Ending the year without a regular cuddler

I'm glad some of the pro cuddlers exist (well the ones who charge the original rates i'm used to) because finding non pro cuddlers can be a very time consuming endeavor. pro cuddling has some really cool advantages for those times when you are really in need of a cuddle session. One of the problems with non-pro cuddlers is that I have found many if not all of them are only cuddling for a limited time. Usually between relationships. So here is the problem...it takes time from that first contact to when you finally cuddle with someone. like I might spend 6 weeks talking to someone before they feel comfortable enough to cuddle..and then the week of our cuddle session they meet some guy on tinder or bumble and poof they are no longer cuddling anymore! Its amazing how discouraging that is...especially when it happens time and again.....
so for those of you non pro cuddlers out there wondering why men are impatient...keep in mind that we may have spent weeks waiting for someone to be comfortable with us only to have it ended before it even began. So its really not easy to be so patient when you think that time is limited.
anyway...maybe there's no point to this post other than to let other guys know that you're not alone.

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Comments

  • edited December 2019

    We are not alone. But all we can do is get up in the morning, keep a good attitude, and take another swing at the plate. :)

    2020 Here We Come!

  • I hear you soloforever, and appreciate your honesty in this thread.

    As for myself, i have had no luck with non pros. I contacted like 5 of them, and even though they are online a lot, only 1 was nice enough to reply to me. I was not in her desired age range so did not pursue cuddling with her, but appreciated that she replied to me and we had a few nice exchanges. But that is it, no other success, even in regards to discussing with Non Pros.

    I find it all rather discouraging and wasting of time with Non Pros. At least you were able to carry on correspondence for awhile, that is more than some of us :-)

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    I really wish we, as a community, could increase membership here and make it closer to a 50/50 ratio of men and women non-pros. I’ve never met anyone from here. Most non-pro females are untagged pros that I report. The remainder either don’t respond or back out before it’s time to meet.

    I know how hard it is and hope others in the same boat are hanging in there.

  • I'm a nonpro and reply to most of the folks that approach me. I meet with a few and cuddle with a few. I wish I could cuddle with more but have a busy life with lots of demands. I think it's very tough for nonpro women to stay on here with the stuff that we have to field from the fellows. I have heard of a few women who are on for a time, report that they are having to field too much groping and such, don't feel safe, etc. and leave because they don't have the skills, perserverance or desire to put up with all. that. I empathize with you guys! @sillysassy is another nonpro who is very involved. We're good eggs! Sorry there aren't more of us. It's tough to be a woman on this site in a different way than it's tough to be a man on this site, but we sure are out here, us cool reliable nice nonpros. We just only have so much time! And may not be geographically near you. <3

    I think to get more nonpro women to stay, we'd have to cut the groping, probably have some orientation for new folks, or a way an experienced cuddler can take a new one under their wing or something. I find myself mentoring peeps a bit, both women and men, about what to expect, how to navigate stuff, etc. It's challenging all around.

    Love you guys. Cuddlesphere forever! <3

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    @littermate youre not wrong but in my area, the more common problem is untagged pros. I’m sure groping is very common too but it sucks that guys like me can’t even get a shot.

    I think the differences in our problems here are similar in the dating world. Women have a problem finding quality while men have a problem with quantity (because the market is flooded with men).

    I think this site needs to market more. I’ve suggested it in the past and would gladly contribute to a marketing fund if it was used for my metro area.

  • It does suck @aguyfromVA! I hear ya. And I've heard from some of my cuddle friends on here having to deal with various scams and things as well, as well as women pushing the sexual boundary.

    And yes, definitely on here we aren't lacking in people approaching us to cuddle, so in that way we are rich! And you guys do a lot of the work without a lot of payoff often, especially when you can't get anyone to even give it a try.

    Seriously though, I must say, sexual assault is a bit beyond a lack in quality. Many of us have to risk assault as part of just trying this thing out, by people who are bigger than us. It's scary, it's traumatizing, it can make you never want to be alone with a man again. I'm not speaking for myself because it's been years since I was fending off unwanted groping, but part of why is that I've spent the last 40 years maturing in my capacity to set boundaries and trust my intuition. That doesn't mean I don't still have to be VERY careful, but it does mean that I'm still on the site.

    Women get discouraged too. I know one nonpro on here who has had a hard time getting guys to respond and has been blown off on meeting up, so it does go both ways - some of us nonpros want to cuddle and no one's hitting us up, especially if we're over 45....

    Marketing would be great. So would be anything we can do to retain the peeps who get on here.

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    It is definitely tough for anyone experiencing this level of loneliness (male or female). It feels like the world is telling you that you are worth it, especially on a site that’s pretty much geared toward the lonely.

