I can only speak for myself.. and I find it extremely hard to be "social" to keep going with conversation. Rather it seems like "small talk".. or I'm too boring to have nothing to really say. This is usually the case for me.
@PurpleFairy90 - I know how you feel. I try to keep a conversation going, but it ends up fizzling out anyway. Do you have any hobbies? You could meet somebody who has the same interest as you and it'll give you something to talk about.
I got into electronics and decided to go to school for it which I'm really enjoying.
I struggle with people who drop their end of the conversation. Like when we've been going back and forth and all of a sudden they send a message that's like a book closure and there's nothing to reply to and I have no ideas sparking another reply thought. Then days later I'll get a "What's up?" and I just don't know how to proceed.
I also don't like when people message me as if I were a pro looking to book a client. I mean, take a couple minutes to read my profile. Understand I'm not in this to meet your needs and that I actually expect a non-transactional interaction. Sheesh!
I’ll be honest...
In my previous relationship... if I asked more than one question, (in texting)... chances are one is just going to get missed laughs I learnt quite quickly to only ever ask one question, and wait for a reply...
Attention span issues? Maybe Lol
I think some people may legitimately click to whatever question interests them the most, and (unconsciously) forget about the others.
(I’m hoping my other half at the time wasn’t purposely ignoring that many questions haha)
@quixotic_life I hear that. I've been communicating with a pro on here since February 2020 and it's been 7 months now with no meeting. Every once in a while I get a text saying, "hey babe how's it going?" Last interaction we had was Tuesday and I had asked her to ask me a question. She responded that "she can't right now. It's hard on the spot". I mean, are you a pro or not?
If she is a pro, and you aren't paying anything, you are effectively text-chatting with a non-pro. Sounds like an OK arrangement.
@CrossFitNLattes ~ "I had asked her to ask me a question. She responded that "she can't right now. It's hard on the spot". I mean, are you a pro or not?"
Although I get the frustration, I feel like it's unfair to feel they (a pro) should be able to accommodate a banter request.
--- She may be dealing with a slew of things in her real world that are blocking the flow of ideas.
--- She may have a myriad of other online suitors she's also corresponding with and, as a sincere person, doesn't want to ask you a question that wouldn't be one she actually cares about the answer to.
--- Or perhaps it's a test to gage your degree of understanding her as a fellow human with feelings and needs. By saying, "It's hard on the spot." she may like recieving a reply like, "I understand. How about I ask you one instead? When we cuddle are there things you'd like me to do that we haven't discussed yet?"
In any field you will find people with varied levels of experience and talents. Instead of approaching their perceived shortcomings with judgements, maybe consider flipping the script and ask yourself, "How can I be the best client? What can I do or say to get the most out of this interaction? What might I change to soften my expectations of this person and receive what they're able to offer as a gift? Etc."
If nothing else it's a good practice for growing our mindfulness, self awareness and appreciation for others and hopefully brings us more favorable outcomes along the way ~ Note: It's nice when it does, but don't expect it to because expectations tend to hinder the flow of good vibes.
You catch more flies with honey
Be the change you wish to see in the world
@geoff1000 @quixotic_life you're both right. In effect, I have been texting with this young lady for the past 7 months with no expectation https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/DeeCuddles. It's honestly a win, win if you ask me. I'm not paying for witty banter and she isn't obligated to respond.
@CrossFitNLattes ~ Good to hear. I must have applied my own layers of judging onto the wording of your comment because, when I read it, a nerve was poked... and I couldn't just leave it alone...
I guess it might feel like a phoning up a taxi service or delivery restaurant, and having someone just chatting.
When trying to build communication - if you have to force it & there’s no interest from either side/end, it is best to move on.
When arguing - if they are really trying to get a reaction out of you, don’t give it to them - leave them waiting! lol it is not that easy they’ll have to earn it.
Aww but I like to get them REALLY INTO the argument and THEN go silent it drives em right up the wall and round the bend lmao
Whenever I ask a person a few questions in a single message and they only reply to some, I've always interpreted that as a polite hint that they'd rather not discuss the other things. But now I'm not sure if this assumption is right or not, because I've never tried to confirm it I've never considered that some people might just forget to answer the other questions. Oh well.
When they put minimal effort into their messages ~ When there is a major imbalance in our communication with each other.
When I'm clearly putting effort into getting to know them, and they respond with one liners.
@PurpleFairy90 I think that most people would agree with you - texting/messaging over the internet is not an ideal way to get to know someone but that's the only way we have to break the ice so we have to make it fun somehow, or atleast make it as short as possible.
@squeakytoy I have frequently faced a similar problem. My conclusion is that the average person is too stupid gifted with an excessively enhanced cerebral deoptimisation paradigm to cope with more than one question at once. I only ever ask one question per text now. It's more work, but at least you get the answers.
I did at one time have a theory similar to yours, but when I tested it my correspondants were usually quite happy to answer the other questions once you pinned them down. The exceptions were mostly things that they didn't want to answer right now, for example committing themselves to arrangements, but they didn't want to admit to not wanting to answer right now.
LOL, oh snap @CuddleDuncan ! And thanks, that's interesting. I think I'll try asking one question at a time too and see what happens.
If anyone reaching out to me, I WILL reply back every time, to me that is only common courtesy, that is the way I was raised and I'm so glad of that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know in todays world that is not the norm.
When people ask if they can touch AB or C or talk to much about what I would be wearing I can understand asking boundary questions but there is a limit to when it starts being weird
@waynewv you are a man, so it's easy for you to say that. Some women create an account, go away for an hour, and come back to perhaps 30 messages. Several of those may be creepy, and several others borderline. It would take several hours of time and a significant amount of emotional energy to respond to them all. In that time they would receive several dozen more messages. Trying to reply to everybody is not only impossible, it would be foolish.
Our old paradigms of it being polite to reply to messages and rude not to are no good in a world of modern global communication. Or to put it another way, you (and I) were brought up in a world before the internet. Therefore, when it comes to communication, the way we were brought up is irrelevant.
For me, no pictures is the biggest turn off.
@Christakcobb What if they send you a picture in the first message they send you?
Late to the party here
Not the original questioning here but my beef and No response.
This is for the polite messages Just a basic question . Rude ones I can see as a no reply.
@waynewv You said it 100 % its called common courtesy. That term is dissapearing
It does not have to be a spontaneous reply, because someone could be busy.
It may only takes 10 seconds of your life.
In my books No Reply. = Red Flag = No Business. Just like the real business world, where most people who do not reply will never survive
For me, I think the thing that would cause me not to respond is if I see a one-liner profile description. It just puts me off. And I unfortunately have seen some pros do this as well.
Any man who talks about "just need[ing] a body to hold" or uses the word "female" to refer to women in his profile. Like, go microwave a corpse then buddy. I'm a whole person, not a body or a gender.
Nothing written in profile = no message for you.
Located outside my own state
body-shot pic in first message (not a dating site, Idc about your look)
"How r u"
any message trying to set up a cuddle immediately when we've never spoken before
On another note, sometimes I'm just too tired to reply to messages. I get at least 5 messages per day and have several conversations going (with awesome people!). Sometimes there just isn't any mental energy left to initiate conversation with a whole new person. I do try to respond to most people though, even if only to tell them I'm not interested.