Ideas for touch starved people who may or may not not be able to afford pros
@luv2cuddle2020 May I suggest reaching out to some pro’s in your area and asking for a reduced rate if you have limited income. I have 2 cuddlers on Disability and 1 that’s older and on SS and I charge them less than half the rate on my profile. If a pro sees this and willing to cuddle with this gentleman for a reduced rate please reach out.
Pardon me if this seems judgmental, because it is not intended to be.
The last line of your profile says, “ looking for friend first”, which unfortunately implies you are looking for more than friends second and after.
You might instead write something like, “I would like to get to know you before we meet, and certainly before we cuddle.”
I'm lucky that tomorrow I get to see my haunt family, and possibly get hugs. But I understand not everyone has such a situation.
This is a real thing. Touch starvation, I mean. Even for those who are in a loving, committed relationship, sometimes there is a mismatch in people's need/desire for being touched. I get that many people have their needs met with contact through Social Media and family, but there are still those of us who desire to feel skin to skin, platonic touch. The warmth, tenderness, and acceptance that happens when someone touches you can't be replaced with Zoom meetings. I, frankly, would LOVE to find someone whose own need for touch/connection would allow him to meet with me four times per week!
ask for discounts all my my pro gave me reduced price %20 off because I work in minimum wage not skilled job and real cuddlers will do it they also gave me support which i must appreciate
Same topic with some suggestions: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/11420/sharing-our-experiences-hopes-to#latest
I added a few more. By the way, if you've a burning desire to cuddle before going to sleep you are likely to have a cuddle dream. Though it may take a couple of tries and researching a bit to find other tips to help. This too, could make you feel so happy.
Asking for discounts may be an option but remember that pros need to pay the rent and the electric company, too. If you do, perhaps offer something of value to them in trade, like make a meal and bring it to them or cut their grass or maybe you have a skill that would be useful to them. If you don’t have a skill, offer to cut their grass or do yard work, run an errand for them, take their car to the car wash, something that doesn’t take a specific skill.
There are other ways of getting contact. Here are a few I thought of.
Volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter. They probably have animals that need some attention. It’s not the same but it’s still contact with another warm-blooded sentient being.
Do you have any young children in your family? Nieces? Nephews? Young kids love to hang on you and they love having another adult in their lives who will do things with them. You have any new mothers with babies in your family? The demands of a new baby are very high, they would probably love for you to come and hold the baby while they take a nap.
When I was in high school there was an old folks home for disadvantaged people behind my school. I went in there one day, asked if there were any residents who seldom got visitors. They told me about one woman and I would go and see her every week.
Do you have any elderly relatives who could use a visit? They are often touch deprived, too. You can sit and hold their hand while you talk to them. Often they have poor circulation in their feet. Offer to give them a foot massage. Or sit close with them on the sofa and watch a movie. Ask them to tell you their life story, they will love the attention. Offer to cook for them or bring them a nice dinner.
I used to tell people to take up dancing. Ninety percent of women like to dance and ninety percent of men don’t. In partner dancing, we’re always short of leads. With the pandemic, social dancing is not happening although you may find a studio that gives lessons that may not be as much as hiring a pro.
Is there a massage school in your area? They usually have student clinics where you can get massage at reduced rates. Or book a half hour appointment with a massage therapist.
Maybe ask a pro if they will do a half hour session?
Finally, try reaching out to the non-pros on this site. Send out really nice, respectful messages. Don’t jump right into cuddling, get to know them first. Work on being the best cuddle buddy. Be a perfect gentleman. Let them know you will treat them with the utmost respect. Don’t push boundaries. Take the time to get to know them. Offer to take as much time as needed so they can get comfortable with you.
Just volunteer, even if it’s not something where you get physical contact. Getting our minds off ourselves and onto someone else who needs us can do a lot to relieve that kind of stress.
I feel your pain. I suffer from touch deprivation, too. You have to get what small comfort where you can.
