Question regarding usability/usefulness of this site

PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95
edited December 2021 in General

Guys/Men, how do you guys deal with lack of female enthusiast cuddlers near your area responding to your messages?

Of course, nobody is entitled to anything. It’s just that we come here with hope to find some people (likely regular enthusiasts) to cuddle with platonically, and of course, at first it seems normal that some don’t reply, but if no female enthusiast cuddlers nearby reply, it is at first like feeling weird, then after a long time, it seems like there is really no point in having an account in this site if it seems like we’re basically limited to professional cuddlers, and only a portion of them. And by this, I mean that they look at your profile but still don’t respond.

Also, a few respond but then eventually stop responding but either remain active or become inactive.

It also sucks how many guys/men here make inappropriate requests online or during sessions, ruining the usability/usefulness of this site for those of us who are actually respectful. Like, thanks a lot! Not.

It also seems like a handful of female enthusiast cuddlers remain active but I don’t know if they just limit themselves to cuddling with one person or just with just a few people, hence ignoring others who message them. But out of new members, many become inactive or delete their accounts. Maybe a lot of guys messaging them also freaks them out or they find themselves too busy responding to messages, as some people say that new female members get a lot of messages and as sometimes for new female members, if over 100 miles away, after clicking on the Send Message button, it says something like “This member is currently receiving a lot of messages, so we are currently limiting it to just people nearby them.”

But yeah, guys/men, how do you guys deal with lack of female enthusiast cuddlers near your area responding to your messages?

There is also a poll attached below to see the statistics in this sort of topic (only for those near you, not those far from you, and only whether or not the enthusiast cuddlers ignore you, not for whether or not professional cuddlers ignore you). And that’s regarding only for those you send a message to, not for those you haven’t sent any message, and only for whether or not they send the first response, not for if they eventually start ignoring you, as well as only for those who already took a look at your profile. If they didn’t look at your profile, then they likely missed your message as they probably received message from too many users/people.

Of course, no pressure intended from this poll or forum but like I have questioned whether or not I should keep my account active a lot of times.

  1. Are you guys/men ignored by most/all female enthusiast cuddlers/users near you that you’ve messaged?70 votes
    1. No, none have ignored me.
        5.71%
    2. No, only a few have ignored me.
        4.29%
    3. No, only some have ignored me.
        8.57%
    4. No, but many have ignored me.
      15.71%
    5. Yes, most have ignored me.
      37.14%
    6. Yes, all have ignored me.
      10.00%
    7. I haven’t messaged any enthusiasts that are near my location.
      18.57%
«13

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    The topic has been covered a lot but yup, as you've mentioned it's (from what's been said/discussed/mentioned before) largely due to the massive amount of messages that the women on the site get from people with some of those people not respecting boundaries or being quality communicators. With that also being driven by the difference in the number of men on the site vs the number of women on the site.

    It's an unfortunate reality of being a man on this website for many but similarly being inundated with messages is an unfortunate reality of being a woman on this site for many. It's a coin with two sides as much as how reacting to it can be a double edged sword if done badly.

    As for how I deal with it, I personally haven't sent very many messages in the past couple of years as I'm putting safety first with my health, but generally speaking on here and on other sites with similar issues the way I try to deal with it is to take it in stride and try not to take it personally or be toxic about it. It's very easy to have an unhealthy (both for the other person or people, and for you) response to this kind of thing especially if it's been happening a bunch. But ultimately those kinds of reactions help nobody, are often based on reactionary emotion rather than reason or substance, and only make things worse for all involved.

    There might also be a personal aspect to it, which can potentially be amended by sprucing up your profile or changing the way you communicate, but ultimately that's not going to fix everything and that's okay too. Sometimes you aren't the problem, and the problem can't be fixed. I think it's important not to get too worked up on this kind of thing at the end of the day.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Although this is not a dating site, in some ways it is not dissimilar -- way more men than women, women get bombarded with messages and so may not even see yours, etc. That's the nature of the online social site beast.

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    @Zundar , I agree with you that we shouldn’t expect. It should definitely be more than obvious that at least some or a good amount would ignore, like if they didn’t post their age preference or gender preference (some may also have religion and/or racial preference, or maybe even height preference, first two probably not tolerated to be expressed under site rules) but still got one for age or gender preference (just happened to not know about it), then sure, yeah, even if they didn’t, like they get a lot of messages instead, that feels more than ok, but when it turns out to be very few or none of the enthusiasts, then it’s like the site itself doesn’t seem like a site to have at least a little bit of the platonic cuddles that we would like to have that the site claims to give the people access to. But yeah, any form of expectation does lead to disappointment, either in the short or long run. You are right about that. It is kind of hard to not expect anything of something the site claims to give you access to.

