Does Age Matter and Why?

I was looking through very old threads and came across an old thread asking if age matters. I wanted to re-present this and add more context. If it totally does not matter then no explanation needs to be given, but if it is no it does not matter, BUT, it would in certain situations I would be interested in hearing about that. And if it really matters to you I would love hearing your viewpoint. I think some situations that might bother some people would be:

—lacking common cultural tastes or touchstones
—recent death of a parent/child
—lacking empathy for other age groups and what they struggle with
—energy level (this cuts both ways)

I am sure this list is not exhaustive and is purely for discussion purposes only.

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Comments

  • —dripping in afterbirth/is a pile of dust

  • edited December 2019

    To me at least, it's more important that the two cuddlers are able to connect with each other than their age. I'm 60 (about to be 61) and have cuddled with women of all different age groups and have found that if the two have enough to talk about and connect with each other the session works well!!!

  • @Lev136 Have you ever not had enough to talk about?

  • @FunCartel , if you read my post, you would see that I am also talking about making a connection with the cuddler. Not just having enough to talk about in terms of what you can actually tell each other. There has to be enough to say regarding everything, life, philosophy, cuddling itself, etc. Not just being able to speak!!

  • edited December 2019

    For me, it's not so much the age that matters, but stages of life. When my parents got together, they were just what each other needed. But when they got divorced on my 18th birthday, I would describe them as "My dad needed a younger woman, my mother needed an adult." I think one person can get stuck in a cycle of immature perpetual-youth for some reason whereas the other person will follow a normal life trajectory and end up outgrowing their partner.

    I can see the appeal of being with someone who has all the energy of youth, it can be infectious sometimes and adds to my own energy. But on average, their lack of knowledge/life experiences isn't mentally stimulating enough. This was a problem in my own youth. I was with the girl because we were the same age and she was emotionally stimulating, but when I wanted deep thought-provoking conversations, I would talk to her parents. I always got along with my girlfriends' parents a lot better than she preferred. And when the parents would invite me over to holiday meals, not because I was the boyfriend, but because I was the son they always wanted, the relationship was usually in the end stages.
    Is it weird to get Christmas cards from your ex's parents?

    The perfect age for me is someone who has:

    • the youthful energy and charisma of someone in their 20's
    • the passion and drive of someone in their 30's
    • the mental awareness and culture of someone in their 40's
    • the experience and stability of someone in their 50's
    • the wisdom and knowledge of someone in their 60's
    • the lifetime of stories and history of someone in their 70's
    • who also randomly hides hard candies and goodies all over like someone 80+
  • @Lev136 I did read your post. I was asking about this that you wrote:

    have cuddled with women of all different age groups and have found that if the two have enough to talk about and connect with each other the session works well!!!

    I do not know why you are accusing me of not reading your post when I am asking about a simple part of it that I quoted you on above. I guess my question is do you know what you wrote?

  • @DonLonG With the incontinence of someone in their 90s?

  • edited December 2019

    Age can matter in terms of context: historical, social, generational, intellectual. Each of these maybe seen as broad generalizations that do not consider personality and unique individual taste and conditioning. And they can also overlap.

    Historical: The period in history in which one was born and the unique set of events and themes that define that era can impact how individuals of different ages interact. Generally speaking, the longer or wider the years in age the greater gap in those life experiences. Each era in which a person is born and raised brings its own unique social and cultural events and significant moments. Some of which changed the course of history. Some of which merely entrenched old traditions. So depending on how each individual's mindset and values are influenced and shaped by these dynamics, a 5 or 10 year difference in age can be significant or mean nothing at all.

    Generational: This can be viewed in a historical sense as well. That is specific to the era or time period in which one is born. These so-called social labels given to generations these days is one example. Baby boomers versus Generation X, Y and Z versus Millennials. And the way society constructs these terms it always perpetuate the perception and/ or concept that one is always opposed to the other. That's not necessarily the case. If you factor in personal dynamics as mentioned in the beginning. Again this is generally speaking.

    Social: Class and the traditions practiced around family values, cuisine, religion, culture , gender and so on can make a difference in compatibility between age cohorts. Again depending on the individuals may have minimal to no effect at all. And so may not matter. However, gender is a sensitive cultural and social consideration. Much of the concern around age differences between the genders is heavily driven by societal approval or disapproval. For instance, the double standard that exists between an older male dating a younger female as opposed to an older woman dating a younger male. Or a younger male dating an older female. The unspoken rules and/or norms observed or enforced around the above can make age differences matter.

    Intellectual: This really leans toward the dynamic of individuality in the age cohort interaction. Music for instance is a universal magnet that can bridge the divide or gap between folks of different ages. But it can also divide. An intellectual appreciation of the essence and qualities and unique nuances that define a particular genre of music or theme or event of any particular historical era is often a significant factor in whether or not age really matters. So you can have a 70 year old and a 30 year old having a great connection over one or many things. And the 40 year difference between the two doesn't matter.

    So to answer the question posed. Age differences between people can matter depending on the gender and the degree of intellectual appreciation each have for their respective eras of upbringing. As well as the interplay of social, historical and generational dynamics that often affects the way each person interacts and / or reacts in those contexts.

  • @FunCartel
    As one gets older, an "all-nighter" is when you don't have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

  • I would like to be able to say that it shouldn't matter in the least, however different people cuddle for different reasons so for them, age might be important. I have cuddled with folks 20 years older and 20 years younger. What might make a difference is what kind of friendship/relationship we might have outside of cuddling, however that is not necessarily age based.

