What makes a Pro a Pro?

Comments

• skyhighsugar

  November 2021

  Just as there are a lot of professional (insert profession here) that don’t know what they’re doing or are not good at what they’re doing, the same is true for pro cuddlers. Any business market can be saturated by frauds, and the cuddling world is no different. To be frank, professional cuddling isn’t even widely considered to be just that - a profession. Really the only thing that makes someone a professional, is their ability to make a business out of it. So while there may be some professionals out there just looking for a quick buck, it’s not unique to this industry.

  I consider myself a professional cuddler without advanced training simply because I have done the work to make myself profitable, and to offer a competitive product in my region. I have a great set of regular clients, and I am always open and receptive to feedback and growth. I have never crossed professional boundaries, and I have a safety and professional plan in place to produce such boundaries. When I first started cuddling I’ll be the first to admit I had a very limited idea of what I was doing, but I was confident, and I offered my services that I had already been offering to people for free my entire life. It’s that simple. I have always strived to provide companionship, empathy, and affection to everyone in my life - and not everyone has access to that in their immediate circle and thus seek out a professional. I enjoy being that professional to give any and everyone that service that seeks platonic touch, friendly companionship, and safe, comfortable, professional connection. 🥰
• Sheena123

  November 2021

  I merely said yes because I’m using my experience as an example. I immediately joined as a pro and I’ve been doing this for over 2 and half years. I don’t have formal training. I know it wouldn’t hurt to do some extra training courses but I know deep down that this is something I’ve always wanted to do and I don’t NEED the extra training. I agree with you along with anyone else with a functioning brain that to do this as a profession, showing up a clients house high as a kite, or drunk or offering “extras”, is incredibly unprofessional and they shouldn’t be doing this. Period.

  To define “pro”, it just means you’re getting paid to do something, so yes, even the crappy pros on this site are called pro. I commend your background and the experience that comes with it but I just want to make sure that you aren’t viewing a pro like myself as someone who shouldn’t be here because I don’t have your qualifications. I’m sure you aren’t. Just making sure.

  There are a lot of professions out in the world that don’t require training, previous knowledge or degrees/certificates. This is one of them. It’s still too new. Maybe this will join the ranks of massage therapy and chiropractic work and whatnot, and it too, will require a degree or at least training courses and a certificate to authenticate the work. I’m all for it. Until then, this job is really for those that want to give that much needed affection to those that crave it. I believe it’s just something you have or you don’t.

  I’ve been told some highly qualified pros with an extensive background in therapy and coaching and quite a few other degrees were cold and stiff and almost uncaring. Too clinical. If you have it in you to hold someone and immediately disperse some of your care and warmth into someone and make them feel accepted and appreciated, no amount of degrees will add up to that. That’s what a lot of these cuddlers want. To be seen and heard but to be held and loved. I’m just making sure that the pros out there that don’t have any background in this field know that as long as you truly care for your cuddlers and do what you can to affect their lives in a supportive positive way, you’re ok!

  I think, even though you and I are on completely different spectrums of what a pro cuddler is (based on education: you definitely have more education on this than me!😅) we are both serious and are taken seriously in what we do for those that book us. (Except gross ones. They don’t count 🙄). Our karma and professionalism proves this. You and I obviously care for our cuddlers.
• European_Amazon

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  I mainly talk about experiences my clients told me.
  I don't judge anybody if they start as pros without any former education...as long as you're willing to learn on the way and are not resistent to widen your horizon. I as well believed in the beginning that I'm a natural and don't really need an extra training until I attended one which so happened to be in my area and it was completely life changing for me as a pro. There is just so much more to professional cuddling than most people think, just like there is so much more to massage therapy than most people think.
  I completely understand knowing how to make a business out of something is somewhat making you a pro. But the service you're providing really always leaves room for improvement simply because I think our clients deserve the best.

