@BrianL what you have works. I get a sense of you from it.
@DonLonG you are one of the most loved and valued people on this site. If you are less active that only means you are more missed! You better stay around or we will have to come find you. ;P
@littermate During the Sydney Olympics, the Australian government published that "pom" was an OK word for English people, but "whingeing pom" was insulting. I'm OK with "men" as a word, it needs an insulting adjective to make it insulting.
What I learned after a decade of failure, is that there is no good "chat up" line ; the line works or not depending on other factors, like sticking a Mercedes badge on a Ford key ( other brands are for sale ) won't let you drive away a Mercedes.
The detail in a profile might help, if only to indicate commitment, but there may be better ways to do that. For instance, putting useful information in the first contact, which can be mostly copy-pasted from a generic base.
@littermate You don’t find what you’re saying to be hypocritical? For example, you’re mentioning the lack of information on profiles, yet you don’t even have a picture up on yours. If this was a website for math tutoring, I’d say who really cares about a photo. However, this is a cuddling site, which has a lot to do with physical contact from another person. Yes, cuddling is equally mental as it is physical but both are very important. When searching, there’s even a preference to see those with photos, without, or both. I assume that’s because profiles without pictures are not taken seriously by pros and non-pros. In my opinion, this is like someone wearing jeans to a formal affair and wondering why so many guys don’t have on cuff links with their tuxedos.
"For me personally, I have not found that a fuller profile helps much. Nor does reaching out with private messages, nor being active in the forums, nor being active all day long to stay at the top of the local search list. And I really tried for 4 months to give it a go...."
I hear you Don Long and couldnt agree more. You did all you can, and then some. I have done similar with similar results, none :-)
I have taken the time to write and change my profile several times, and am sincere and write personal crafted messages to people, pros and non pros, and have been active on the forums, i even saw a Pro and have good karma rating too, all to no avail.
You arent missing anything, this site, at least in certain areas of the USA, is only good for contacting Pros and having sessions with them, but not to meet any enthusiasts. There are a few wonderful open Female enthusiasts who would be interested in cuddling with people like us, but unfortunately they are not in our area, for the most part. Maybe we have to move and be near them :-)
So Littermate, some of the reasons, about guys being so terse in their profiles, as has already been shared in this thread, it doesnt matter for most, what we write. There are exceptions of course, but for the most part, whether we guys write a lot or a little or none at all, does not seem to have a effect on our cuddling chances. So why bother? Also, there is a privacy issue for some. Those are the main reasons i think. Thanks for starting this thread, it is a good question.
Dharma1257, male, Phoenix, Arizona
@luv2cudl2 so many elements of hypocrisy can be found, spread across the site...ijs
@luv2cudl2
I asked a question because I was curious. I wanted to hear from men with empty profiles why they are empty. Or from the rest of you who might have some guesses as to why. I want to understand. I'm a student of human behavior, and I'm very curious about men, because I'm not one, and I like you guys. I find understanding leads to kinder treatment and I want to be kind.
I then followed with what I find myself doing, as a non-pro, for background information. I am not passing judgment nor am I saying that men with empty profiles should do something different. I'm saying, here's what I find myself doing in response to them, in case anyone cares to hear my perspective (many don't, that's ok). I think I wrote that partly because I've seen a lot of complaints about no action from nonpros, and I guess I'm explaining what I find myself doing in response to empty profiles, in case that's helpful to anyone.
I'm not only not criticizing, I'm not even complaining. I have plenty of folks to get to know, and if someone messages me with an empty profile, I might suggest they fill it out, but I still chat with them. I feel like anyone can do anything they like with their profile. Whatever! To each his/her own.
Hypocritical? I don't see myself as hypocritical. You get to, and so does anyone else who'd like to. I'm not espousing a "should" that I myself am not following. I have a hefty profile, and I say in it that I'm happy to share my pic once I establish a level of trust. I myself don't mind if people don't have pictures. (I also don't mind if they have an empty profile, I just find that I'm less likely to reach out if there's nothing to go on.) I don't mind if guys don't reach out to me because my photo has to be requested. That's fine. Again, the main thrust of my original post is a question that is coming from curiosity.
And I've gotten that insight! So this has been great. Sorry if anyone has felt criticized or judged by my reporting on my experience of what I do in response to short or nonexistent profiles. That wasn't my intention. My intention was to understand. So thanks!!
PS I have had plenty of people take my profile seriously (and also humorously - have had a lot of comments on my meme). I have exchanged with a number of people who also have a pic available upon request because of their profession, etc. and need for discretion. I am happy to send my picture once I trust someone has the ability to respect my need for discretion. I have something like 53 friends who can see my picture. Happy to be judged and dismissed by those who need to see a picture right away. Happy to connect with those who don't and happy to send my pic when I know you some. I agree that a picture speaks a thousand words and I always like to see the people that I'm thinking to connect with, and happy to have them see me.
