Cuddling with someone who's already in a relationship

How is it possible to cuddle with someone who's already in a relationship? What if his or her boyfriend or girlfriend finds out? Could things go completely wrong? If I were to cuddle with a woman and her boyfriend finds out... Yikes! I don't know what would I do. I probably wouldn't defend myself.



  • Saying "already" in a relationship (I assume you mean a romantic/sexual one?) implies that cuddling is also a romantic/sexual relationship.

    But I know what you mean.

    I'd advise making sure that, if your cuddle buddy is in a romantic or sexual relationship with somebody who isn't you (or with several somebodies who aren't you), they all know what's going on between you and their romantic/sexual partner. That way there won't be any unpleasant surprises.

  • If you keep the cuddle platonic, there shouldn't be a problem. If I were in your shoes, I would make sure the boyfriend was totally on board first; otherwise, I wouldn't take the chance. Hire a professional cuddler to be on the safe side.


    amateurs can be so immature

  • Most women's profiles I see on here say "in a relationship". Some reasons given are "I don't get enough cuddles from my partner", "I'm in a long-distance relationship", "he is away a lot on business", "I'm in a polyamorous relationship" etc. etc.

  • Not a problem if people know what’s up

  • @DarrenWalker

    Saying "already" in a relationship (I assume you mean a romantic/sexual one?) implies that cuddling is also a romantic/sexual relationship.

    No, it doesn't. PLEASE stop trying to read some kind of subversive "non-platonic" meaning into nearly everything people say. You knew what @MemberofLDS MEANT... if the other person cuddling is in a relationship with someone else who wouldn't understand the nature of a cuddle versus a date or more (you know, the thoughts you're always accusing people of having)... that being "caught" cuddling by the potentially jealous mate of the cuddler would be a delicate situation at best.

  • Forum bots...

  • If it became known that "in a relationship" of any sort was a serious put-off, those who are, would simply lie.
    Ghostbusters - "Are you The Keymaster ?"
    Jumanji 3 - "Are you The Brothers Kabbabick ?"
    The term is so wide, it could encompass many of us.

    A pro in a relationship is probably less of a problem to the "other half", because the large number of clients, reduces the risk of strong emotional connection with any particular one. Also the pro is not making any implied statement, about their other half's shortfall in that area ; a postman's wife would not say to him, "Do I not walk with you enough ?"

    If we are worried about jealousy, the person "in a relationship" may be more at risk ; as might be the case if it were a romantic / sexual assignation. Then we have to decide what to do ; and staying to be supportive, shows that the cuddling was "meaningful", which might make things worse.

    I don't know if the fact that it is platonic cuddling would help much ; some other-halves don't mind their partner having sex, others mind if their partner merely talks to someone else. The "problem" for them is the emotional connection, which can be very different ( higher or lower ) than the physical one.

  • edited February 8

    “How is it possible to cuddle with someone who's already in a relationship?”

    Two persons consent to cuddling together. One of the persons is in a relationship. The individual in the relationship lowers their force field, so that their single cuddle partner can approach them and initiate snuggling, without feeling as if they’re being swarmed by hornets or submerged in a pot of boiling oil.

    “What if his or her boyfriend or girlfriend finds out?”

    This assumes that their significant other doesn’t know. This is not ideal. As adults, it is best for those who are in relationships to do things in an adult manner, especially when it comes to things of a potentially incendiary nature.

    “Could things go completely wrong?”

    Yes, they can. It is entirely possible that the significant other doesn’t know about their partner cuddling others. Or they can find the whole situation distasteful. Neither of those potentialities are ideal. They could result in hurt feelings, vicious attacks, and even the single cuddler spending time in a kennel, dungeon, or a freezer—should the upset SO resort to drastic measures.

    Things could also go smoothly. There are a multitude of variables at work in such a scenario.

  • Cuddling with someone carries risk of harm, in so many ways.

    However, the greatest risk of harm is ( as with many "risky" activities ) probably greatest during the journey to and fro.

  • @MemberofLDS
    You said:

    “What if his or her boyfriend or girlfriend finds out?”

    This is pretty much the topic of every Jerry Springer show. I don’t think you want to be on Jerry’s show. So...

    Make sure your cuddle buddy’s partner knows up front by asking your cuddle buddy directly. It is possible that they did not disclose it, so ask more questions like “What did they say about it? Do they support you? What are their concerns? Try to be sure everyone is comfortable and on board before you start.

    Be honest, and be with honest people.

  • @StoryDoctor1138: Ah. So a question like "is it possible to feed someone who's already taken a walk?" doesn't imply that taking a walk = eating.

