Quotationless,unquoted; quotable thoughts

2

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  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    It is perfectly okay to want something and not expect to get it. Excluding expectations simply recedes or eliminates the desire eventually.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    In this cuddle sphere to each his own. Impatience, unmet expectations, closed minded thinking and assumptions always hurt when one is attempting to make connections. Not to mention geography and availability regardless of the pro/non pro ratio and the eternal gender imbalance.

    As a female enthusiast, I do understand and appreciate the imbalance in the availability of and geographic accessibility to female enthusiasts for male cuddlers. And I do appreciate the same as regards the availability of pro cuddlers in some places. My heartfelt empathy goes out to them. I cannot even imagine the frustration many men who find themselves in this situation feel. As there are no easy answers to addressing their unmet need. Only constructive explorations of various avenues of communication and connection through the open dialogue that these forums allow and encourage.

    I just also happen to think that for those men fortunate enough to find female enthusiasts who are willing to share vulnerability with them in the cuddle sphere. A little more respect and appreciation needs to be shown in how communication happens. Too often some men view a cuddle as a one off transaction. So the courtesy of respectful and timely responses, honest and open communication around how and what he is feeling needs to be shared. Particularly if we females are putting our guts out there and bending backwards at times to accommodate time wise. It's only fair that the least one can do is acknowledge that effort and time I give to talking and meeting with you for a cuddle.
    It's not every one of us women who is flaky about maintaining an ongoing cuddle connection. Some of us do commit to cuddling regardless of whether or not we have a partner. In fact for some women, having cuddle partners on the regular is part of a packaged deal with potential significant others. That is discussed and agreed upon prior to starting the relationship.

    I personally don't want a relationship now or anytime in the future. That's a decision I made a long time ago. It's a commitment I've made to myself to keep. That's one of the many reasons I chose to cuddle. A cuddle connection works exceptionally well for me.

    So this enthusiast is here to stay and hopefully grow. My challenge is often finding men who respect and appreciate that. I try to be flexible because I work crazy long hours. I have a unique family arrangement with my children. And my life activities outside of work and family keeps me productively engaged. So cuddle sessions in the mix of that is low priority for me. That is whenever those schedules open up a couple hours of time blocks for cuddling. Most of the men I cuddle with , if not all of them understand and respect that. They readily communicate their availability as I do mine.
    And if I might add, these men are also open minded and flexible. A few of them live several states away, one lives across the country,and another lives on a different continent. He only comes to the US once a year. The conversation is ongoing. The connection continues. One or two of the men across the country I've never cuddled with. But we have great phone conversations about our respective lives once a week, once a month or when ever time allows. For all of them I'm eternally grateful.

    It's the many others, the would be potential cuddlers that don't. When I don't respond with a positive yes to cuddle it feels off putting and disappointing. But I do answer and tell the truth about what my situation and schedule is vis a vis what I can offer now. And often much to my own disadvantage at times have guys message me again later on when I'm freer to accommodate. Even if I'm exhausted from working 3-4 16 hour days with community events and family commitments in between. I still extend my self and time. Some appreciate. Many don't.

    All I'm saying is understanding and respect goes many ways. And a little open mindedness re accommodation of a potential female who has no fears for her safety, is very comfortable in her skin and flexible in terms of offering her time and effort is also required of those males who are lucky enough to find one.

  • @Bles
    "16 hour days" !

    Yes, they will get to you. I was once doing 7 days a week, about 80 hours total ; and looking back, I don't know how I coped. "Badly" is the only sensible answer.

    I'm glad you've got human interactions, in all the ways that help. Some of the human interactions I had during that time, many at a seemingly very trivial level, were more valuable than I appreciated.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    @geoff1000 yes human interactions via cuddling does help. But it is a balancing act between available time and energy.

    That's why communication and flexibility in the cuddle verse and cuddle sphere is so important to me. Because I'm literally cuddling on a near empty tank sometimes. Some guys are very understanding and accommodating. Others not so much.

    Cuddling is very expensive materially, physically and spiritually. The costs long term are very real. He who feels it knows it.

