Be honest long as their are unhappy individuals in these relationships seeking affection other places. Sites like this, tinder, pof ,tryst, instragram, seek arrangements and other websites will continue to thrive. I can definitely see difference in the dating apps or apps seeking some affection rise compared to early 2000s. I just don't think people are happy anymore or choosing based on wrong reasons
@timetocuddle07 ~ On the flip side, maybe more and more people are realizing the point that being the only one to meet another's needs, beyond themselves, isn't very realistic. So maybe to maintain a happy relationship, without a bunch of frustration and guilt, sites like those you mentioned will continue to flourish because people will be openly seeking out others to help meet their varying needs on the Affection Spectrum.
Could be...
As I have mentioned previously in other threads, when a person and their significant other are mismatched (in terms of their physical needs for touch and cuddles), it can become unbearable for the person missing out, while the significant other remains indifferent to the importance. The opening phrase to this thread by @JasonCuddles of "I forbid you from getting what you need from anyone but me, and I will not give it to you” will ring true for many of us, but it’s mostly implied, never said aloud.
My SO and I have been together over 30 years, but in those heady, early days, the mismatch was hidden because the sexual urge caused both of us to engage in touch at the beginning. But 10 years in, and my wife started to announce that she was “non-tactile”. For the following 20 years I remained faithful. It was perceived as “my problem”. My SO was actually ashamed of any public displays of affection, such as holding hands, linking her arms through mine, etc.
It took me 25 years to recognise that actually, I’m just a normal guy who is tactile. I can learn to live without the sex, but touch is a natural part of my identity. I met with a pro (before I discovered CC) who helped me become comfortable with platonic cuddling. First release of Oxytocin In more than a decade? Wow!
I have enjoyed being with a long term (non-pro) cuddle buddy, and happy to visit a pro cuddler. The guilt has gone. There is no sense of “cheating” because I now understand my SO’s condition as a something like a disability. She is completely uninterested in my needs, and yet we are the best of friends, great companions, and will journey the rest of our lives together. My view is that, as long as I have a strong intention to keep all cuddle meetings platonic, no matter what the temptation or circumstance, then “guilt” is an inappropriate response.
However, I could never tell my SO about this, as it would cause her to confront her own limitations. So, to all the people out there caught in this guilt dilemma, my advice is to check your own motives. If you are after something other than a platonic cuddle then this site is not for you, but if you know that you will always remain platonic, this is a thing to embrace and enjoy, not to feel guilty about.
Sorry if that offends anyone, but I hope it is encouraging to others.
@CambridgeGuy So well said. Thank you for sharing your journey. Cuddling fills emotional and physical connective needs. To be seen and validated. Good stuff
This is where I feel a little conflicted. I've got a thing where I don't want to cuddle with anyone that is married or in a relationship. It just feels wrong to me, even if their significant other is aware and ok with it. But, at the same time, I want to help them enjoy the benefits of cuddling and physical touch they may not be getting.
@cookiefiend let me tell you a story..... are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Once upon a time I met a professional cuddler. It was hard to arrange a time and so we had chatted for more than usual beforehand. Travelling arrangements were also tricky and so I picked her up at the station. Being picked up isn't the wisest way of meeting somebody off the internet for the first time, but she is a woman of the world and I'm not an axe murderer, so it merely served to strengthen our bond.
She told me, anonymously, about one of her regular clients. An older man, in his 70s. The touch had gone out of his marriage and his wife was unwilling to provide it. Other than that they loved each other and it was a successful relationship. At first she didn't want to know about his cuddling (apart from the fact that he was doing it), but as time passed she became more interested, and wanted to hear how the session had gone. Then she started to ask questions, which he could not always answer, and the consequence was the the wife and the cuddler chatted on the phone. Well of course they got on like a house on fire, and spoke several times.
This was in the cuddler's mind when she met me because the latest development was that she had been invited for dinner. They all live in the country, not too close together, and in such cases staying overnight is very common. In other words, the wife was desperate for a cuddle, and setting it up without actually saying so. The professional was looking forward to the evening very much, because she had the possibility of bringing cuddling back into a long marriage. This would do her out of a client once the dust had settled, but that's what a good cuddle professional wants anyway.
We haven't managed to meet up since, so I don't know the outcome, but it all sounded very much as if they were all going to live happily ever after. The End.
If cuddling married people makes you uncomfortable, consider why. Is it because cuddling has a sexual connotation for you? Is it because you think married people should not be allowed to experience intimacy with others? Is is just a trust question? I'm sure there are a million possible reasons, and it is well worth discovering what they are for you.
When I look at a married person who needs a cuddle, all I see is a human being in pain. If I can alleviate that pain, I will.
I wouldn't have an issue cuddling, or engaging in any social behavior, with a married person... as long as I can have a conversation with the spouse first.
ESPECIALLY if the spouse is a man.
I simply do not trust men, and until I spoke to him, and knew first hand that he was: 1. Aware of the arraignments. 2. Personable, and demonstrating self-control. 3. Was not jealous, possessive, or resentful. 4. Fine with me as a human being.
I would simply not be comfortable.
