Female cuddlers and safety: what a newbie should know

[Deleted User]Artemis095 (deleted user)
in General

Hello!

I’ve recently joined the site and am interested in hearing some ways people, especially women, are keeping themselves safe while hosting or being a guest.

I’ve thought about implementing a policy of pat downs and ID verification to anyone that enters my home, but also want to refrain from creating a space that is tense or clinical.

Any tips or anecdotes are appreciated!

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Comments

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    Do a consultation over video chat and have a list of questions ready

  • LovelightLovelight

    I can really only speak from an enthusiast's perspective.

    Though who would administrator the pat down? If just you there, then I'd advise against it. Cause if someone came to you armed and you were the only one there doing the pat down, I feel it doesn't really help other than being one step better than being in a vulnerable position only to find that the person is armed and dangerous. Though if you live in a house, I'd advise having a camera at the main entrance and you could let the person know. If in a building then hopefully it already has one, which in case of anything may help.

    Speaking of inviting someone over, I'd say take your time to really get to know the person before it. Hence why it is good to start with cuddling in public to ensure that the person can respect your boundaries and gives you time to know each other better. If taking your time isn't that much of an option in the case of being a pro, them I'd suggest either being a guest at their home, public, or booking a hotel.

    Video call and talk with the person asking open ended questions. Meet somewhere public and at a reasonable time. So not super late/dark. Tell someone you trust your whereabouts and such. If you feel red flags take a step back and ask for feedback from people you trust if needed. You've the right to say no at any point.

    Also when you meet, especially during a time like this when we need to limit our potential covid foot print. I suggest keeping a distance for starters to speak with and if mutually comfortable thereafter getting closer to the person. This will also give the opportunity to gauge that the person isn't showing symptoms and isn't under the influence of anything. Unless you require of them a covid test result. So you can let the person know ahead of time that it will start with a socially distanced meeting.

  • [Deleted User]dltedcuddler (deleted user)

    A pat down? That's too excessive.... maybe you should reconsider hosting at your home if you're stressing out about it? At least not at first.

    I would treat it like an online date - get to know them online (video, phone call, pictures, texting, etc.) and maybe even meet in public first.

  • [Deleted User]Artemis095 (deleted user)

    Video chat is a really good idea; I had not thought about that. Probably mitigates initial awkwardness as well.

  • supadupasupadupa

    Always let a trusted person know who you are meeting and for how long and for that person to text you every 20 minutes. Also have a quick FaceTime chat after booking just to get a feel for them. Or meet in public for 15 minutes as a quick hello and if feeling good then proceed to cuddle.
    Always go with your gut.

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    Do a phone call first! Keep them on the line, ask questions until you get a feel for who they are. I like to ask how they heard about the site and what specifically draws them to cuddling. I also don't go to peoples houses or let them in mine... I have a cuddle office... and I don't cuddle after 8 or 9 pm. I also make sure to wear very modest clothing, and I make sure to not let anyone slippery slope me in regards to boundaries.

  • [Deleted User]Artemis095 (deleted user)

    Yes! Clothing.. I’ve seen a few profiles where cuddlers explicitly state expectations on appropriate cuddling attire -also very smart.

  • [Deleted User]Artemis095 (deleted user)

    Thank you to everyone who has responded and reached out so far! I appreciate all your input.

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)
    edited September 2021

    As an enthusiast who has a family, I am usually the guest at my cuddle buddy’s place. You have some great advice above. You can weed out people looking for more than cuddling through messages (any comments on how good you look, questions about clothing removal, anything that leans even a hint into the sexual). You can also have a phone conversation. After that you can also meet and have a mandatory 15 minute outdoor walk before cuddling.

    Even then…you may have a cuddle buddy who’s intentions are to use your body rather than connect in a cuddly way. If someone pushes your boundaries remember…you did nothing wrong. As the more preyed-upon gender, we somehow think we missed something when this happens. We aren’t omniscient.

    I know some professionals ask for a photo of their clients drivers’ license and they also tell someone close exactly where they will be, with whom and for how long.

    Sadly many sweethearts have to go through all these steps and it makes them feel bad. But that’s the price they pay. Don’t feel guilty for being picky.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Buy a shotgun.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Having a profile that clearly states how committed you are to Cuddle Comfort’s policy of completely platonic relationships and cuddle sessions is a strong step.

    Vetting, via video or phone call is an excellent idea, once you have been booked. But I strongly encourage everyone to use the website’s message system for the vast majority of your communication.

    Listening to your inner voice.

    And lastly, and arguably most importantly, report anyone that makes you feel unsafe or who suggests / attempts anything against the Terms and Conditions.

    Reporting allows the Admin and Moderator Team to establish patterns and to ban the bad actors.

    We take the safety of this community as our first, most important task.

    Safe cuddling is happy cuddling.

  • ILikeWarmHugsILikeWarmHugs
    edited September 2021

    Have an emergency cuddle contact that knows where you are and who you’re with at all times. Do checkins with them for safety. My contact sends me a pic of the person and the address they are cuddling at and how long they will be there. We communicate when the session begins and when they leave. If I don’t hear by a certain time, I text and/or call. If after a while there is no response, I drive to the address and police are notified.

