OP:I'm curious to know if anyone has had any experiences with discrimination in the cuddle world while being a cuddler of color?
Why attack me im not discriminating against anyone it was my view which may have come off different than intended because you don't know me. I am just seeing it from my POV in here on here. I'm not saying it does not exist people im just saying I've not seen it. For cripe sake stop trying to put words in my mouth. When i say"real world" i mean not virtually. @Spock im not getting in confrontation with someone who knows nothing about my character. I'm not oblivious to the fact that people can be racists, you are taking this way out of context. Calm down in the world we live in now we need love, compassion, and understanding not feuding. This is not the place for that. This should be a safe, caring place for cuddlers to get away from this type of talk. I apologize if offended to the OP @NoVAgirl i was not intending on any ignorance to it just letting you know i don't see it myself. The end
@ElleCuddleMi no need to apologize and I'm not offended at all I promise! ❤ I think @CuddleDuncan may have interpreted what you said "I don't consider anyone necessarily discriminated against" to mean "No one faces discrimination" but I think that what you really meant was that you personally had no experience with it as in you don't feel that you've discriminated against anyone nor have been discriminated against yourself.
Both of you feel free to correct me if I'm wrong 🙂 and keep the discussion going this is so great everyone! 💖
@NoVAgirl exactly, thank you for being more clear on my interpretation. Anything you need to ask lmk I'm here to support you. 😘🤗
@NoVAgirl , I was taking advice from another forum post that it is ok not to respond sometimes to every forum entry....(Great advice from the OP on that one btw) but after seeing your response to @ElleCuddleMi , hey, just had to say thank you! That was very kind of you. All anyone needs to do is visit her profile, friends list, karma list and realize she is a great asset to our community here. Hope everyone is doing well. Cuddle, Cuddle, On!
@OhioMike totally! 🙂 I work in human resources and deal with tons of conflict resolution so I have a lot of experience with varied interpretation! It all starts with intention- and I could tell that @ElleCuddleMi had no intentions to offend or to discount the experiences of others but I could also see how @CuddleDuncan may have interpreted it that way. Most everyone has been so kind and respectful and I really appreciate it! 💗💗💗
So, I'm not sure if what I experienced was based on racial discrimination, but 2 different ladies from this website blocked me after messaging them. Both of them actually showed that they live in my state too. One of them actually responded but then chose to block me. I am a hispanic, and we know that a good amount of people think that all Hispanics are undocumented immigrants, and also think that all undocumented immigrants are bad people &/or criminals, which of course is nonsense. I suspect that they may have blocked me due to me being a hispanic, which I show it on my profile. The message was also a normal greeting type, so I mean, if the greeting is inappropriate, the message sender should definitely expect to be blocked, but if it's not, well I mean, nobody is going to put in their intro or about me "I don't cuddle with hispanics because I suspect/ believe that..." because they know that's going to get them banned, but it doesn't mean that they won't have that kind of preference/opinion/mindset.
@ElleCuddleMi
I am entirely on your side, and my post was meant to be a sarcastic retort to those who were criticizing you. That’s why I added the sarcasm tag (/s) at the end of my post.
It did hurt my feelings 😥 that my sarcasm was not appreciated, but I’ll be OK. It’s not like you un-friended me on Facebook or anything. /s
PS: I am stunned that anyone would think that a real person could write that post and actually mean it. I mean, that was pretty over the top! It truly is a ‘man bites dog’ world! 😳
@spock that is because it wasn't humorous . It was belittling , in poor taste , and disrespectful
@pmvines ‘Disrespectful’ to you maybe, but certainly not to @ElleCuddleMi. Per the moderator’s suggestion, I am not responding to your posts. Please don’t respond to mine.
@Spock I got the gist of it, and could see that you were on @ElleCuddleMi 's side - I do appreciate that it can be tough to read tone on here sometimes, but hopefully she sees your response and that clears everything up.
@squeakytoy Thanks for your support. I think Elle may have been too upset to see the humor in my post, poor thing. I don’t blame her at all.
Still, when the audience fails to get your humor, it is a fate worse than death, I tell you! 😩
@Spock wasn't really disrespectful toward me , more so.to the thread participants. What I saw were several posts you made that were in your eyes funny and somehow standing up for another poster, however all it really did was ridicule the comments and sentiments made by other posters including the OP. May have not been over the TOS but was mighty close and depending on the day of the week it may have warranted being removed. Still doesn't make it any less tacky or disrespectful though .
