to gradually get to know people over a message. I’m guilty, even though I’d not say “let’s cuddle now!”. I’d probably not be as engaging especially after not receiving the same energy in the response.
Can't believe I'm stepping into this bullseye but I guess Laylanie needs company.
It is just ridiculous. Especially if the men messaging you don't have any ability to get close enough to cuddle. But yes, messages of what's your availability or do you have time for a cuddle really bothered me. I'd often respond with I'm not a professional!
For enthusiast cuddlers we want that first contact to be non threatening yet demonstrating your grasp of manners and the English language. Punctuation scores big for many women over 30. Bashful Loner you bring up a good point in asking what to say if the standard male straight to the point first contact isn't a viable opener for non professionals.
We need something from the man showing us that he's for the most part normal. Brief or one word responses don't cut it. If you can manage three or four lines as an initial contact that would be perfect. Mention something she says on her profile or maybe something that you enjoyed reading on the forums. Or even a comment on her profile picture but only if it's not body related. Nothing about looks in the first message!!! Absolutely no mention of sugar, sweetie, hot stuff, sexy woman, babe, or dear. All creeper immediate block words. Two lines should be the minimum, have something in your profile for her to look at. One of my favorite first contacts was something along the lines of:
I love Impractical Jokers, those guys are so entertaining. Welcome to the site, is this your first time cuddling? I'm also ---- -- --- -----.
He read my profile, he asked me an open ended question, and he found a relatable topic of interest.
If I go to your profile and see nothing it's a huge signal that you aren't here for the right reasons. Really. A man who can't take the time to say I'm here to cuddle because I miss the human contact I used to have in my marriage, or now that I'm out of college I miss being around people, or I want to find someone to cuddle in a hammock with me; something like that. That's a major signal the guy is just here for sex. No picture, nothing in your lines about pictures gladly sent, if you haven't already sent one with the initial contact; and no info about yourself. Bad news, guys. We women need a way to filter through all the static to find the song in the noise. @Wine66 has contrasting colors as his picture, @Spoonie has the most adorable babies, a rainbow, @Quietmann775 has the Thinker. @cuddleversed is one of my favorites because they are actually bent spoons spooning! If you don't feel comfortable putting your face on here for one reason or the other put something that differentiates you from the other 12,000 generic blue and pink stick couple. We need a visual to associate with the name.
Guys, we as women are here to find cuddles also. We also don't get responses back from men. Not as often I'm sure but it still happens. We as non pro's need an assurance, something to make you feel like you're a potentially safe man. Professionals have safe contacts and other safeguards built in, we usually don't. If it was a local person and he's able to make three sentences, with punctuation, and seems to at least glanced at my info I'll check him out. If he hasn't filled anything in I'll ask a few pointed questions including why he hasn't filled anything at all in if he's been on the site longer than 2 months. Honestly - there is absolutely no reason beyond laziness that you haven't been able to flesh out your page. I for one will check to see how long he's been on the site.
Sometimes the picture alone will get me to respond. Do CNC work? Put a close up of a gasket. Artistic, put up a close up of something you made, a picture of the Mystery Machine! Any picture that will make the viewer think or want to ask a question about it should get an answer to your initial hello. Love anime, dragons, Norwegian death metal, or odd computer games? Find a picture of your hobby/interest as a profile if you don't want to show yourself. Put up a few pictures, it's so easy to copy and paste. Not many people know who Vault Boy is but those who do don't need to ask anything else. They know what type of game it is and the name of it. That person will comment on it, then I'll know. True fact, I don't live on a farm, I don't own a tractor, I can drive one if someone will let me but I have a picture of a tractor. I can't even figure out what the make of the tractor is but it's a damn sexy tractor. I love when a man messages me and mentions how sexy my tractor is! It tells me that they understand that I was playing with a country music song and it tells me a small bit about them to make me want to ask more.
If a man reaches out to me with are you available next Tuesday without even a question mark and it's his first contact he's basically buried himself. If I actually take the time to click on his profile and it's blank or only the minimum effort put in I will not respond. Or if I'm in a mood that day I may give him some acid as a response but he's done. I don't give a non talker with nothing filled in the time of day.
This topic has been discussed so many times before though, in fact @respectful has linked most of the discussions about this in one handy hyperlinked place so I won't go any farther with this. Read the resources and discussions thread.
First impressions, regardless of who's sending or receiving depends on what you put into it. Creating a unique profile on here is key to first impressions. I speak for myself ~ but I'll say that most of us aren't here for a date or a hookup; we're here for a possible future friend we can spend many nights on the couch with watching our favorite show. Sharing life and human contact. Put some effort into impressing us - you'll get some back.
My impression of this initial message - received from a local guy earlier this afternoon?.... and I quote: "I wanna hug u and take u in my arms and play wid ur hair".
My impression is: "ummmm....no... just no."
A mild example of the kinds of messages that I, and many other women on here, regularly receive. I've received more clueless and offensive ones. Sigh...
No creepy response yet, but still no idea how to best filter and proceed
I sure there’s a few guys reading this thread, So fellas, Imagine the person you’re massaging knows your Mum, your Sisters and all your Aunties, so a quick reread and if you’re happy that they might share it with them hit send, if not delete and try again. Simple!
@ChronicPlatonic
Great rule-of-thumb!!! It's like what I said to my godson, nephews: If you "finger-slipped" and sent this text to your Mom, would you be embarrassed? If so, don't send it!!!
To-day's summary:
Out of 22 (not counting my mistake):
Although this also may be showing the click-through problem. Don't know.
@DarrenWalker @creedhands @Mark