    Thanks as always for contributing.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    To be hypocritical is to speak ill of someone in his or her absence and then give a broad smile to his or her face with welcoming arms.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Some human beings are far more treasured than others inspite of and despite their characters.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Those who live in the bubble of their own experiences care little for those that their minds are unable to comprehend. Yet they speak the loudest about human love and positivity.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Being invisible to others opens the door to real learning and understanding. Because you're not seen, you see others for exactly who or what they portray themselves as and so much more.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    No one can police another's intent. Intent is choice driven by personal values. You can discern it from subtle subjective nuanced actions. But you cannot authoritatively define it even by interrogative conjecture.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    What exactly is Ghosting?

    Ghosting is a subjective experience. It's often described by individuals who perceive that persons they're communicating with over a period of time have disconnected. Usually a person perceives himself to have been ghosted based on the following behavior (s) by the perceived disconnecting person:

    Radio silence: no communication from the other person. Even when attempts are made to contact the person.

    Sometimes long delayed pauses in communication over time prior to the final disconnection that gradually results in fewer attempts to communicate. Until there is no further communication. Despite attempts to make contact.

    It's a personal choice of easy convenience. It's nothing personal against the disconnected or ghosted. It should be treated as such. Once a person chooses to stop communicating permanently without explanation or response to attempts to be contacted. He or she has ghosted.

    It's rare that people talk about ghosting others. And when they do it's often in passing as a matter of admission of guilt of having done what was done to someone or even themselves. Not as a reflection of feeling bothered by it.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Diversity of thinking is always a good thing as long as it offers different perspectives that doesn't seek to invalidate or mute that of others.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    Silence in communication is also a response. It's a nonverbal response. It maybe convenient and spiritually cheap to the giver. But emotionally draining and confusing to the receiver. It's an unhealthy yet indirect way to tell someone you're no longer interested in talking to him or her. Especially after you both spent time interacting with each other.

    Again to each his own. Courtesy is in the eyes of the beholder.

  • @Bles
    When I was taxi-driving, a customer complained that I was rude for not paying attention to what they were saying ; so I had to summarise the last 5 minutes of what they'd said, to show that I was.

    A friend of mine by contrast, didn't like my repeated "um" and "oh" ; that I used while she was talking, to acknowledge her statements without interrupting.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    In social interaction there's no such thing as a lost contact. No one contact is the one contact you need. It was just another verbal or nonverbal transaction for a period of time that ended. For whatever it's worth. Next!

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    People say things to protect their own wounded egos. Or when confronted by their own human shortcomings. Then they project that onto others. Because they refuse to look within themselves. For instance when someone characterizes you as having no personality. They are only judging you by what you give them. And their own subjective opinion.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Another person's opinion of you is nothing personal against you. It's his or her own subjective viewing experience of you based on his or her own perspective and mindset.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    In this life, personal survival depends more on one's ability to create one's own sanctuary than on any support network of friends. It is true that a human ear and a hug helps make life's burdens feel lighter. But just as true is being comfortable with one's aloneness in the absence of a consistent accessible support network.

  • edited February 2020

    @Bles I think I love this one the most out of everything you have ever produced—concise, to the point and it rings ever so true:

    In this life, personal survival depends more on one's ability to create one's own sanctuary than on any support network of friends. It is true that a human ear and a hug helps make life's burdens feel lighter. But just as true is being comfortable with one's aloneness in the absence of a consistent accessible support network.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    A compliment can actually be expressed as implied insult or criticism even when well intentioned. The thing is to always appreciate the kindness and good intent expressed.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    @FunCartel Your heartfelt comment was a complete yet pleasant surprise to me. And I sincerely acknowledge and thank you for it. Even though I must say I had to really think about it before posting this. Because your past comments on my writings have made me a stronger more thoughtful person. Again thank you.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    They say that age is only a number. But they don't tell you that age is also an experience that you choose. While that experience brings a few wrinkles and slower processes, you still get to choose how old or young you feel.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Being a loner doesn't mean you don't appreciate company. It just means you're more choosy about who or what you keep company with.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Cuddling is a relaxing and emotionally massaging activity for some. For others it's just a physical exchange of chest, arms and legs. Still for others it's just an exchange of ideas in thoughtful and fun-filled conversations. Whatever it means to you, it's just another activity .

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    When one isn't born with the natural ability to adapt street intelligence or what some call common sense, one seeks to learn the skills that make one adaptable. Even if in learning one appears odd and / or slow to others.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    Real genuine, authentic connection is built through consistency: communication, feedback, follow up, follow through in a thoughtful manner. Usually one medium is insufficient to explore and capture the nuances and essences of the individuals involved.