Again, I'm not saying men SHOULD fill out their profile. I'm saying, I'm curious about it, and I notice myself responding in a certain way that I wanted to communicate. No judgment. No should.
@littermate as usual you spark an interesting conversation. I'm not going to respond about my specific preference but I would like to ask another question that might give a slightly different perspective. After reading through all the comments on here as well as my PERSONAL NON-PRO experiences.... this is something I ponder.
How many of the men that join this site would consider themselves introverted as opposed to extroverted? I wonder if that also plays a role in how much information is put out there initially?
(please continue with your regularly scheduled program... )
I am certainly more extroverted on an online forum such as this than in real life . It feels safe and at a distance , and once I log off the computer , this world ceases to exist (apart from those whom I convers with offline ). So I try to balance the two sides . I am chatty , but I do try to limit how much I put out there so as to not conflict with my real life personality when folks actually meet me in person .
@sillysassy For sure! @pmvines don't worry, i'll do all the talking
@sillysassy I think it is much easier to respond to, or have a conversation on, a forum ; than it is to effectively stand up in public and say "Hi, I'm Geoff, and I am incapable of getting a specific type of human contact that others find so easily. Questions ?".
Others on the site may already be getting plenty ; but either would rather like more, or would like to donate to the cuddle-less. They are more open.
I agree with @pmvines that I can be very chatty at a distance, but would take a very long time to be so chatty with someone in person. On-line conversations, and known physical distance, are like wearing a kevlar vest ; it gives one the confidence to walk among those one would otherwise not. It is the same pschology as anonymity allows cyber-bullying, but I hope I don't do that.
You don't.
@littermate 😀 👍
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Alright you guys; get a room already.
I'm an extrovert hidden in an introvert's clothing. I don't know if that's true of all writers (I suspect some are the opposite) but for me, in Real Life® I'm trapped behind The Icebreaker. I can be Chatty Cathy and unleash my probable-witticisms without concern... ONCE I ALREADY HAVE MET SOMEONE. But that 10 foot invisible sheet of ice between me and almost anyone - but yeah, OK, especially the women - feels often insurmountable. How do I break that? I don't know how to start up a conversation or introduce myself without fearing that I'm going to come across like the world's most bumbling moron (or get that dismissive eye-roll that's shorthand for "Oh dear, who is this guy and why does he think he's getting in my pants?")
The sad fact is: there's no WAY I would think I'm getting in anyone's pants I haven't even met because I'm all tied up in knots just thinking about "starting a conversation." (For that matter, I usually don't have pants-diving thoughts even if I HAVE met someone, but that's a different lack of self-confidence.) If I'm introduced to someone, I can at least try to get on the conversation "on ramp" and merge with traffic. But everyone gifted with the outright self-confidence to approach someone you don't know in person and engage... you have my eternal envy.
There's no sheet of ice, per se, for me in online conversation. There's no concern about abject personal rejection that there's no shrinking away from in a Real Life® encounter. So maybe that's part of the reason I've been without the kind of human contact one seeks out in concentrated doses here.
And I just realized... the "ice" I can't break in in person forms even when looking at someone's profile on this site - especially a non-pro - while I contemplate reaching out. There must be SOME detail that disqualifies me (somehow that has become "Too Old©" which happened while I was paying attention to other things. Go figure).
But that's why my profile goes the verbose rather than terse route. My best bet is to put my personality out there and hope my words can at least pique some interest. I tend to (hopefully!) sound less silly without all that pesky ice to break through.
@StoryDoctor1138 you are hereby invited to practice breaking at least the online ice with me (since we're not near each other). Bumble away-- I will be kind. Anyone who is as friendly with words as you are is welcome in my inbox.
@portlandcuddle #windowshopping 🤣🤣🤣 I'm dead 💀🤣🤣🤣
@StoryDoctor1138
Here's something I learned long ago. Most people love to talk about themselves. Have a few "go to questions" and watch them open up. Listen actively. Show interest. Ice broken.
A man is arguing with his wife. Eventually he hands her a pair of his jeans "Try these on". His wife has a much smaller BMI, so they hang off her like a broken tent. "You see", says the man. "That's why in this house, I wear the trousers". The wife hands the man a pair of her knickers, saying, "Try these on". He struggles to get the tiny item even up over his knees, and says "I can't get into your knickers". "No", she agrees, "and you won't get into them again until you change your attitude".