I forgot to mention there are events taking places like cuddle party where u meet people if u are lucky u can make friends there try this link https://www.meetup.com/topics/cuddle-party/ or write in Google cuddle party
P.S. I agree “Looking for a friend first” sounds like something more appropriate to a dating site. @CharlesThePoet’s suggestion to modify that is a good idea.
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort#top
@luv2cuddle2020 Good on you for having a pretty good profile, that's a good start! I agree, your "friend first" could be better worded.
Having other means to help you feel less touched deprived will help you have a more positive energy and the patience you need to find others.
The above are all great ideas- volunteering is a win win idea- especially for families friends with babies or elderly people- you can adopt a grandparent. Love the animal shelter idea. I offer social quality time rates for those who just enjoy quality time out and about together and would also welcome the idea of volunteering together for a public session.
Lots of great responses and suggestions here! @Babichev i think your response knocked it out of the park!
Other out of the box sources of touch include getting a hair cut, a pedicure, manicure, or any type of beauty or huge e service. There are also asmr videos on YouTube and a friend once directed me to watch one titled cranial exam I think it was. It’s essentially a soothing point of view video in which you are undergoing a lengthy touch intimate ( non sexual ) exam. Emerging science indicates we have what are known as mirror neurons which allow us to “experience through observing.” A person under MRI could see a person getting a massage and to some degree “experience” it. Just an interesting side note.
Either way, I will share that I too have been touch deprived and it can be highly detrimental. I wish everyone currently in this situation the warmth and touch they deserve.
Meant to say any other hygiene or beauty service in that first paragraph.
@jasmineluv that's great idea but we all live far from each other
Thank you, @Babichev and @Touch_You_Crave for your unique ideas.
In short: Massage is another way to mitigate touch deprivation, be it by one self or by a massage therapist/someone.
Exacerbated by some personal things I've been dealing with, these last few nights have been difficult. Probably more difficult than usual. Tonight's feeling of touch deprivation was next to if not off the charts.
Clenching to my pillow and or lying on my belly which usually helped didn't seem to do much tonight. Feeling how intense the deprivation felt I felt listening to ASMR wouldn't do much either. Which perhaps was irrational of me to think that. Because had I combined the two I think it would've helped.
I then by chance ended up touching my hair and sort of detanging it a bit. Maybe it was just a subconscious self soothing response. Moments later I thought along the lines of massaging my scalp would be good. Anyway I did that and soon after, about 65% or more of my discomfort has subsided. Listening to the rain out there is also calming. I am happy to say that I feel a lot better, hopefully it lasts throughout the night. 😌
@Lovelight I hope you continue to feel better and take actions to get to the touch and connection you so deserve. For what it’s worth you are definitely in the right community here. We understand you and are here to offer support and guidance and everything in between. Big hugs your way!
@Lovelight put your non-dominant arm over/behind your head and stroke your cheek from the other side. If you shut your eyes and concentrate, you can just about imagine that somebody else is doing it.
ballroom dancing, partner yoga, getting in the habit of greeting people with a handshake or casual side hug
Touch deprivation is definitely a real thing. If you do get to meet someone. Maybe you can go to a movie theater and cuddle while watching a movie.
@Touch_You_Crave Thank you!
@CuddleDuncan "put your non-dominant arm over/behind your head and stroke your cheek from the other side." Is it just me or is you pulling me leg? Cause no can do that. 🙃
My bunny is not interested in cuddling tonight.
@Lovelight no I'm being absolutely serious. It's not just me - I'm not double jointed or anything, quite the opposite in fact. Maybe I didn't say it very well, let me try again.
I'm right handed, so I take my left hand and touch my right cheek in the normal way that you might. Keep touching it, and rotate your shoulder (and wrist) so that your forearm (underside) is pressing against the back of your head. It's a bit like what you might do to scrach your upper back. Touching your cheek, mouth or ears like this is, well, just touching them. But the convoluted position creates a little bit of confusion in the brain processing, or something, so it's easier to convince yourself that somebody else is doing it than if you were just touching your cheek in the normal way.