@littermate - what about us Ewok's?
Nothing wrong with liking to cuddle appealing partners, and yeah beards can be real hit and miss some people love em others can't stand it lol
I can't lie I tend to be less likely to pick thin cuddle partners. I find it more appealing if they look "softer" ya know? Some one you can literally snuggle INTO hmm yeah that looks odd out side my head what ever point is we all have preferences and there's nothing wrong with that.
@NightShift39 - It's easier to cuddle the bigger ones without having to worry about crushing them.
@Mike403 yeah that part, I'm actually kinda scared of hugging thin people after an incident in my younger days. Now I'm not the gym dwelling muscle beast I used to be but I'm still deceptively strong for my size and some things just stick around the psyche lol
I'm into being crushed.
An Ewok now and them would be just fine @CUD_male
@littermate last cuddler found that lying on me was crushing her, more than when me on her, side by side was better 4 us both - she was someone that I found attractive too, so arranged another session with her, later on.
No, I don't have to find someone attractive to want to cuddle with them. To me bodies are bodies, and I choose to interact with them. That's all. That's not to say I can't find folks attractive and that attraction does make the experience nicer at the start, but I find the attraction subsides when I start snuggling or interacting with the person.
What does matter is that I'm not repulsed by the person. Repulsion can come up for a variety of reasons but if I recognize it, it's gonna be a problem. Luckily I'm neutral for the vast majority of folks out there so it's rarely a problem.
I wonder though, do folks make a distinction between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them? That's how it is for me.
@Momoo
do folks make a distinction between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them?
Yes. They are completely different things.
@CuddleDuncan what's the difference? Are you using attractive to mean objectively good-looking but not necessarily ones cup of tea?
@Mike_Girard: This is a subject that's come up a few times in the past, but I don't remember which threads it was in.
Essentially, there's more than just one or two types of attraction.
I don't think a preference for good looks is different from any other sort of preference. I think it could be prematurely delimiting, though. You may find after a few cuddles with avg dudes that it doesn't matter as much as you thought it would. And, of course, attraction isn't a fixed quantity. People become both more and less attractive as you get to know them. I fell deeply in lust once with a short, skinny cross-eyed guy that I'd initially found really off-putting.
@DaringSprinter ah ok. Yeah that makes sense. Thx.
So many incredible responses and opinions. I agree with much that has been expressed here regarding everyone having the right to chose whom they want to entrust with their physical and often emotional proximity. I love that we aren’t shaming people for knowing what they would want or might feel most comfortable with and also gently nudging people to have an open mind about what could be possible when we relax our requirements or expectations. To that I would add, some of my most unforgettable or incredible cuddle sessions have been with folks I could have never predicted would have been so compatible or just down right amazing. I recommend keeping an open mind and going into things without expectations when possible. For anyone else who may be reading this who is also touch starved and flirting with the idea of cuddling with “strangers” I encourage you to go for it. Being actionable in our self care and getting our needs for touch and connection met are critical for our health and well being. We deserve to feel and be our best and for many this is a safe container in which to explore exactly that. I’m enthralled with the ever emerging science which illuminates the efficacy of touch within the realm of healing / addressing trauma and again encourage anyone who is suffering from lack of touch or connective deficits within their life to reach out or just keep pushing towards any options they personally deem fit to improve their lives.
A side note would be INTENTION ~ if you are seeking to cuddle with someone because you are seeking a connection deeper than a platonic cuddle buddy I would politely encourage the use of appropriate apps or websites as this is a safe space for those looking for platonic cuddle therapy and connection. What can make this therapy massively impactful and successful is in fact the lack of pressure for things to advance sexually, romantically ect. For many cuddling can be a very deep, authentic experience and it is abundantly possible that people will have chemistry, as friends, or more, that shouldn’t be the objective within this site. That is just my personal opinion 😊✌️
@Mike_Girard: You're very welcome!
My blood sugar's a little wonky this morning; I wasn't sure I made too much sense there.
I want to add that just as it's valid to have preferences for most reasons, it's also valid to be frustrated when an unchangeable quality someone has puts them outside the preferences of most people. While that is a feeling that needs to be processed on one's own, I just want to acknowledge how tiring it can be to run into that. It's frustrating knowing you'll have to work harder than your peers to achieve the same quality of experiences.
I like this idea of "repulsion" being what makes or breaks a cuddle from happening... reminds me of this...
and this...
~ Aww... How nice!! Wanna cuddle?! 🤗
I dont think there is anythong wrong with wanting to cuddle someone attractive. Everyone I have cuddle I have thought was attractive from their profile and then later in person. I did this mainly for the fact that I have a hard time conversing or being awkward around women I find attractive when it comes to maybe trying to date, flirt or something.
So not having any expectations other than cuddling and/or talking relaxes me to where I can practice holding a conversation with someone I find attractive.
🙈
I think Nature Lover states it perfectly.
No, however looks should not be your most important or only deciding factor. Everyone who I spend time with has qualities about them that attract me to them. Some arent your stereotypical version of beauty , but attractiveness goes way beyond physical appearance of the flesh bags they wear. So much beauty in the world and so many different kinds of beauty in people. Narrowing it down to looks is so limiting .
It's as easy as this...nope 😊
@MonkeyNeedsAHug lol. Funny. The conversation always needs a monkey emoji. Lol
@john5555 thank you 😊 @pmvines I could not agree more. Attraction is so much more than physical appearance.
@john5555 i agree, the post above by @Nature_Lover_ is excellent and am thankful for her wise words.
A quality I find attractive in human beings of any gender is their ability and willingness to show that they value and respect others.
When they make it clear that this valuing and respect includes me specifically, I'll go far out of my way to cuddle with them.
I'm that sense, I cuddle with people that I'm attracted to.
@quixotic_life I somehow picture those printed on Valentine's candy hearts. LOL!
I used to have very specific body-type preferences, due to me being a short & stocky 200lbs at 5'4". A lot of that stemmed from my own body image, feeling I would feel absolutely awkward cuddling someone significantly taller than myself. The more I became comfortable with the idea of cuddling strangers, the more I based my choice of cuddle partners on how interesting their profile is, or how they communicate when messaging. The forums have actually helped me quite a bit, too. I've often read multiple posts or replies from someone, and have thought, "I would SO cuddle with them." 😆 Some could even be considered 'Cuddle-crushes'... (That's a term, right?) LOL
For me it's not their looks precisely, but a not-quite-definable quality in their pictures -- perhaps a kindness in their eyes, some sense that I might be able to trust them, and a spark of joy.
Of course, all that might go out the window once I've actually met someone
And I definitely vote for cuddle-crush being a term
A platonic crush is known as a 'squish'.
Eg 'I have a squish on @DaringSprinter, they're so funny and clever'
Agufggl (I spluttered funnily and cleverly, blushing like a ripe tomato). Um. Thank you for using my name in the example, @HedgehogHugs! It's very flattering.
"Squish" is a very useful term. I was pleased when I first learned it.
As a (possibly aromantic) asexual, I find 'squish' to be a most useful and pleasing term to describe the people I particularly enjoy, whether that be in 'real life' or online.