    So when a person uses only one medium to communicate s/he is usually reflecting something regarding how s/ he values you or your time. It doesn't matter the circumstances; the reason.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    Free Will is always driven and guided by conditions: legal,social, cultural, emotional,mental etc.
    But the choice always exist between doing and neglecting ; being and existing; living and surrendering; feeling and checking out ;acting or deferring; dreaming or reaching.
    However, you choose to view free Will is a matter of making a choice(s) within the context of predetermined conditions. Often with consequences: calculable or reckless.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    As a female volunteer cuddler, I have no fear for my safety, I'm comfortable in my own skin and I'm a natural giver. I appreciate the male mind and anatomy in ways that would make many women cringe. I have been raped. I have survived it and fully empowered myself with knowledge of the human anatomy that gives me the option to defend myself when and should the occasion arises. I'm constantly driven by my curiosity to know not my fear of what could happen. Hence I have no problem meeting up with men to cuddle. I'm pretty open-minded and flexible yet very respectful of boundaries.

    I've turned my anger and pain into mindful curiosity and an unquenchable desire to learn and grow. I refuse to be a victim of any circumstance. I'm a liver, giver, survivor and a female who cuddles because she enjoys it and sees it as community service. I literally volunteer my time on very short notice many times with very little energy in my body to give. I respond to messsages on here on a dime and drive hours to meet men I really feel nothing for except the desire to make them feel happy. To give their spirit a Lift. I ask them for nothing. The thanks I get in return I feel blessed by. Otherwise I don't care.

    Just knowing I put a shine on their day with a sincere hug is a gift I will always give. Whether they thank me or not. The fun is in the giving for me. Not in the cuddle. Just the giving. Honestly I don't need cuddles like that. I spent almost a decade hugging and soothing myself. So I'm pretty self sufficient.
    Of course I'm not your typical female . In this community I'm an oddity. And I really don't care.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited February 2020

    Sometimes to fully function as a whole human being, one needs to create different outlets of activity through which one channels different facets of one's personality and interests.

    It is through these outlets of activity the we come to know and accept ourselves. Because different parts of our being are constantly being engaged, we create multifunctional spaces for our own happiness and fulfillment. And we're able to track and reevaluate our needs and wants as they change. All without dependence of any kind on another or thing.

    I joined CC to improve my communication skills as I interact with the people I serve in my community. Volunteering is an outlet I created for myself to give back while continuing to grow and learn. As a newly single person who is rebuilding her life after a long and traumatizing relationship, volunteering helped me channel my energy to giving and sharing with others.

    But as I cuddled, my needs and desires changed. Because cuddling as an outlet opened up opportunities for me to explore my personal growth emotionally. The initial intellectual outlet it provided through these forums have immensely helped me to calm my mind and expand my way of thinking and expressing my thoughts.
    But now the emotions that cuddling with several persons have coughed up out of me have opened up another outlet for me to channel that energy:

    Mindful meditation and inner bonding.

    I've been following Dr Margaret Paul for the past 16 years. Her extensive work on inner bonding with oneself in order to heal one's inner wounds is impressive. She emphasizes the need to talk to and nurture our inner child. The part in us that's still the little boy or girl in our adult bodies crying out for affection and understanding. Seeking reassurance and healing from past painful wounds inflicted by others or life circumstances.

    I've read her work and followed her articles and podcasts on her website and network. But I've never appreciated the principle behind her ideas until I started cuddling. Especially because all my cuddle partners so far have been men, I've had a ton of inner bonding to do with the little girl I abandoned over 30 years ago.

    Interacting in these discussion threads almost six months ago has revealed needs I didn't realize I had. And equally important became the muse to start these threads that have become an important tool in my efforts to bond with my inner child. I don't need disclosure of any kind of personal information to explore that process. It certainly isn't the only tool I'm using. But what it does is attune my thinking to
    a deeper mindfulness that has been invaluable in my daily private meditations. And it allows me to creatively and objectively put my thoughts and feelings into perspective. It gives me insight I haven't had in years. Some I've never had. And interestingly enough it has earned me connections on this site I only dreamed of a year ago.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    In this cuddle game it often pays to play dumb and let people's true intentions play themselves out. When their intentions are not pure it doesn't take much to see it when they don't get what they want.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    "I leave that up to you" is another statement of disposal some use to end a connection with out feeling bad about it or appearing mean to the one being dumped .

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