This is just a space where one can encapsulate or reflect one's experience from moment to moment in thought. The thought MUST be one's own. One's own creation not culled or cited from anywhere else. We are our own healers, folklorists and philosophers. This little space allows us to reflect positively and constructively on whatever our moment is with our own thoughts and intuitive feelings.
Even the noblest and most thoughtful heartfelt expressions can be received with absolute disdain and snub. Yet it is one of the many ways one learns about human character.
Sometimes even with the noblest of intentions it is more prudent to remain silent.
The odds of disarming a person's defenses are greater if you acknowledge his or her point of view rather than exuberantly hammering your own.
Cuddling is a full time vocation. To be consistently successful at it, requires absolute commitment to mastering the art of persuasion and the science of human reception and emotion during the process of interaction.
Interestingly enough a person who is in a phase of self healing and possibly exploration trying on different mindsets is not trying to be 'normal'. S/he is just being....
To be positive is to accept what is in the moment and gracefully embrace whatever it offers. Even if it's not what is expected or wanted.
Sometimes one's actions can poison one's name over time. So everything one says or does becomes meaningless. Because the precedence of one's actions destroys any possibility of good will one has or gives. Even one's words and ideas are so poisoned that once taken and given by another instantly regains its value and meaning in the mouth of another.
The matter of being or feeling included in or excluded from is really about proximity. How far or close one is to the center. What strings of interest connect one to those within.
Just as statistics can be bent and stretched to make potent arguments so can another's words be used to make powerful statements to characterize someone in a way that mocks and ridicules.
It doesn't matter that a compliment goes unacknowledged. It doesn't matter that a greeting is ignored. What matters is that you shared a sincere heartfelt sentiment or positive affirmation with a total stranger. That it came from the deepest reaches of your soul in a spontaneous organic way. That you meant to give it with all your heart. And that you never regret it.
That's what counts. That's the piece of you that counts as a special gift to the universe of humanity. That when you share with others you give your whole self, two hundred per cent. You don't need his acknowledgement to affirm that in yourself. You don't need anyone's for that matter.
Keep striving. Keep feeling and sitting with your feelings and let them teach you. Let them guide you to the higher reaches of human comfort and self acceptance.
So what if they don't accept you? So what if they don't like you? So what if your bundle of unique ness is something they don't understand or know how to relate to? So what?
You are beautiful in your own spirit. Doing you in the way that only you can understand is enough for you. You are not on this Earth to please or be acceptable to anyone. You are only you. You are unapologetically you. Live it. Embrace it. Be it.
No one deserves to live in the prison or the narrow prism of his or her own mind. You get one life to live. Live it like it's your last chance before you take your last breath.
Go out there and embrace folks who embrace you. Just as you are. Be your wild badass self with the loving thoughtful gift of your giving kind soul. Confident that whether or not they appreciate you are content with the flawed person; woman that you are. Unique and different. Just different than what they're used to.
Having a degree in anything does not make anyone a master at anything. It does not speak to one's competency in anything.
What a degree does is give one a breadth of knowledge within a specific skill set that acts as the foundation for continuous lifelong learning. The foundation on which one continues to build skill sets and currency of knowledge.
Therefore it is not a piece of document to be used as a tool to wield superiority and auspicion over others. It is just not necessary.
It is never a good thing to judge another person's mental health in a public forum. Behaviors manifest many different aspects of one's state of wellness. And the stories that underlie a person's behavior is usually many sided and multifaceted.
The more vocally and publicly one expresses disdain at another for perceived mental health issues. The more emphatically and poignantly the observer's character and mindset is revealed.
I agree with your comments about having a degree.
I had been working with some non-graduate car technicians, when one asked if I had a degree. When I said that I had, and asked why the question, he explained that I didn't act in the bad way of most graduates he had met, but instead : had some practical skills ; and respected the practical skills of others. I was flattered at the compliment, though it wasn't a conscious decision to behave that way.
My experience of hill-walking, is that reaching one crest, merely shows you the many higher and further crests that you have not reached. Acquiring knowledge is similar.
@geoff1000 Thanks for your comments.
The roles that folks play in one's life are constantly being created by need. Unless one person has the tireless energy to commit to adjusting and adapting to meet those for him or herself and others, those needs are best met by different others.
