No replies to my messages

Alexorhei · May 2021

Hey everyone
I'm curious if anyone would like to have a look at my profile
I prefer to cuddle women
Keep it platonic

Contacted pretty much every woman who has been on the website recently (London Area)

Done this a few times,at a few months distance (deleting the previous conversations, so that it looks like I'm messaging them first time)

But in all cases, for exception of one person

No replies at all

I'm terribly confused

Any suggestions please?

CuddleDuncan · May 2021

(deleting the previous conversations, so that it looks like I'm messaging them first time)

Well there's your first problem, you're being a creep. The very fact that you think it's ok to do that is worrying. I suggest you have a jolly good think about that. For a start, it means you haven't grasped the lessons about consent that you should have learned at the workshops.

Reply rates are always low, so it's not just you. This might help:

https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort#p1

Looking over your profile, it leaves me feeling that I know only two things about you. One, you've been to cuddle workshops, and two, you've been on holiday. I could have guessed the second, and the first point (while good in itself) neither goes anywhere, nor takes me anywhere in my knowledge of you.

May 2021

I'm pretty sure deleting the conversation on your end doesn't (necessarily) delete it on their end...

sjb1973 · May 2021

Just a couple of thoughts @Alexorhei
(I'm also a Londoner – been here for about 3 years on and off, and have cuddled with half a dozen enthusiasts in that time, one regularly.)

Firstly, reply rates are low, particularly if you're only messaging enthusiasts. So in that sense, don't take it too personally. One of my cuddle buddies showed me her inbox on CC once (not the detail, obviously), and the number of messages she had received was insane.

That said, are people looking at your profile after you've messaged them? If so, it's probably worth refreshing your profile, including your pics. Ask a few honest female friends what they think of it. (The shirtless pic, for example – off-putting, given the nature of this site?)

If people aren't looking at your profile after you've messaged them, perhaps there's something about your messages that people aren't finding compelling enough to reply? You say you've messaged pretty much everyone in London, which suggests you're not just contacting people you feel you might have some sort of connection with.

In short, I'd say follow some of the good advice you'll get on here – and also try a little less hard (which I know is counter intuitive). Just contact people you feel you might have a genuine connection with, and really focus on what you like about their profile and where you think you might have something in common.

You could also expand your search outside London. The woman who turned out to be my regular cuddle buddy lived about 50 miles outside London, and I only messaged her because I liked the tone of her 'About me' statement. I had no intention of us becoming cuddle buddies. It turned out she was happy travelling to London for cuddle weekends, and the rest is history! (Well, it was – she left the UK during the COVID pandemic, sniff ).

Good luck

May 2021

Hi Alex, I reviewed your profile and I want to affirm that if we weren’t thousands of miles away I would cuddle with you ☺️. As a suggestion, I’ve met multiple guys that have paid for a pro to expressly get a karma review. And I can honestly say that when I see a guy who has even one review it feels safer to engage. Karma reviews let people know your “safe” and experienced with boundaries. Something to consider.

May 2021

And like drc said, I believe that deleting the conversation on your end does not delete the conversation on their end. Neither does blocking.

I_Am_Not_A_Cat · May 2021

It also helps to have something that draws attention. I know changing my name to "I_Am_Not_A_Cat" got me more responses, which made it easier to get karma, which resulted in more responses as well.

Alexorhei · May 2021

Wow. Truly appreciative of your time in replying back. Thank you

Lev136 · May 2021

@Alexorhei , I've messaged both Pros and Enthusiasts. I the key I think is what do you say about yourself in your initial message. I give a detailed description of myself and why I cuddle. It helps. Being a veteran on this site I find it helps. Don't give up hope!!

Amortentia · May 2021

That is normal actually but I really don't suggest trying to contact them multiple times if they just won't reply especially if you see they were online. But if you contact them more than once then yeah don't delete the previous message and continue from there. Just say you wanted to pop in and see if they were interesting in a cuddle some time. Don't be pushy!

Also, since you mentioned your name is Alexei on your profile...are you slavic like me? If not then nevermind and you don't need to answer if you don't want to either. Just I know many by that name. Anyway, good luck cuddling!

SnugglewithSam · May 2021

Hi there @Alexorhei , if you've been to Cuddle Parties and you know of people on this site, there is absolutely no shame in getting karma from the people you cuddled at those parties. Karma makes a HUGE difference (as a pro that started here two years after practicing I can vouch on that end of things that the quality goes way up once you have some karma).

Otherwise, I see that you made changes to your profile already and you're moving in the right direction. It takes some tweaking and persistence, but I hope you get the results you're looking for!

