Has Anyone Ever Cuddled a Non-Professional on Here?

[Deleted User]donb (deleted user)
The only cuddlers one here who ever respond are professional cuddlers or those planning to be.  Do any people on here find cuddle partners that they don't have to pay for?
«1

Comments

  • I've only just discovered this world, both professionals, and sites/forums like this. I'm completely intrigued and looking forward to my first cuddle. I've known for quite some time that this would both fill a void temporarily and help with some self progression. However, I'm finding it's not easy. Not many people in my area... pro or not. I have found ads for "Cuddle parties", but don't think that's appealing to me. I'm sticking it out here a bit longer and seeing what kind of connections and convos can be had.  Good luck to you!
  • The thing is, we live in a matriarchal society. Women are privileged in almost every respect, including having their physical and emotional needs met. Arrangements such as this site are geared toward women. Dating sites cater to women, and though this is not a dating site, it is little different in that regard. The truth is, it is relatively easy for the majority of women to find a cuddle partner, while it is almost impossible for the majority of men to find one. Why? Because women generally do not see men as fellow human beings, but objects of utility. Therefore, a woman generally will only cuddle a man whom she finds attractive. She will only even consider cuddling a man for selfish reasons. She will almost certainly not cuddle a man in order to help him.

    That being said, I have cuddled with one woman whom I met on this site (I only cuddle women),  and whom I (and it is mutual) intend to meet again. But this is an atypical woman. Furthermore, neither of us feels attracted to the other.

    But I am just lucky. I am lucky that an unconventional woman happened upon this site within 70 miles of me. And that is only one, of all the women on this site, and she obviously can't cuddle all the men who need a cuddle partner. I don't think she even has time to cuddle anyone else anyway, but even if she did, I am not going to reveal her identity. Sorry guys, I am not going to provide a link to her account. I'm going to be selfish, haha.

    Bottom line, unless you are dealing with an atypical woman, or the matter of sexuality is for some reason completely out of the equation, she will judge you as a sex object.

    How do I know this? The response pattern I received on this site from local women of all ages, almost without exception is as follows: when I message them, they would view my profile, and flat out ignore the message. That is a passive-aggressive insult. There is a world of difference between that and saying, "sorry, I'm not interested." What they are really saying is any or all of the following: "Why is this guy messaging me?" "What a creep." "That's weird." "You are not worthy; who do you think YOU are to message ME?" A non-response is a passive-aggressive, non-verbal means of communicating any or all of the above. For the sake of analogy, that would be akin to an in-person scenario as follows: Person A says "hello," to Person B. Person B responds by staring at Person A in silence, a passive-aggressive smirk on her (rarely his) face.

    To the men out there, good luck establishing even a platonic relationship with a woman who views you as a fellow human being, and not as a sex object.
  • A lot of men feel like you. I share an opposite view of women and think they are rather the underdog around the world. Nevertheless you have found one to cuddle and that gives hope that anyone can connect with at least one person. I have really good discussions with females on this list. I don't have predetermined concepts about women thinking I'm less than human and that gets me off on a better footing.
    I am a feminist but realize how women and men respond to sexism which is the real topic here. If you see how sexist the world remains then you can understand how it keeps men and women apart emotionally. 
    Some people are too wounded or prejudice to bridge the gap. 
    My hope is that something as innocent and sweet as cuddling can help create a little truce in the "battle of the sexes". But what. do I know?
  • Well, there could be several of factors involved. Perhaps there are more decent women currently active on this site in your area than in mine. In the greater Los Angeles area, just about all of the women (at least those who are currently active) are pretty much shallow, narcissistic bimbos, with two (perhaps three) exceptions. There are quite a few others who are no longer active, meaning that they have not checked in for months or years.

    Another potential factor is that you do not have a profile picture, so women do not have the means to disqualify you based on appearance right off the bat. Perhaps since they cannot judge you by appearance, they are willing to engage in conversations with you before that ever comes into the equation. A strong suspicion of mine is that most of the women on this site in my area disqualified me largely based on appearance, even though there is nothing wrong with my appearance. Apparently in their opinion, there is, not that I give two shits about their opinion. But I recently changed my profile picture to a recent one which I happen to prefer, not that I expect it to make a dime's worth of difference.

    Also, you are nearly four decades older than I am. Perhaps there are middle-aged or older women on this site looking for men their age or older. I doubt many of them would want to cuddle a man significantly younger than them. In my area, the vast majority of women on the site are in the 20s, but there are also some in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s. But the women in their 20s are naturally hesitant to cuddle men in their 20s, except in extenuating circumstances. They especially, even more so than older women, view men, especially young men, as sex predators. That seems to be their default orientation toward men. If a man takes any degree of interest in these women, even if it is not necessarily sexual, she will probably treat him as a piece of garbage unless she really finds him attractive physically and/or materially.

