I like cuddling , I like cuddling a lot. If my wife knew then I wouldn't be able to cuddle. Is it lying if I just dont tell her ?
It's cheating if your spouse considers it cheating.
OK so I will quit. Thanks for the feedback
A unique situation to consider. You find yourself where your spouse is now disabled. Although you’ve had a marriage with full commitment you still know you will never leave them. Sadly a persons disability can effect both people. The non disabled still craves the touch that is no longer provide and the disabled is going through the physical limitations and the mental hurt of no longer being able to provide the needs of their partner. It’s hell being reminded of the things you can no longer do or provide for your spouse.
I personally wouldn't consider it "cheating," but a spouse might be very hurt if they were unaware and found out, which is why I personally choose not to cuddle a married person unless their spouse is okay with it.
About 15 years ago, my wife decided she was non-tactle. To me. It felt like an infidelity and betrayal to our marriage vows. As a faithful husband, I simply felt trapped, with no way out. And then several years ago I discovered platonic cuddling. My wife and I remain good friends, and great companions, and we will journey together to the end of our days. But just as my wife has no sense of guilt for what she did, I too long ago learned to disassociate myself from any sense of guilt, as long as my cuddle relationships remain platonic, there is no “cheating” in my perception.
Ok , i miss cuddling . We have to work something out where I can cuddle , not tell my wife and still not be a cheater. how bout a nice Christmas gift ?
If this is what saves your marriage, is that a bad thing?
So personally to me , I don’t cuddle with people in a relationship or married , IF there partner doesn’t know , if they do then that’s a different story , but It’s a personal choice , to me I think if something is that important to your emotional health that you have to go take money from the house hold an hide it from your spouse then it’s a discussion that needs to be had with your spouse , some people are not affectionate so I get that . But cuddling is essential for so many things , to me I could never marry someone who doesn’t love to cuddle , I’m extremely affectionate. At the end of the day , to each there own .
So if I dont hire a pro and cuddle an enthusiast is that ok ? Im not taking any money from the household. Not tryin to argue just tryin to understand. My spouse probably spends about $250 a month in cigarettes so now can I hire a pro ?
Here is the deal. Nothing wrong with needing a Warm Body. Especially when the Wife does not provide her warm body to you. For YEARS. Why should I go without???
Whoa !!! I dont even know my spouse for years , I just like meeting new people and cuddling . Thats deep
I believe therapists refer to this situation as emotional infidelity. I would never judge anyone for this. You don’t know what their life is like or where their marriage is. Most likely you are actually doing them a big favor by satisfying these needs that are not being met without them doing it through a love affair. I don’t judge people for that either. As I say, you’ll never know enough to have an informed opinion of who if anyone is in the wrong. Life and marriage is complicated. It’s really no one’s business but theirs.
I'm married (on paper), but she left about 8 years ago and lives over 1000 miles away. We haven't bothered to get divorced (yet), though that could still happen. Whole months go by without any contact, even text messages or email. For myself, I don't consider cuddling to be cheating on her, given that it was her choice to walk away
@bigben - you seem to want us to set the criteria for you. It doesn’t work that way. You are the one who has to discern whether an activity you are engaging in violates your agreement with your spouse or not.. And you also have to decide, if it violates your agreement, whether you are better off violating your agreement or not.
Here’s a potential ethical dilemma: I’m in a marriage where my spouse is not affectionate and I suffer because of that. Here are some possible options:
I accept the situation and focus on the things about my partner that I appreciate.
I suffer in silence and resent my partner.
I leave the relationship and hope I can get my needs met in another relationship.
I tell my partner that I need more affection and if I can’t get it from them I will try to get it from someone outside of the marriage and deal with the consequences of telling them that.
I decide to stay in the marriage because there are enough good reasons to stay and I decide to seek out platonic cuddling, even though I know my partner would object if they knew, because I’ll be happier and be a better partner.
It’s possible that one might possibly decide that the last option is their best option.
I can’t encourage anyone to try to rationalize a decision by looking for “technicalities” that will get them off the hook in their own mind. I can’t encourage dishonesty. However, I can see a situation where someone might honestly decide that of all the options available, doing something they know their partner would disapprove of may still be their best option.
TLDR: Only you can decide whether it’s “cheating” within the context of your marriage. Be honest with yourself.
This is a great question and would hope to hear opinions and inputs on my situation. Yes Im married, I just signed up to try this since I really miss cuddling. My situation, I love my wife dearly, we have a great marriage except she can't cuddle with me more than 5 minutes because of my body heat. She is vey self conscious and very much of a giver. I know she has tried cuddling for a longer period and even faked like she was enjoying it just to support me but she only did it for 10mins. How do you talk about being able to cuddle with strangers? Shes very sensitive and would be crushed just by me asking to cuddle with someone other than her. I know she wouldn't understand and all that creates is possibly a question of trust with her. We've been married over 35 years so I know her thoughts very well. Ideas? Thanks
I would think, though, if you are doing this behind your spouse's back, you need to tell the person you are cuddling that. Hypothetically, if your spouse finds out, they could charge you with adultery in a divorce proceeding. You can attest that what you were doing was platonic, but the person you cuddled with is probably going to get dragged into it too, and they may not want to be. It's only fair to let them know the situation and let them decide if they want to proceed.