CuddleWho · May 2021

There are 22 non-pro women in your area and 146 non-pro men. Get the picture? And 22 is actually a lot; most areas don’t have nearly that many. Plus a significant portion of those women are probably just dipping their feet into the site and hesitant to actually meet anyone.

If you are persistent and decent and are willing to travel you may eventually have some success. But there’s an alternative.... go somewhere that doesn’t have such an incredibly skewed gender ratio.

May 2021

I have the same experience but I have a different take from the comments above mine.

I have been in this site for a few months. Unlike you, my photos are only available for friends (which currently, I do not have in this site), which makes it more difficult to get responses. With the absence of a profile picture, (my culture isn't really into cuddling strangers) I send a picture to cuddlers when I message them, still, no replies (except for pros).

Here is my theory:
Just like what was said by other commentor; ratio is skewed in favor of the women. With this, they can pick the most attractive, the most sweetest guy or whatever boxes they want to tick as their requirement, because we (men) are too many; they can choose and ignore the rest.

I can only speak for myself, but I think attraction is still the biggest factor for most cuddlers for them to at least reply (or not!); and second and AS important is their safety.

Let's be real. Women always and will ALWAYS have the upperhand in these things, or at least in my experience. I save myself the trouble by just messaging a PRO. I have a pleasing personality but I am far from a physically attractive person and this is why I think I don't get replies.

I looked at your profile and you seem genuinely like a nice guy and you dont look bad either. Hope you get a cuddle buddy in your area.

May 2021

@HuggyBuddy21 I think it makes for more productive and respectful conversation if we speak to our own experiences, and don't attempt to speak on behalf of others. Whenever the discussion comes up on the boards about what female enthusiasts look for on here, their response has been "safety". I can't remember a single time a female enthusiast has even hinted at attraction as a deciding factor.

The only common trait I've seen among the men who have lots of "cuddle wealth" (and luck with female enthusiasts in particular) is that they listen to us and treat us well. As a side note, in the time I've been on this site, I've witnessed plenty of men with conventionally attractive photos complaining in the forums that female enthusiasts don't respond to their messages.

CuddleDuncan · May 2021

@CuddleWho @HuggyBuddy21 there are now 23 women enthusiasts in London who have logged on in the last month, presumably we had one more since Cuddlewho noted 22. Of those, I have cuddled with three and received messages from two others, out of perhaps fifteen messages sent.

There are 22 non-pro women in your area and 146 non-pro men.

That's a pretty average ratio (7:1) for Cuddle Comfort as a whole.

Plus a significant portion of those women are probably just dipping their feet into the site and hesitant to actually meet anyone.

Actually, in this particular instance that is not the case. This is my local area, so I'm familiar with these profiles and most of them have been around for a while.

my culture isn't really into cuddling strangers

Well, no, it wouldn't be. Nobody's is. This is a new thing.

This idea that men cannot get cuddles because there are too many men and not enough women is simply nonsense. I literally cannot fit in all the enthusiast cuddles I would like to, or am asked for. (I've been active on the site since November, so call it six months.)

I think attraction is still the biggest factor for most cuddlers for them to at least reply

Look at my profile picture! Look at it!! Are you seriously claiming that the reason I have so much success on Cuddle Comfort is because of my looks?

May 2021

@squeakytoy thank you for sharing your thoughts on my opinion. I could be wrong and I want to be wrong to be honest. I would like to think that most women shares your opinion/outlook but I am speaking for myself regarding my experience and thoughts about why most men don't get replies. Also, I don't think anyone will put attractive as a requirement because they will be surely judged. Do I have a proof? No, that's why it's an opinion, a very hard honest one. Again, I'd be very happy to be wrong.

May 2021

@CuddleDuncan not just attraction, you may be ticking other boxes that women cuddles with you require. And for the culture part, I came from southeast asia and recently migrated to US. Our culture is much less open-minded to this. Even if it's a new thing, US, EU had adapted much faster whereas countries from where I came from, you wouldn't find anyone.

May 2021

@HuggyBuddy21 So you're faced with a choice. You can...

Listen to me (a female enthusiast) and the dozens of other female enthusiasts on the forums who have repeatedy stated the same view I just shared; or
Choose to favor your own speculations on what we actually think, and assume you know our motivations better than we do.

I will tell you this: The best thing you can do to help your chances with female enthusiasts is show that you listen to us and take us seriously. @CuddleDuncan is a shining example of someone who has taken this mindset to heart, and it has paid off for him.