    Perhaps most of the local women I have come across on this site are apologists for ritual male infant torture, as I stress the matter aggressively on my profile page. But then, I removed anything to do with the subject for a period of perhaps 4 months, and responses were no different then. So then I said "what the hell" and added it back.
  • I must admit it's very difficult to find a cuddle buddy. Let me tell you about my past experiences.

    There was a guy who's a couple of years older than the legal age stalking me. Also had a senior citizen doing the same. I have been talking to them for weeks and almost everday. I was looking for a connection/friendship so I can feel comfortable to even meet in person. Needless to say, there was nothing in common at all with the young guy. Almost every message was about when we can cuddle. He even told me if I ever want to have sex, he has no problem with it. This is when I had my profile picture posted. Needless to say I told him I am not going to meet him then he sent me nude pics of himself. Maybe hoping I would change my mind? I ended up blocking him.

    As for the senior citizen, he writes eloquently so I felt a connection. However, when we finally met in person in public, he looks older than my dad. Not only that, he was really into me. Complimented on my appearance and touchy. Obviously I am not attracted to grandpa or want to lead him on so I never cuddle or met him again.

    There was another older guy not yet a senior citizen that I was chatting with everyday for maybe 2 weeks. I met him in public places, but he could barely keep his hands off me. I had to keep pushing his hands away. I was not attracted to him and told him so. He ended up offering me money to do more than cuddling. Obviously I stopped communicating with him.

    There was another senior citizen offered to pay me to cuddle with him. But I never replied.

    ImtactivistJedi.......
    Men see women as sex objects too. That's why I have no profile picture any more. Men want to cuddle with women that they find physically attracted to as well. I have no interest to cuddle with anyone that I don't have a connection/friendship with. And that takes time to build. As you can see from my experiences, even with connections still didn't work out.











  • There's always going to be those bad experiences. Whether on dating sites, forum sites, or real life. Yes, as humans we have an initial reaction to physical appearance, but I dont' think it's strictly so cut and dry and able to be generalized. It's not stereotypical attractiveness, but a vibe or feeling from the persons expression in their pic. You're going to come across the alpha males and females, the lost puppies, the wounded and battered. Our job is to push on, live and learn, and hopefully stay positive. There's nothing more heartbreaking than someone who's lost all hope. However, I usually see that as more of a defense mechanism. Rejection happens in many ways in all aspects of life. Ideally, the 1 success out of 10 rejections makes up for it. Onward and upward ;)
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    IntactivistJedi- that's right. Online dating is for women. They get all the messages and ignore the messages too. They are the most desired by men and women alike. Most men have better luck going abroad or to Nevada/ Amsterdam.
  • I can understand that it has got to be frustrating for guys. Honestly, I'm a woman and I've messaged guys and been flat out ignored too.

    I don't see men as sex objects, but I've had some trouble with men seeing me that way. An older, married coworker at a former job started giving me hugs. He was just a touchy person to everyone and I was happy with this until he started using my butt as his personal hand rest. When I told him to stop it, he mentioned that he did some very small work related favor that I didn't ask for. I'm sure the company handbook stated that small acts of kindness entitle you to grab ladies' asses. I made sure I wasn't alone for very long at work after that and it stopped, but, of course, so did the hugs.  I have more stories, but I don't want this post to get too long. I definitely think it's a good idea to make sure I ask about the other person's boundaries and clearly state my own, whether in person or online.

  • "Honestly, I'm a woman and I've messaged guys and been flat out ignored too." Is the response pattern the same as I described? Some of the women I have messaged have not responded because they simply have not been on the site for months, so they obviously did not see my message. Were those guys recently on the site? Did they view your profile while ignoring the message? And was it the vast majority (i.e. nearly all) of the men you have messaged, a small majority, or less than a majority?

    "I'm sure the company handbook stated that small acts of kindness entitle you to grab ladies' asses." lol. Sorry, that made me laugh for some reason. Not about "grabbing a ladies' ass"; just the sarcasm of the remark.

    "I definitely think it's a good idea to make sure I ask about the other person's boundaries and clearly state my own, whether in person or online."

    Agreed. My present cuddle partner and I were very candid about such things prior to meeting. We discussed each other's boundaries and expectations.
  • Happy you have finally found a cuddle partner intactivistjedi.

