Reasons you may not be getting responses. Feel free to comment or add

edited February 19 in General

There are many threads devoted to folks complaining that nobody responds to them. Here are a few reasons why this might be the case. Obviously these are not the only reasons and might not apply to you.

According to input received from some of the people I have spoken to in my time here:

Acting too needy. It is fairly common for someone with emotional issues and in need of some kind of therapeutic outcome, however if you come on as though you expect to be fixed or that cuddling is a life of death situation, that is an awful lot of pressure to be putting on the other person.

Acting too hungry. Asking someone right away when they would like to meet to cuddle, particularly a non pro, is not going to make them feel as though you are interested in getting to know them , whether they feel safe, and whether you value their needs as a person. Also can come across as creepy and selfish.

Placing blame and resentment. If you are constantly being negative and constantly complaining about how nobody responds to you, and how unfair everything is, and the attitudes of others toward you, and rant endlessly about how people on here dont care and it is their fault that you self deprecating and miserable, it certainly will not increase your chances.

Not having a profile filled out. It is not easy for someone to gain attention if they dont have anything about themselves listed on their profile. It is not a dating site. The distinction has already been debated on other threads. However you still have to remember that you also are not just warm bodies. Personality and commonality go a long way when establishing rapport.

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Comments

  • I agree with all you said, also I think age & weight is big factor. Also I see some of the pic's posted and wonder about why that picked that one, some look like they just got off a 2 week drunk spree. I would think they would want to post a real nice pic, like maybe as they would dress for church or going to a real nice high dollar restaurant.

  • edited February 19

    @pmvines well said. Although, the "acting too hungry" part applies to some pros too. One of the issues that bothers me is when a client is ready to cuddle at the exact moment they message me with complete disregard for my time. If I'm unavailable, it's because I do have a life and a career as well aside from just being a professional cuddler. That is why I don't do last minute requests unless it's for a regular client and within reason of course.

    @waynewv I agree on the pictures as well. I'm not judging anyone on how they live, but some of the profile pictures people decide to go with are sometimes extremely off putting or just odd. It even happens with the people who have no profile picture and decide to send one when I request it. It's interesting to me when they send one that makes me question, "why choose that one?"

    When people start fishing for compliments on their pictures would also be another reason why I would tell someone to look elsewhere. It just makes me uncomfortable.

  • I have sent out completely neutral messages to new cuddlers saying things like "That's a cute cat (or dog)", "Where was that photo taken? It looks like an interesting place", "Welcome to CuddleComfort, I hope you find what you are looking for". I don't believe these messages meet any of the criteria mentioned by @pmvines. Yet some people respond and some people don't. The responses are usually just a one word message like "Thanks" or "LOL".

  • I hear you @UKGuy . I certainly didn't mean it as a blanket statement that applies to all users. Just was sharing some insight about complaints I hear from some of the folks on here re some reasons they don't or are hesitant to respond to people .

  • Not a complaint , rather an observation .

    Add .... not displaying any stars , feedback , or karma.

  • In my case, you would think Age,which I believe is somewhat of a factor, but thinking about it, it's also timing and location, I'm between Los Angeles and San Diego which can make it really tough, also if you work a crazy work schedule then it's hard to match up to anyone unless the schedule's line up.

  • edited February 19

    One woman's perspective:

    Not so compelling:
    Profile: User names or stuff in one's profile that's all about how needy or lonely you are. Negativity, pessimism, self-deprecating remarks (that lack humor - humorous ones can be fun). No profile. Sexy triggery words in profile, even if they weren't intended that way. Making your profile all about you rather than what you're offering, shirtless pics or pics that are focused on your body, for me alcohol in the picture or any picture that is trying to say "look how suave and wealthy I am" rather than "hey, I'm a regular nice trustworthy guy with a sense of humor"
    Conversation: just a hi or hello or "what's up," "what are you doing today," if you're not already my buddy, "how's your day going" and that sort of thing, any reference to looks, asking for a picture right away, asking for my phone or email right away, being pushy, a huge long missive, any references to dating or sex, ignoring what's been said before as though you never read it,

    Compelling at least to me:
    Profile: A good, clear, current picture with a smile, humor, at least a couple paragraphs in the profile that give a feel for who you are; complete sentences with correct grammar and spelling, information about your commitment to the platonic nature of the site and what it is about you that makes you safe and not a boundary-pusher; if married, something about how your partner is ok with cuddling; if single, why I can trust you're not going to try and bed me; some info that lets me know you're willing to get to know potential cuddlers or roll with their screening needs.
    Conversation:

    • being a regular person making note of why you are contacting me like: found your pic funny, you look kind, you're not so far from me, i liked your profile because ____, I'd like to get to know you to check out potential for cuddling, comments about one of my forum posts, a question about your profile or my experience on the site, etc.
    • humor, wit, sincerity, honesty, something about you and your reasons for being on the site

    That's a start.

