I think I’m done welcoming.

ReltvlyCanshes

Since I’ve been on CC and browsed my area, within 100 miles, I’ve always welcomed new comers. I like the idea of getting comfortable with this experience or exercise with some one as new as me. I’ve learned that what i get in return is a thank you and that’s it. I do t want to harass anyone or bother them, i just want to start a 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. Maybe i expect to much in return, but I’m ok with that. I just want to build a mutual relationship where we bot get what we seek.

I find i get more reaction or correspondence from people out of reach. Maybe that’s the gift CC gives me. I have learned a lot and opened up a lot in forums. I’m just frustrated i guess. I know I’m not the first to feel this way, i just wanted to say it.

Kabocha

@BashfulLoner I hear you!

I do same idea. I send out greeting Messages as well
(Sadly I dont have time respond back if they decide to reply..
(More than half don’t reply back to my messages)
Most of my greeting messages are meant to be
quick hello and Good Luck on cuddlecomfort!)

Sidenote: Apologize in advance if anyone has received a message from me and haven’t reply back yet. I will only try my best to respond to most of them. (To be honest)

PeopleLikeUs

I've had luck with placing my profile in an area that is like 1 1/2 or 2 hours away. It's like I become the new guy in the area. I give it a couple of weeks and inevitably someone visits or messages. Then when I book a cuddle I just make a day of it. I also have taken long train trips or drives and placed my profile ahead of where I going. I get a lot done and meet new people on the train, book coffee in a town, get off the train and meet the potential cuddler and decide whether to stay or go. All my best cuddles have been when I'm out driving on trips.

FarSnuggl

@BashfulLoner When you reach out to people, are you disappointed because they don't try to keep the conversation/connection going and you haven't been able to find a cuddle buddy?
When I reach out to females a lot of the times they will look at my profile which is a sign that they read my message. A lot of those times I don't even get a reply. I don't take it personally. I just see it as us not being a match, and I move on. I don't think that you are bothering or harassing anyone by reaching out unless you do it excessively.

ReltvlyCanshes

@FarSnuggl im reaching out and it’s not leading to at least conversation. That’s the point where i feel like if i keep pursuing i feel at that point I’m harassing. When i say persuing i mean engaging. I just want to chat and build a relationship that might lead to more, meaning a cuddle.

Today i, just tired of not getting g to that point. It’s me, i know, I’m just venting.

mb0

I can tell by your posts that you're very frustrated trying to meet enthusiast women here. I understand. Actually, meeting women, here or elsewhere, is an inherently frustrating experience for most men. Women have so many more prospects, whether for dating or friendship, that it can be really hard to get over that initial hump and get a woman's interest.

But here's the thing: it's not supposed to be as hard as it is on this site. It's much, much harder here than it is elsewhere. If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. And they're not on this site (with a few exceptions, of course). There are literally zero non-pro women within 50 miles of you who have been on the site in the last week.

This site is particularly bad, but IMO dating apps are also pretty bad for men. All these apps and sites just enlarge the natural asymmetry between men's and women's experience. It makes women feel like they have dozens or hundreds of options; how can you possibly stand out among that crowd?

Anyway, to come to the point: meet women in person. Go to meetups where women will be or take a dance class or do yoga or go to some other event. I know, it's a pain in the ass. Believe me, I sympathize. I keep not doing it and just coming to the site instead. But if you do it at least you will be at a place where women are.

ReltvlyCanshes

@mb0 i agree. I’ve never been an online type of guy. I do find it easier to express myself here tbh. But it’s much easier for me to meet women in real life. The problem is i don’t know how to convert that to platonic cuddles.

ReltvlyCanshes

I’m probably frustrated with dinner, don’t mind me

FarSnuggl

@BashfulLoner I know that its easier said than done, but you shouldn't feel like if you are harassing people. Like I mentioned as long as your not sending one person messages in excess then your good. Like me I'll only reach out to one person 2 times. I wait a couple months or more before reaching out again that second time. Also, have you tried dating apps? You can also find cuddle buddies on there.

ReltvlyCanshes

Yeah, dating apps aren’t for me. Maybe if i went there looking for cuddle buddies, but i don’t feel like i can find them there.

littermate

@BashfulLoner I feel you and empathize. It's been nice to be on this site a while and get to know you a bit through the forum.

Unsolicited advice follows -- take it or leave it...

I want you to know I hear you and I also want to contribute what I can to you having more of the conversations you'd like to have. I gave you this feedback a while back - I think the combo of your profile pic and your user name are working against you. I saw someone else give you the same input. Change it to Sweethearted and post a profile pic of a big smile. Maybe it will make no difference but it would have with me. I was wary of you when I first tripped across you because of the combo--the word "loner" plus the hiding in the profile pic might make some not even look further. You're a sweet fellow and I'd just recommend, even though it's not within the man code, leading with that. My two cents.

mb0

@BashfulLoner "The problem is i don’t know how to convert that to platonic cuddles."

Sure, that's a hurdle. I mean if you are comfortable enough with them you can just ask. In any case I think it's easier to get to cuddles with women who like you than with women who won't even acknowledge your existence.

In the meantime there's always pros.

FWIW I 100% agree with @littermate 's advice. I think most women will read the name "BashfulLoner" as basically equivalent to "CreepyLoser". Not that it would practically do much good to change it IMO, but it couldn't hurt. (My username kind of sucks too... I just don't think it would make a difference to change it.)

exsanguinate

I get where you’re coming from, OP. I like to hang around outside busy places—like grocery stores or malls—and enthusiastically greet people on their way inside.

I usually just get a “hello”, or a “hey”. Quick nods are also common, unfortunately.

I’ll tell you what, after nine hours in the local Best Buy’s parking lot without having made any new friends, I get a little angry. One time a lady blasted me with pepper spray after I grabbed her shoulders and shook her while screaming “LOVE ME”.