  The better your skills the more efficient you can help.
  If someone really just seeks warmth and a little cuddle to relax then that's pretty easy to do.
  But I came across people who really needed some type of therapy and I wouldn't have been able to provide that without the right knowledge. A simple cuddle wouldn't have done the work.
  I also heard about professionals who claimed to have all the education and been cold and really just cared about the money and not the client, you gotta be good with people it's true you have it in you or you don't.
  But when you get to a point where your client knows more about cuddling than you and actually teaches you things, that's kind of awkward. (another story I heard more than once).
• CuddleDuncan Mod

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  I've been thinking about this for a while. Here's a relevant thread:

  https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10740/some-thoughts-on-the-different-types-of-professional-cuddler#latest

  The essential part, which I must emphasise remains a work in progress, is given below. If you have any comments please post them in the thread linked above. I repeat, this document is subject to ongoing discussion and I do not stand by any of it. In particular I'm looking for better words than "opportunist" and "moonlighter".

  ---

  Types of Professional Cuddler

  The purpose of this document is to provide a framework for talking about cuddling in a structured way. At present we have no established terminology for the different types of cuddle professional, or even agreement on what those types are. Mature professions have a vocabulary with defined (and even protected) terms, and this list is the first step in creating such terms for both the cuddling community and interested people outside it.

  Note that these categories are determined more by the underlying attitude of the professional to cuddling, than what actually happens during a typical session. The category of a cuddler cannot be determined from their profile alone, their pre-session communication or even a single session; but only by their whole practice.

  Boundaries between categories are not hard and fast, or even well defined. All cuddle sessions and relationships are individual, so a professional cuddler may be or appear to be in one category to a particular client, and a different category to another client. Order is not significant except that the first five are all valuable to the cuddle community, and the last three are not.

  Moonlighter - Sees cuddling as a side-gig for a little bonus cash or just getting lots of cuddles. Fairly reliable and well-meaning, but may not really understand what they are doing. Most have only a brief profile, and while they can be any age they are more often young. Moonlighter and its subcategories (see below) form the largest group of cuddle professionals.

  Opportunist professional - Is doing it for the money, pure and simple. A variant of the Moonlighter (above). Does not particularly care about cuddling or clients. May offer sexual services during the session for an additional fee, but does not offer sex itself and does not really see themselves as a sex worker. Usually a brief profile, possibly with a number of photos which are close to the boundaries of 'platonic'. One of the more common categories of professional cuddler in the USA.

  Developing professional - Somebody who is in transition between categories (fairly common) or doesn't fit neatly into any one of them.

  Cuddle Practitioner - May have completed a training course and commonly has a comprehensive profile. Competant and reliable professional with adequate boundaries, but doesn't have the depth of knowledge of a Cuddle Therapist (below). Frequently cuddles part-time but may be full-time.

  Cuddle Therapist - Possibly has a background in a caring profession and is likely either to have completed at least one cuddle training course; have considerable experience; and/or have training, certification or experience in related fields. Their practice may be informed by psychotherapy or other therapeutic modalities. Can talk intelligently about issues such as transference, is well-boundaried, and should provide a very safe and caring cuddle. Usually at least 25 years old, with a thoughtful and detailed profile. If they have been active on Cuddle Comfort for more than a few months, likely to have some good Karma.

  Chaotic professional - Another variant of the Moonlighter (above), but is completely unsuited to professional cuddling (or indeed any personal service industry) and has has no concern for clients whatsoever. Likely to have little or no written profile and be living a somewhat chaotic lifestyle. Unboundaried. May block you without reason, not return messages, cancel without notice or simply not show up, arrive drunk or high, bring a friend who waits outside, fall asleep for the whole session, engage in sexual activities (with or without an additional fee) or sexually assault the client. But on a good day, may provide a decent service. This is the category that gives rise to many of the complaints on the forum.

  Sex Worker - Offers some combination of cuddling, massage and sexual services. Shouldn't be on Cuddle Comfort, but finds refuge here because of restrictive laws in certain places. May be only dimly aware of cuddling as a Thing.

