Hello everyone,
I’m new to this, and I’m wondering if I should inform my SO about my interest in cuddling session. What’s is your experience with it ?
Thanks !
I would highly recommend doing so personally, aside from the relationship drama it may save many cuddlers take a very dim view to being involved in such situations. Just my opinion though so you do you.
I was diagnosed with a couple of serious chronic illnesses back in 2012. I was introduced to cuddling by my pain management specialist shortly after that. My wife and I discussed it. She's okay with it, so I've been doing it a few times a month since then. Cuddling helps me forget about the pain for a while. The missus is still my absolute best and favorite cuddle buddy. The women I work with on CC take up the slack, and I'm quite grateful for that. I've met some truly wonderful women on this page.
I think talking with her about needing more affection is the first step. If she doesn’t offer you that intimacy, you have to decide if it’s worth ending the relationship or if she can agree and be fine with you being on this site looking for that affection she won’t give. A loving couple wants their spouse to be happy. That means you being happy and her being happy. If there is a little tension, it could certainly worsen a relationship. If she doesn’t want you looking for hugs elsewhere but won’t offer it to you, it seems slightly unfair in my eyes. Although there is so much more involved and to think about. Had badly will the tension in your relationship grow if you honor her wishes and not receive any affection? How badly will the tension in your relationship grow if you go against her wishes and stay on the site doing something she views as immoral (no matter how innocent a simple hug or cuddle is) Before bringing up the site, see how she reacts to you needing affection. Hopefully she realizes how badly you need this intimacy and starts hugging you more or she is alright with you being on the site. Cross your fingers 🤞
If you're hiding who you are, what your needs are, then you don't have a significant other, you have a recurring acting role.
I agree totally with @Sheena123 Starting with the SO is the right priority. Be specific. Tell them what affection, touch cuddling and more.... tell them what that means to you and how important it is in your life. That you need those things as a way to communicate back and forth with each other. Your love and their love doing this dance. And it's wrapped in sweet words. I love you talk. It's validation of each other as being each other's lover.
But if they object, and you decide your resentment will grow then you've got to tell your SO that, too. At some point it becomes clear where the problem is. Each partner needs to set boundaries, but not block each other from being fulfilled. Lovers don't block each other from their love.
I have bad panic attacks and I would want my partner to tell me but also part of me wouldn’t want to know. If it is a lady that wouldn’t mind to cuddle us both then I would be ok with it 100% if we got along
Betrayal in a relationship is generally felt when there are lies, secrets or broken terms of agreement. So, if you feel that cuddling would fall into one of those categories, it's probably wise to share thoughts and negotiate something to avoid causing damage to your relationship.
An exception might be if your SO is cognitively unable to participate in said conversation (ie: dementia or psychosis.
I would. And if you decide not to I would probably at least tell the person you will coddle with that your SO doesn't know. Then they can decide if they want the potential drama.
If this is not a joke and you do not have an open relationship I would suggest asking him/her their opinion about the community first. Maybe they have thought of it too and you can try it together.
Honesty is integral to a healthy relationship.
@Msmith3835 will you take the advice of the 80% or the 20%?
There are numerous examples around the community of people in a committed and loving relationship who cuddle outside it with the knowledge of the other person.
There are of course those who don't. It all depends on circumstances.
I definitely would, wrong would be if you seek out & go through with a cuddle session & than tell them you did it, at that point I wouldn’t say anything.
@MaullySterling excellent point, coming from a perspective of awareness.
Definitely. I agree with a lot of people on here. Also, if you aren't getting enough physical affection in your relationship, and have been VERY clear that you need it, then the relationship appears toxic. Just my opinion.
If you wish to keep them as an SO, then yes.
It’s all dependent on your needs. If they wouldn’t understand then just be discreet about it to avoid drama. Sometimes all of our needs are not being met and we need to seek out others to get those needs taken care of. However it’s all up to what you can handle, no one can decide that for you.
@garymoore
If they wouldn’t understand then just be discreet about it to avoid drama. Sometimes all of our needs are not being met and we need to seek out others to get those needs taken care of. However it’s all up to what you can handle, no one can decide that for you.
Deliberately withholding important information specifically to control the other person's perception and feelings... well, that would be a deal breaker for me. I'm sad that you would recommend that.
For me it's a mix. Glad I told him, bummed he didn't care, and now looking forward to our pending separation. I personally couldn't go behind his back/lie to his face, but for nearly twenty years had been lying to myself.
A relationship that lacks affection, to the degree one needs to look elsewhere for it, but worries their SO won't approve (or up their touch game), means you may need to dig a little deeper than considering the question posed.
Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you ~ Consequences are inevitable no matter the action you take (or don't take).
Good luck!!! 💗
When I finally had a very direct conversation with my husband about my cuddling needs, it was met with his needs to have me service him sexually. We could not find a common ground. We are no longer married.
I wish I would’ve learned at a much younger age that just because someone’s love language is physical touch, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the same type of physical touch. We are all on physical touch spectrum somewhere.
👍 @Importance +1 🎉 👏👏👏
@Importance From what some people on this site have said, it seems some people just aren't cuddly/affectionate people. So I wonder if some people aren't really on the physical touch spectrum at all. Everyone might have different love languages, though personally it's hard for me to imagine a relationship without affectionate cuddles.
What kind of ridiculous question is this, of course you should let your SO know.
@Importance it sounds like you are better off without that guy.
@rainy8743 that is a bit harsh. There are no ridiculous questions if they are honest.
@rainy8743, @Invisible_Touch is right. It's an honest question, and therefore not ridiculous.
Furthermore, if you really think that everybody should tell their SO everything, then it's my duty to inform you that you have a lot to learn about the reality of human relationships.
And lastly, there were already twenty two responses to the original post, some of them quite thoughtful. My impression is that you were not so thoughtful. You are still fairly new to this forum, and I hope you spend more time here. Just remember that the more thoughtful you are, the more you learn. And the more you learn, the happier you are.
@Msmith3835 I’ve become invested in your story. Are you going to talk to your significant other?
As a professional, I have encountered many married clients and after hearing their stories I can say there is no one size fits all answer to this question. Even with my clients I do not know the answer because I only meet one half of the couple and hear one side of the story. Only you know the answer to that question. Here are a few questions to ask yourself. 1. Why am I seeking out cuddling outside of my relationship? 2. Have I communicated my needs clearly with my partner? 3. Do I want to be in this relationship? a) if yes, can I work to improve my relationship and get my needs met? b) if no, am I capable of leaving the relationship at this time? 4. If I choose to not tell my partner how will they react if they find out? Can I deal with that reaction?
I think it is a very subjective topic and we will all have different answers. I think it really depends how long you've been having them or you have started seeking cuddles whilst being with your partner for a long time... In my opinion you are absolutely in charge of what you do and don't share with your partner... again depending how deep/long how long you have been with them.
People all choose different what they expect/want from a relationship... some people are happy if their partner don't give much affection... you can be soul partners without this., then get affection else where but obviously if its a long partner oI believe it's important to tell them and talk about feelings.
Some people demand this affection be met by their long term partner. I personally think you should be as open as possible but take your own time in how quickly slowly/share things. If it means a lot to you then maybe share it sooner rather than later. Though of course if they right for you whenever you share it you would hope they trust you and it wouldn't matter.