The nerve of some people.

ReltvlyCanshes

@exsanguinate great minds think alike. After i took some jujitsu classes and mastered my take down method, i started getting all the attention i needed. More, in fact, than i wanted. So i took a part time job at Bakers (women’s shoe store) and let the game come to me.....

ubergigglefritz

@BashfulLoner I disagree on the assessment of your username. It comes across purely as just unthreatening. There are a lot of men on here looking for more. Your username makes you feel approachable. In my opinion. 😇

Sweethearted, ugh, that would just make you sound like a player, lol. But to each his or her own. Can't please everyone. 😇

littermate

@mb0
Not so much about loser. I think guys think that way.

We think, I can't see you, you're not smiling, potentially dangerous. While guys are busy trying to look man enough, with stern looks and big muscles, sometimes that translates to us as scary. When my first cuddler and I were getting to know each other, his displayed muscles, no smiles and emphasis on cool in his pics instead of friendly almost lost me at first. It was in exchanging with him that I found he was warm, kind, nice, gentle. In meeting him I could see he was a total sweetheart in the first minute. Sure some of us women love "manly" but even more we love "safe." So that profile pic and name count for everything at first glance. Make it warm and friendly, not cool, bad and hidden. The guys will think you're a badass, the women will pass.

littermate

Check out @Kneadie1. Best photos I've seen on CC.

ubergigglefritz

A lot of people have hidden pictures on here because they're concerned about being recognized. I'm pretty used to it. But if he's looking for an enthusiast, your feedback is probably more useful than mine. 😇

littermate

@ubergigglefritz totally. I don't have a photo. But I say why and send one when I feel connected. Not so much about that (for me anyway) as the first impression of type of pic plus username. I'd sometimes has a funny username and no pic I'll click on them.

And yeah, different world. I think if I were a pro, I'd have a different way of screening and more motivation to cuddle whover had the money and was safe. I'd probably have more time to cuddle too. For us nonpros with other jobs, there's only so many we have time for. To me first impression is everything in that scenario.

ubergigglefritz

Yeah, but still it's different preferences. As an enthusiast looking for a casual cuddle buddy, something like sweetheart would be an initial turnoff. I love "bashfulloner". 😇 But I fit in better with other people who often feel alone and are seeking connection and acceptance. Ha. Just goes to show that you should always make a username that jives with you, if your goal is to find a good fit and not just someone, anyone, as fast as possible. You can't make everyone happy, but you will do so for someone who would get you, if you just stay true to yourself. 🤷

ubergigglefritz

*on the other hand, my comment may inspire him to change his username if my impression and attraction to it is completely inaccurate. 😆

littermate

Yep, see your point. I guess all we can do is offer our unique perspective in case it's useful.

ReltvlyCanshes

All of the input is helpful

littermate

Glad. Offered in the spirit of caring to be sure @BashfulLoner.

FarSnuggl

@BashfulLoner @mb0
 "The problem is i don’t know how to convert that to platonic cuddles."

You can try asking the person what they do for fun or to relax on their free time. When they tell you what they like to do then you can mention the things that you like to do for fun or to relax. At the end just add cuddling to that list. You can then try asking if they like to cuddle. If they say yes then you can try suggesting that maybe you should get together sometime to cuddle (if it's in person then try doing it in a flirting/joking type of way).

calineur

I’ll tell you what, after nine hours in the local Best Buy’s parking lot without having made any new friends, I get a little angry. One time a lady blasted me with pepper spray after I grabbed her shoulders and shook her while screaming “LOVE ME”.

After i took some jujitsu classes and mastered my take down method, i started getting all the attention i needed. More, in fact, than i wanted. So i took a part time job at Bakers (women’s shoe store) and let the game come to me.....

@exsanguinate @BashfulLoner that is some funny stuff. You must have been watching too many PUA videos.

@exsanguinate your style seems to have a familiar ring to it...🤔

To all other commenters, this is a useful thread and I'm glad the OP started it.

Groucho

It's cliched, but the working definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

You can change the Username. You can change the pictures. There's no way to get a hit without getting up to bat. It's a numbers game. More at-bats, more hits.

Your pics #2 and #4 are ok, I'd lose the other two

Groucho

@BashfulLoner

You must have theories. Is it a function of wanting enthusiasts rather than Pros?

Is it reluctance by women to cuddle interracially?

ReltvlyCanshes

@groucho i do have theories, i doubt its a real big issue with my profile. I do understand some changes may help but i don’t think any of those changes will cause some one to decide to say Hello, or respond in the smallest fashion.

I’m sure pro’s would be a very different dynamic, i have dialogued with them. It’s the choosing not to respond that troubles me. After a simple welcome or hello. When you know they received the message and checked the profile But it ends there.

mb0

@BashfulLoner "It’s the choosing not to respond that troubles me. After a simple welcome or hello."

Well try to have some empathy for the women. Imagine you woke up one day and had 70 unread messages in your cuddlecomfort inbox. Would you respond to all of them? I doubt it, but maybe you would. Now imagine something even stronger: imagine your whole life you had more people wanting to be your friend, wanting to be close to you, wanting to have sex with you than you could possibly deal with. Can you see how you'd just get in the habit of ignoring or quickly dismissing people when possible? That's the situation many young women are in.

When I say "have some empathy", I don't mean feel bad for them. (Although there are other threads that imply that women have it harder than men because they get so much more interest... which is just absurd.) When I say have some empathy, I just mean try to understand their motivation. It's not malicious... it's just a perfectly reasonable response to their situation.

ReltvlyCanshes

I understand all that @mb0 and i agree, that’s why i was just speaking to my frustration. I explained what frustrates me and my thought on how I’d avoid the frustration.