    Like, I don’t expect stars at night as sometimes it is cloudy, and in some places, it is cloudy or foggy a lot more often than in other places. But this may be a bit off topic, lol.

  • sillysassysillysassy


    @frace95 WELCOME TO THE SITE!!! 😊

    Guys/Men, how do you guys deal with lack of female enthusiast cuddlers near your area responding to your messages?

    (....I'm just watching/reading because this post is asking for men/guys ——NOT WOMEN—- response/feeling....)

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    @sillysassy , I forgot to include that women can also respond if they would like to express their reason as to why they ignore, but most won’t want to admit their racial/religion preference or sexual orientation preference, although the latter is probably a lot more acceptable by the site rules than the first two. Just too many things in my mind usually when creating a thread/forum or question that I forget to include a few things, lol.

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    @sillysassy , forgot to mention that I’m sorry about forgetting to say that female enthusiasts and anyone can explain their opinion or reasons as to ignoring most people. Like, had I known this before getting an account here or read about it somewhere like looking up “Is Cuddle Comfort legit” on Google, and had I read stuff like what I am saying now then, I would have been all like “Okay. Looks like I am not going to make myself an account. Not worth the time or energy.”, probably out of assuming that it’s an absolute guarantee that I wouldn’t get a response, and I made my account here way before the pandemic came along. During the pandemic at its most severe level, I definitely wasn’t going to try meeting up with anyone, and when I was talking to a young woman (not in this site but on Facebook) I wasn’t logging in for several months. Had there never been a pandemic (especially if I would’ve never been talking to anyone on Facebook like deep talk) and the trend been the same, I would have been a lot more exhausted or even likely left the site.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Have you checked to see how recently the enthusiasts you are messaging have logged on? Many of the ones in my area haven't been on in 9-12 months.

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    @WriterGF , when looking for enthusiasts, I use the filter category to adjust to show only those who have last logged in up to a certain amount of time ago. The thing I am discussing is those nearby you message, they see your profile, and then they still don’t respond.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited December 2021

    So much to say, and this is only my opinion guys… it isn’t universal fact …. The chances of us cuddling with female enthusiasts are going to always & forever be very tough, it doesn’t matter who you are. A good looking / handsome male pro will have better chances at booking with female paying customers than you booking with another female enthusiast …. This is how much the odds are stacked against you. And for many reasons.

    Reasons -
    (I’ll say my perspective if you guys want me too)

    But Like 3 or 4 weeks ago, an enthusiast very local to me reached out & asked if I would be able to host in the future (I was happy as hell cause I’ve been here for close to a year & a half & never got a local enthusiast to do the reaching out 1st lol) so I was like yeah but right now I have family staying over & if the trust is there / she doesn’t mind, I wouldn’t mind getting a hotel room … & than I got ghosted lol 😂 so yeah I blew my first chance … I don’t have a problem with my place at all, infact all my prior cuddles were at my place except for one, but I think now that a neutral place would be more better, that & I don’t want family members knowing I’m out here wanting to cuddle 😅😂 I shouldn’t care I know.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles
    edited December 2021

    _@frace95 I message many people. The ones that message back and are interested, can work with. The ones that do not message back, I move on/invest in others interested in being friends and or cuddle buddies!🤗Thank you!

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    @frace95 have you tried reversing the search feature. I have.

    Pretend you are a woman looking for a man to cuddle here. You set up your criteria and now you go to the results....what do you see?....lots of blank profiles, lots of no karmas, just a lot of faceless profiles.

    Now go back to your settings and wow....lots of smiling faces, women with karmas, filled out profiles. It really is amazing to me the stark differences to how women make their profiles here both enthusiast and pro vs the men.

    I imagine women probably just get, IDK , exhausted / frustrated at the lack of energy / input on men's profiles that they may think why bother answering/ messaging at all. I am not saying anything is a concern with your profile. Just that it probably takes an enthusiast female all day to find one like yours and by that time they probably are wondering if this site is useless also.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @OhioMike im gonna try that now lol

  • samfiddlesamfiddle
    edited December 2021

    I mean this is why im gonna delete my account. This website has really rubbed in how gross I must be and really harmed what was left of my self esteem. Tbh checking this website at all is probably self harm.