  • [Deleted User]MacaronCuddles (deleted user)

    Most of the women on Cuddle Comfort are pros. So the few that are cuddle enthusiasts are bombarded with messages. So the likely hood of them responding and setting up a free cuddle with you guys is not very likely.

  • [Deleted User]MacaronCuddles (deleted user)
    edited February 20

    Now if this website was set up in a country like the Ukraine where the gender imbalance equals more women than men you would see a different outcome than what we have here. There must be some kind of gender imbalance here in the United States if dating websites and such have more men than women. Something is up. 🤔

  • @littermate ....Shhhhhhhhhhh! youre giving away the secrets! :) Now everyone knows!!

  • [Deleted User]Tofindthelight (deleted user)

    I just joined last week but the amount of men sending messages saying how nice it would be to cuddle with my body has made me very uncomfortable.

  • @Tofindthelight that is seriously creepy. I haven't heard that one before, but I can imagine you feel. Sorry you have to deal with that.

  • [Deleted User]Tofindthelight (deleted user)

    @cuddlebunny777
    Thank you . There are really nice people on this site but I want people to know that this is not how you get a response.

  • I know you guys are trying to help and get away from the negativity. Still though, I'll push back and say: why bother? Men outnumber women by such a large amount on the site that most men are never going to find a non-pro cuddle partner here, period. Unless you think each woman here is going to have 10+ cuddle partners.

    I firmly believe that online/app experiences take the things that make it difficult for men to meet women and just crank them up even higher.

  • edited February 20

    @mb0 i hear that it is frustrating. I'm a dude too so I'm in the same boat . However you being on the site means that you are "bothering ". Why not at least do what you can to not make things harder than it needs to be .? I have decent experiences because I put in some effort . It's certainly not because of my winning personality ....

  • @pmvines - thanks for initiating the thread. I think it doesn't hurt to help guys frame their messages, profiles, and expectations as they navigate on here. I've been on here 2+ years and this thread of pointers and suggestions stands up well to the cyclical complaints from guys coming on here and getting frustrated because they don't have context yet.

  • Pmvines@ I agree , it takes patience, effort and good communication skills. Most importantly one need to communicate what you have to offer as a safe cuddler.

  • Well I’m not bothering really. I use the site to message pros and browse the forums.

    I will admit to occasionally messaging enthusiasts when I’ve really got nothing going on, but it’s been clear to me for a long time that it's a losing proposition.

    I just looked through my messages. For the record, of my last 10 messages I initiated with enthusiasts

    • 7 got no reply;
    • 1 got one reply but then she ignored my follow-up;
    • 2 replied immediately with their phone number and were prostitutes.

    Might as well include this too, just for fun... of my last 10 messages I initiated with pros:

    • 3 got no reply;
    • 1 got one reply but she ignored my follow-up;
    • 2 I gave up on because they seemed evasive or hard to communicate with;
    • 1 replied but due to schedule/location issues we didn't cuddle;
    • 3 I cuddled with.

    So actually even with pros I find it less straightforward than one would hope.

    For the record, my message is not meant to be "Give up on ever cuddling someone." What I'm trying to convey is, "Meet women somewhere else. Somewhere where there's not 10 men for every woman."

  • edited February 20

    I am wondering and would appreciate if the professional cuddlers could help us, amateur enthusiasts, on how to write a standout profile; what stands out to you, professionals when you are looking for in clients? As a professional, do you have the patience to work with clients who might need extra support with boundaries, understanding, and grasping them? What is the best way to switch over from a professional cuddlier to an amateur enthusiast cuddler? What questions should we be asking when we go to vet another amateur? There seem always to be professional cuddlers or this website. I am wondering if we, amateur enthusiasts, could utilize your professional expertise skills better?

    Do we genuinely want platonic cuddling to become a fabric part of the mainstream society, or do we just want it to be a fad that will eventually fade away once it runs its course?

  • @WKCuddles good idea . You should start a thread about it

  • Well, that's another thing I've said before that I could mention: The large majority of pro cuddlers don't care about profiles. I can't remember the last time a pro cuddler who I messaged visited my profile. Well, sometimes they visit after we cuddle, to leave karma or for whatever else. They also generally don't know my name or what I look like when we meet, despite the fact that I always tell them my name and send them pics over messages here.

  • @mb0 that's really surprising. I'm friends with a lot of pros on as well as off site and I don't recall one who didn't visit my profile when first began conversing with them . And of those I'm friends with , when we have spoken about their clients they pretty much all have said they pay attention to profiles among other things as part of their screening process

  • As a pro, as soon as someone messages me, I check their profile. An ideal profile that catches my eye is a profile having a clear picture of them, a written section that’s more than (I like to cuddle while women...). I like to know a little about you like your fave kind of music or what your pets names are or any passions you have. So when I answer you, it’s easy for me to continue the conversation. Obviously karma really helps me. I know some don’t think karma is useful but it is for me. When you have karma, I can message the people who left you karma and ask them myself what you are like and if you’re respectful.