    Grammar. It's important.

    It's interesting that you think I'm trying read non-platonic meanings into stuff. Honestly, it's everywhere. The conflation of "cuddle buddy" with "romantic/sexual partner" is precisely why people have to be worried about cuddling folks in romantic or sexual relationships. If everyone understood that cuddling isn't sexual, no one would get decked for cuddling someone else's boy/girl/enbyfriend!

  • @MrPaul Jerry Springer was a fake reality show.

  • @MemberofLDS
    I think you understand my point. At least I hope so. Honesty works.

  • edited February 8

    More suppositions about someone asking a question after we had a thread about attacking a newer member that left based on assumptions made about them. The OP was asking a question about his concerns regarding the possible reaction of a spouse or bf/gf to them cuddling with someone else. I had the same concerns when I started because let’s face it—it is not widely accepted yet and there is a perception out there. In addition, some people are plain jealous and unpredictable.

    Instead, he gets attacked for supposedly introducing sexual components to his question (he did not) and comparisons to Jerry Springer. As @BashfulLoner stated in another thread—we can do better. Talk is cheap. Be better.

  • @FunCartel
    Did my comment come across as an attack? I did not intend that to be the case.

    I used the Jerry Springer reference because the fundamental driver of the show’s content (albeit fake) was deception, in contrast to honesty. It was my attempt to illustrate the consequences of deceptive behavior with a cultural reference.

  • edited February 9


  • If the dude finds out and doesn’t like it thats his problem

  • edited February 8

    @hugonehugall: To conflate two things is to combine the two into one, missing entirely the fact that they can be separated.

    So I was saying that cuddling doesn't have to be sexual/romantic (despite the fact that many people—perhaps most—conflate the two). Of course sometimes it is. But not always. Cuddling does not equal sex or romance. Don't make cuddling equivalent to sex or romance in your mind: that's all I'm saying, and unless I'm misreading you, that seems to be what you're saying, too.

    @MrPaul: Don't worry! I think @FunCartel's accusing me of making an attack in my first comment (where I point out certain grammatical implications). I'm pretty sure you're in the clear.

    @cuddlerforu24: If a lover finds out their partner's cuddling with someone else, and doesn't realize it's platonic, they might cause some problems for the cuddlers which can't be avoided by thinking or saying "Don't like it? That's your problem, dude."

  • Many cuddling women, Pro or not, use their S.O. as security. He knows where she is down to the room number. If things go south, and the S.O. is a hot head, there could be an ugly, even violent, confrontation in your future. Best know the circumstances you're putting yourself in.

  • @DarrenWalker what’s he going to do about it ?
    It’s still his problem ... he can take a hike

  • @cuddlerforu24: Dear me. Is that a real question?

    Man, woman, or nonbinary, no one likes to be confronted with a scene which makes them think they're being cheated on. Murders have been committed.

    This is why communication is so important.

  • @DarrenWalker
    Agreed. If I am murdered, that would ruin the rest of my day ; unless of course the cuddle were a last tick off my bucket list before committing suicide.

    What matters in that situation, is what happens in the mind of the "Significant Other" ; and a lecture on platonic cuddling might not help.

    Simply looking at a person's SO can provoke violence. "We were only. . ." has been heard too often. Believing that one is being cheated on, is a strong defence to drop murder to manslaughter.

  • Yes that is a real question

  • @cuddlerforu24: Then I'm glad you got it answered here, rather than in a more practical form!

  • @DarrenWalker

    Ah. So a question like "is it possible to feed someone who's already taken a walk?" doesn't imply that taking a walk = eating.

    Not only does this not make sense, it has nothing to do with the topic at hand. YOU assume that any time someone on the forum talks about cuddling or attraction they are automatically making sexual or romantic implications. That is on YOU, it's in YOUR head. Please stop - you're driving people away with this borderline bullying behavior.

  • edited February 8

    The thread starter brings up a question everybody needs to read , Men and women.
    Think of every possible scenario that might happen with meeting someone here and sequestering yourself withthem

    And that goes for women pro Cuddlers too.

    If you can’t defend yourself , or deal with a situation , don’t engage in the cuddling activity

  • And you, @StoryDoctor1138, apparently don't understand the grammar of the word "already."

    "Cuddling with someone who's already in a relationship" has a one-to-one correspondence with the sentence "Taking a walk with someone who's already eaten."

    See, if somebody's already eaten, or is already in a romantic relationship, then it doesn't make sense to attach something unrelated (like walking, or cuddling). It has to be something related, like having dinner, or starting a romantic relationship.

    It's just the way English works.

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