A need from a human perspective is an essence or quality that enhances one's ability to or enables one to function. There is the physical need to breathe. There is the physical need for shelter and food. There is the emotional need for appreciation and belonging. There is the intellectual need to have one's ideas acknowledged and validated. There is the social need for companionship. There is the spiritual need for connection and upliftment. There is the sexual need for biological release and procreation. And one could go on and on.
Cuddling can only meet one's unmet needs if one knows how to define what it looks like for him or her. And the expectation is that whatever the unmet need or needs are will be filled by many different cuddlers , cuddles and cuddle experiences.
If asked, I don’t think I can tell you what justice is, but I can tell you what injustice is.
I am so lost in this, i don’t understand what’s happening. The post or the responses made me dizzy.
I’m going to start at the top again
It maybe clever to use another's words to comment on the personality and character of a complete stranger. But the choice of another's words says so much more about the one doing the citing.
@bashfulLoner I hear your concern about cognitive flow and resonance. That there needs to be some structure and consistency in theme. That the thread seems like a hodge podge of wandering random thoughts. Therefore none of them seem to make sense.
That's the point. They're thoughts reflecting the author's mood and interest in a particular moment in time. Take from it what you will. To each his own. The only theme comes from the comments of the author. Feel free to add your own thoughts on stuff that gets your mind working.
Thanks for your comments.
When cuddling becomes only a transaction it gets very boring. Especially if you feel constantly judged. With each cuddle (transaction) you ask yourself:
" Is it worth it? Why bother?"
Then eventually you withdraw and walk away. And the next potential comes along. The process repeats itself.
Unless of course to that potential, transaction is only part of the interaction. Then the process of real communication and connection begins.
Still some people only need cuddling to be transactional. That's okay too.
To each his own.
Why should I feel humiliated because of my tone? Why can't I just be accepted as a plain and simple human being of a particular tone? Why should I have to always share my tone just to make someone more comfortable with me? Is my humanity not enough to make me comfortable to be around?
Your time is only as valued as you are. You are only a transaction. You are only a utensil. Always accessible and available at the convenience of whomever, whenever. So your time means nothing.
Communication is so important in this cuddle game. Like it or not, acknowledge it or not. Cuddling is a sport. The only animals who gain the most from it are those that know how to play the game. There are written rules. There are understood rules. There are the in betweens that is based on
personal judgement. How you play depends on which set of rules you understand and play by.
Expectations are a hangman's noose. Have them and one risks losing one's mind and balance. Don't have them one spares oneself the pain of disappointment.
When communication with a person constantly makes you feel like you're ripping up your aorta. It's usually a sign to end that communication. It's just not worth the toll it weighs on your spirit.
You begin to lose the desire to interact with others. You question your own sanity. You question and often assume ill of every other person's intentions. You no longer want to be bothered. You don't give the same effort.
Eventually you lose the natural vitality that made you appealing in the first place.
There is no such thing as being disappointed if you expected nothing. There is no such thing as rejection if you are excluded as a possibility by a total stranger. Or if such a total stranger ignores your messages and gives you the silent treatment. There is absolutely no rejection. Since there is no familiarity nor real connection.
So what is it that you feel then when a person you've been messaging ignores you and gives you the silent treatment? What would be a reasonable way to define and / or describe the feeling?
It's not disappointment because there is no expectation to be had. It's not rejection because there is no formal connection ;no agreed upon understanding that goes with familiarity.
So then what is it? Is it just an undefinable, idiopathic feeling?
The feeling that I get when someone I don’t know ignores my message is... nothing, no feeling at all. However, if I know the person or have had significant interactions with them, I would experience something else, perhaps sadness, or bewilderment.
I respect others, and I consider it disrespectful to ignore or ghost a person. I would even go as far as saying it is psychological abuse in cases where you have an existing relationship of some sort.
@MrPaul I hear and understand your perspective.
There is no need to feel anything if there is no history in the communication. As in one does not know the person. Where one or the other person initiates a message and there is no response
While it is true that courtesy does count where there is an existing connection and understanding of sorts around that connection. That is both persons know the other. As in there is a history of back and forth communication between them.
It's also true that depending on the intention and position from which one views cuddling, courtesy may not exist let alone matter. At least to that person.
Some people approach cuddling as a transaction in whatever form : social, platonic, intellectual and so on. Others approach it as a relational networking connection: friendship (online), network tool, social contact of convenience, potential business contact and so on.
Either way it truthfully never hurts to show some courtesy to someone you have an ongoing conversation with. Even though both are still strangers to one another. At least in the physical sense.
As always thank you for your insight.