Sometimes we rush to judgment.

edited February 5 in General

Assuming TryaLittle was booted prematurely, or in error... how can we set the record straight? I appreciate the community watch approach to keeping this site on a platonic track. But I’m troubled by the possibility that we were on the wrong side of the pitchfork on this one.

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Comments

  • I agree, we may need to be a little patience, i believe she came back and left because she probably was disheartened by her treatment and left. I know there was a few others we gave some grief recently but I’m sure they deserved it. Hopefully for the most part people come here with good intentions and we welcome them.

  • It's possible to call a spade a spade and not be mean. If we keep to our direct experience and observations, rather than going to town with our assumptions, it might be a kinder, gentler place to make a mistake.

  • I couldnt agree more Holden, we should be more patient and less judgmental, not rush to judgment so quickly. We should stick with the approach that the person is innocent until proven guilty, rather than the quick approach of declared guilty even without a trial or looking at all sides.

    I truly feel bad for those who come here or sites like this and have these bad experiences, being accused of wrongdoing and being questioned/temporarily banned, etc without any reason at all, just bad luck or people misinterpreting their profiles or what they shared, etc.

    I am troubled by this too and if this happens to one, it is too many. Thanks for starting this thread and i hope those who participate in this forum will not rush to judgment so quickly in the future.

  • I have to say..... to send out a private message to our gatekeepers and sort of let THEM “keep an eye out” makes way more sense to me. I went back and read that thread over and over (as well as a few other times this has come up)... Not to be a devils advocate but there have been numerous comments that I thought were neutral and could be construed either way unfortunately leading to a public shaming. ITS AN ENTHUSIAST SPEAKING HERE.... it’s only my opinion, but forums are not the easiest place to gauge intentions without a lot of speculation. Maybe a silent shout out would’ve been a slightly better option.

  • @sillysassy I totally agree. I’m the one that reported her. I read through her comments about charging over and over and not once did I see her mention a different job so if she’s talking about charging even though she isn’t a pro, all I could think to do was let the mods know and have them sort it out. I’m just wondering if everything was legit with what she said about being a chef talking about her teaching prices as opposed to being an enthusiast charging, why did she have to create a different profile? I’m honestly curious as to how that works. I’m sorry I jumped on the gun so fast if she truly wasn’t charging cuddles, but it’s not something I ask the person because they could lie and it’s not my place to be a detective. I just let the mods know and have them sort it out.

    If anyone is upset at what I did, I’m sorry but I care about this community and fully trust the mods to do what’s right. She got upset at that and that’s my fault but truthfully, I’d do it again if another enthusiast talked about what she charges and doesn’t explain so there’s no confusion.

  • @MrPaul: As somebody whose legal name literally means "Judge"....

    But I get what you mean. It's just kind of a shame that "judging" pretty much always means "judging negatively" these days. Nothing wrong with judgment, so long as it's good! And yeah—rushed judgment isn't good judgment.

  • @Sheena123 this is an example of how we don’t come across the same way to everyone. I read her posts several times as well and it was clear to me she was speaking of her job and not cuddling. So at times one person can read one thing and someone else can get a totally different meaning.

  • There is only one true judge and savior . His name is Zorgo , and he lives in that lake

  • @pmvines I thought it was Kifflom.

  • edited February 6

    @cuddlebunny777 not to the true believers . Call me old fashioned but there can be only one !

  • @BashfulLoner unless you talked with her privately, I don’t know how you could have gotten the idea that she was talking about a different job. This is what she wrote. I’ve read it over and over again to see where my assumptions went wrong and I just don’t see it:

    There is no shame or need to disclaim) but I am a self-employed provider of services who has struggled somewhat with my relationship to money and my perceived value. i have an hourly fee and a lot of people would balk at paying it. But there are a few things to consider:

    it actually takes me at least three hours of work (preparation, coordination and clean-up) for an hour with a client.
    I prepare mentally and emotionally and spiritually as well so I can be very present and available to the person I’m working with
    I’ve settled on a number that’s high enough for me to not feel resentful or exhausted at the end of a job because I don’t want that energy near anything I’m doing. I’ll raise my prices more when I get to the point of preferring to feel excited and expansive (which I think can’t help but rub off on the person paying. It makes for a better experience all around).
    Volume isn’t always the goal. There are a lot of people that I wouldn’t want to work with. If their response to my prices is “Jesus that’s high! I’m not going to pay that!” I could spend some time explaining the benefits of working with me but the reality is they’ve just shown me that they’re not my people. I don’t bother explaining. I do not need to (nor can I) be everyone’s cup of tea.

