@hogboblin that hurt you’re supposedly feeling? Have you considered that your actions have caused others to feel the same way? If it doesn’t feel good to you, why would you want to make others feel that way?
@Sashamcgee I disagree. You do care enough about it to mention it here and voice criticism. You're not being entirely honest with yourself.
@2dogmom
I was attempting to illustrate that people can be upset by all manner of things. Mark even mentioned people being overzealous when it comes to reporting. Being upset doesn’t make one right.
I refrain from personally attacking others (for the most part). I have gotten in trouble for that a time or two. But ideas? Ponderings? Haphazardly-formed questions and notions?
Well, every idea can be deconstructed, criticized, and satirized. That should be expected in a public forum.
@hogboblin now that's some good ole snark. @2dogmom took her shots at you so she is fair game. All our point is that the community should give a person a break before the deconstruction begins. Take them out for dinner first, buy 'em a beer, then they know the peeps here and wont run scared. If they do run, well ya did what you can do. @hogboblin if we ever meet, the first round is on me.
Personally, I love debate—but also like tidy threads where things don't get too far off topic.
The problem with the 'complaints' thread was that debates don't get sparked in threads like that: they start up in every other thread, and then people play with their new toy in the thread that created it instead of carrying it over to where there's more room. I tried carrying arguments over a time or two, and people kept posting their responses to me in the original thread, instead of the debate thread.
It is the way it is, I guess... but if the mods kick things up a notch and intellectual dueling gets forbidden altogether I probably won't post much anymore (well, not here; there are other sites). Which is kind of a bummer for me, 'cause I like the people here, but who knows? Maybe a bunch of other, more peaceful people would take over the forum.
That'd only be disappointing for me and the other sharp-witted types.
Can we just make one exception to the proposed "let's give people a shot before we jump down their throats" approach...? And can that exception be the posting of particularly asinine threads discussing the phenomenon of male arousal? I know I won't be alone here in making that request. 😏
How about a thread where people are free to sign a waiver and go to battle verbal purge style?
I personally have enjoyed the sharp-wittedness and the general wild-ass flow of these threads. I have had only a few experiences (granted I haven't been on here long) of feeling like pain was inflicted on someone and I cringed as I watched it happening. I spoke up once in someone's defense, and rather lovingly to both sides I might add, and was (what felt like) disciplined. I think if we have the freedom to trounce people we can also have the freedom to speak up when the trouncing feels to have gone overboard.
I don't think anyone wants to crush the remarkable creativity that flows in these threads and turn this into oatmeal, and I imagine there's only a tad more think-before-you-post needed to see if you're piling on or contributing. Sadly the trounced are probably not going to stick around to say "ouch" and the current climate does prohibit many from sharing and likely will continue to. It's all about what the intention of this forum is.
My sense is somewhere in the middle might work. I'm not sure how that's done - personal responsibility, others speaking up when a line seems crossed, or moderation. What's damn tricky is how we can get triggered by innocuous things and call them attacks, while others can actually attack and call it all in good hahaha fun. I like that peeps are discussing this.
Sometimes people are really looking for support and posting something vulnerable, or asking an informational question, and they get a poke in their soft spots. I don't like watching that. It feels shaming. I wish that didn't happen on here.
This thread is really valuable and will be a point of discussion between me and the moderators.
From what I can tell, the current issue is a few members disproportionately affecting forum sentiment in a negative way.
Those members are not necessarily breaking the rules in doing this. However, on this forum I believe there is a higher level of responsibility that sits above those rules. A responsibility to blend in with the community in a way that keeps the peace and supportive environment. This requires some level of effort by everyone but for those on the fringe, it will require a far greater effort. And yet it is still necessary and we can take action when we think it's an issue.
In the past we faced similar disruption but it was from the fringe on the other side of the spectrum. There were a few members that were prone to take personal offence when exchanging views with those that did not share their values. They considered someone causing them offence as an attack and would regularly demand action.
Both these fringe groups can contribute to forum disruption. They cause an ebb and flow of forum sentiment that is difficult to manage. Right now the issue is with the former group.