  • I’ve cuddled with mostly older people- but I agree that as long as the two have something to chat about in common, the age difference doesn’t matter. But, I really can chat about a lot of different things so I usually connect with people easily. There have been a couple that things were awkward, but that’s not usually the case.

  • @bles Brought up much of what I had in mind. There are differences there and the question becomes can the Cuddle bridge those differences or do you find it difficult and distracting?

  • Why does their have to be so much in depth conversation when cuddling ?
    Maybe try cuddling??
    Ive had no trouble finding random things to talk about when necessary with 20 year olds and 60 year old cuddlers. Maybe the topics might vary but the idea that you cant talk to someone from a different generarion is quite silly.

  • @DonLonG omgosh.... so funny!! what if you're 40ish and you have candy in strange places?? #pleasedon'tfindmyoreos!
    I agree with @Bles in that you have so many different factors that go into every age group... Well said!
    @pmvines good call. Meeting with them for a cuddle is one thing, but the friendship outside of the cuddle.... That is a different thing!
    @FunCartel what a fabulous thread.... It has been interesting connecting and messaging on here as well as meeting people of all ages in real life. What I have found is generally (as in not always....) for ME, even more than age specifically is a demographic polarization. Meeting with older guys (60-70) they are sort of steeped in the idea that one person/connection will be able to fill all of their relationship needs and that is sort of what they're hopeful to find. In the younger category (20-30) they are energetic and sort of all over the place with ideas and thoughts which is enjoyable and entertaining but then they don't always know how they feel about something in a really authentic way (or it changes every other day) ie their profile says "I'm not looking for a long term relationship but cuddling sounds like a wonderful thing" and then they change their mind after a few meetings and all of the sudden realize they DO want something exclusive or "traditional" like dating.

    Which I guess has me saying it doesn't matter (I've cuddled 20's-70's) BUT I find myself a little more hesitant sometimes based on previous experiences more because of what they might be expecting from the cuddle and the feelings that might need to be dealt with etc. Maybe @melancholy has the right idea though.... Get to the SNUGGLING!!!! :)

  • @melancholy But as @sillysassy brought up, your experiences do shape your interaction. Hopefully cuddling ameliorates one’s apprehension. There is more to it for some people than you. For example, scent is a trigger for me. If they smell bad, I am not simply going to cuddle. Call me a scentist, but it is a part of me. Smoking is a cuddle killer as well. I mainly started the thread because I do see profiles that designate certain ages. Just curious why.

  • I've only snuggled now with two fellows, number 3 tomorrow. My age range may change as I become more familiar with the cuddling terrain and what I enjoy. I chat with most people who contact me, no matter their age and am open--I feel like it's a preference not a law.

    I've found for myself that in just starting out, I'm looking for familiarity - can I grok you easily? Similarity in age is one factor, but not the most important one. I want someone a little seasoned by life, someone who has learned themselves, who knows what they want, who can set boundaries, hear boundaries, isn't reactive, is paying close attention to what I say and is responsive to it. I tend to associate those things with peeps who've been on the planet for a bit. I also like when the testosterone has waned a bit honestly, at least to start out. I want someone familiar with a woman's body, so that it's not a big deal to be close to mine. I want someone who has mercy for the things that happen to bodies as we age - I want to be held by someone who appreciates holding a 57 year old woman.

    I realize that all these things can be characteristics of someone anywhere from 18-105, but for whatever reason, it feels like 40-70 for starters is an age range that makes it more likely I'm going to be dealing with someone with these qualities. As I get my legs under me in this, I may branch out into more unfamiliar terrain.

  • @littermate well thought out, reasoned, and explained, and all with grace. Thank you.

  • edited December 2019

    @FunCartel @littermate I LOVE WORDS!! ameliorite, grok, scentist.... ahhhhhh (insert delighted sigh)

    @FunCartel I truly with everything in my being believe that scent is a big deal that shows no ageism. If they're stinky.... I'm OUT!!! (an all-nighter is when you don't have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night hahhahaha does this happen EVER?)

  • @BigHugsPA Aww, thanks.

    @sillysassy I love them too.

    @FunCartel I'm with you on the scent thing. Ack.

  • edited December 2019

    If it didn't matter why would most people state an age preference in their profile? Nevertheless, I'm sure we'll hear from lots of people saying "age doesn't matter to me".

  • edited December 2019

    @UKGuy , some people's profiles are old, and/or it could be at the time that they answered that question, it mattered to them. I at first was one of those whose preferences were different at first than they are now.

  • I agree with the majority. I’ve cuddled with 20 year olds and I’ve cuddled with 60 year olds. As long as there is a connection, whether
    It be through the act of cuddling itself or you have a genuine conversation that flows naturally, age truly doesn’t matter

  • edited December 2019

    @Lev136 Yes, I'm expecting my preferences also to change as I evolve in this process.

  • @Sheena123 , same here as I have said....I've cuddled with those in their 20s and those whose age is closer to mine. As long as the two cuddlers are agreeable with each other it really doesn't matter.

  • @sillysassy
    A man goes to the doctor's about his bowel movements. The doctor asks him if he has trouble going.
    "Not at all", says the man, "every morning at, 7 o'clock".
    "So what's the problem ?"
    "I don't get up until 8."

    I think I would draw a hard line at cuddling with someone twice my age ; I'm 56.

  • @geoff1000 imagine the person that is that dude’s big spoon at 7 AM.

  • @geoff1000 and @FunCartel you boys!!! hahahahahaha that's yucky!!!

    I draw a hard line at uncontrolled bowel movements no matter the age. Jus sayin.

  • @FunCartel I laughed and stopped just short of imagining it in too detailed a fashion.

  • @sillysassy it just isn't a party until someone loses control of their bowels...

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