I have seen too many "Men that didn't care" suddenly care very much, and violently.
"I don't ever want to play the part of a statistic on a government chart."
I actually asked my significant other about this topic this morning. I asked what was his number one worry when I started cuddling.
I was surprised by his response. I thought it would be my safety or the possibility of physical connection leading to sexual interaction.
His number one reason was he doesn’t want me to fall in love with someone and desire to start a relationship with them that would lead to our partnership ending and our family dissolving.
@Chris55555
I’m impressed by your partner’s honesty.
The first thing men learn is that we, simply ourselves, are never enough.
We are taught that we are only as good as what we can provide, that we are expendable, and that the “next better man” is waiting to take your place.
It leads to a nasty mental space, both for ourselves internally, and in how we approach the world.
@CharlesThePoet i wonder if that feeling stems from the workplace and identity within ones career. Performance based incentives perhaps? Or do you think it’s societal?
It sure seems societal/cultural. And, probably a bit genetic as well.
I certainly felt that way far before puberty.
Boys/Men are taught that competition is EVERYTHING.
From classrooms, to our first little league games, to chores around the house, to basic behavior.
It's constantly extolled, and continually reinforced both positively (praise, status, rewards) and negatively (derision, loss of status, punishments).
And, in many ways, it gets far worse after puberty and sexual selection starts to happen.
Not getting desert is one thing, never having a partner is a totally different thing...
@CuddleDuncan I think regardless of how platonic you try and make it, cuddling has an inherent intimacy to it. I just don't think there's anyways around it. Part of it is that you're being very open, and vulnerable, with someone else, and I think just the closeness you get with cuddling is something that historically used to only be done between lovers.
Human nature is a hard thing to overcome, and as @Chris55555 pointed out, there is often fear that emotions can develop. Even if only one person of the two develops feelings, it can lead to more complicated problems than if both individuals were unattached.
I'm also pretty much as single as they come, and I wouldn't mind more people to cuddle with. But just can't quite bring myself to find it acceptable. Just my thoughts.
Hi @cookiefiend … we can get that sense of intimate closeness, with its amazing buzz of oxytocin, from cuddling our own children, or friends, and it’s well known about the benefits to anyone who is lonely of owning or simply stroking a dog. I’m not sure about cats, ha ha, who typically have their own interests at heart.
So there is no need to weave any further motivation or desire into a platonic cuddle arranged between two people where one or more has a Significant Other. Maybe it’s an age thing, but it seems to me that we can disassociate cuddles from sexual desire. With a Cuddle Pro, the boundaries are firmly established. I will concede that between two private individuals, who knows what they might agree to, but this is why I feel it is quite right and proper for Pros to feel at ease with cuddling with someone who has an SO.
Well this has been an interesting read and I would normally just leave it there. However there is a scenario that hasn’t been discussed. I found touch therapy accidentally. I was amazed at the benefits I found and through the trust and boundaries established with a pro cuddler I found here. That resulted in a cure for my PTSD. What happen next is another chapter in my life. Now my spouse is disable, dealing with paralysis. She is aware that I’ve sought a pro cuddler that helped and cured my PTSD. But now with the lack of her ability to provide the touch that I need, I still seek a professional. Our vows were for better or worse and I will never leave our marriage. But that doesn’t mean one does not still need touch and affection. She might not know of every session I go to and telling her only reminds her of the things she can no longer provide her husband. This brings her down even more as she then feels inadequate in contributing to our marriage. I’m living Kenny Rogers song Ruby, don’t take your love to town.
@CharlesThePoet, I agree that if I knew it was completely okay with someone’s partner then I don’t think I’d have a problem with cuddling. But someone whose partner didn’t know? Too risky for me. I sympathize but would recommend they cuddle with a pro.
Haha! I didn't realize this was still going. It makes me so happy to see these wonderful conversations! I love the respect, and openness happening. I love this community!🤗 @Chris55555 I do so hope that their can be a change in culture, that physical affection be more common, casual and platonic. @CuddleDuncan I always appreciate your input. I feel very much so that you could be a cuddle coach. I see you always making efforts to educate, inform and discuss ways to make cuddling a more substantial profession. Thank you.
@Ennea2HugU Yeah it’s a shame that physical affection isn’t more common and acceptable. My partner has no problem with me cuddling others because she’s very aware that we have become quite dissimilar in that need, especially since she started taking needed medications. I wish I could be more help to people, but sadly I seem to be a decent distance from any active cuddles.
@Ennea2HugU that's very kind, thank you.
I’m in that situation and it’s so hard to explain to anyone without them trying to help you fix things with your significant other. I know people mean well but…
I’ve just recently joined this community and have felt very self-conscious being married. I get the question occasionally and don’t mind explaining but feel it’s so complicated it may scare people off. In my case my wife has discovered recently she is attracted to woman. She said she still loves me but isn’t sure what the future is for us. During that time all though we are still on good terms she hasn’t be able or felt as comfortable with affection towards me. While she explores other relationships I told her I would remain faithful and support her but was going to become involved in this community to try and fill that void of affection. So here I am trying to make connections. Sometimes it seems crazy but I realized without human touch how important it is for mental health.