The second hit on a side in volleyball is the “set” which sets up the “spike”. The first hit is often a “bump”, which takes a lot of the momentum out of the other teams spike. Ideally the bump passes the ball to the front center player on your own side. (That’s the setter). Then that player has a choice of setting to their right or left.
@Lucas_ i wasnt seeking advice. I certainly wouldnt ask either of you for advice. I have had some good cuddling experiences with non pros and pros alike. Suggesting i am at fault for women not needing cuddling anymore is truly hard to understand. That makes no sense. Calling an idea nonsensical is not the same as name calling. You need to learn the difference.
@soloforever You are fine. Nothing wrong with you. Get a laugh from the people chastising people for offering unsolicited advice when they are the greatest offenders of injecting themselves and doing the exact same thing. Life is one supreme joke.
@littermate I would strongly suspect that you have never cuddled with a pro.
@geoff1000 True that.
That's the first time I've heard anyone seem to denigrate the idea of the enthusiast cuddler. It's worth pointing out that this site was originally founded by and for enthusiasts, to give them a way to find each other. Pros weren't even permitted on the site in the early years. People found to be charging got booted. I welcome pros now, and I'm glad they are here. But to think that a person who comes here in the spirit of the site's original intent is "just looking to save some money" seems odd, as if paying to snuggle was a more normative experience than finding a cuddle buddy.
I have cuddled with dozens of pros as well as 14 enthusiasts. I have enjoyed both, but the dynamic of enthusiast cuddles is completely different than that of pro cuddles. There are also different upsides and downsides to both arrangements. For me, at least, saving money is not a major part of the interest in non-pros. I do agree that it makes no sense to want "exclusivity," either with a pro or an enthusiast.
Word.
I’m kind of amazed anyone would think a woman in a new relationship would keep cuddling them. She has a partner now with whom she can cuddle anytime she wants. She doesn’t need your cuddles anymore. Get over it
I'm still struggling with the idea that a female pro who has many cuddle partners, is different to a female enthusiast who has many cuddle partners ; and hence the latter is somehow 'better' in some way other than being cheaper. It's probably true that female pros are more likely to be in a relationship ; but that shouldn't affect platonic cuddling, and it does mean they won't quit the site by finding one. What if I were a billionaire, and the income from my investments meant that $200 an hour was like 20 cents, would I still prefer someone for free ? What if the female pro won the lottery and decided that it wasn't worth collecting the money, so reverted to being an enthusiast ?
I'm also struggling to get over the 'attractiveness" issue. I cannot think of many characteristics that I would want in a sexual / romantic partner, that I would specifically not want in a platonic cuddle partner ; nymphomania is an obvious exception. 😀 That means I can't think of charactistics that I would judge "attractive" in a cuddle partner, but "unattractive" in a sexual / romantic partner. That means my cuddle partner "attractiveness" list is just a cut-down version of my sexual / romantic partner "attractiveness" list ; it isn't different.
I can imagine a straight woman wanting to platonically cuddle another woman ; in which case their list may well be different. They probably want a woman who doesn't look too much like a man.
@geoff1000 it seems strange that this has to be spelled out for you, but the appeal of an enthusiast over a pro is that most of us would prefer to cuddle someone who wants to be there with us and isn’t just doing it for money.
I like to believe that (most of) the pros I cuddled legitimately had a good time with me, but the fact is I paid them to be there, and that will never be the same as someone who spends time with me only because she wants to.
For Real.
@mb0 +1 can i at least pretend in my mind that I’m being equally benefitted.
I know a lot of people prefer pro cuddlers not only for professionalism but the client gets 100% of the attention. It’s all about them. I definitely understand why enthusiasts are sought out but you may not get as much attention.
I don't think we need to have a contest. Different worlds, different strokes for different folks (haha). Both worlds have a ton of loveliness to them when it works. Yay everybody.
@littermate I agree ☺️ I find sometimes when the topic comes, it always seems like a contest. I understand the appeal of both sides. As long as it’s an awesome platonic connection, we belong on this site 💖💖
I know you do @Sheena123. And totally.
In case any of my words were clumsy above, I want it to be clear that I see two worlds (pro/enthusiast) coexisting that are blessings to many. I just wanted to offer my desire that we (all of us) not go down the ancient road of arguing two sides of something, when there are as many valid perspectives as there are people on this site. In case it was going to go that way.
I started that thread praising pros for a reason. Sometimes you guys are painted as mercenary when you're hearts are doing a valuable service that many deeply appreciate.
to you @Sheena123 and much respect and a bow to everyone's experience here.
