My experience was very different.
My first impression of the film was that it was quite romanticized, and that the “professional” but themselves in considerable danger.
I hope that in a real situation the professionals on this site have a bit more training, and can recognize what was presented (albeit for dramatic reasons) as a disturbed person who had reacted violently to being touched, and who had clearly, vehemently stated that their bedroom was “a private place”.
The “professional” following the client into her retreat space is a serious mistake.
But, again, it was a video intended to show good outcomes and positive results, even for troubled clients.
A sales video, really.
@CharlesThePoet agree with you on that . I have said it before and not everybody likes to hear it , but casual cuddling either be it a pro or non pro can be more harmful than good for some, and there are quite a few situations where I would not recommend it for somebody at all . Sorry to hear that you had a negative experience and I do hope that you are able to have some positive ones from here on out.
Yes, you could use it as a training film for professionals in terms of "what not to do" - it is a relentless cascade of basic mistakes.
A well trained and experienced professional would have been more help to the client, without traumatising her along the way.
Sadly there are many untrained professionals out there, who - in spite of their good intentions - would have done nothing but harm.
To be fair, the pro in the video did say she was new. Also, I'm not sure what training or resources are available to pros, but from what I understand, there are people who want to cuddle for money, and consequently sign up to be a pro. That doesn't make them pro. In most career fields, to be a pro, you must first have a license. To get a license, you must get training. That is not the case, as far as I know, in the cuddle community. (I think screening is limited to the website administrators, certainly not regulated by the government). Just as this is a forum for advice for and from cuddle enthusiasts; pros also have their own forums for advice.
Also to be fair to Nico, he posted the video as a suggestion of how one "pro," albeit an actress, DID handle it; I didn't take it as a suggestion of HOW to handle it. If anyone is an authority on cuddling, which would really be an expert on people and psychology, etc., why don't you make some training and certification processes for pros to go through, in order to gain public trust? Perhaps this is a good first subject. If there is training that pros receive on this website, it is not known to me. Perhaps there could be levels of pro, just as there are with other trades (apprentice, journeyman, etc.). What I perceive is that there is a lot of skepticism of pros, and maybe communicating the level of training and expertise that pros receive would be beneficial to the enthusiasts, as well as the relationships between clients and pros. But that is a topic for another forum.
Now can we get back to trying to help our friend goodfellow? He didn't ask pros for advice; he asked enthusiasts, and I feel we may be doing him a disservice by offering our criticism instead of helping him. Maybe he should be asking a pro?
@CharlesThePoet thanks for sharing your experience and the lesson you learned.
@cookiecrumb there is no training for professionals offered by Cuddle Comfort beyond that which you can read in the forum: CC is a social networking site, not an agency.
There is a thread about the training courses for cuddle professionals that are available.
No government regulates cuddling professionals, as far as I know. Caveat emptor!
I thought it was a good film, as a piece of drama.
@pmvines
but casual cuddling either be it a pro or non pro can be more harmful than good for some, and there are quite a few situations where I would not recommend it for somebody at all .
Seconded. Very, very seconded.
@pmvines I always appreciate your input that has no desire to minimalize emotional struggles nor romanticize cuddling.
Total sidetrack of OP's question re PRO Training.... so in the non-hijacking sense....
I was just talking with someone about trained/certified/skilled PRO's as opposed to run of the mill PRO's and maybe there could be a filter on a PRO page that says something about training.... Kind of like how we filter age or height etc. They could have a drop down of different options. Cuddlist trained/Certified etc etc etc so that people could quickly look for a PRO with qualities they in search of.... Maybe it could be part of the road map. I certainly think it would be one of my top questions when reaching out to a PRO about what their training or lack of it is.
@JoyfulHeart i love that😂😂”heart on” @quixotic_life makrs me laugh too @sillysassy
@CharlesThePoet sending you hugs! It ducks that you had a miserable experience.
