Question for male cuddle enthusiasts

Have any of you guys found a non-pro cuddle enthusiast to cuddle with on a regular basis who didn't drop you as soon as they found a new relationship? It seems like over and over again non-pro female cuddlers are only using this site as something to do between relationships...is that what its supposed to be for? just a stop-gap between relationships?
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the cuddle experiences I had with them but it just feels sad that it ends after a few weeks or a month or two simply because you're no longer useful/needed since they found a guy on tinder or okcupid etc.

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Comments

  • I think as someone begins cuddling there need or desire will begin to wain a little bit. Their touch deprivation will be lessened and might begin to seek cuddles less frequently. Another thought is after cuddling they built confidence and formed a relationship and have less time for cuddle partners.

    So to answer your question, no i haven’t experienced it but it doesn’t surprise me.

  • I can't say I've found a regular cuddle partner in general whether it be enthusiast or pro. And yes some do Im sure use CC as " stop gap " as you say when they're not getting their need for physical touch met other places IE a relationship. Have they actually told you this is their reasoning or are you just assuming this is what's going on because whatever reason you lose touch with them ?

  • Honestly, as I’m sure you suspected, it depends on the person. Probably about half of the enthusiasts I have met with fit your description, but with the others, some have moved out of the city, some have decided to become pros once they gained enough experience, and with the rest life just got in the way and both sides got busy and drifted apart.

    It may be hard to view it this way, but cherish the fact that it happened and you experienced positive platonic intimacy with a willing partner, and keep reaching out to others with whom you may mesh. You never know what wonderful people you will meet on here until you have the opportunity.

  • I think in most cases, if I’ve communicated with some one awhile they may see it beneficial to become a pro, and that’s that. But i think the first person i talked to on the site, shortly after joining started a relationship with someone on the site never to be heard from again. Despite the purpose of CC some use this as a dating site and if they are on all the other sites as well a soon as they catch a fish they stop fishing.

  • edited January 30

    @hugonehugall yes they've said clearly that was the reason.
    Even had someone who was busy over the holidays say we would meet in early January but she ghosted me when i reached out and asked her what happened she said she met a guy and got serious so didn't need more cuddles.
    As for the idea that once you cuddle you dont need it as much. I think the opposite is true. Once you get some cuddles you tend to need it more. If you go years without it you can learn to live without but have it occasionally and you miss it sooner. At least that's been my experience

  • edited January 30

    A lot of people focus on their person for cuddling etc when in a relationship not just women. Stands to reason that many people would focus their time and attention on their primary relationship. They arent committed to only cuddling one person, and if someone comes along who fulfills their needs on a deeper level then they are likely to not go elsewhere for the cuddle stuff.

  • Not personally because all of my non pro cuddles have been one offs or two and done but in meeting non pro cuddlers I recall two women I cuddled with that told me of this kind of thing happening to them.
    One was actually pretty sad that her regular cuddle had moved on so that’s why we met because she was still trying to get people to cuddle with. The other person took it more in stride and it wasn’t as sad but she still told me that it sucked that her regular cuddle had found a partner and moved on.

    So yes, CC is like an oasis where people come to get their need for platonic intimacy met but as soon as they are back in a relationship where things are more traditional the need for cuddles from this site wanes or just stop altogether.

  • I'm not a guy but may have something to lend here. Like has been said, my sense is most people seem to not like it if their monogamous partner cuddles other people. Even if one doesn't use this site to find a partner, chances are if you're young and open to it, you'll find one sooner or later, here or otherwise, and chances are you either won't need, or your partner won't be cool with, cuddling outside the relationship. I think potentially folks in relationships who are cuddling might be more stable cuddle partners since they aren't out shopping for a relationship and there's something in their committed relationship that either calls for or allows outside cuddling. I also think that there's a higher chance that older people, women at least, are more likely to be happy with a consistent cuddle relationship (rather than shopping for one that fits the cultural template) because we aren't so focused on finding "the one." We've already had "the one" and "the two" and "the three" and we know where it leads, so are interested in a more independent arrangement.

    My regular cuddle partner is partnered. His partner knows he's cuddling. We've cuddled 5 times and I'm finding that I'm preferring that regular cuddle thing to one-offs just because I know it works, I like him, and it's a hassle getting to know and screen people in order to cuddle them. Just the logistics of it is work! I was reflecting on that today - how there are many of us on here who are actually looking for platonic cuddling relationship - something that endures, maybe even deepens, that is kept in the platonic realm. I'm loving it and I wish that for others and think that maybe shooting for partnered or older people for it might up one's chances for something to endure.