  Criminal - The rarest category. Examples include the 'professional' taking the money, excusing herself then not returning; and the client being lured to a quiet place and then robbed.
• cuddles_ndream

  November 2021

  Simply - I think people on here try to pick the word “pro” apart in so many ways … pro is used to identify those who charge for cuddle sessions & those who do not

  (It’s almost like saying, “that artist shouldn’t call themselves a professional musician because they never took professional lessons or have a certificate from such & such music school” ect 🤔 many successful artists / musicians / producers /ect who are professionals in their fields without former professional training or certification.

  As far as charging, I think anyone can charge whatever they want , even $1000 an hour if they wanted to (& no I’m not paying it but its not about me)….alot of people make this topic about them when it truly isn’t, the price they choose is the price they are willing to cuddle for / or its worth it to them , it doesn’t matter if they ever get a booking or not, maybe the only way they’ll ever cuddle is if someone every books then for whatever said price it is & that’s perfectly fine with them … someone trying to shame them for their “ridiculous price” is so indifferent to them, I think people in general still don’t understand this & still won’t.
• Babichev

  November 2021

  When I started out as a massage therapist 30 years ago, less than half the states in the U.S. licensed MTs. Literally anyone could call themselves a massage therapist, no training required, and literally anyone could set themselves up as a school. There were no standards.

  Pro cuddling is in a similar state at this point except it’s in even more of an embryonic stage. It’s not an established occupation yet. There are zero standards, zero entry level requirements. There are some who take it seriously and put a lot of thought into it and others who just hang a shingle, so to speak, and hope they get clients. And, like massage, there are some who use it as a front for other activity.

  One big difference is that in 1991 we already had a strong national organization that had been around for 50+ years, had tens of thousands of members, that spearheaded efforts to get licensing in unregulated states. We were unregulated but still a moderately well established profession. In the absence of regulation, a board was formed through which MTs could get “certified” as a way to demonstrate to the public that they had met certain standards of education.

  I don’t see pro cuddling going this route any time soon. In the absence of any regulation or requirements, it’s up to the individual pros to put themselves forward as someone who is committed to truly professional level cuddle providers.

  I suspect that the majority of wannabes will drop out. I doubt it’s an easy way to make a living.

  @European_Amazon , you bring up an interesting point about how you thought you didn’t need any training until you actually attended a workshop. In my profession, some states require us to have a certain number of hours of continuing education in ethics. Many MTs would complain, “Isn’t that just common sense?” They were clueless as to their own lack of awareness of what they needed to know.

  In the three years I’ve been active in this forum, I don’t think I’ve heard pros ever discuss training or workshops. They mention that they exist but they don’t talk about what they learn and how that affected their practice. I think it would be good if there were more discussion about that. It would help both other pros and clients get a better sense of what professional cuddling could look like.

  Pro cuddling is a newly emerging field. Those of you who are in it are trailblazers and being a trailblazer means you’re burdened with having to clear a path in a messy, untamed landscape.
• Mela_B

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  I don't judge anyone else for doing what they decide to do, but I wouldn't know anyone else's experience because I started training immediately upon signing up for cc. I wanted to have some info before I jumped in so I started taking seminars and training classes.
• nurturingman

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  I’m analytical and educated. I’m also warm and affectionate. I, too, joined this site as an enthusiast and didn’t turn Pro until I’d been on the site for six months. Before going Pro, I actively participated in the forums and learned from the members, hired pros, and had unpaid sessions with enthusiasts. I also completed the Cuddlist training before going pro, and I even spent a lot of money to travel to another state to pass an evaluation to become Cuddlist certified. I wanted all the knowledge, skill, and credibility I could get. Unfortunately, the difference between being a woman pro and a man pro are as different as Venus and Mars, and about as far apart as well. I've seen women pros say they start booking sessions as soon as they sign up, and I've seen men pros say they try for months and book no sessions. If what makes a pro a pro is getting paid, then cuddling is one of the few professions in which women attain higher "professional" status than men.
• ernesto_2 (deleted user)

  November 2021

  Without devolving the thread into full-on pedantry, the accepted definition of a professional is someone who is paid or compensated for performances, services, or goods rendered.

