Respect of Preferences

Why don’t people (men especially) respect a person’s age preference when it comes to cuddling? I keep on receiving messages from people in their 40s-50s when I clearly state that I am not okay with that. It’s so annoying

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Comments

  • From the wisdom of Taylor Swift...

    "Thank you, next."

    But in all seriousness, we can't control others but we can control our reactions. Try some grace: some folks would give a kidney for a message or two at all. If you're still annoyed at rando messages, delete them. When all else fails, block.

    Good luck.

  • Also, the wording is "preference." I have people contact me outside my age range (in my case much younger) and I assume either they didn't read my profile, or they think they are exceptionally mature. And many many don't read profiles - they just look at your picture and message you. Having written technical documentation in one of my lives, it's clear that it's the minority who read it, or anything else.

  • edited January 12

    @tm700 Yes, I am sorry, us older guys, (I am 50) do not respect your preferences. Just fyi, i did not contact her, i am not one of them, lol, but of course if she was in my area i might contact her, if she did not have age preferences.

    But since she does have age preferences, ones so close to her own age, yes, i would respect them and not contact her, even if she was by me.

    I have contacted a few younger women so far, that do not have age preferences and say they cuddle everyone.

    The thing is many on here do not have age boundaries and are open to cuddling everyone, they do not find it creepy or weird to hug/cuddle a older person. So that is a possible reason many do still contact you.

    Sorry again you find it annoying that so many older guys contact you, despite your clear preference for younger guys your own age. Do what you have to to ignore these older guys. But unfortuntately, it is not going to stop probably, guys will be guys and this site is full of guys, with them outnumbering women at least 3 to 1.

    And here is a recent thread discussing this very issue of age and cuddling, you might want to read to better understand why some guys are contacting you still, despite your age preference: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/7321/does-age-matter-and-why/p1

  • edited January 12

    @tm700 I personally read and respect the stated age ranges.

    That being said, the ones who would know better the answer to your question are the ones who have messaged you. I'd recommend asking them. They may not see your question here on the forum in order to respond to it.

  • @tm700
    A lady who was active on Tinder said that if she puts, "must be able to play the violin" ( etc. ) that just means guys will begin their contact with "I can't play the violin, but.. . ."

    "Preference" is perhaps too vague, we should be more "hard" with hard thresholds.
    The good response to persistence might be "You are outside my age range, but my brother will cuddle with you, unless your preferred gender is a hard threshold".

    The male : female ratio means a female could specify a particular date of birth, and still have more eligible cuddlers than a man specifying a range of 3 decades.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    I’ve been one of those people but I acknowledge it. For example, if a man says he prefers women 20-40 but looks like a good cuddle fit, I will msg and ask if he would consider a cuddle with someone a little older. But I do read preferences if they are listed.

  • @Sideon - great reply. While i do respect the post, I feel like some people are becoming too eager to get upset. If something is a strong preference, reinterate it in the "about me" section. As @littermate suggests they may not read it, but you at least reinforced it so you dont feel so bad deleting or blocking

  • There are people I converse with who have different age ranges for cuddling however I am not trying to cuddle with then so it's a bit different. I also have had conversations lead to meeting to cuddle with people who have different age preferences . However I don't seek that out and am always mindful of the stated preference .

  • Preference is different from limit. We all have preferences in life but it doesn't mean we won't accept something outside those preferences if the situation is right.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    What @hugonehugall said. :)

  • Could it be she is expecting to use CC as a dating service? I have cuddled a women more than 40 years younger. Oldest has been over 20 years younger. The choices just aren't there in some age groups, but clearly is less of an issue using Pros.

  • Yes @tm700 You have every right to be annoyed by people (mostly guys) on this site. I don't get it either why they would not respect a simple age bracket, outside of just being sucky.

  • LOL @PeopleLikeUs "just being sucky." I imagine we are all guilty of that from time to time. :)

  • @littermate What she is referring to in the OP are people who intentionally and deliberately pay zero respect for a boundary set which in cuddling is extremely important. There should be a back end software solution for this that would help in eliminating the people who do what she is talking about repeatedly. I think it would weed out more than just people who don't read profiles. I think it would help weed out problematic cuddlers.

  • edited January 12

    I once saw a brand new female profile that clearly stated "Cuddles Only Women". Then I noticed she had two friends, both men. This struck me as odd so I emailed her to ask quite politely how come she accepted two friend requests from men when her profile stated she cuddles only women. In reply, she said I should be more 'adventurous'. So obviously to some women their preferences are not set in stone. And I've since seen this with other female profiles.

