@pmvines I agree. Everyone has different needs, and it's best to be understanding about those needs.
@hugonehugall dems fightin words bud!
Just to let everyone know, all of your advice was absolutely spot-on. 2 out of 3 cuddlers I thought had weird vibes... have since been banned 😂 Trust 👏 your 👏instincts👏
(Also had another lovely session with a cuddler last night, so don’t give up hope!)
Yes, absolutely yes. Believe your gut. First sign of trouble, get out of there. That has saved me on many occasions.
Never worry about your gut being wrong. If it is (which is rare), you are dealing with somebody decent .... and they will understand.
I’m new to this site, have been into cuddling since I recall though. I have had two professional cuddlers who wanted to meet without chatting much. Perhaps being experienced professionals they could gauge me better quickly after I gave all my details such as picture etc., but when I insisted to have a public meeting if not a video chat before we cuddle they did not really want to go on. Frankly, I felt safer letting them go even though I really wanted to cuddle at that moment. Thank you everyone for sharing makes me feel I’m doing the right thing.
well for me I would say I'm never that far from a knife lol I don't let anyone know what I do in my life so for.me to be safe I know.self protection and defense if needed but talk to person first get a vibe for how they are and not just go right into into the cuddle this way its not as bad or awkward for you
I know how to drive someone's nose up into their brain which is always a nice backup.
Never trust your gut at Skyline Chili, anyone who gives you a beer and says they made it themself, or chocolates that pop out of cellophane packaging. The first one defies the law of taste, the second is turning you into a fermenting barrel for an amateur chemist, and the third is a laxative. In all three your gut will release ownership of all contents and abandon you.
@FunCartel I live in a place known for craft beers. I've known a few people who have said they like making beer at home, so here, a home-brewed beer would not be unheard of. I don't actually like beer though..
@FlyingToaster Putting the word “craft” in front of beer doesn’t make it good. Kind of like someone saying this record sold millions of copies—doesn’t necessarily make it listenable. Also i travel all over for work. Seems like there are hundred places that call themselves the capitol of craft beers. IMO, craft is a grotesque misspelling of crap. With a few exceptions.
@littermate will you he my bodyguard?
I always bring a friend with me or cuddle somewhere besides both of our homes. I also know how to defend myself and carry knives everywhere. If you ever here of a class on reactionary self defense definitely take it! No one should ever go through life feeling unsafe!
Talk of weapons always concerns me. In the UK items such as mace or tasers are simply illegal. Carring a knife as a weapon is also an offence and you can expect a jail sentence.
In a significant number of incidents, somebody carrying a weapon for self defence finds it used against them. If you produce a knife against somebody who is more experienced in violence than you, it will be taken away from you faster than you can see if happening. (The hand really is quicker than the eye.) In other words, if you are going to get your knife out, you typically have less than a second to kill the person in front of you. If you are not trained and mentally prepared to do that, then things aren't going to work out. Remember, by definition you are fighting somebody stronger than you: if they weren't you would already be out of there.
Carrying a weapon to give you a sense of security is foolish, because It creates a completely false sense of security.
Carrying a weapon with a view to using it to intimidate is extremely risky.
If you want a real sense of security, and indeed more actual security, do not waste time on self defence classes or learning how to use weapons. (Even if you genuinely know how to use a weapon, it's worthless unless you have the training or experience actually to use it. Unless you have military training or convictions for violent offences it is extremely unlikely that you do.) If, at the end of a self defence course, you cannot beat the instructor 50% of the time, you haven't learnt anything useful.
Instead, learn about things like negotiation and de-escalation.
I have found myself staring at the pointy end of a knife on three occasions. (I was unarmed each time.) On two of those I was able to talk my way out of it. The third time, well the third time I was cornered and I thought I was done for, but at the last minute the person decided not to gut me.
I have once produced a knife in self defence. It was my sgian dhu, a ceremonial piece with the honed edge and cutting ability of a particularly blunt wooden spoon. However, the point was lethally sharp. I produced it with a view to intimidation, but first chose the spot on his neck where I was going to kill him, and took up an appropriate stance where I could thrust forward if he moved towards me. (He was much bigger than me, and I planned to get in underneath his arms, in the hope that my coming forward would surprise him.) Whether or not I had the capacity to do it I was planning to find put the hard way: I wasn't hopeful, which is why I was attempting the intimidation route. The whole time, I kept talking. Happily, he thought better of it and moved back, and I wasn't raped.
@CuddleDuncan when deescalation and negotiation do not work and your life is in danger, a weapon can be the difference between life and death especially if you are physically vulnerable and cannot overpower or outrun the person. I hate to gender sterotype however women often times are the ones at the disadvantage when it comes to physical confrontations
@pmvines in a heartbeat.
@CuddleDuncan A lot of judgement concerns me and your post is full of it. What is “foolish” to you is pragmatic to the next person. As @pmvines pointed out, I cringe when a male starts to preach to a woman about what mode of self defense she should employ. You are a male, negotiation still comes inherently supported by a dose of physical threat to your possible assailant. But if you are a 5’2” female and you are physically assaulted by a six foot male you are at a disadvantage logistically unless you have had training and a weapon. I would also posit this question—How many times have you heard women say men don’t listen? Why would this change if someone is attempting a violent crime?
