I have messaged lots of people on here, been really polite. They visit my profile, read it, but never reply, and i really like want to cuddle as it helps with my school related anxiety and worries.
Am i doing something wrong?
What can/should i do to make it right?
If anyone from LA county or Orange County or Inland Empire reading this, feel free to message me if you have an opening for a platonic cuddle friend.
I'll be your friend
Your profile pic is from my favorite movie. That automatically makes you my friend.
People not replying on here is unfortunately quite common so don't take it personally as chances are it's not you! If you want to increase your chances of getting a reply though, here's a few tips in case you (and anyone else reading this) don't already go with these anyway (they mostly apply to non-pros by the way):
1) Whilst we may all be looking for a cuddle buddy, don't immediately ask to meet for a cuddle in the first message. If you do it gives the impression you don't care for them as a person but rather you just want to use them to satisfy your own needs. Never forget we're all human beings with our own needs and desires.
2) Include as much info on your profile as possible, but at the same time obviously don't have an essay to read through. For the most part I won't bother talking to anyone who either doesn't have an appropriate picture of themselves or hasn't bothered putting much, if anything at all, in the description about themselves. I personally don't mind too much if people have padded their description out a bit but really it should be like a skirt, long enough to cover the topic but short enough to keep them interested.
3) Get to know them and show interest in what they like. If they include something specific in their profile, for example if they like a particular film series or they like this or that type of food then use it to start a conversation.
Hope that helps! I can see you've already got a pic of yourself which is good so you're probably thinking, wait why's he mentioned that, I'm literally just putting generic tips for anyone who happens to see this to use :P
Agreed... It's a very common problem!!! And people whom lack courtesy to send responses are quite rude in my opinion. However, my luck recently changed and I have chatted with 2 snugglers that are ready to meet!! So hang in there, it takes time to meet genuine people.
It good to know if person doesn't reply u can write them off
Well nobody is obligated to message you just because you message them. Manners or not, its not something anybody has to do. I would maybe look at what you are saying and how you are presenting yourself, and ask yourself whether or not there is anything you could change in your approach. Good luck.
It's always interesting to see the male POV on this vs the female POV on this. 'Vines has a solid point on whether or not manners/presentation/so forth requires a response. But by and large, it's true - in person, real world, polite interaction does pretty much result in an _expectation _of reply. Even if manners and politeness don't always receive one, for whatever reason, it still has a moderate rate of success.
However, things change when there's the shield of some kind of anonymity. Like the internet. It provides distance, a buffer, and a place to hide behind. It emboldens some (think trolls as an extreme case, whose entire purpose is to force a response out of others via negative/antagonistic presentation. Or, look at all those shy people managing to interact through this digital platform, as they feel safe enough to be bold, and they seek reactions/interactions from others via a generally more pleasing method, and/or persona or avatar depending on setting), but that's not always a good thing, or a bad thing. Others it allows the freedom to interact, communicate, with minimized fear of being 'hunted/targeted' in some way, and often what is absent in the real world - enough control to be able to block, remove, or simply leave a particular space if someone's making them feel uncomfortable.
In RL, dudes worry about rejection, no matter their presentation, so online, they feel brave enough to at least speak up, approach, and if ignored/rejected they can say 'oh well, whatever, was probably a bot, or in some other way, not real', thus having the buffer necessary to allow easier dismissal of their sense of being unwanted or rejected or failing in some way.
In RL, women worry about being murdered. Raped. Sex trafficked. Verbally abused. Catcalled. Or, at best, have whatever they're out doing, be interrupted in some way, uninvited. We also worry about rejection. We also are shy, and afraid, in plenty of cases. But, see, online, there is the ability to screen. There is the ability to have greater control over our interaction's environment, even if it's just closing a page, which is something sort of difficult to do when in RL and you're trying to ride the bus home and somebody is ignoring every polite social and firm cue you give them about wanting to be left alone to read your book during this commute. So, when online, women will often take a look at a message, take a look at the profile, and make the decision if there's enough information present to risk a reply - even a 'no thanks'. See, that's where the feeling bold bit comes back in. The level of verbal sewage on a polite indication of no thanks, I've had directed at me, and seen from friends, and what I'm disappointed to say, a few have reported vomiting out when receiving a negative...simply makes what is - overall - something that people are taught is general good manners, really, really not worth it. There's so many fronts this sort of thing can come from, for anyone, anywhere, that the online setting allows us to directly, immediately, limit particular, personally targeted, opportunities to be subjected to that kind of thing.
