You know? It’s upsetting to me to hear about weapons handling in the setting of this forum, being a cuddling site. Can I suggest that if one is having thoughts of not feeling safe, to the point of having weapons at arms reach, there are other areas one is not feeling safe in. And those issues need to be dealt with. So, it also seems sexist to me that the notion that men are crazy and violent. Now suppose I feel unsafe cuddling with a woman because under the mattress we’re cuddling on, she could turn mad and grab that gun because she felt the slightest bit uncomfortable. Yes women too can be violet and now I have a legitimate reason not to feel safe.
Not every man is out to get you. This conversation is concerning to me.
@Riverside77 I hear stories about violence against women from men often enough that I believe it's a very real thing. Some women can be violent too, but it seems it's more common for women to be victims from men than men victims of attack from women. You can see some statistics here and here. For example, the 2nd link says 1 in 3 women experience some form of violence from an intimate partner, vs. 1 in 4 men (and extreme violence, 1 in 4 women vs. 1 in 9 men); it also says 1 in 7 women have been injured by an intimate partner, vs. 1 in 25 men. It's just a fact that women tend to be victims more often than men. Unfortunately, some of the women you know could have been a victim of sexual assault (or some other form of assault) at some point in the past and probably just don't talk about it.
Someone who asks a lot of questions before proceeding to do anything they request is a green flag for me. I love it when folks ask if something is okay before doing it.
@Riverside77 ~ It's good you find this uncomfortable. It's a scary topic and the fact is both women and men have plenty of cause for concern. That doesn't mean we all need to go into a cuddle armed for battle. But it does mean we should do what we can to develop our own vetting processes and implement safety protocols.
It's beyond clear to not push boundaries, yet some still feel compelled to do so. And it seems most prevalent in this community by those who have a warped notion that they've, "paid for the privilege to do so".
So if that means a dinky dame might knee a man in the groin while simultaneously punching him in the throat and/or macing him, because he didn't respect that "no" means "no", and she feels threatened... Sorry not sorry, he deserves it, plain and simple.
Perhaps men concerned with the tactics ladies may employ in defending themselves should be examining their own vetting processes and make sure their cuddle partner's boundaries match their expectations around exploration.
Follow up... @Riverside77 I just wanted to make sure you understood my above comments were related to your opening, "You know? It’s upsetting to me to hear about weapons handling in the setting of this forum, being a cuddling site." and closing "Not every man is out to get you. This conversation is concerning to me." remarks.
And not in any way do I think you might be one that would push another's boundaries. It was more to the point that many men, and sometimes women, do. And too bad, so sad, if as an adult one hasn't learned there are consequences for their actions and gets their nose broke as a result.
I don't condone violence, but I get it's sometimes necessary. And in the context of this site and people having rational and reasonable concerns related to their safety, it makes sense that "weapons" might come up as a way to address those concerns.
Further, the statement, "Not every man is out to get you." is true, but so is the statement, "Some men might be out to get you." If those who were going to cross the line disclosed as much, we wouldn't be having the conversation, because nobody in their right mind would schedule a cuddle with them.
@CuddleStella ~ "Green Flag!" Love it! ~ The term and what you applied it to!!!
I'm a face person. I can tell if someone is decent based on their writing and their headshot. If they start asking tons of questions, anything that seems slightly sexual, or want more pictures, I block them.
...Well, I'm not a woman, but I am kinda frail—I use a different sort of deterrent.
Rather than "if you attack me you may die," I use "if you attack me my safety person will report you to the police." (Or, rather, that's what I used before plague began ravaging the nations.)
You chat, swap face photos, agree to meet, send the face pic to a friend, check in with your friend at agreed times, and presto!
Won't keep you safe from someone too dumb to think further ahead than about five minutes, but everybody else who might be assault-inclined... yes, this works pretty well. And if they're a decent person and a good cuddler? You can introduce them to your friend!
I also have knives, but that's because I like knives. Bit of a collector.
@Riverside77 I find it concerning that I specifically asked for WOMEN’S opinions and the thread got taken over by men talking about weapons, mansplaining., and your “not all men” argument. 🤷♀️ Sorry if you or any other men were offended but i actually didn’t mean for y’all to be involved.
Edit: however, thank you to the men who engaged sparingly, respectfully and recognized the validity of women’s safety concerns!
Whoever is a modmin here, please close my thread,i don’t know how. I got the responses i needed and this conversation is veering toward negativity.
@reurbo @SoulcuddlerZ @Sideon can you close this please
@cricket26 ~ You can either "flag" a comment, or tag/@ a moderator like @SoulcuddlerZ , @Sideon or @Mark requesting the thread be closed.
Hope that helps... There may be other ways but those are the only ones I know of.
Edit/Nm you figured it out.
It's upsetting to see so many men in this thread respond by being disrespectful and invalidating of women's experiences.
Closed. 2020-11-23 6:33:51.83 ET