I'm confused about something. it seems like some of the non professionals I meet here don't just want to cuddle. They want to go out to dinner, go see a movie etc....but that sounds so much like a date than cuddling to me.
Do friends not go out to dinner and go to movies? Are these activities inherently romantic, or can they be platonic as well? I guess it depends on your experience and viewpoint. A date isn't a date in my opinion unless someone declares it so and it's agreed upon by both parties. Signing up to the site with the sole intent of seeking a relationship though I'm pretty sure is totally prohibited. I've seen a few profiles as of late which definitely sounded more like someone was trying to find their next Mr./Mrs. Right...
@melancholy : it’s up Individual person to monitor their own thoughts. Keep your safe and tell them your firmly your only interested in Platonic cuddles.. Plus that was agreement we made when sign up here on cuddlecomfort. (there can be exceptions, BUT rarely every happens.. Should be compare to winning the Big Lotto.. like @catloaf said “someone was trying to find their next Mr./Mrs.”)
@Catloaf : On your post here what I think ?
@melancholy I pay little attention to what people say and closer attention to what they do. People use terms like companionship, friendship and dating interchangeably in our culture. Meeting for coffee first with no cuddle involved gives me a better idea about where people are coming from before a cuddle occurs. If I get too many date signals, I bow out. That's happened to me but it wasn't a pro.
I had one cuddler ask to hold my hand while we talked during coffee. It was really sweet. We didn't cuddle but we're going to. I'm certain a cuddle is what she wants.
It isn’t surprising that a site set up exactly like a dating site, but with “Platonic” spray painted everywhere, would have users that treat it exactly like a dating site.
This is a fairly new concept, and the archetypes, standards, and rituals are still being invented.
@melancholy - I have also been approached by people who suggest we meet for drinks or go to a movie. I definitely felt like they were looking to "date" in a non platonic way and figured they may have thought they were on a dating site. Sadly, quite a number of people don't truly understand the word platonic. I actually had to define the word platonic to one guy and tell him that the kind of connection he was seeking was decidedly NOT platonic. LOL. He deleted his profile the next day.
But, having said all that - if the person suggests dinner as a way for you to get to know one another and assess your compatibility, then that might be ok. I always meet someone for coffee or a drink or similar first, before agreeing to cuddle with them.
So, if I were at all interested in the person as a potential cuddle friend, I would probably make it clear that I was NOT looking to date, and that if they were looking for a dating arrangement then I would not be the person for them. Communication around expectations is key!
My cuddlers are on their way to becoming my best friends, perhaps even brothers, I can’t see how, when you cuddle regularly the bond can be anything else... I’m pretty clear though, on the things I can do with my brother or best friend and the things I would do with a “boyfriend”... that to me is the litmus test...
The variables in relationships are as cast as ones imagination, that's the "secret". The "Challenge" is Knowing ourselves the boundaries! We have Obligations to remain platonic, our actions and our minds many times do not agree, that is where professionalism and experience comes in. If something as simple as cuddling and dating is confusing, re assess your definitions first, then communicate in a mature and tactful manner, easy peasy
If they are already a cuddle pal then no I don't feel it is girlfriendy or boyfriendy but if it initiates with meeting for drinks, food, movies, etc, and seems to be primary source of focus then yes I can see where signals will get mixed. I have met folks before at a restaurant, bookstore, movie theater, etc for a public meet and greet and also to see if there is a feeling of some sort of cuddle connection. But the context and terms of the meet up were pre determined to be for that purpose.
I've gone out to dinner and movies and bars and everything with friends, both make and female. It's only a date if you treat it like a date.
There are some who cannot host so why not a movie or dinner.
@fishert +1. What about those that suck at cooking? I love to cook but I have friends that eat out all the time because they never learned culinary skills or in the case of a few of them—too lazy.
As far as dating....just ask the intention and explain your stance. One of the most wonderful words ever created was the word “no”.