I am not a violent person but i know for me personally if my life and safety or that of a loved one were in immediate jeopardy I would go full kobra kai
@pmvines and @FunCartel with the greatest respect, my friends, you have not read my post properly.
Everyone at any time should feel free to carry a weapon. So long as it’s their legal right to do so. Especially if they feel at a disadvantage.
Having said that, all this talk of weapons does concern me. In any interaction I have with others, my goal is to establish trust every step along the way. So if someone feels the need to carry a weapon around me, then I’ve failed them somehow. Perhaps we could have spent more time communicating ahead of time. If she’s a professional I’d be happy to pay her for her time. But this most tender of moments with a weapon nearby, for me it’s a contradiction. Because I don’t see how I could cuddle someone, if we’re not both completely at ease.
A weapon can be useful as a last resort. But there’s so much that we can do to help ensure we never need it.
@cualtzin it's not necessarily that someone would feel a need to carry a weapon because of something you have done . It would be because of the potential of something someone else might do . I would'nt take something like that personally. The person I pay to clean my house once a mo Carrie's a pistol in a holster on her hip . I know urs not because of me . She just is one of those folks who are always packing
@pmvines I carry heat too, you've been warned
@pmvines Oh I understand, to each their own. But it’s not for me. I’ve seen what weapons have done. All I’m saying is that if someone feels they need to carry a weapon around me (just in case) then I’ll simply politely decline.
@CuddleDuncan With all due respect, I have. It is patronizing and self-serving at best. If that was not your intent, then a rewrite is in order.
@MissVeronica you are in Chiraq so you get a pass
I understand the necessity to carry some form of self-defense, but at the same time, I think it's sad that there's a need to do so. I can't wrap my mind around the idea that some people seem to feel it's okay to assault someone.
@Allerdale didnt you call @cricket26 a nickname in your response? My opinion, sometimes people are just being friendly. @Allerdale I think you’re a very friendly person.
When I worked downtown, I had to lockup the office on my own (usually somewhere between 11:00pm and 1:00am), then walk through a poorly lit courtyard, around the backside of our building, to get to the un-monitored, parking garage below.
I was worried about my safety so I went to buy a gun to carry in my pocket (finger on the trigger style). I found one I thought was good and the clerk asked me why I choose that particular one to purchase. I told him about my late-night concerns adding I liked that it was small, had a mother of pearl inlay on the handle, and just thought it seemed like a good choice.
He promptly removed his key from the case lock and said there was no way he'd be selling me that gun. He explained that the "pretty pea shooter" was no better than a knife to try and protect myself from an assailant with who would likely be running on adrenaline, be on drugs or in some other way altered, and/or would have the element of surprise in their favor. He added, for it to be at all affective, I'd have to be within lunging distance of my target and that it was more likely than not it would end up being used against me.
I thought that made perfect sense and that maybe a larger gun would be a better choice. He said, "Hell no! Not from here anyway!" He proceeded to inform me of a class offered through the police bureau that teaches various self defense, preservation and situational assesment tactics. He also recommended I go to the local shooting range and to take a gun safety course.
I truly believe he was 100% correct and admire his putting another person's safety above that of money in his pocket.
It's true that weapons requiring close proximity to use are easily turned against the one attempting to protect themselves. Bit there's an incredibly vulnerable position one places themselves in when cuddling a stranger and even with the best screening practices a predator may get through.
I really think that a both/and approach isn't a bad idea. Get the trainings, get a conceal carry permit, get the optional wrist tethers that make getting items away from you that much harder, be aware of your surroundings, have an exit strategy and be ready to snap into a controlled calm, relying on what you know/have learned when/if you need to react/fight back.
And don't be scared to draw blood. If nothing else their wounds and DNA samples are helpful to police in finding/confirming the perpetrator.
Whatever works for you works best. I wouldn’t dare to presume to tell anyone what they should choose to feel safe. What I think one should do doesn’t necessarily apply to the next person.
I think @quixotic_life is pretty much spot on in her assessment. In a perfect world there would be no need for such measures, but we all know this world is nowhere near perfect. What’s the old saying prepare for the worst and hope for the best ?
I just moved to the town I'm in. Late a couple nights ago there was a man within 20 yards of my house beating the shit out of a sign and a fence with a big stick and roaring/howling/yelling with fury. I called 911, the nice police showed up in minutes, they talked to the man for a while and sent him on his way. During the "dealing with it" phase, I was all action. After it was dealt with, my body did the, "holy shit" thing bodies do, even when the mind says, "Oh, that was just a drunk boy from the college." I thought about how easily he could have gotten into my house if he had had a mind to, if the focus of his fury ever turned toward me or my house. Even though I'm smart, I'm trained in martial arts, and I know how to use a sword quite lethally, nevertheless, there was a profound unprotected feeling that has me respecting what @quixotic_life talks about above. I have experience with firearms, having grown up in a family that normalized things like target practice, and having brothers and boyfriends who have or have had guns. I know the basics of safety and the laws and all that, and yet, so far, haven't been motivated to go the gun route. But am not surprised some on here have.