I too suffer from anxiety…I didn’t know how I would react to being cuddled. My cuddle buddy was patient and decent soul. The key I feel here is communication it is a must!!! in all circumstances you have to be able to talk this out make each other aware. I guess I did get lucky, my buddy was extremely attuned to my body and every time I flinched or tended up, he would relax, back off and start talking to me which Ofcourse made me feel I was in a safe and secure atmosphere. That talking through each step slowly helped me relax. Consent! Consent! Consent! I say this repeatedly, that makes a person feel safe and anxiety does slowly reduce. It may not work for everyone but it’s something that worked for me so thought I’d share.
@Melomaniac9 I'm glad you shared!
@cookiecrumb 🫂🫂
@Melomaniac9 YES, communication and consent are paramount!
I will share my experience from July, 11th, 2021 with y'all so that it may help. The Story Version:
It was a nice sunny day. I had an upcoming first time meeting with someone, which I looked forward to*. However, I was hella anxious. Thinking: "What if he doesn't show up?" "What if seeing my body type and stature causes him to run for the hills? Etc." (He generally seemed a bit anxious to me as well. Though he still did a fine job at helping to put me at ease).
Furthermore, I couldn't figure out how to act once we meet. I feared my anxiety would make me seem all sad. And explaining to him why I appeared so didn't seem like a good idea because: I didn't want it to potentially sway him to cuddle with me out of pity. I also didn't want to have a cold exterior, as that may have made him feel I was uninterested. So...
I recognized that: I am still dealing with built up anxiety from many past/some more recent rejections ranging from rude to respectful. (The latter certainly hurting less and I would much rather get that than an inauthentic interest.) Which tried to jeopardize my new connections. However, not so fast!:
I made the decision to have a growth mindset by striving to overcome this. I will fight and I shall win this battle too. It is a battle for mostly me, myself, and I to conquer. Though others can help by being authentic about how they feel and rejecting * gently and * with kindness wherever possible if they need to reject.
Fast forward my anxiety got worse during the day. So I wrote about it somewhere, which helped provide some relief. I also kept in mind that:
When I met him my anxiety rose again. I excused myself for like a minute, came back feeling okay to converse. Then initially, I found he was going too fast, for me, when he asked if I'd be closer to him. I am glad he asked, though I was not ready to. Lo and behold, what do you know!
The monkeys in my head started going bananas. On one hand, I was interested to possibly try cuddling with him and have alluded to it. On the other, I needed some time to get a feel for him in person as a person first. Hence, I calmly told him: "No, I want to stay here for now." Which was distanced from him. He respected that and we continued conversing about non cuddle, though mostly chill subjects. After a while, the moment I heard him trying to broach the subject again:
I got super nervous, this time, there wasn't much chatter in my head. Instead, the monkeys were having a jolly time in my feelings being a bunch of little devils. So I let him know: "Sorry I am just quite nervous now." Once again, he neither pushed me to be ready, pressured me to say why I felt that nor shamed me for it. I drank some water, took a moment to catch my breath. He said it is okay and changed the subject to a relaxing one. Furthermore, he was pretty helpful and attentive.
Soon after, becoming comfortable with him and previously* having been made aware of where he stands: I took him up on his offer to get closer and the rest is history.
Fine... I'll tell you what happened next. He sat close to me, checked in with me that his hand on my shoulder was okay. Which I informed him it was. Thereafter he essentially waited for me to take the next step. Given that I was so out of practice and we were new to each other, it took me a bit to reciprocate. Shortly after, we were able to be in more contact as I became more and more comfortable with him. We continued to check in with each other as well.
@Goodfellow3 ~ When I first signed up I was a hot mess of anxiety! Like seriously all over the place!! But I found a friend through here that was beyond understanding and sympathetic, who helped me through all the initial processing I needed to do.
Other than finding good people as potential partners, once you're talking about getting together, be honest when it comes to how you think you 'might' react (and why). This way they can determine if they're comfortable, and perhaps will even help put some of your anxieties at ease.
@Lovelight in short I felt what you felt!! Thank you for naming the feeling lol crazy monkeys lol
“The monkeys in my head started going bananas”
“the monkeys were having a jolly time in my feelings being a bunch of little devils.”
You were being polite here ☝🏼I called mine little shits playing havoc in my head like monkeys on hot bricks🤬
Can we figure out a way to lock them up?? Any ideas are welcome🙏🏼