  • edited December 2019
  • Female non-pros are like motorists picking up hitch-hikers.

    They might do it : to be kind, for the company, to be kept awake with conversation, or for another pair of eyes and hands in difficult conditions.
    But most motorists don't pick up hitch-hikers ; because the 1001 ways that it can go wrong, don't make up for those benefits. Female non-pros might cuddle each other, like a car-sharing scheme for co-workers.

    Taxi-drivers will take you where you want to go, for money ; and those who can't drive, rely on them. CC site rules don't even allow hitch-hikers to give gas money ( as an analogy ), so there is even less incentive for them.

    Sure, many males would be / are so well behaved in female company, that the female would think they should be the ones paying. Unfortunately, to quote the assassin in "Day of the Jackal", the bad ones "rather queer the pitch for the rest of us".

    Most females who want male company, pick one, or one at a time ; and those who have more than one at time, get some very unpleasant insults. That means males generally have to provide for their every want and need in that department ; and respect when those wants and needs are being sufficiently met.

    Female non-pros who want only one partner, will soon fall off the site.

    That means we are wanting a small number of females, for no money, to cuddle with many different males ; while having a life as well, and not wanting to pair off with someone in particular.

    We might equally ask why more men don't drive around aimlessly, picking up hitch-hikers and taking them wherever they want to go. Not many taxi-drivers work pro bono.

    Female non-pros are therefore like gold nuggets ; some people are lucky enough to find them, but no-one should expect that to be as easy as finding leaves in autumn.

  • All that said -- it's still fine to feel lonely and post here about it and wish there were more nonpros and even work toward having more. Yes we are gold. Men are gold too. <3

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    It’s also not fine at all to have a non-pro account and then charge when you connect. I credit the site with being very responsive to untagged pro reports. I’ve reported many on here and they always get either suspended or banned.

  • @soloforever , FWIW, sadly I don't consider this site a generally effective way for men to find non-pro female cuddle buddies. It's possible of course, but it's so much easier to meet women via other avenues. Having read your profile, I gather you don't find it easy to meet women elsewhere, but... if you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are, and that's not here (with some exceptions). I would encourage you to branch out and look for other ways to meet your cuddle needs rather than continuing to bang your head against the wall with something that isn't working.

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)
    edited December 2019

    @mb0 Ive been trying for years to find both platonic cuddling and dates (separately). It’s not easier anywhere else. This online dating/swiping culture just turned it into shopping. It’s hard to get sold when you aren’t good at marketing yourself or even lying to pretend you are what women want.

  • i agree with the notion that non-pro females drop off when they find one partner. im proof of that. ive only had one connection with a non-pro from CC. we’ve been regular for over a year, and she dropped off the site soon after. not because i asked or expected her to...just dropped off. we never have discussed it nor do we have expectations of cuddle monogamy.

    the quest for a connection with a non-pro can prove to be a tiring feat. loneliness sux and the time invested to find a match, might motivate a non-pro male, to seek companionship with a pro.

    final note: scam profiles and non-tagged pro’s suck hairy donkey balls...thanks for wasting our time 🤬👍🏼

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    it definitely isn’t going to drive me to a pro. I won’t get what I need from a pro. I need to feel like someone felt I was worth their time and worth making some sort of connection. With a pro, all I would focus on is that this person wouldn’t be there for me without the money. I believe they are a good thing and that many people don’t mind paying for it. For me, it just makes me feel like i’m worth less because I have to pay for company.

    I don’t believe that anyone who pays is worth less. I just believe in my case, because I haven’t made ANY connections in the last three years, that the world is telling me I am worth less. That’s not a good feeling.

  • @aguyfromVA...yeah a pro cuddle can be not worth the $$ spent. stick to your guns and don’t settle for anything less than what you feel that you deserve.

    you are not worthless, just because you haven’t made a connection...the rest of the world is just missing out.

  • edited December 2019

    There may be another way to look at this, @aguyfromVA and @ElGuero et al. Pros can open the door to the enthusiast cuddles you want. In my early months here, I found it as difficult to meet enthusiasts as the next guy. I went a year without meeting any. So I stuck with pros for a while, feeling paid touch was better than none. Lo and behold, as I accumulated karma from pros, enthusiasts started to get more responsive to me.

    At some point, my karma count from pros reached a critical mass where enthusiast women began initiating conversations with me. This now happens fairly regularly --- they reach out first. And if I contact an enthusiast, I am far more likely to get a reply now, because all those testimonials help assuage her primary fear. After going that first year without meeting any enthusiasts, I have now met 12. So even if you don't regard pros as the solution to your cuddle needs, you might consider meeting some as a strategy for standing out with enthusiasts. Just an idea. As the saying goes, if you do the things you've always done, you'll probably get the results you've always gotten.