I ask that all involved please reflect carefully on the views in this thread. For some, this might be a good opportunity to review the effort you make in showing respect and support when posting here.
@Catloaf imagine this scenario instead.... New man asks, legitimately, in his very first post about what he should do if he gets aroused while cuddling. Two options:
Folks dogpile him with shame, "Really? Yeah it happens. Grow up. And you're posting questions we've ALL answered before. Don't you know how to use a search bar??"
Not mean but not nice either. Or option 2:
"Hi! That question comes up a lot. Look for the search bar in the upper right corner and type in "aroused" and you'll see past threads/advice from other cuddlers. Happy cuddling!"
No more work but much more welcoming and helpful.
@littermate always eloquent.... my favorite parts of your post:
this: "I think if we have the freedom to trounce people we can also have the freedom to speak up when the trouncing feels to have gone overboard."
this: "Sometimes people are really looking for support and posting something vulnerable, or asking an informational question, and they get a poke in their soft spots. I don't like watching that. It feels shaming. I wish that didn't happen on here."
@hogboblin from your profile: "I joined this site on a whim. “Maybe,” I thought, “It will be a decent source of entertainment.” The forum proved to be somewhat distracting for a while, but I was eventually banned from posting. As a result of that, the forum has become altogether less interesting."
People's feelings should not be a source of entertainment no matter how banal they are or how poor their grammar.
The fact that you have commented on basically 50% of the posts recently, and had the time to go back and count, IMO says you are spending too much time here. I would bet there are moderators who don't spend that much time here. Maybe you need another group to split your time, where you can share your snark with abandon and it's more appreciated.
PS, I am sure you will come back for me because I feel like you must have the last word. Funny how you are coming back only for me though when other folks have addressed you directly too...
@snuggleme123
That’s nice of you to say. Thank you.
Since you seem so invested in how I spend my time, I’ll go ahead and give you a breakdown of my day. Hopefully this will assuage any concerns that you might have for me.
7AM: I get home from work. As the door to my apartment closes, I breathe a sigh of relief. After a hard night’s work it’s time to unwind by being an emotional terrorist on the CC forum. I pour myself a glass of water, disrobe (save for my fishnets), and load the forum.
8AM: After an hour of cackling maniacally and twirling my mustache, I find a victim. I pick an appropriate attack in my Tome of Grievous Insults and digitize it. I feel the greatest ecstasy imaginable as I hit the “post” button. I ride the surge of pleasant chemicals until I pass out from exhaustion, my throat raw from orgiastic screams, and my body drenched in sweat.
9AM to 12PM: I dream of my victim sobbing, surrounded by family members who are in a similar distraught state. One might think that someone had died and been immediately desecrated.
12PM to 1PM: I am happy.
1PM to 4PM: I read and write. I have some toast with avocado on it. Maybe some black tea. If I hear any of my neighbors laughing I fly into a rage and kick the walls of my apartment.
4PM to 9PM: I usually manage to fall back asleep. At this point, I prefer nothing at all as opposed to dreams. I like to think of this period as my practicing for the solace of death.
9PM to 10PM: I have breakfast. After showering, I’ll send one or two people a message, if I’m feeling social.
11PM to 7AM: Work. It’s never too busy, although I occasionally have to deal with drunkards, meth addicts, and crazy people. I usually have ample time to scan the forum and to ruin someone else’s life.
There you go. I didn’t ask you for advice before, but do feel free to offer some now that you have a better picture of how I spend my time. I eagerly await your insights!
I am a rookie but this topic is confounds me. As a member of a few science forums bumping very old threads is bad manners and frowned upon. I also do not get who the bully in question is or are. I see more old white people complaining about how they want a thread to be than any bullying but I am new so I do not know the history here. Mark is the only reasonable voice I can see.