  • @soloforever ” she ghosted me when i reached out and asked her what happened she said she met a guy and got serious so didn't need more cuddles.”

    If she responds to you and explained why she’s not interested, she didn’t ghost you. That is the opposite of ghosting.

  • "It is better to have cuddled and lost, than never to have cuddled at all" . . . apparently.

  • edited January 30

    I welcome cuddle buddies to use me as a safe haven, a spring board or stop over in any way and for any reason they want. Life's to short

  • edited January 30

    ...is that what its supposed to be for? just a stop-gap between relationships?

    Bingo.

    It seems to me that cuddling is something that one does when there is a need, and that the filling of that need, once fulfilled or changed, will no longer be sought.
    Even pros may have changed circumstances that make them no longer available for any number of reasons. I believe that paid cuddling is something that women do to fill an immediate monetary need for them and not as a storefront where she is regularly available at specific times and days.
    As for enthusiasts, I have met with at least 4 from this site. With one, we met once and cuddled in a public place, but there was no desire from me to meet her again. Another we just met and talked at a restaurant. A third we took a walk and held hands, but she didn't seem to be interested in meeting again (I was under the impression that she was looking for a relationship, not a cuddle partner). A fourth we cuddled twice but for literally less than 10 minutes each time and she did not communicate with me other than when she had the spur of the moment thought to cuddle.
    Even with my favorite pro cuddle partners my need to see them changed after time. Instead I would seek new ones just for the novelty of cuddling someone new. But there just is such a small supply and even less availability it seems that one needs to be creative at finding other options.

  • edited January 30

    @soloforever

    It is perhaps a loss for you, but a gain for the one that found what they wanted.

    I approach cuddle buddy relationships with the mindset that I want what’s best for my cuddle buddy, even if it means goodbye.

  • edited January 30

    The intimacy of cuddling lends itself to be emotionally confusing -- one of the reasons I've staked-out the mental territory of treating my sessions like a visit to a professional like a personal trainer, massage therapist, etc. It keeps me in a place where I don't expect any significant emotional residue inside or outside the session, or anything long-term. Seems @soloforever you've crossed a line with your own boundaries in regards to emotional attachment with your cuddle partners.

    I've had repeat (pro) cuddles, some over a prolonged period i.e., 5 sessions over 8 or 10 months, or say 3 to 4 sessions over the course of 6 or 8 weeks with some more intense connections. And of course 1-offs. My experience with cuddle enthusiasts has been rather poor in so far as the initial communications seem promising, then things get haphazard, or drop off completely. I'm attempting to connect more with enthusiasts, but it's been an uphill battle.

    I don't entertain emotional attachments with my platonic cuddle partners, and would like to think my sense of intimacy vs romance would allow me to NOT take offense if someone cut off communication (ghosted me), or chose to move on because they found someone they wanted to be in a romantic relationship with.

    Consider working out a thought process for yourself regarding your sense intimacy vs romance and sensuality vs sexuality. Being able to discuss this is key in communicating with any would-be cuddle partner -- enthusiast or professional.

  • Herby you're flat wrong in your assessment. Its perfectly normal to be sad that some lovely person i cuddled with and spent weeks or months getting to know moved on and i wont be seeing them anymore. Your suggestion that any attachment boundaries were crossed is insulting and really nonsensical.
    Only a sociopath would feel nothing at all when a cuddler they were seeing says goodbye.

  • @soloforever from my vantage point, consider yourself lucky you got this far. I’m strictly only looking for enthusiasts and I’m going on two years and never cuddled. Not even close. So if I’m hearing from you right, even if I did find someone, it won’t be steady. Uhhhh this site is just not working out for me at all.

  • @soloforever word! Though I don't sense @herby357 is a psychopath, and I know what he's saying about trying to keep things emotionally clear for himself, I too am totally bond-y with my cuddle partner and would be sad if he suddenly wasn't available. So I just want to say, woot! woot! for standing up for your heart.

    I think we all approach this cuddling thing differently - some transactionally, some more relationally - and it's all good. It's totally possible to have a snuggly platonic relationship that grows its roots into your heart. That sounds human to me! It gets into dangerous territory when we get bond-y with someone who is transactional. We have to watch what eggs we put in what basket if we want to not get dumped on our heads when we've made someone we've hired to snuggle us be more to us than they are offering, or when one nonpro is more "cuddle me and see ya later" and we're more the bond-y sort.

    I like a little relating with my cuddling.

  • edited January 30

    @soloforever I'm not wrong, we simply have a different approaches to cuddling. At the end of the day, this is not a dating site, but a "platonic cuddling" site. And as a practical matter, it's design is literally transactional.