Pros are great
💖💖💖💖
@mb0 If it is in your mind while with a pro, that you had to pay them, and that diminishes your experience ; is it not also in your mind when with a female enthusiast who has several other partners, that they have several other partners, and if so, does that not also diminish your experience ?
Some males get upset when a female enthusiast finds a "traditional" partner, but they would be presumably equally upset if that poly-cuddlist female enthusiast chose a "monogamous" cuddle partner who wasn't them ; and I suggest the fear associated with that risk, would diminish the experience.
I'm just suggesting that if one has to put out of one's mind for the time, that the cuddling experience with a female enthusiast may be the last, for whatever reason ; it is no harder to put out of one's mind that payment was needed. The rate is not exactly a King's ransom ; and most experiences with an enthusiast female will have a cost for transport / facilities, which the male will be paying.
I could imagine that payment to a pro, is like payment to their employer so they will be allowed time off work, to see me on an "enthusiast" basis ; although that might then seem like payment to a pimp who has enslaved them.
@geoff1000 with all due respect, I find your perspective on this and other issues foreign enough that I don’t think we’ll ever be on the same page, so I’ll stop trying to explain my point of view on this one.
Depends on the enthusiast and the nature of the cuddleship. My pal and I are 4 to 2 with him coming to me more but the gas is probably negligible. We cuddle at my place (or his) because we've established a trusting cuddling relationship, so that's free. I wouldn't ghost him for the world as I deeply appreciate the cuddling we're doing and what it adds to my world. I think it's going so well that neither of us is rabidly looking for other cuddling partners given our schedules, though there isn't any exclusive agreement and I think we're both open to other cuddles if they came along and felt right. Neither of us is looking for a "relationship" so it appears to be likely to go on until something changes for one of us. And given mature human relating that includes communication and respect for another person's heart when you're buddies, we're likely to have a nice respectful and warm goodbye if and when the time comes. Who knows, maybe we'll still be cuddling when we're in our 90s?
Why would several other cuddling partners diminish one's experience? Given that these cuddleships are platonic, and given that humans are able to have many platonic friends, why would going to a movie with Friend A diminish your experience of going to a movie with Friend B?
Well said, @littermate: romantic and sexual relationships may be limited, but friendship shouldn't be.
@geoff1000 says,
I'm also struggling to get over the 'attractiveness" issue. I cannot think of many characteristics that I would want in a sexual / romantic partner, that I would specifically not want in a platonic cuddle partner ... I can't think of charactistics that I would judge "attractive" in a cuddle partner, but "unattractive" in a sexual / romantic partner... my cuddle partner "attractiveness" list is just a cut-down version of my sexual / romantic partner "attractiveness" list ; it isn't different.
Yes.
Think of it this way: most people don't feel only sexual/romantic attraction for their sexual/romantic partner. There's usually a lot of platonic attraction, too. So cut "sexually/romantically attractive" out of the list of things you look for in a cuddle buddy, and hey ho! You're set.
No other changes are necessary to make that list platonic.
An "attraction" list doesn't need to be "platonic." Only behavior does. Trying to sub-divide and analyse attraction is like conversation on a honeymoon: unnecessary.
@geoff1000 @mb0 it seems to me that both of your arguments are valid, just viewing from different perspectives.
After seeing pro cuddlers for a while, I am leaning towards enthusiasts now for two reasons: 1 is to save money, and 2 is because I realized that I may want to keep her as a friend. Sure, a pro can be a friend. But what happens when one decides to no longer maintain the business relationship? Will the friendship still exist?
That being said though, if I decided to cuddle someone who I wanted to cuddle, and would be able to say for how long, where, and when, and to be sure no attachment would occur, a pro is the way to go.
@Storydoctor1138 I agree with the first sentence. But I am sure the second one is exaggerated, no doubt.
@DarrenWalker's logical argument is valid and understandable. From the point of view of someone who cuddles for enjoyment, however, the thought of cuddling with someone with whom one would otherwise be sexually attracted carries a lot of weight in both the selection process and the decision to pay money for it. I simply make a conscious decision to maintain a platonic interaction with whomever I cuddle.
Just because somebody is a "Pro" doesn't mean you'll have a better experience. Some are just as disinterested and boring as anybody else.
@Kense So true. One of my first experiences with a pro I was wondering if she could articulate a sentence. But it applies to all professions. As George Carlin once said as a matter of perspective on if you think things are bad for you:
I will leave you with this—somewhere there is the worst doctor. And someone has an appointment with them in the morning!
BBC News : Dr Ian Paterson