    I can imagine how frustrating to not get responses..however have you also considered that some women may not respond for other reasons other than how attractive they may or not find you.

    It may be that they have found someone else but curious. Your message or they become nervous. Or they don't want to offend etc.

    Concluding it's because how attractive you are sounded more like a projection. I also wondered if your attitude about woman in general (granted its from frustration) comes across in your messages. (A geninue curiosity by the way) as this could be intimidating.

    It's easy to say don't think lack of responses personally ...

    I can only speak for myself and some women I have spoken to about not responding to messages.
    Most of the times it's to avoid getting rude responses or cyber bullying.
  • "however have you also considered that some women may not respond for other reasons other than how attractive they may or not find you."

    You know, there could a wide array of factors. The thing is, most of these women just want to play games with men, so I don't really know why. I can only speculate. I have several suspicions. I would not be surprised if appearance is ONE of the factors. There is nothing wrong with my appearance in my opinion, but in THEIR opinion, there very well could be. Perhaps it is not just appearance. Perhaps it is height and weight and/or body type. Perhaps they don't want to cuddle someone smaller or roughly the same size as them. They don't want to cuddle someone as slim or relatively short as I am. They want a big, strong man to cuddle with, and if they are messaged by someone who is not a big, strong man, they feel entitled to treat him as a piece of garbage. Who the hell knows?

    Perhaps they want someone with a good job. I am currently a student, as I state on my profile. Perhaps they feel threatened that my profile is almost exclusively about my expectations in a cuddle partner. Perhaps they would prefer if a man's profile included some form of a bio not relating to one's expectations in regard to cuddling.

    Again, it may not be exclusively about appearance. But nevertheless, they are behaving in a toxic, hypergamous manner. This is the exact same manner in which they would behave if they were dating. What they are implicitly saying is that I am not worthy of a response.

    My initial messages that I send them are pretty neutral; I do not say much in them. There is little to say at first when I know next to nothing about the person. My initial message to my present cuddle partner was a simple, "hello." And she responded within a few hours with a message of greater substance than my own. So I responded in kind, and it went from there. She is actually quite a strong, confident, and outgoing person.

    Another possibility, of course, is that they are turned off by my rant against "circumcision," aka Male Genital Mutilation, aka Ritual Infant Torture, aka Legalized Child Sex Abuse, aka Judaic Plague. But I removed any mention of controversial subjects for a long period, and response patterns did not differ. My profile description went through several phases; I drastically altered it at least 5 times, with no substantive change in response patterns.
  • "Most of the times it's to avoid getting rude responses or cyber bullying."

    Well, if that were the case, then they would not respond to men PERIOD. They would take the initiative to approach men, and only send messages to men with whom THEY initiated the conversation. But we all know that that is not how it works. We all know that it is largely men approaching women rather than the reverse. I know some women approach men, but the MAJORITY of them just wait for men to approach them. And they only respond to a man that they for some reason find outstanding, while ignoring the rest.
  • edited February 2016
    "It may be that they have found someone else but curious."

    If that were the case, then why would they be active on the site? Why would they even be checking messages? And if they are, why wouldn't they just say, "Sorry, I am not currently looking for a cuddle partner?" Or better yet, why not just update their profile description to state that they are not currently seeking a cuddle partner. I saw only one or two individuals who updated one's profile description in that manner.
  • [Deleted User]EclecticLeo (deleted user)
    I'm not a pro but some of the messages I've been receiving lately make me wonder if guys think all the females on here are pros. I already have more than 1 cuddle buddy so I've stop looking for new ones. It took a while to find the right match. Someone can seem like they'll be a good match online but once in person things feel awkward. I dont have the time to respond to all my messages. I'm working on them as free time allows.
  • I'll make another plug for Cuddle Parties, although I have no economic connection to them. The participants who attend these events do not receive any remuneration for their participation. The fees go to the facilitator and cover the cost of obtaining the space, their time and promoting the event. Although these events might count 'as paying for it', they also count as cuddles given freely by people who desire this and are willing to provide it freely. Since they are supervised, the risk of bad experiences is greatly reduced.

  • Hey Intactivistjedi. Not sure what you mean by the "then they shouldn't reply to men period" , please clarify.

     I may be misunderstanding you ..but from what I took from this line all I will say is I don't think cyber bullying is ever justified or a gender thing that only men are guilty of.

    I really do hear your frustrations with lack of responses, it can take a lot to message someone...

     At the same time, I think people also have a right to respond or not respond to whomever they wish to. 