  We often assume that a professional meet some sort of training or certification requirement by a governing body, however this is only true if the professional belongs to a community governed by laws or regulations pertaining to the service(s) provided. Because the "cuddling industry" is so small, there isn't a governing body to regulate it. As a result, there is no requirement for a "professional cuddler" to be anything more than a "cuddle provider" seeking compensation for services.

  All of that to say, I agree in principle that anyone wishing to call themselves a Professional should have some sort of documented training. But right now, it's the prerogative of the potential client to determine if the Professional meets their personal requirements.
• cuddles_ndream

  November 2021

  @nurturingman you bring up a lot of good points … & I wish I can talk freely to your points, but I know my views will be over policed, therefor what I will say is that I feel no one (male or female) has taken all the steps you’ve taken in being that ideal cuddle person on here, you’ve truly gone above & beyond in every sense of the word to be that person, & you’re the definition of being transparent. This is not to say anybody else is any less , this is a point to anyone who complains about credentials & “seeking” such transparency & ect ect ect
• rajkumarcares

  November 2021

  I would imagine the correct definition of Pro must fulfill the most important requirement of this environment and that is platonic touch. A true Pro is someone who has never indulged in sexual activity with their client at any stage or circumstance. This is what it takes to help the client feel secure and safe.
  If one must respect your boundary, then ask yourself if you have at all times respected your own boundary. If this aspect has been upheld 100% , then you qualify to be a Pro.
• Brandi

  November 2021

  I’m all about experience showing for itself.
  I was actually coming to the comments to make a similar comment as @cuddles_ndream about it being similar to not having a degree in art.
  While I may not have any certifications or training, I learned over time how to be assertive with boundaries, how I like to do things and how much I adore nurturing, setting my space as a healing and safe place for myself and others. And getting to meet new incredible people from this community.
  Abstract art may not be considered art to some while to others, it is incredibly beautiful, and capturing to the eye.
  similarly, portraits take so much dedication, practice, and training, is also beautiful and capturing to others.
  But it’s about perspective, personal choice, and both art pieces can be absolutely stunning and worth admiring.
  People are like that too.
  I’m not saying this to discount any professional who is going through all the extra steps to be caring and provide their services, but to credit to anyone who is willing and wanting to provide cuddles to someone who is really in need of it.
  Cuddling is an art form in my opinion; A way to express yourself, give and show emotion to others.
  In a world filled with devision, hatred, animosity, and disgust with one another, this thread rubs me the wrong way and comes off as though having some kind of certification makes you on some kind of high horse. When I’m reality, there will be different people who enjoy different personality types and different approaches to how they go about things.

  As long as everyone is happy, feeling a connection and a sense of security with whatever pro they are choosing, and the pro is happy offering their services & they feel safe doing so; they should be left alone to enjoy their few hours of peace.
  You never know what life experience they may have that makes them feel as though they feel certified to do this profession.
  For me, I grew up in a home feeling completely abandoned as a child. School was no different. I was a lone wolf with the rare occasion of feeling my mothers love and hugs.
  Those hugs and loving touch when I did get them, was absolutely cherished and not forgotten.
  Coming into this profession I found a way to provide that to others, if they too felt abandoned in life I wanted to be able to change that to anyone and everyone so long as they are respectful; even just for an hour or so because I know how much even just one hug can make a difference. And maybe getting training down the road may help me feel more knowledgeable in certain areas, I don’t think it will take away from my actual life experiences of being on the other side, feeling that lonesome state of mind and literally just wanting to be seen for a moment.
• nurturingman

  November 2021

  Thanks for the vote of confidence, @cuddles_ndream . I just want to clarify that I do believe that many of the female pros here, and a handful of the male pros here, have worked as hard as I have, if not harder, to be the best cuddlers they can be.
• cuddles_ndream

