Is it wrong to prefer a Cuddler I find handsome/pretty?

M87M87
in General

I have never cuddled a stranger, and I’m finding that since exploring my curiosity with it - being single and living alone and not wanting a relationship (right now) due to past trauma, but feeling touch starved - I’m faced with all these preferences that I’m not sure are politically correct, but nonetheless pretty deal breaking...

Like I prefer to only cuddle a weirdly specific sexual orientation: straight person/or gay male (gay female is triggering in terms of being that vulnerable. Please note, I have friends from a majority of sexual orientations. It’s the thought of snuggling an unknown in private that makes me panic)

Or the fact that I’d prefer to be covered from my ankles to my wrists.

I don’t want to be little spoon.

And I can’t see myself enjoying a cuddle session with someone dont find to be pretty or handsome.

Strong smelling cologne also freaks me out.

Should I just scrap the idea? Does this make me a jerk? I kind of feel like one... but literally I walk around and my skin hurts sometimes because I just want a hug... it’s like my body is holding its breath for someone it (illogically) thinks is safe and consenting.

I don’t have ANY of these hangups in other areas of my life... I’m like, the chillest chick otherwise.

So new and confusing 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

  1. Would you cuddle someone like this145 votes
    1. Yes, no problem! Happy to oblige!
      71.72%
    2. Maybe... If we talked about it and I knew they weren’t some weird control freak.
      15.17%
    3. Nah, my needs conflict with that. Good luck to them.
        5.52%
    4. No, that person is asking too much of anyone.
        7.59%
«13

Comments

  • respectfulrespectful

    There's nothing wrong with personal preferences, and feeling both safe and comfortable is pretty important in a cuddle.

  • Mike403Mike403

    You don't have to even respond to messages from anyone you don't wish to talk to. I also could really use a hug, but I'm afraid to ask even a pro on this site right now for COVID-19 reasons. I don't know who is cuddling at the moment.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @M87
    Most male cuddlers on the site, will only cuddle females, so they can't really complain at someone being specific about what they want ; and the male : female ratio is so high, that even a detailed specification ( and yours seems reasonable ), still gives you a lot of choice.

    No strong perfume / aftershave is a very common want.
    Ankle-wrist covering might be an issue in hot weather.

  • M87M87

    @respectful
    @Mike403
    @geoff1000

    Wow, thanks for replying! I honestly didn’t expect comments this soon. I feel a bit more at ease.

    Ankle/wrist cover: Yeah I wouldn’t make someone else cover it, I’d just feel better with it myself.

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    If anything it'd be strange not to prefer good looking cuddlers, people naturally prefer/are drawn to things we consider beautiful and that's true in basically every aspect of life. It's a preference where 99.9% of the time people are going to go for it.

  • DomLarkinDomLarkin

    I know all about walking around feeling like my skin hurts for want of a hug.

    I mostly cuddle women who have no kids. In the off chance there is chemistry, I don't need to worry about raising another man's child... again.

  • MelanieLMelanieL

    We all have our preferences, and should not be afraid to make them known if necessary. Do what makes you feel comfortable, cozy, and safe...that is what the important thing is. : ))

  • littermatelittermate

    You get to be your weird self. That's my 2 cents. Rock it!

  • SnowboundSnowbound

    Ankle to wrist cover in the summertime? Track down a cuddler with central air!

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    You are entitled to choose what you want to do and who you want to spend your time with. You don’t have to justify it. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, do what makes you happy.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @M87
    P.S. You can also change your mind at any time.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @M87 You have the right to choose based on any preferences, that you would like. It’s your body, connection, time and space. Now, if you decide to give someone a chance that is not your ideal type ok but if it never happens that’s ok too. I believe that there is someone for everyone out there. So if the person is not your type, someone who is that person’s type will find them. Thank you. I like your honest post and the majority of cuddles feel the same way you do about preferences.

  • ILikeWarmHugsILikeWarmHugs

    @M87 I love this post and @FishCuddles i love what you said! It’s very true. Everyone has the right to their own preferences, meanwhile everyone respects each other. I think some level of attraction is okay and you have the right to screen your people how you see fit.

