@Shironeko - well done 4 keeping it under control with cuddling to help u manage depression & not feel lonely, same here.
@curly_cuddle I sent you a private message in answer to your question. Hope it helps!
Shironeko, Thanks for sharing how you are feeling. That isn't easy to do, especially when you are feeling low. Have you seen a doctor or counsellor/ psychotherapist about it? I have had bouts of both depression and anxiety for years and found finally seeing a doctor and a psychologist helped a lot. It hardly effects me at all now. The best thing is that they (psychologists especially) are trained in exactly these areas and will know how to help. Don't give up, help is out there. Hugs
@Shironeko I'd say cuddling with strangers is a tough thing to initiate, though I recommend seeing if there are any official 'cuddle parties' in your area. It's a good venue which encourages cuddling, but also goes over some rules and an emphasis on consent to make it a safe space for those involved. Also, maybe like your parents would be interested in cuddling with you, as family may be more understanding. I agree with Teddy5 that asking for help from a specialist can be a good idea.
I've attended a couple official 'cuddle parties', and some of the big points / rules they mention is communication and consent.
Per the way they do cuddling, people need to be clear on what they want to give or receive per cuddling, and before any touching happens, the other person must give you a verbal 'yes'. A 'maybe' counts as a 'no', and if they say 'no' it's a complete sentence (meaning, they don't have to explain why). Each person can also change their minds at any time for any reason. All clothes stay on, and you don't touch any private parts. Per your requests, they encourage being specific. And they practice saying 'no' and requesting different things, i.e. 'can I hold your hand', 'can I rub your head', 'can I rub your feet', 'can I give you a hug', etc.
So, this may help set expectations, since when people say 'can we cuddle' that can mean a myriad of things, and I'm sure the comfort level of people will vary, especially to start. I will say that it makes me a bit sad if you can't even initiate conversation with people if they'd like to cuddle on a cuddle website (without putting people off)...and makes me think people are either a little too fearful or they don't really know what they want or haven't solidified whether touch can be platonic or whether it really is important for people.
It's true that the normal response is to be cautious and not invite random people into your home, and good for you if you're aware and careful per safety. But there should be other safe ways to meet in public, you could always meet and watch a movie in a theater and hold hands throughout, or meet in person for lunch to verify that they're real and non-threatening, and etc. But it can't happen if you don't take some chances, communicate, etc. Shrugs That's my opinion at least
I think that there is justified wariness because it's a situation of being approached by a complete stranger regarding touching at close quarters without a common vocabulary. Cuddle parties work because they create specific scenarios and language for specific touching in a safe and monitored group setting.
Also, may I say, most profiles and messages are inadequate to invite trust.
I would also add that it's normal for most people to not respond on websites like this, especially women. Even I've had trouble finding good cuddle buddies in the past and was ghosted by a guy I met up with one time.
Woe I really like the way your picture looks. you look like my cousin and we get along great. I can come over in about an hour?????!!!!!!
please???!!!!!!!!!!!!
@keye That is a prime example of the type of messages that women wont respond to. Jim
@Keye Who are you responding to, Your post do's not make any sense both the op and @Sunflowerfield are not in your country and as @I_am_Polylover has said this posting is not Appropriate and way off post. Love peace and friendship John Auckland NZ.
I took @keye post to be a sarcastic way of showing how someone is desperate
I believe it was a satirical or ironic answer to OP's question about "how not to sound desperate." Modeling exactly what not to do.
Right...I think @keye was mimicking a desperate person. Good keyboard acting! I could just hear the desperation oozing from the screen.
The best way to avoid sounding desperate is to not be desperate. Sure, that sounds facile, but it is nonetheless true. It isn't exactly the same as being indifferent to whether one has a partner -- any kind of partner -- but it is similar. It's related to this concept: we will be far less concerned what others think of us when we realize how seldom they do. It is a Zen approach, to the extent that Zen can be defined as overcoming, or abandoning, consciousness of self. Easier said than done, true; but if trying to attain that state of mind provides something to think about other than desperation, so much the better.
@johnm29 I was hoping someone would say that! It's so true!
Learning to enjoy one's own company and not needing someone else to be there is a journey worth taking.
~StarFlower, Dallas-Fort Worth area
I think also people need to be clear in their own mind what they want out of platonic cuddling. Are you truly just looking for platonic friends, or are you subconsciously hoping it will develop into a romantic relationship over time? If you are attracted to the people you message and subconsciously hoping it will end up being something more than purely platonic, it will come through in your attitude, tone and body language.
I agree with @Sunflowerfield. I often ask clients what their goals are from a session and many have to think about it for a while. With anything in life having a clear end goal usually makes the process to get there much smoother.
And as many others have said; approach it as starting a conversation. Talk about something you found interesting recently. Ex: "Did you see the recent eclipse? I got some really awesome photos with my pinhole box." Then ask them about what they've found cool lately. Ex: "What had been your go to thing to enjoy during your free time?"
Once a dialogue has started (and this works almost anywhere not just trying to meet a cuddle friend) you'll find that if there is something in common or you have similar interests talking about meeting for a coffee and progressing to a cuddle session is much easier. But first you have to establish that friendly common ground.
(This mostly applies to getting to know a non-pro cuddle friend. But at least for myself I don't mind if we have a fun conversation while working out the details about the session. The more we know about each other the smoother and better the session will go.
Maybe somebody just needs to hug.