    @mb0 I find it super odd that pro cuddlers don’t look at your profile or will even meet up with you without knowing your name or having a pic of you. This is going to sound very mean but those pros are horrible pros with no regard for safety. It’s good that you offer a picture and name because I wouldn’t pay another second of attention to a possible cuddler if they don’t tell me their name or give me a pic. So the fact that you can’t even remember the last time a pro checked your profile or these pros you book with don’t care for a name or a pic shows there are some unprofessional pros with zero common sense. I hope they realize how incredibly unsafe that is.

  • @pmvines Thanks! I am not a fan of the threads, but this might be one worth pursuing, Monday, after the weekend when the traffic is higher.

  • mb0mb0
    edited February 20

    Currently on my Visited list are:

    • 1 pro I cuddled weeks ago who just visited my profile;
    • 1 pro I cuddled last week (who visited after our cuddle, not before),
    • 2 pros who I've never contacted and who live in other states,
    • 16 men.

    What gets me is not just the fact that pros don't visit my profile before meeting, but also that they don't visit my profile when they ignore my message... on what basis are they deciding not to message back? I have no idea.

    @Sheena123 I've definitely never had a pro want to get to know me before meeting. Actually, I ran into a couple profiles of pros who said they’d like to chat and get to know each other before meeting, but neither of them replied to my chatty initial message. I don't know if I consider pros who don't visit "horrible pros," but it is pretty strange to me too, and I will definitely say my experience with pros overall has been very different from the impression one would get reading these forums.

    @pmvines "as part of their screening process". IME most pros don't have a screening process. I've talked to some pros about this. Some say they screen, but when I ask them about it, it seems they really don't. One told me, "I have some questions I ask people to make sure I feel safe." I said, "What questions? You didn't ask me any questions." She said, "Oh yeah, well I guess sometimes I skip that." Uh, okay then.

    Another, when I asked her about screening, said "That's only for escorts." I said, "Only escorts need to feel safe meeting strangers?" She changed the topic.

  • @Sheena123 @pmvines I too have encountered the same thing @mb0 has.
    I've scheduled with pros that never checked my profile until after we'd already met if ever. A couple that never once asked my name or for a picture prior to meeting and I'm not against sending one but again was never asked. Of course I found this odd but it didn't discourage me from meeting. I'll also add I've messaged pros who were ready and wanting me to schedule something after exchanging maybe 2 or 3 messages and if I wasn't they acted as if I was wasting their time and were basically done with me. I understand time is money but if I'm going to give you $100 per hour I would certainly like to know what I'm getting.

    Now as far as the original topic I do agree with what some men can do better to gain a response from someone they message wether they pro or enthusiast but it is not always the shortcoming of the male reaching out as to why he's not getting a response even if they have a well written profile or message.
    1. The female feels overwhelmed by the amount of messages she gets and gives up on trying to respond to them all or quite frankly doesn't see yours.
    2. The female feels a strong connection to one particular person she's reached out to on here and they get the majority of her focus until that process plays out.
    3. She actually hasn't decided if she's ready to connect or meet with anyone yet and is still feeling everything out.
    4. Even though this is a platonic site after looking at a profile they decide the person that messaged them is too old , too , short , too fat , too skinny , too bald , too much hair , too young , not the skin color they want , and as opposed to telling you this and hurting your feelings or potentially getting trouble for being accused of using non platonic criteria they just don't respond. By the way I firmly believe there are some pros doing this even though by site rule they're not supposed to , not responding to a message is just their way of getting around that.
    Also one more thing .... I think too much emphasis is put on how much or what one includes in their profile. The initial profile was just meant to be a quick blurb or a few sentences about yourself and I guess what you're looking for. It was never meant to be a NY Times best seller. Granted ... Blank profiles or just saying " I'm so & so and I like to cuddle " doesn't show much effort but a lot of people don't have the time or even the skill to give you what some of you are wanting to be written so I still say try to give some of those folks a chance. And those of you who don't offer a clear picture of yourself on your profile or a picture at all it's a little hypocritical and unfair to judge someone else's pic or lack thereof and use that as a reason you may not respond to them.

  • I don’t see how grammatically errors makes you a good or bad cuddle guess I’m the exception to some of these remarks I think what most people are missing is empathy where all human try not to be so judge mental you guys make think your being polite but some of theses comments are super judging

  • @Sheena123
    I don't think we should say that being naive is "horrible". A pro might have a SWAT team poised outside the door waiting for the "go" signal on a bad client, but I couldn't relax knowing that.

    @DeathbyChocolat
    Some people have grammatical accuracy so ingrained, that a misplaced comma is like seeing a moustache drawn on the Mona Lisa. Such people may be incompatible with everyone else.

  • @geoff1000 I say horrible not just because of their disregard for safety. Professional cuddlers are giving cuddlers a connection and some intimacy. How great are you at your job if you don’t care to even know their name. It’s just sad...

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