  November 2021

  @nurturingman if they don’t have an Llc with their full name posted on here than nope lol 😂 jk you’re an awesome person.
• Brandi

  November 2021

  Also rereading this thread, a particular aspect stuck out to me. You said that for other professions such as an actual therapist you don’t just decide to do such a thing and become it, however some do. The absolute horror stories over heard about several therapists who HAVE gone through training and certifications, doesn’t mean they are great at what they do either. Perhaps they do have a drinking problem, mental issues, or other severe issues that they tend to hide very well, until they don’t.
  sexual harassment happening in professional fields is certainly a thing as well. Just because someone is certified in something surely doesn’t make them top notch every time. Sure it might reduce that, but people will still manage to get away with things no matter how much education they have unfortunately.
  🤷‍♀️
• cuddles_ndream

  November 2021

  Brandi 💯
• herby357

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  Cuddling, like any profession is going to have varying levels of "professional" service, so the term is completely subjective in so far as what it takes to become a pro on this site.

  Personally, I look for pros with a healthcare or holistic healing backgrounds, and always meet in person (or via video since the pandemic) so we can mutually-vet one another prior to any session. Seems that some people don't do that which is something I can't understand?

  Lastly, being a guy, I go out of my way to ensure that my cuddle partners feel safe and respected. Fortunately, I haven't ran into anyone that has misrepresented themselves or "faked me out" so to speak. There have been a few people that I met with where the energy was off, so we decided not to move forward with a session.
• Bella_Sera

  November 2021

  I’d love to operate in a community where folks can promote themselves and their practice without resorting to speaking ill of others. There are already so many threads undermining the credibility of pro cuddling, why indulge in pro-on-pro mudslinging?
• Babichev

  November 2021

  I don’t see any mud-slinging.
• loveneverlost

  November 2021

  I did not read anything except the title and the op post. Tbh, I feel like there is too much discussion considering the question. What makes a pro a pro on here is a pro charges. That all.
• Bella_Sera

  November 2021

  @Babichev, OP is calling other pros “wannabes” and suggesting that those who are new or without training shouldn’t be able to charge. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  Perhaps it’s dust rather than mud-slinging, lol, but it’s still not particularly collegial or welcoming.

  The way I see it, everyone starts as a newbie and all have to gain experience to have experience.

  I watched a series of videos explaining pro cuddling before my first session, but nothing could have prepared me for what it was really going to be like. I am extremely grateful for the veteran cuddle clients who showed me grace and patience when I was new—they’ve all been repeats without exception. I’m also grateful to pros who answered my questions and put up with me haunting their profiles.

  Professional cuddling isn’t just one thing. We are creating and defining it now as we practice it daily. I learn from my clients and their experiences/preferences all the time and I will always happily pass on advice to new or prospective pros.
• funnycuddles

  November 2021

  The original OP's post... What makes a Pro? There are professional Big-Foot Hunters. They even have TV shows. I'm not a professional Big-Foot Hunter, but I have captured just as many Big-Foots as all the professionals combined. (Zero). I take the word Pro with a grain of salt. Find someone you're cuddle compatible with and call it a day. Just my two cents worth.
• Brandi

  November 2021

  @BellaSera 100% agree with everything you said.
• Babichev

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  @BellaSera , point taken. I don’t think the OP was particularly egregious. It appears to me that the pros who participate in the forums - whatever their status or experience - tend to be treated in a friendly manner. The fact that they participate, ask questions, etc., is evidence of a level of interest beyond just making an account and hanging up a shingle. There exists, however, a significant population of members with pro accounts (or operate as untagged pros) who put little to no effort into cultivating any level of professionalism. I don’t see a problem in acknowledging that. Perhaps @CuddleDuncan’s term “opportunist” might be a kinder moniker.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  November 2021 edited November 2021