Honestly, overall, the best thing is patience, a good representation of what you are like as a person (good and bad, not some Ken doll of your best qualities only), consistency in your interactions with others, and a willingness to accept that y'know what? You could be the most perfect specimen in the world, most astoundingly interesting individual, and it wouldn't matter - you'll get far more times you're ignored than responded to. If you can accept that with some grace, are diligent, patient, and willing to show your qualities, you will find someone eager to reply. And that goes for life too. I know, it sucks, sounds hokey, but really, it's basically the same truism that has gotten people to wherever they're going in life.
Didn't get a reply?
That's initiation around here.
Now you're officially one of us!
I have been on this site awhile and have had the same issues with people not replying. It's mainly non pro females that don't reply. My opinion is and has always been that many of the are either here just out of curiosity and don't take this site seriously, they are looking for a boyfriend or they are fake. Years later though despite being ignored by the majority of females that I've messaged, I've ended up with, because of this site, some good friends both guys and girls and many many great cuddle sessions. My advice, hang in there.
Great points all around!
I've tried to find a cis female cuddle buddy for the last couple of years and haven't had any luck with it myself, so you're not alone there.
Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.
Or, live by my favorite bumper sticker: "if at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you." But keep trying.
@snugglefloof, your description is brilliant, comprehensive, contextual and perceptive. As many (women) have stated, most messages are too lame to bother responding to. And when our forum explanations are ignored or mansplained away or otherwise denigrated, we abandon the forums altogether.
i think abandoning the forum altogether is a bad idea, especially for those of us who actually pay attention to what is said, and don't denigrate it.
I enjoy hearing everyones thoughts on here, whether I agree with them or not. its nice to feel challenged, too much unison agreement becomes boring.
Even with a cuddle company, I did not get a response from cuddlers. Sometimes, I did get a response, but then I did not hear from them when it came time to scheduling a session. On this cuddle comfort website, some cuddlers have not replied to me and this was true especially in the beginning. Now, I usually get replies. Sometimes, they may not want to meet because of the age difference. On this website, there are not as many cuddlers in my area, but I have met with a few of them. It is possible that some cuddlers lose interest in doing this and that may be why they haven't been on the website in weeks or months. I usually only send a message if a cuddler has been on the website within the last two weeks. If I don't get a reply within a few days, I delete the message.
Polylover, thank you. I post in service to those who lurk and want to know what things look like from this side. An environment of complaint and blame doesn't educate; there are reasons non-pro women dont post much and thy are, to my mind, perfectly understandable reasons that can change if the environment changes.
I am sorry your event didn't work out and admire you for trying to create a safe and comfortable cuddling opportunity. Maybe you can co-create one with a known brand that will help mitigate some of the financial risks.
There are a lot of people who read what is on here and take what they will from it but don't necessarily post themselves. I have become friends with a lot of folks on here and have had conversations with them, and often they will bring up something from the forum that either myself or another person posted that they though interesting or insightful, or on the flipside though was offensive or stupid. So just because someone doesn't respond or post doesn't mean they aren't reading.
@Polylover I am with @sometimes , perhaps you can co facilitate a cuddle party with someone else who has some experience and contacts. What you were planning really seemed like a great time, and I def would have attended but, you know, Alabama.....
I would reply to you! You seem awesome! All I can say is from the book the four agreements..what I had to learn the hard way..agreement 2..don't take anything personally. It's not you..it's them. Point blank.