Good Morning! I just was to again say I am not for full on censorship, silencing voices, I enjoy intellectual sparing, I enjoy being challenged and growing from it. If someone is being intentionally stupid or hurtful, by all means, let loose the dogs of war. Also I fully understand that on the information super highway there will be road kill here and there. There is no Utopia and the pendulum will always swing. I see this threat like an individual being introspective for personal growth. I am certainly not the man I was in my twenties as people will take stock of themselves, have internal debates with all the voices in their mind and go in the agreed direction. In that sense we are introspecting, debating as part of the collective and we will see what happens.
@DarrenWalker It would be a loss for us to not have your voice. You have been hear a long time and just in that you have seen the evolution of many threads and ideas which is of great value, as is your personal life experience. If you were to leave it would be a loss to us and the growth of the community. I would encourage you to stay. I am certainly not advocating for anyone to leave.
@DocTarry I agree, old white people are the worst. Yes @Mark is the voice of reason which is good cuz he is the one with the Mighty Hammer of Thor, the only one worthy. (site creator I believe)
I'm not going to say I'd like to see the fishnets @hogboblin because that may be construed as a fetish thing ... but I'm not, not saying I'd like to see that either ... 💁♀️
@hogboblin lol. Sweetie, I have no desire to know the detail of your day nor do I have time to read that reply. But it's not really for me, is it? It's to show folks how clever you are. Yay! You're clever. I'm just a tad saddened that you feel the need, and have the time, to write such a lengthy reply and, again, pointed at me exclusively.
I, for one, have no more time for this banter. I think @Mark has the point. I have lives to save and shizz, so later all! I will, however, say that I will be watching the forums and, as @littermate notes, speaking up when the trouncing feels to have gone overboard.
Thank you @2dogmom. I appreciate you.
@hogboblin you are hilarious. Most of the snorts I enjoy on this forum originate from your hilarity. Thank you for making this dark world a little more giggly. I offer myself to you as a willing victim of your satirical glee just for the opportunity to laugh at myself.
@2dogmom IMHO there is a big difference between people posting one-line thread upon one-line thread regarding arousal versus someone who is posting their introduction to the community, actually interacting with us, and has a genuine concern. Going back through older threads where the topic was broached this way, you'll notice people being more helpful than as of late. In some cases, to many of us it just reads now like some new people want an excuse to talk about erections here. Or maybe these are baited threads in some instances, who knows? We can't know an OP's full intention with what they write until we get to know OP better, and some OPs don't really provide that opportunity with their brevity.
Adding a spoiler so my post doesn't clog up the page:
I appreciate your willingness to stand up for the underdog (I just wanted an opportunity to use that pun, sorry). Your words will have impact on those who have the ability to deeply consider how they affect others, but a sad reality is not everybody is that type of breed (woof). When I first joined in 2017 and thought I could just air off in my usual no-filter way, I quickly discovered the community was not open to that and I suffered the consequences. I returned some months later, but this time to do more reading than I did writing, see if I could find my own voice in someone else and feel like I could actually fit in here. It took me getting abused on another site to realise the value in this community and start respecting it. For those of us on the darker side of how we express ourselves, it'll either take work or bad experiences. Some folks are Melancholic types rather than Sanguine types, and no amount of work will change that. As long as we're not wielding our personality traits for the purpose of being downright abusive or spreading hate speech, it's just another crayon being added to the box.
One has to stick around a forum to really know how to interact on it. It's a two-way street. There are certain topics I refuse to engage certain people on in this forum due to past discussions. That's the nature of any forum, really. You explore, you read, you get to know what's going on in the threads, what's generally acceptable to talk about, what isn't. Newbies won't necessarily see that angle though because they haven't been here as long as many of us. Or maybe they've never been part of any forum. It's up to them if they want to stick around and get to know the people who make up this particular one. As different personalities join, the environment can't be expected to say the same. As CC opens up to the mainstream, it's inevitable that the "voice" of the site's forum won't sound the same as it did 1, 2, 3 etc. years ago. It's just what happens and it's up to Mark how far he's willing to let that go.