  When I seek out a pro, it is specifically for therapeutic reasons - i.e. I want to be held while processing the very emotions which come out when I go back through times in my life where physical touch just wasn't there to comfort me. In fact, I had a couple of cuddle sessions where I invited the pro to join me for a session in my therapists office - the cuddle pro held me as the therapist guided me back through my childhood triggers, during an EMDR session. The touch in this context helped reprogram a lot of triggers around memories which made me feel abandoned - replacing them with the tender feelings of being held instead. It was very powerful and brought tremendous healing. I rarely hire a pro for just companionship - though I have done that at times too. As such, training is an important selection criterion for me - and I tend to pick a pro with training (i.e. "Cuddle Therapist" as per @CuddleDuncan's post above) most of the time over someone who doesn't. If the pro has training in other healing areas than just cuddle therapy, e.g. reiki, massage, etc. It just gives me that additional data point that our goals as a pro and client are likely in alignment. This doesn't mean pros without training aren't good - but just that it provides me with additional info which helps me in selecting a pro for me. Furthermore, as @Babichev points out, putting in the time to participate in these forums is itself a form of training, and it does show a certain level of commitment to the work, so when it comes to selecting a pro, I'd almost certainly consider that as well.
• creedhands (deleted user)

  November 2021

  The major difference between art/music and cuddling is that you can "sample" for free (or even extensively) before shelling out money for it. "Pro" cuddlers don't offer an hour of their services to sample. Much like massage, you don't know what exactly you are getting until you are in the moment. No good? Too bad. Pay up.

  Out of curiosity, have any "pro" cuddlers studied aromatherapy, essential oils, pressure points, or the physical/ psychological effects of color with the intention/mindset of improving your professional experience?
• cuddles_ndream

  November 2021

  For some people pictures is sample enough / for others karmas is sample / & for the reset a combination of both & other factors. I don’t think anyone has ever booked with anyone on here who had no pics / a blank profile / & attempted to book without Atleast communication.
• European_Amazon

  November 2021

  In no way I was talking down on pro cuddlers who didn't get any training. I made this thread to learn and understand different point of views, and not to attack anybody.

  "wannabe -pros" to me are those who don't even wanna put in the effort to make a difference in someone's life who really seeks a cuddle for whatever reason, and also empty profiles, no Karma (even tho they are here for multiple months some even years) but rates of $200+/hr. I mean...really? 😂

  As I stated here as well...as long as someone is willing to learn and be better over time I think that's great. I even learned from other enthusiasts when I started, and sometimes still do.
  I personally wouldn't book anybody who has no Karma or any type of training...but that's just me. We all have different criterias. I just wanted to be like someone I would seek when I need a cuddle. But that doesn't have to go for everybody. I'm somewhat of an insatiable beast when it comes to educating myself. Whatever I do I want to make it the best way possible and besides my nurturing and caring nature that comes with tons of education. Again, that's just me, we're all different.

  In fact I gotta say many people who cuddle with me don't even give a damn about my trainings and qualifications, they don't read my profile, no previous conversation and don't even ask my availability...they just look at the pictures and decide to book me 😅 But then there are others who really do seek someone with more expertise. If that's gonna be better at the end only the client can tell.

  I appreciate everybody in here who takes their time to share their view on this topic and everyone who is out there cuddling those who are in need for platonic touch, no matter the experience level.
• sunnysideup

  November 2021

  I guess everyone’s reasons for booking a professional is different, but I’ll share mine and be as honest as possible.

  It’s hard for me to get physical touch, so ilI pay for it. That’s the primary reason. If I could cuddle for free, I penalty wouldn’t pay a professionals. So I guess really the privilege to hug someone is really the biggest thing I’m looking for, I suppose. Since I’ll be really close to someone I don’t know, I’ll seek out a professional I consider to be physically attractive as that makes it easier to want to touch someone I don’t know.

  Secondarily I’ll want someone to kind be a friend and possibly care to some extent. I also want to reciprocate and be there for them. I’m not particularly looking for someone to solve my problems as thats what I see a therapist for.

  Not show how much training/education can help with the above. Experience always helps. But basically this is why I chose the first option.
• cuddletime222

  November 2021

  @European_Amazon I think you make some very valid points.