    I've experienced the textbook definition of "transference" in a therapeutic/healing environment over the course of my life's journey. From that experience, I've come know and understand that a certain emotional discipline is required in a "platonic" scenario with someone you're attracted to. Not only is this discipline useful, it's respectful to someone that has given you the gift of sharing an intimate space with them in a non-romantic way.

    Your assessment of my perspective as "Nonsensical," or the musings of a "Sociopath" speaks more to your need for further emotional development than my lack thereof. You posited a question, and I answered it -- if you're looking for "romantic love," unfortunately, this is not the venue.

    My disciplined development has facilitated my cuddle partners and I connecting in fulfilling, healing, and rejuvenating sessions. Mostly because we communicate and come to an understanding of each others perspectives and expectations prior to cuddling. More importantly, this communication has allowed us to earnestly share vulnerable parts of ourselves with love and compassion. And it's not "romantic love" -- but love of our fellow human being.

    I love you brother, and I don't even know you. Further, I understand your need at attempting to insult/attack me comes from a place of pain, immaturity, and a lack of nuanced emotional development.

    Take time to understand the 5 types of attraction, and how you can love, and give, and be intimate, platonically, or without falling in love. Missing someone is different from the "heart break" you described from my perspective. At this juncture, the intimacy, healing, and rejuvenation that true "platonic" cuddling can provide is beyond your reach.

    I wish you well in your journey.

  • mb0mb0
    edited January 30

    @Riverside77 "I’m going on two years and never cuddled... So if I’m hearing from you right... Uhhhh this site is just not working out for me at all."

    Two years! Look, we're all friends here, I sincerely mean no offense, but how does it take you two years to realize this?! I just did the same check with your location I've done with some others: in your area, there are about 16 non-pro women and 204 non-pro men. If you walked into a bar that was absolutely packed with men and had just a couple women sitting in the corner, would you think "Great, I'm going to meet some fun women tonight"?

  • @mb0 ummmmm.... I was hopeful. There was a time I was considering hiring a pro but something clicked in my head that I wanted more than what a pro can give me. I realized I needed a friend. But there are no “friend making sites.” Only dating sites. I have a fantastic wife. She is my best friend. I’m so lucky to have her. But outside of her, there’s no one. Sometimes you just need a friend too. I was hoping to find someone I didn’t have to pay to care. This is not the place for me.

  • @soloforever

    I see nothing wrong with missing someone who says goodbye. I think it’s part of being human to miss someone you have had a connection with, even if it is platonic. I wish you luck.

  • The thing is that most people don't want their bf/gf to cuddle with other people

  • edited January 31

    With all due respect @herby357 (and I do mean that--you've shared some great insight about you're navigating this out-of-the-box cuddleverse and you seem well-intentioned and smart)--yes @soloforever had some direct words. From where I sit, he told you that you were wrong about him, that he's normal, that your suggestion was insulting (it was) and nonsensical (in his world anyway), and he doesn't call you a sociopath - he says someone who felt nothing when a cuddler they've bonded with says goodbye would be a sociopath.

    That probably stung. No fun to be called wrong when you're trying to be helpful.

    You might take a look at why @soloforever was so forceful. IMO, your share in response to him crossed a line. You (probably unwittingly) condescendingly diagnosed him and recommended treatment when all he said was "I'm sad." I don't know if you realize it, but your latest post was also condescending, and peppered with thinly disguised insults while telling him how you love him. I think you were more tweaked by his saying you were wrong than you realized.

  • Speaking for myself, I’d hope to develop a cuddle relationship that I’d long for if ended. I’d also like to keep myself in the position to not be to attached to something either of us are committed too. Hopefully if cuddling ended a friendship could last even if it’s in passing or Christmas cards.
    I do t want my experience to be absolutely transactional at all. I am seeking a platonic relationship. So i feel the OP, and wish him to be be slightly more compartmental but not totally opposite of what he feels.

    Also i think I’m on here around 377 days now and haven’t found what i seek yet. I don’t feel I’m desperate at all, because if i was Plenty of Fish is there for me to find my touch need. Plenty of places where lonely people gather to find the minimum connection we need. I am not here for that.

  • And bedsore i sign off for the night, and someone decides to breakdown or counter my statement about my thoughts.....i said what i said. @soloforever best of luck

  • Hee hee, the only thing I'd counter @BashfulLoner is that you meant "before" not "bedsore." But it was good for a laugh.

  • @littermate i said what i said! But with spellchecking

  • I figured @BashfulLoner. I've had a few of those. They crack me up every time.

  • Big smile. <3

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