In my case, I have a child with my ex, so I would never have done this while still married or even separated. I wouldn't have wanted anything to potentially muddy the waters when it came to discussing custody.
I Don't believe it as cheating because I actually have a clinic and I professionally cuddle out of and I professionally cuddle for therapy reasons. Sometimes people have reasons why they don't want to cuddle with their significant other or they want to cuddle but their significant other is not interested. It is a great place to place to talk with someone that's a neutral ground and for them to listen. I do not feel it is cheating if it is for therapy reasons and not sexual reasons.
Thing is, we can have opinions on this all day ... but the opinion that is going to matter is your partner's.
The way to answer this question is not to ask the forum, but to ask your spouse if at all possible. Or, if you are cuddling someone married, ask their spouse, again if possible.
@Babichev Please dont take this as me arguing but I am totally NOT looking for anyone to set the criteria. I cuddle because I really enjoy it so I am happy . My spouse has no clue so she is not angry . me happy + spouse not angry = everyone is winner. If your spouse doesnt like your brother do you stop talking to him ? Do you get a divorce ? Of course not , you continue talking to your brother AND you stay happily married by not telling your spouse you do as often as you do. Also cuddling is not cheating , I dont even think that point is up for debate .
@WriterGF I am sorry you believe that a spouse needs to approve everything that you do to make yourself happy
This isnt that deep , I mean someone called it emotional infidelity , I had to google that and still have no clue what that is. Cuddling and meeting people and sharing our life adventures and experiences is fun.
@bigben Everyone sees things differently. To me, it would be a matter of respecting my partner. The only reason to hide it from her would be if I thought it would hurt her, and if it's going to hurt her, why would I want to do it? But I'm not you and not in your relationship. I can only speak for me.
Well said, @SuperManCuddles 😁
Only talking to your spouse could determine that. Intimate boundaries look different for everyone. Some people are very open in relationships and to others they don’t want their partner sharing intimacy with another, even if just platonic touch. When I was in a relationship my partner didn’t want me offering professional cuddling. If someone’s spouse doesn’t know they are cuddling, they shouldn’t be cuddling. If there is dishonesty there, something ain’t right. A communicative relationship is a healthy one. I will not meet people with who say they are trying to be discreet
Thanks to everyone providing their great positions, opinions and insight on how they would handle telling their spouse about cuddling. I don't want to or ever want to hurt her. When your with someone as long as I have been, the bond of trust and knowing what it takes to hurt that person is so important, but again my personal needs of physical holding and touch is not being met. Will I die for not getting my need? Probably not. If she finds out about my cuddling will she be hurt? Definitely crushed. So it gets down to my needs or her mental health for the rest of her life. The obvious decision is easy, no I don't want to hurt her and yet the need has yet to be resolved in my mind. My first steps may be just talking about cuddling with her as a whole. They downside is she will try again but not make it more than 10 mins. I guess we can cuddle on the back porch couch when its freezing out. Again Thank You everyone. This seems to be a great group.
Thank you! @JoyfulHeart
What if a spouse withholds affection but doesn't want you to cuddle with others. Basically, the need for touch is unmet.
@leftee, maybe extreme, but perhaps that is the time to question if you are with the right partner?
@soulfulspirit most people with disabilities can still cuddle. Societal expectations mean that others assume that disabled people don’t need or want physical contact. Many may need it more than most: as reassurance that people still desire that connection with them, accept the changes that have happened to their body and that they are not a burden to those who care about them. I know this because I have been struggling with people telling me how I should not need/can’t expect others to want me as a cuddle partner because my wheelchair makes some of the difficulties that I face obvious and that is more of a commitment than they desire. A disability may change the level of assistance needed during the interaction, or it may not; but that doesn’t inherently change the ability to cuddle. The accommodations any cuddler needs are always unique to that person.
I consider the work I do to be a therapeutic modality similar and feel similar to what @ElleCuddleMi said. In a perfect world, everyone would be in a happy, healthy relationship and would be able, to be honest with their partner and get their needs met but that is not the world we live in and relationships are complicated. If I were the spouse in this scenario I would definitely prefer my partner see a platonic cuddler than a sex worker or a secret lover. I have been in toxic and abusive relationships and I know firsthand that it’s not always possible to be honest with your partner 100% of the time. I always keep client confidentiality and feel it would be unethical to turn down a client based on their marital or relationship status. Just as much as honesty is important in a relationship so is autonomy. It is important to be able to stay true to yourself and do the things that make you happy when you are in a relationship or a marriage.
My hope is that the Cuddling community can become more mainstream so that future generations will be aware of the importance of touch and cuddling and make sure to make that a priority when they are seeking out a life partner and not wind up with someone who isn’t compatible in that arena.
As long as the cuddling world remains niche, underground and taboo, there’s always going to be people who exploit it, people who misjudge it and it’s going to be hard to get one’s partner on board
I do have a few clients that have understanding and supportive spouses who understand that it’s just another form of self-care and nothing more. If you feel like you can talk to your spouse about it I would encourage it but I don’t think you should beat yourself up if you don’t think they will understand and you really need touch in your life.