@sometimes Thank you and @pmvines, both for your kind words. I am not sure what you mean by 'known brand' in reference to cuddling. Can you explain for me? I agree with you that there are reasons why there are not a lot of non-pro women posting here. That makes it all the more pleasurable when I I see someone like @BlueIris (not a pro the last time I checked) being so active here.
Eh, I'm of the camp that this is a cuddle site, so it shouldn't be seen as a 'red flag' or whatever if someone messages you about cuddling. I also prefer to be 'to the point' though, and would rather be upfront and honest over beating around the bush.
I've sent messages asking about cuddling, and if the person has any info on their profile (sometimes not), then I'll usually ask them about various points they mention or things I'm curious about.
Perhaps all the people I've messaged so far have just had no interest, but I'd hope / expect if there were some that people would communicate and converse with me further.
@I_am_Polylover Thanks! I am not a pro. I was introduced to the cuddling concept only about a week ago after running into a certified cuddlist elsewhere online. Was researching it when I came across this site and thought CC would be a great place to meet people and learn more, which it is!
@DeltaPng how is that "to the point" approach working for you? I would think it should be fine if you are contacting pros. As to non-pros, I can only speak for myself, but I would find it pushy and maybe even a bit creepy if someone messaged me for the first time and asked to cuddle with me. So far, all the men who have contacted me from this site have sent nice, friendly messages, for the most part not even mentioning cuddling until we've exchanged several notes. These guys are total strangers to me, after all, notwithstanding the fact that we're all on a cuddle site.
The OP is complaining about no response to messages. I sent him a nice, supportive message two days ago, and he hasn't responded but he was last online an hour ago. How's that for irony?
@BlueIris To your last point about the OP not responding to your message, it's par for the course, and escalates once you become a pro cuddler.
But I will say that early on I made a huge error and was so overwhelmed by everything, I had looked at a potential client message, something urgent came up and distracted me. I profusely apologized once I realized my error, but he never contacted me again. This was back in May.
When I came back to CC after healing from my injuries (had a bad fall), I messaged him again and zip zilch nada.
You've got to man up and don't expect anyone to ever write back to you. They either don't see your message, don't care, don't like your profile or the message, don't feel like it or don't want to actually cuddle.
I think some people have second thoughts about doing this. I met a cuddler on this website at a Starbucks. We agreed to meet again for a session, but later she changed her mind about doing cuddling. It's not a big deal to me. There are much worse things in life like living in Texas. Just work on improving yourself: mind, body, and spirit.
Just for the guys on here, if you want to pay a pro to cuddle with you, you won't have problems getting a response on this site. If you're looking for a non pro, it's going to be more difficult.
First, this site doesn't have a critical mass of users yet. Second, many women are very particular about who they are going to engage with and there are more men on this site than women, meaning they have the power of choice. Third, most of the women who are really gung-ho about cuddling have already registered as pros!
Don't give up hope though. While you're waiting for a response on this site, there are other resources out there for those seeking connection. There are cuddle events, and if you live in Los Angeles like OP, there are a lot of choices. Personally, I've had good experiences with Cuddle Sanctuary. They hold events every Wednesday and Saturday in Venice.
Getting back in the scene has also led me to be more open about my desire for cuddling. Since joining this site, I've connected with one person that I met at a cuddle event and also managed to convert a friend of mine into a cuddle buddy.
Keep putting yourself out there.
Aaronchi, a lot of pros dont repsond either. Many don't even logon. So presumably a lot are inactive as well. No rhyme nore reason.
I agree with aaronchi, don't give up, keep at it. It may be a bit easier for people like him and I living in the LA area but don't give up. I have also found cuddle buddies in other ways and on other sites. I'm not trying to steer people away from cuddle comfort at all by saying that, I've brought people to the site. Approach girls with the right energy, be polite and eventually you'll get a yes.
@Morpheus, Man those Typo's are good.
Have fun my friend, John NZ.
Haha thanks for pointing that out, I just fixed it.