    Happy cuddles!

  • Mike403Mike403

    Even though this is a platonic site, I will still not feel comfortable getting that close to other men. Cuddling is something that should be mutually enjoyed. Some guys might feel insulted if you dont respond to them, but the key to being a good person is to respect all boundaries and realize that not everybody wants to communicate with them and look for somebody who will enjoy their company.

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    Nothing wrong with personal preferences if you’re an enthusiast. Seek out what you find suits you! :)

  • SideonSideon

    @M87 - you do you!

    I spent two summers in Phoenix and had multiple cuddle sessions with a pro. The outside air temp was 120+. The inside temp was 60. Both of us in sweat pants, sweat shirts, and tshirts, PLUS a light blanket on top of us! Cuddling creates a lot of body heat, so we moved the blanket off, but the sweat pants/shirts were still necessary and appreciated. Come to think of it, if it's cooler than 70, I'm all for warmth and comfort in any environment.

    Happy cuddle adventures to you.

  • [Deleted User]bwelnicki (deleted user)

    No worries @M87 - i personally feel that a physical attraction contributes to other, non-sexual responses. Feelings of familiarity, safety, security, and so forth.

  • Lev136Lev136

    To me at least this is about who you are comfortable with. We all have our preferences in who we like.

    Just make sure you understand the purpose of this site and you will be fine!!

  • FancyKayFancyKay

    In my opinion I think everyone has their own preferences in their own choices and no one should be judged because of them ❤️

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I don’t think you’re wrong for thinking that : ) & I think many think the very same but are not willing to admit, I do however admit that although I would love to cuddle someone who is my type, or I’m attracted to, I won’t reject a cuddle as long as she’s sweetheart & clean ..

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    As something of a twink, I'm used to people finding me both pretty and handsome. But if somebody essentially told me "I wouldn't even be considering cuddling with you if it weren't for how nice I think you look" ...yeah, I'd be a bit weirded out. Not to say it's wrong. Just—I wouldn't like it. Personally.

    The rest I'd be fine with. Though as a nonbinary asexual I don't meet those first qualifications, so.... But if I did, I'd be fine with it! It makes sense to pick a buddy who's very unlikely to bring non-platonic stuff into the cuddle.

  • Rocket_ManRocket_Man

    There is nothing wrong with not doing anything with which you are not comfortable. If anything it is important to make sure you stick to those standards. You can always take precautions before meeting a new cuddler and be upfront about what you want to get from a potential cuddle buddy experience. You are the ultimate authority. That is how it is and how it should be.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    Interestingly close to the classic 80% - 20% split

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    No, it is not wrong to prefer a cuddle partner who you find aesthetically or otherwise pleasing.

    It is wrong to discriminate against somebody because of their looks.

    And it is foolish to not cuddle somebody becuase of their looks, because looks don't matter when you are cuddling. It's looking choosing a chess player based on their shoe size.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @CuddleDuncan - Comparing cuddling to chess is not a fair comparison. Some people just feel more comfortable getting that close to somebody they feel somewhat physically attracted to. A pro is supposed to be willing to cuddle anybody as long as she feels safe. An enthusiast is not required to cuddle anybody they don't feel comfortable with. I don't feel comfortable cuddling a dude, does that mean I'm discriminating against one's sex?

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Ooh, fine line there, @Mike403. When you say "physically attracted," you don't mean sexually attracted, do you?

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2020

    I find all sorts of attractive qualities about people who I choose to spend my time wirh, but that doesn't mean physical sense necessarily. I am attracted to personality, mind, humor , energy , and a lot of little things. There are plenty of very physically attractive people who I wouldn't waste a moment of time or energy on.

  • Mike403Mike403

    People have their own preferences on who they wanna get close to. Somebody might get grossed out and not want to get that close to somebody who has a long beard while somebody else might find it attractive.

  • littermatelittermate

    I only want to cuddle Wookiees.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Mike403 somebody might be grossed out by a beard ? Take it back!!!

Sign In or Register to comment.