    YES it is very disappointing when they don't respond. I actually think this happens to  everyone, male and female, more than you may think. At least from my and other people's experiences.

    Some people may also consider silence kinder than saying they are not interested.

     Like electiveleo also pointed out, some people are unable to respond to all their messages, they may wish to.  

     My last point is more difficult to say as I don't want to be too forward. After reading some of your post before I had even decided to post a comment. I found some to be very attacking of women with only a few exception. Rather than empathetic towards your frustrations and understanding of your vents. I found myself wanting to protect unknown individuals. This would definitely make me hesitant to respond to your message if I was a potential cuddle partner you messaged, no matter how neutral it was. I'd want to feel comforted and comfortable with a cuddle buddy not on edge or defending others who had disappointed you.

    I hope my feedback is helpful as I had hoped it will be and not silencing. 
  • I have found one lady cuddle buddy on here and one long distance friend. It's not impossible, but yeah, kinda difficult. Neither of those I mentioned were within 10 years of my age, but that doesn't matter to me (equal opportunity cuddler), I suspect some men on here might be being picky about age, looks, marital status, etc. Given the size of the active user base for this site being picky about anything might leave you with few to no options.
  • @Inactivist Jedi. I hadn't paid attention to whether or not they visited until recently. I did see a guy view the profile shortly after I messaged without ever responding. And I'm actually happy you got my sarcastic attempt at humor. :)
  • InactivistJedi, I have a guy who views my profile almost every other day for weeks but never sends me a message. What do you think about why he does that?
  • [Deleted User]bang168 (deleted user)
    Probably wanting to see what you look like before investing time getting to know you.
  • Angela10,  now you've got me self conscious about visiting. When I read the forum I go to "visit" profiles to refresh my memory about them. I recheck where they live and whether they are male or female, etc. etc. 
    I am glad I do as I read an old post and went to a profile and discovered that this woman was within my 300 mile limit but not in my browse section.
    Mark told me why- that person didn't fill in their "cuddles ethnicity" blank.
    Even though I selected every ethnicity,  the fact that she didn't kept her off my radar.  She steered me to her  facebook page and found out what an interesting and friendly person she is so now we're fb friends.
    So, after changing my profile to where NO ethnicity was selected, I found at least 10 more women cuddlers that live within 300 miles. 
  • @Angela10, Did you initially message him, without receiving a response? Who knows? I would say perhaps just to refresh his memory; but then if he views your profile that frequently - and yet he does not intend to even engage you in conversation - that is a little weird. You currently do not have a profile picture, but I do not know if you did previously. Some men would view a woman's profile regularly just because he enjoys looking at whatever pictures she has uploaded.
  • @Grace-Anna, Have most of the men you have messaged declined to respond? About what percentage? In my case, I would say the non-response rate (excluding professional cuddlers) is roughly 90 percent.
  • No. I have never messaged him ever! The reason I remembered him is because he has picture. It's easier to remember faces than names. I didn't have a picture for all the times he looked at my profile.
  • I would have to say that most, not all, women that I message and welcome to the site (they are all too far away to actually cuddle), respond with a nice,friendly message. OK, I could focus only on the one's who don"t respond, but hey, it's the internet and you have to give a little to the limits of this kind of communication I've had some really great chats, I love it. I also noticed a change that may have been there a while, don't know. If you click a professional cuddle, you get a button to request an appointment and a disclaimer that this person expects to be pain for their services. If you click a regular member, you get a button to send a message. Makes the difference pretty clear.
  • So much speculation on why people don't respond to messages, Should we also speculate that there has been 542 views of this forum thread and less than a dozen people adding a comment. A no response is a just that: nothing. We would all like to see a more active community, but maybe we should give it more time. I appreciate everyone's contributions and kind of find it inspiring. I learn a lot.
  • Gator, I like that Freudian slip, "they expect to be pain for their services" haha.

  • Well yes ,  when I see the "make appointment" thing when I'm wanting to say hello, it makes me feel like the meter is running.  I have chatted with one who contacted me after they saw my post in the forum.  

  • Hahaha good for you Crispin!
  • I use to talk to people regularly on this site when I just joined years ago. Now a days, it seems like everyone has some kind of special "reason" as to why they don't feel the need to respond, which I think is pretty not ok. It just sucks because they come to your profile after you message and still don't say a word. Kinda like asking them a question and them turning around and staring at you and NOT answering. We can all be respectful here in this very niche community, just respectfully say no, please. It's this ignoring thing that can make me irate. Ha.
Sign In or Register to comment.