May 2021

As a female enthusiast when I look at profiles I want to see a happy, welcoming person who if I saw them I would smile back and want to know their name. Smiling eyes tend to make me feel safe. I tend to lean towards the “a little extra” category because I like a big teddy bear cuddle.

Although I enjoy looking at profiles of people far away from me and have made good friends that way, I prefer to meet someone local and actually get to cuddle someone.

I am looking for a platonic cuddle, not a soul mate or an intellectual sparring partner. So for me I want to feel safe in easy conversation, and when I meet a cuddle partner their “vibe” needs to be relaxed, they need to smell good and feel good (soft clothing). Their looks are not as important as you might think.

If someone is playing with a dog I will look at that profile purely because I love dogs. So I guess each of us has our own preferences.

I hope this gives you a window into another female enthusiast’s perspective.

May 2021

@squeakytoy I have already shared my thoughts and would respectfully stick with it. I would be happy to read forums if you have link to them, but until then, without any intentions of disrespecting anyone, I will stick with my opinion. Like the guy who posted this topic, I have not heard any replies after sending my picture, does that mean that my picture looks like I'm a guy who doesn't know how to listen? I might be wrong but my opinion is based on how I perceived the situation based on MY experience. And I want to make it clear from the very first post I made that I'm speaking FOR myself and why I think women are not replying. Am I right? Maybe not but that's an opinion. Please bare in mind that this is how I see it and might not be what's really the truth. I am repeating myself but this is how I see it.

To reiterate from my very first post, I can only speak for myself. I do not represent the female enthusiasts here but that is how I perceived it.

May 2021

@HuggyBuddy21 Fair enough. Good luck.

deefine · May 2021

I find it tragic when Brits get ignored here, they seem so much more sophisticated and polite than us US brats

May 2021

@squeakytoy thank you for the good luck. I apologize to you or anyone that might perceived my thoughts on the matter offensive. When I made my comment, it's only intended to share a thought, nothing more.

Amortentia · May 2021

@CuddleDuncan

Are you seriously claiming that the reason I have so much success on Cuddle Comfort is because of my looks?

Have you looked closely to your profile picture? Honestly, though, I think that picture could be helping in your success. Personally, when I saw it, I see you looking at CC (as if it was offline in a group outside) and you got this look on your face like, "Heh, a cuddle place is that there? This outta be an easy cuddling success story for me. Let's go!"

And then you also do these informative threads like you know every little thing that has to do with cuddling. But then you say...

I've been active on the site since November, so call it six months

What?! I would have thought it took you some years to learn all that you share on here and get all those cuddlers that you have had from here. So yeah... I'm going with it's your picture! You just know what you're up against and dive in with confidence! Lol.

sunnysideup · May 2021

Based on my own observations in the forums, the male cuddlers that have been successful in cudding female enthusiasts have all had one thing in common for sure. They all came across as articulate and expressive when posting in the forums, which I'm sure translated to their messages sent to enthusiasts. I haven't studied all successful male enthusiast profiles, just the ones that show up in the forum, so this 'for sure' may not be totally accurate. But many cuddlers are looking for some type of connection before even meeting up, so this might make sense.

I'm very sure that pictures play a very important role, but I can't confirm this 'for sure' since not all of the successful male enthusiasts profiles I viewed shared their images publicly. Physical attractiveness will definitely help, but I don't think it's as important as images that project confidence and kindness, show general body type for cuddling, having transparent, clear photos of your face and body type in a few different circumstances.

Safety has been a very general and reoccurring concern for female enthusiasts. While this is impossible to competeley portray over the internet, because people lie, there are factors that contribute to this (not pushing for an immediate cuddle, having transparent photos, show a genuine interest in them as a human, having a discussion about boundaries). I guess one way to look at this is, there will always be risk, what makes risking meeting you worth it? Try to minimize the risk and amp up areas that would show you'd be a good cuddler.

CuddleWho · May 2021

@CuddleDuncan

This idea that men cannot get cuddles because there are too many men and not enough women is simply nonsense.

I think your positive attitude and contributions to this community are really great. But sometimes you say something that's so obviously counter to the truth that it's just silly. For instance, no male pros are going to make $150k/year. And yes, the male:female ratio on this site absolutely is a major obstacle to men seeking enthusiast women. How could it not be? Even if every man on this site checked all the boxes of what enthusiast women are looking for, there still aren't even close to enough women to go around. Arithmetic is real.

sunnysideup · May 2021

@CuddleWho I think that @CuddleDuncan does make a point. But rather than ratio being a hindrance is nonsense, it is perhaps more of a moderate hindrance rather than an absolute hindrance. The average ratio (7:1) isn't quite as bad as it seems. There are a good number of male enthusiasts that push boundaries immediately, communicate horribly, have no pictures/profile at all, etc. So the ratio of male enthusiasts who are giving it an honest try to female enthusiasts is not as high as 7:1. I don't know what the 'real' ratio is, but I believe it's still a barrier, just not quite as bad as the 7:1 initially indicates. Maybe it's closer to 4:1? That's just a guess. I haven't seen any female cuddler's inbox so not able to get a true ratio.