As for CC's resident "dark triad" group, temp bans have been issued for the "mentioned few" and while none of you may have seen improvement, I feel like I have. Regardless of whether people think things are getting better or worse, it's pretty clear no amount of action or backtalk will persuade someone of a darker pathology to act in a genuine way that's acceptable for this forum. They just are what they are. What the community is really asking for through their outcries, private messaging about the issue etc. is a pollice verso about whether the dark triad should be allowed to participate or not. That, to me, doesn't seem very fair if no one is breaking rules. Stirring the pot? Maybe. If you've been watching for a while though, you'll notice that comes in ebbs and flows as was previously stated.
I appreciate this thread and the motivation behind it. I am just going to write and post and be myself and if some want to put me or what i write down so be it. There is room for all of us here and all views. I am learning from this forum and it is a great resource. Thanks all for your contributions and keep them coming don't be shy or hesitant to share its all good.
Our self described misanthrope isn't nearly as funny as he believes. The pseudo intellectualism gets tiresome. So does the bullying. Worse yet, he's driving away people who financially support this community.
Worse yet, he's driving away people who financially support this community.
That seems like a bit of a stretch, honestly... and besides, he won't be banned or reprimanded because of that. It was said earlier that these kinds of decisions aren't made on the basis of whether or not the site "loses" money. I have a hard time believing that a significant amount of the population perusing pros is that bothered by @hogboblin in particular that they huff and decide to take their business elsewhere.
@Catloaf
I believe he’s referring to Esquire/CardiacKid/DutchBoy/SpartanGuy.
The creepy stalker dude behind all of those profiles is very insistent. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was amongst us once again...
@littermate
Thank you. I’m pleased that you find my nonsense amusing.
@hogboblin from his profile: "I joined this site on a whim. “Maybe,” I thought, “It will be a decent source of entertainment.” The forum proved to be somewhat distracting for a while, but I was eventually banned from posting. As a result of that, the forum has become altogether less interesting."
I am relatively new here and just starting to get to know some posters. I am sorry but i dont follow this. You obviously are not banned from posting.... This must have been from the past? Does this happen on here from time to time, that a moderator will ban someone from posting in the forum, but not ban you from the site?
If so, how long were you banned from the forum? What were you banned for? Have you changed your mind about the forum? Is it more interesting for you now?
As long as you can write in the forum, that is what makes it more interesting? I have found for myself, participating is more enjoyable overall, a better experience. However, just reading it is a valuable and worthwhile experience for me, for i am learning a lot about cuddling and related topics.
Thanks for any sharing, and please know this is a sincere post, i am not being sarcastic or playing with you in any way, i am just interested in hearing more about where you are coming from and your ideas about the forum. Nice to meet you and i enjoyed reading your profile. p.s. - i wonder if anyone took you up on cuddling so far?
If you want to talk privately, that is fine too, hogboblin, i never know if i should send a private message or discuss things on the forum? Some people reply to me if i send them a message and others dont, lol, especially my local non pros. But i have reached out to several people on this site, just regular guys and gals just to discuss things, and some are accomodating and some dont even bother to reply to my message. So still learning about that here, too.
@Catloaf Money makes the world go around. I expect we'll be seeing Ads before long.
Hombogobyn is looking to deflect away from the issue at hand. The issue is his behavior, not past closed accounts.
Negative growth in membership or revenue is like a slow growing cancer.
All I'll say is that I agree his accounts were kept up for too long. Maybe I've only been here for approaching 2 years, but that's got to be one of the most extreme cases of abuse I've seen taking place on the site. People like him shouldn't be here and I was happy when action was taken. Those who make edgy jabs and pokes I feel are not on the same level of "misanthropy" as those who actively look for opportunities to start specifically targeted smear campaigns. We're talking ripping photos from people's profiles, making multiple false accounts, plastering the pictures in the public forum and also spreading rumours that so-and-so is behaving non-platonically on the site. Not a snarky remark/clapback.
@hogboblin
I definitely gave up posting anything in the forums (except leaving comments) after I noticed the same couple of people who spend an unbelievable amount of time in the forums take over threads and change the subject and hijack the thread for silly conversations where they either mock the original post or just make the original poster regret they posted in the first place. So yeah I know better than to post anything that's on my mind or that I want to discuss in here after that.