  • @Groucho im not at all. I know that this site is for platonic cuddling. I’d be on a different site if I wanted to date

  • @PeopleLikeUs yes, thank you for seeing my point. I acknowledge that some people don’t read my profile ( even though I wanna explicitly say what I’m looking for); however, there is a boundary that people constantly cross. I may just leave this site

  • @PeopleLikeUs I agree. I was imagining that you could have an age preference or an age requirement - then peeps who didn't fit your age bracket just couldn't message you, or maybe even see you! My comment was simple admiring your phrase "just being sucky."

  • And from what I hear, if you're young and female and nonpro on this site, you get so much of the kind of attention you're not looking for that it drives women away who are actually looking for platonic relating. Too much work! Too much ack! So I hear you @tm700. Is it so very much to ask that people read your profile and respect what you say? Not in my world. Not too much. But alas, it's not just the conscious and respectful who join this site. :(

  • @tm700
    If you really only wanted to cuddle with one-legged Jewish men with brown eyes over 6 feet 3 who can play the violin while unicycling blindfold ; you shouldn't have to compromise, it's absolutely your choice.

    Anyone who doesn't fit that category, is welcome to : cut off one leg, change their religion, get iris transplants, lay on a medieval rack, and start practicing their cycling and musical skills.

    If they aren't prepared to make such tiny accommodations, well, they can't be that serious.

  • The insight and thoughtful responses are so nice. Thank you so much. I never expected this ❤️

  • @tm700
    I just read your profile and you do make age range clear in your description. I’m outside your range and I would not contact you because you specifically say so.

    However, if it were only in the preference section of your profile, I would. As others have said, it is not a limit but a preference.

    Being an enthusiast woman on this website means you will receive lots of attention from men, I’m guessing you get at least 10 emails a day since joining.

    However, being an enthusiast man is the opposite. We could send out 100 individually written messages a day and return a week later with not even one response. So even if your profile preferences might exclude one of us from your preference list, most think, what do I have to lose, or I’ll not know unless I try. You can’t will the lottery unless you buy a ticket.

    You cannot control what other people will do. You can control how you react to it.

  • edited January 13

    One feature that this website can ramp up is a “ filter “ that could send certain messages to a different mailbox the user would have . That everyone would have .The user will enter certain criteria like , ... users location , age , ethnicity... etc. This could be called the “ Filtered out “ mailbox . Then when the user wants, when they feel less annoyed , they can read them

  • I think my cell phone has a feature where different people in my address book have different ring tones, or none ; which sounds like this idea.

  • Something else for OP to consider . When you are on the forums , people naturally might be curious about you , or might want to message you based on a post or something like that . That's how many conversations are started on here . I think it is great that you are posting some and I welcome you , just realize some people may be inclined to visit your profile or message you based on that

  • @pmvines i’ve already started to receive more messages 😂 but they are positive. Thank you for your insight and your warm welcome 🙏🏾

  • @tm700 absolutely! I hope you have nothing but good experiences here

  • edited January 14

    @tm700 WELCOME from a non-pro enthusiast!!!! I can completely relate to people sending messages without even looking at your profile.
    Like so many have said... You can do a few things but what you absolutely need to do is DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!!
    A few options.....

    • Ignore them and delete the email. (people might say RUDE but its rude to not pay attention to your details)
    • send a message that says effectively "thanks but no thanks" @geoff1000 "You are outside my age range, but my brother will cuddle with you, unless your preferred gender is a hard threshold". 😂😂😁
    • engage in a meaningful conversation about why they don't respect your boundaries
    • find a few new pen pals
    • Here's one other option for you and people who are new receiving WAY too many emails to handle and respond to. You can choose to mute your account. I found this setting to be very helpful because I could still look through the forums and talk to people I had already started communicating with as well as reach out and message anyone who isn't also muted. They can message you back but no one can reach out to you if you don't take the first step. You won't come up in the search but you still have full access to the site. It lasts a week but you can keep initiating the setting if you would like. I really appreciate this addition thanks to @Mark and all of the other wonderful little helpers!!!

    I align with Mr. @pmvines I hope you have NOTHING but good experiences here!!! <3

  • Perhaps there should be an automatic filter on the site search that makes sure the person doing the search falls within age/gender parameters before seeing search results. While that would eliminate seeing people whose preferences weren't hard and fast (perhaps more like guidelines), the other options seem to be classification as "annoying" or, if @PeopleLikeUs had his way, banishment for being a "problematic cuddler."

  • edited January 14

    It would be very sad to me to not be able to visit someone's profile and send them a welcome message, say "awesome profile picture" or a message about their stellar forum post because I was not in their preferred age range. Some of us aren't on here only to visit people who fit our prefect preferences to set up cuddles - some are on here (including me) as a community of humans.

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