@CuddleDuncan Another way that the 7:1 ratio, is hurting things is that it is flooding inboxes. And having a flooded inbox makes it less likely that your message will even be seen, or read without mental exhaustion, even if it is a good attempt at communication. On the flipside, a well crafted message would stand out even more in the sea of mediocrity, not sure how this balance plays out.

Addtionally, the high number of unfortunates are pushing female enthusiasts off the site with their crass messages. Maybe not a direct result of the ratio, but rather the quality of the ratio. I was having a few, atleast in my opinion, good conversations with cuddlers, when out of the blue, their account is deleted. I'm guessing crass messages played a part in that, or had ulterior motives being on this site.

May 2021

@CuddleWho I think the mistake here is in thinking in terms of "there's not enough women to go around". We're not pairing off 1:1. Even if we're going with the ratio of about 7 men on the site for every 1 woman, it's not unthinkable for a woman to cuddle seven men regularly (at least, not in a pre- or post-covid world, don't do it now, stay safe folks).

On my first CC account, I had three cuddle buddies for a while (two men, one woman). I met a few more using other sites. I certainly would have had time and interest for seven male cuddle buddies. Unfortunately, the majority of the men I talked to didn't come across as safe to spend time alone with.

In that light, I have to agree with @CuddleDuncan - it's not the ratio that's the problem. The guys who can't find cuddle buddies are usually doing things to block themselves.

CuddleWho · May 2021

@squeakytoy

it's not unthinkable for a woman to cuddle seven men regularly

I'm confident that very few non-pro women are going to have 7 regular cuddle buddies at the same time. How do you even juggle that from a purely scheduling standpoint?

But let's temporarily imagine that every woman on this site wants to find 7 regular cuddle buddies. So, to make up some numbers, let's say there are 1,000 women on this site and 7,000 men. Now that every woman wants 7 cuddle buddies, there is just as much cuddle availability as there are men. The problem it the most cuddle-successful men will have multiple cuddle buddies too! So there will be men taking up more than one of those 7,000 "cuddle slots", and consequently plenty of men still unable to find a cuddle buddy. (For instance, @CuddleDuncan apparently has 3 enthusiast cuddle buddies.)

The guys who can't find cuddle buddies are usually doing things to block themselves.

There are lots of men on this site who are behaving in perfectly reasonable ways and find it nearly impossible to get women to reply to them.

It's really strange that several people on this forum are resistant to really obvious statements. Are we really arguing with the blindingly obvious fact that the presence of 7x as many women as men makes it harder for men to find cuddle buddies? Really?

May 2021

@CuddleWho

Whether scheduling is difficult or not depends on how you define "regular" - my cuddle buddies and I only got the opportunity to meet each other once every few months. It would have been easy to schedule a lot more cuddles, if I'd been able to find more people who fit the bill.

Regarding the 7:1 ratio: I should clarify, I never saw it as a goal to find cuddlers for all the men on this site. I think that if every female cuddler on here were to cuddle two or three men, that would be more than enough. In my experience, out of the total number of men who have messaged me, only around 40% passed my most basic safety vetting - there are more than enough women on this site to cuddle that number of men.

There are lots of men on this site who are behaving in perfectly reasonable ways and find it nearly impossible to get women to reply to them.

To date, any time I've seen a man complaining in the forums about women not replying to his messages, it's been very obvious to me why they're having trouble.

As a side note - I'm always happy to debate when I think an idea is flawed, but I think it's particularly important to push back on this idea. Communities where women are talked about as resources (ie. in terms of supply and scarcity, whether there's enough of them to go around, etc) don't tend to be places where women want to stick around. I want women to feel respected in the forums, and stay with us.

pmvines · May 2021

I have not had issues with making connections on here and I'm in Alabama not exactly swarming with site members here . But i still have a good amount of non responders, ghosting, blocked for seemingly no reason , and being told that they are flat out not interested in interaction with me . You are going to have to be able to find a way to cope with rejection. In a productive manner and learn from errors that might be contributing to this . Even then , its rhe internet and we are full of fickle people

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