    ——

    She doesn’t clarify at all what her job is so when she says all that on a topic of pro cuddling prices, I had no choice but to come to the assumption I did.

  • @Sheena123 I think the most important lesson to be gained with all this is that it's all your fault and you have total control over the actions and reactions of others . I also blame you for the current state of the American economy, and for the tornadoes that ripped through Central Alabama last night

  • @pmvines yeah, only one Kifflom 😁😁😁

  • @Sheena123 I can imagine that even if a moderator or admin was reading that, that it would come across the wrong way. I'm not one to pass judgement on anyone being a transgender woman and having to deal with being judged on a daily basis, not that I care, but maybe she should have clarified it a bit more just to get her point across correctly.

  • @cuddlebunny777 my God is bigger than your God

  • @pmvines lol guess I’ll take the blame 😹

    @cuddlebunny777 I felt iffy on it so I just let the mods deal with it. She certainly should have clarified but I guess if she didn’t think there was something wrong with it, then she wouldn’t have thought a clarification was in order. Oh well.

    It’s sad that there’s still judgement towards the transgender community but As long as people keep joining the community and helping when they can, the judgement will lessen just a little ☺️

  • @pmvines mine knows nothing, but knows everything *insert maniacal laugh

  • Kifflom and Zorgo are both pretty.

  • I was less suspicious, because of the "3 hours of work for an hour with the client" : that is a lot of work, meaning only 2 x 1 hour sessions in an 8 hour day, and the true hourly rate is only 1/5 of that having paid 15% to the site.

  • I don’t know @Sheena123 but the way she stated “ i am a provider of service” left me to believe it was something other that the topic we were on. But that’s how i read it, but i can see where your coming from.

  • @BashfulLoner for sure. Nothing is ever perceived exactly the same way by every single person, so I get that ☺️

  • Same as @BashfulLoner:

    I read "I am a self-employed provider of services who has struggled somewhat with my relationship to money and my perceived value" and assumed she was drawing a comparison between her struggles with placing a proper value on her time, and other professional women's difficulty with the same.

    When @Sheena123's comment made me realize @tryalittle's comment could be interpreted differently than the way I'd done it, I blinked like somebody running across that "two faces, one vase" illusion for the first time.

    Apparently my first interpretation was correct, but I think I'd better start paying more attention to my assumptions, just in case I'm not so lucky next time.

  • I also didn't read it as necessarily pertaining to her cuddling but in re-reading it I could totally see how someone would.

  • Maybe next time we should start with a PM, "Your message seems to be saying. .. . ."

  • Hindsight is 20/20, we will just have to do better next time. All is not lost, even in instances we get it wrong these individuals had some good interactions with people and may choose to comeback. I think it just initially shocking.

  • @BashfulLoner Yeah... as a group we immediately questioned her honesty and integrity and basically kicked her in the shins hard enough and long enough until she finally left. Oopsie? Sure, she may choose to come back. After all, she has another shin and what good are they unless they're a matching set?

    I just don't feel that a new poster on this site OWES any other person here (sans Mods) "clarification," especially when they come to the forum asking a question. Everyone is too quick to pile on, as if the first person to somehow have their suspicions confirmed wins a party favor. Unless something is downright blatant, maybe people here should keep their suspicions to themselves or maybe pass private messages between others like gossipy old hens use to do in closed neighborhoods. But how about "benefit of the doubt"? Or if someone feels like their head will literally explode if they don't poke their nose in and send a message to the New Kid, how about phrasing it like "you know, some touchy folks here might mistakenly misunderstand your profile. You might want to consider changing it so their heads won't explode."

    But the race to immediately rat someone out about some perceived possible egregious violation of policy is kind of gross and another example of having too many Platonic Nancys calling the Site Cops.

  • Platonic Nancys... ha ha ha

  • @StoryDoctor1138
    Seconded the PM idea. Rather like the "Netflix and chill" phrase ; that some people don't know, and others use to sneak under the radar.

  • edited February 8

    @StoryDoctor1138 i couldn't agree more with you! There's always the very same people on every single forum , playing The moderator of what's acceptable and what's not , or simply adding or taking validation on every new member's comments ...
    It happened to me when i first joined, they were quick to mark territory as if a new member will take over seniority or some sort of misconceived idea of a nonexistent "power of authority "
    I decided to stay out of the forums for months now , just enjoying the true benefits the site has to offer .

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