  • [Deleted User]Artemis095 (deleted user)

    “Don’t feel guilty for being picky.” I like that! I’ll definitely keep this in mind.

    Buy a shotgun? Seems like a lot of paperwork. 😂 But good looking out.

    So nice to hear from everyone; thanks again!

    Xoxo

  • austinangelaustinangel

    Definitely go with your gut. Also share your location with a friend

  • Lev136Lev136

    As a male, I have had several pros. video chat with me first to make sure I'm who I am in the pic rues and make sure I'm okay. If you hare hosting, you might consider standing in he doorway before allowing him into your place?

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    @Mike403 no no, she lives in merca. She needs to get at minimum a PKM for her conceal carry and for home defense she needs this
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kashtan_CIWS

  • littermatelittermate

    Trust yourself. If you don't feel like it, don't. Especially don't let the mind's "oh give him the benefit of thre doubt" override your body's "not really feelin'it." Evolution has made your body really smart about who to trust.

    I chat people up via message. If they are impatient, pushy, sexy or weird, out. Ineet them for tea. If my body isn't 100% yes, out. I don't guarantee a cuddle even if they come halfway across the world. I don't give my personal contact info out, including my last name.

    Lastly, I see how they respond to me kicking their butt at ping pong. Always a good indicator of character.

  • [Deleted User]Navj026 (deleted user)

    Regarding having a friend to check in on you; I'd go a step further and tell the cuddler before meeting that you're telling a friend to check in during the cuddle and after.. that way they don't try anything even if they thought about it

    And yes video chat, calls, etc I think help for both sides before meeting in person

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited September 2021

    Find out more about person from his social media like feedbacks don't meet strangers straight away sometimes the person you trust could be dangerous

  • ILikeWarmHugsILikeWarmHugs

    @jacobnav602 yes!!! Mine does that and the client knows I’ll send out police and come out there myself in her defense.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    This is a great post and very much appreciated! I don’t know if anyone mentioned this one as well but I never drink anything “open” that is presented to me. I never leave my drink alone - or if I do I do not drink from it once it has left my sight, let’s say if I had to use the restroom as an example. I also often bring my own drink such as water or Gatorade and one for my cuddle buddy as well.
    I do the check in with multiple people - meaning I am texting at arrival, midway through session or at a designated time, and also at the end of the session. My trusted “team” is privy my my shared location, identity of the cuddler I am having a session with. We also use code words for certain situations and will have law enforcement notified for immediate welfare check should I not respond. If something goes wrong multiple people will arrive to assist. Luckily nothing has ever gone wrong and I have had the pleasure of connecting with amazing people who are almost always repeat Cuddlers.

  • CheskalinaCheskalina

    I'm still fairly new. I don't just meet anyone. I have to talk on the phone with them first or do a video chat. I get to know them before I let anyone come to my house. You can pick and choose who to meet and I'm very picky.

  • bassman42bassman42

    All the advice yall have stated is very good and informative. The video chat prior is very important. It gives the cuddler a good feel who you are audio visually and see if its a comfortable fit. At the end of the day that is the professional cuddler s home and domicile and should respected. They are opening up there home to you.show them respect and common courtesy. My cuddle experiences this far have been inspiring and uplifting and look forward to more. Love and peace all

  • Cntrydance28340Cntrydance28340
    edited September 2021

    Some of these sound like they are almost threats to the client. If someone were to tell me these things before an appointment, I would cancel the appointment in a heartbeat and never talk to the person again and possibly report them. Men are not the only people in this world who are dangerous. I have been assaulted by women over the years and one came at me with a bat once.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Sometimes don't judge by the look some men look criminals and they're innocent some look innocent friendly you comfortable with and they are dangerous

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited September 2021

    @Cntrydance28340 well said there're some women also are dangerous they trap innocent men and end up stealing their money or kidney not only men commit crimes and it happened lots of times when you travel abroad like Thailand America

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    Last comments are very well said. I agree there is vulnerability across the board and that Caution is warranted for all parties involved.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @Cntrydance28340 may I ask what specifically makes you feel threatened? Curious because I want to provide the best possible experience for anyone I get to cuddle or connect with.

  • Cntrydance28340Cntrydance28340

    @Touch_You_Crave If I were to get messages from guys I don't know telling me what they will do if I get out of line with a friend of theirs and person they know before we meet which is assuming I am automatically a bad guy, that would make me feel very threatened and I would not see the person. I have had that happen before.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited September 2021

    @Touch_You_Crave if a pro told me to pay first and give me your ID and let's do video call it's first impression i wouldn't be comfortable feel not trusted sometimes it's bad customer service judging someone when you make someone uncomfortable unless if pay first just 1/2 for deposit in case I don't turn up is fine I have been to some therapists they tell me to pay first I turn around i know sometimes in rare cases some clients don't pay them but it's a gamble that makes them lose customers and it shows they care about money not the clients also talking to someone on video call he might sound and look scary and he is innocent that's judging

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