I'm done now
I'm white. My first cuddler on here was a much younger black man. I grew up in a very white state and didn't have a black friend until I was in college. It was freaking sweet to get to hold and be held by this dear heart. I credit his kindness and sensitivity as the reason I'm still on this site. What a great intro to CC. I think I'm more likely to cuddle someone of color because it feels like it helps dissolve the remaining subtle barrier I grew up with.
I get no replays because most think I'm scary or criminal they judge my look
Awwww. You look sweet.
I'm just happy see cuddlers from the DMV!! Where ya'll at! Holla @ yo boi. I'll get a place for us at the Gaylord at National Harbor. You stay the night, then we doing breakfast in the morning. no cap. 💯✌❤
@Ahmedali999 I see you, had a read over your profile. Sounds like you met a professional here who was able to look past that...don’t give up hope. If you’re having a hard time with people like that just remember, the ones who are best for you aren’t going to give a damn what your skin colour is, or how you dress.
Seeing everyone's responses makes me happy seeing this being discussed! Live, laugh, love.
@Catloaf Thanks for your comment it's about my skin some they judge my look think I look scary,criminal or pervert,boring and from my experience people don't like someone quite,or boring or anti-social. They like someone social,fun,etc
I wanted to chime in on this but I'm not sure I have anything all that valuable to add. As a white man I have never experienced racial discrimination in the cuddle world myself. I've been cuddling on this site for 5 years now, and I've heard a lot of great and not so great cuddle stories from the pros and enthusiasts I've met with. I cuddle with people of many backgrounds and none of the stories they shared were about racial discrimination. It's possible that they just didn't share stories like that out of fear that I may not understand. To me the bottom line is that many people have said on this thread it is definitely an issue in cuddling, just like everywhere else. So we must take it very seriously and when we see racism on forums we must call it out, when enthusiasts or pros experience racism they should be encouraged and supported in reporting this to the site by all of us.
Thank you for this post! And look at all the engagement it received! I’m a new pro cuddler in Edmonton and I’m really happy to see this discussion! Excited to be part of this community!!! Happy cuddling 💕💕💕💕💕
18 people so far have reported experiencing discrimination, yet none have felt able to share their story in this thread.
Am I the only person who sees that as a serious problem in itself?
Were those 18 people able to Report what happened to them? Were the racists banned? We don't know. But a culture where people don't feel ok to post what happened to them in the forum is a culture where people may be reluctant to Report privately. Remember that Reports are not guaranteed to be anonymous: reporters need to feel some level of confidence in the system.
Omg! brand new snuggle bug here! From Richmond and I’ve wondered this exact thing! I’m So glad you started this conversation!
@CuddleDuncan the reason why those that experience it don’t share because in most cases it happens subtly. If this person has a picture they won’t get any interaction or the dismissal will be so general all you can do is feel it. If the person doesn’t have a picture they’ll experience something like ghosting.
So to describe something they feel and can’t articulate it’s difficult. It also comes with push back, terms like preferences or some other thing that can’t be argued in one instance.
It’s a privilege to not feel discrimination but it’s there. Example, i wouldn’t cuddle a man, period. Now if there is someone who presents as a woman, identifies as a woman but as soon as i discover they may have or have had a penis ill lose what ever interest i had and distance myself. I am totally fine with how they choose to live but it’s not for me. How do i know? I really don’t i just assume.
So discriminating isn’t always an overtly intentional action, yet the result is the same.
Maybe if i made it a little more plain and hopefully not as emotionally charged as race, sexuality or religion.
Let’s consider a person with no toes. In public and in person we may not be able to identify this. But in conversation it may come up and turn some one away. Why? I don’t know it probably wouldn’t affect anything in the interaction but it still can have a subliminal effect. The toeless person recognizes it everytime and the other may not think they are being discriminatory but in fact they are.
I had a cuddler request a photo of myself. I sent the photo and from that point on i never heard back from her. If she read my profile its clear that im a black man. Not sure if that was the issue. So i messeged her and said i guess you were not pleased with my picture, so you take care. She then messeged back , you do the same. If you have a preference you should state that.
@BashfulLoner absolutely right. Just because you can't describe or explain the discrimination doesn't mean it didn't happen. And sometimes the insidious version is worse than the blatant one, because it's harder to deal with.
However, what was bothering me in my last post was the non-sharing of explicit discrimination, for fear of ridicule, denial or other negative response. Now, we don't know for sure if that has happened, but it seems likely.
@smoothest thank you for telling us that story. We'll never know for sure what was in your corrsespondant's mind, and at least she wished you well. Assuming it was a moment of discrimination, I like to hope that your graciousness will have undermined the "preference" and enabled her to take one step closer to not being racist.
@CuddleDuncan agreed.
Accept i think that “preference” seems like a cop out, to me.