  • This is true, above. We see lots of good karma and friends we recognize, and that does it. And a filled out profile. @quietman775 you're on it!

  • @quietman775
    I think your good Karma with pros, also has a wider benefit.
    Every bad experience, makes : the pros want to charge more, and the non-pros want to quit ; so your good behaviour, helps all of us men. We should be grateful.
    Let me be the first to say "Thanks".

    Reversing my usual analogy, people trust taxi-drivers ( at least more than random drivers ) because they have criminal record checks, and a licence they risk losing. We trust airline pilots and doctors ; because they have had years of expensive training, before they start taking money off us for what they do.

    Using another of my analogies : some people find gold nuggets by chance, and others buy them ; your method is to pay for "gold nugget finder" training, and since then, you've been finding your own.

    I keep recommending that men who seek non-pros, should use pros, and learn from them. You have gained good Karma, and any of us would gain good experience.

    There is a 3rd benefit. I cured my fear of flying by using flight simulators, so at any time mid-flight I can close my eyes and imagine I'm in a box bolted to the ground. With a non-pro, men may always be hoping for them to be the monogamous cuddle partner they've been seeking, and get "interview nerves". A long pro history, would let them believe it is "just another practice".

    A friend of a friend kept falling her driving test through nerves, so their instructor arranged for her to do another mock test, but with one of his colleagues, so she could have practice with someone else as the examiner.
    With nothing to gain, and hence no risk of loss, she had no nerves, and so as usual, she "passed" easily.
    It was in fact a trick ; it was a real examiner, and a real test, and she had really passed.

    I have had my greatest dating success, when I've been sure my invitation would be rejected ; probably because I didn't feel any pressure.

    Cuddling seems to be one of the few interactions, where non-pro females are actually happier with men who have used lots of pros. I expect that many men who would be happy with a relationship that doesn't go beyond cuddling ; are unaware of this "scene" ( for want of a better word ) and the training on offer.

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    I considered pros before for karma as mentioned above but I don’t think it’ll help since my area seems to be overrun with untagged pros.

  • Ending the year with a regular cuddler? Hell, I'd settle for an irregular one at this point. B)

  • I’m thinking about this thread in relation to some of the events I’ve read about recently. Attitude is everything in life. If I project entitlement and displeasure that I’m not being recognized for what I believe I’m worth, that negativity will be reflected back. If I listen carefully and decide that this problem is caused by entitled men who don’t respect boundaries, and I resolve not to be one of them, I’ll project my concern for the safety of women as more important than my butthurt feelings. That might actually be noticed. Just a thought.

  • edited January 1

    As the saying goes, every pleasurable thing in life falls into at least one of the following three categories:

    (1) it's high in calorie;
    (2) it's expensive;
    (3) it won't text you back (or in this case, cuddle with you).

    Keeping that in mind, I don't see what's the big deal here. As a guy myself, I think it's most efficient to focus on making money than anything else (than trying to woo non-pros, for example). If you have money, you can get EVERYTHING ELSE in life pretty easily.

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    @asperger I disagree and think you’re lacking the ability to see things from others’ perspectives.

  • edited January 1

    Just thinking out of the box here... maybe the untagged pros just happen to be there and the problem really is that women are shy because, you know, groping, abductions, incel rampages...I know I’d be thinking about that.

  • @aguyfromVA Money is the one universal perspective, my friend.

  • [Deleted User]aguyfromVA (deleted user)

    @asperger If that works for you, great. That is not true for me.

  • The New Year fireworks have only just fizzled out, and we are already having an argument on the forum. SMH

    Some people like eating steak, and some like to eat in a vegetarian restaurant ; both are generally accepted life choices. Those who struggle, are the ones who want to eat a steak, in a vegetarian restaurant.

    @asperger is probably happy to pay a pro ; which puts a roof over their head, and food on their table. I pay someone to do my laundry and ironing ; and pay someone else to plant crops, make food, and deliver it to my local shop.

    @IvanTokodol would rather "pay" a non-pro, with the effort of looking and being patient, which means their money and earning potential, is going somewhere else.

    Both, I think, are respectful ; expressing that they value our female cuddlers, though with different "currencies".

  • I have had little luck in finding non Pros. I have had same problem. Exchange 4-5 messages. Seems like it is going well, then they de-activate. I started giving out my number sooner than I'm comfortable with in case they leave. Hasn't helped because it becomes rushed.

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