    @samfiddle , please don’t take it personally. If you read this and other threads, you’ll see it’s hard for most of us. Please take care of yourself. You might want to check out this thread:
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12132/moderator-thoughts-on-mental-health/p1 - Babichev.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @samfiddle don’t take it personal …don’t internalize it like there’s something wrong with you…

  • samfiddlesamfiddle

    @cuddles_ndream
    Lol, way too late. There is definitely something wrong/icky with me, good people dont starve for affection. Taboo to say aloud, but yeah... The bar is so low for men, obviously I must be pretty worthless to not make the cut.
    Sorry to be a downwr, but we're all thinking it, im just saying it.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    @samfiddle this community can only uplift you so much. Since this past summer you have commented on this topic and about your own well-being. I don't think CC is going to help you today because of where you are presently. You need assistance and its out there. We have stickied threads that have recommendations for you. I would seek those currently first. I do wish you the best. Your posts here and in past are concerning to us. I know this community wishes you well. 💛

  • BabichevBabichev

    @OhioMike - wow, you are a genius.

    Yep. MOST of the men in my area have no photos, no information.

    @frace95 - it’s not necessarily about racial, religious, or orientation preference, it’s about men having no photo, their profile not filled out, sending messages that are a real turn-off, and then if you do decide to meet them and cuddle with them, it turns out they are too pushy. Either they do not understand what “platonic” means or else they do but are hoping we’ll ignore that.

    Besides that the ratio of men to women is about 4:1, a lot of the women on this site are not active. And of those who are, even though we want to cuddle we’re hesitant to cuddle with total strangers.

    Too many men do not appreciate the vulnerable position we are putting ourselves into. They jump right into asking us to cuddle without taking the time to establish a rapport, without taking the time to let us get to know them. They send us shirtless photos and ask us if we want to trade massage with them. We meet them, explain to them about boundaries and how we’ve had trouble with guys being pushy. They say they understand and we agree to cuddle with them and then they start talking about naked cuddling. Or they try to kiss us and then get offended when we point out they are breaking their agreement. Or they start humping us. I just turned 69, I’m not some sweet young thing and every single one of those things have happened with me and more. Imagine what it must be like for younger women. That’s our experience.

    My suggestion: hire a pro.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    As a female enthusiast, I have a full-time physically demanding job that eats up almost 60 hours a week plus a commute.

    I live by myself on a small farm and I'm responsible for everything there that needs to be done.

    I work night shift, I am also an introvert. So, I'm up against weird hours, limited time and I can get overwhelmed with communication at times.

    For me it takes time to build rapport with somebody. That includes lots of of conversations here on messenger, then switching over to text or phone call before meeting. If your energy, personality or anything else sends up a red flag in person I will take heed and be careful with further contact.

    I have updated my profile several times to reflect where I'm currently at. I still exchange messages with individuals who I click with initially, common interests, common occupation, common outlook on life. I never truly rule anything out , but I know for several individuals distance and time are always going to be limiting factors.

    I have met several on here I see regularly. I trust them, they make me feel safe and respect my boundaries.

    Could I possibly see more people? Theoretically yes, but with everything I've outlined above , I've found a balance that works for me.

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    @Babichev , I know a lot of guys out there are crazy. Sending shirtless photos is just insanity, like umm, wrong site to do such thing. And like I never jump in asking to cuddle. I know some guys may and it is a dumb idea to do so because well, it is reasonable to first talk online before meeting up. The first message I send usually goes something like “Hi! How is your day going today so far?” or sometimes “Hi! How are you doing?” Creepy guys ruin the usefulness of this website for actual non-creepy guys. If all creepy guys were removed, would the ratio from males to females be more like 2:1? I know a lot of guys are crazy so removing them will definitely make this platform a lot better.

    I do realize that women are making a jump by joining this platform. I also felt like I was making a jump by joining this platform, but I think that maybe I was too misinformed or assuming that what was advertised was actually fully accurate. I have cuddled with few pros, but I would love to have some regular cuddle buddies too, who I can see with not much thought on time constraint and more about having a fun time going out to eat in restaurants, going to attractions like amusement park or short hikes, or museums or watching TV (no rated R movie, I am not into seeing crazy or disturbing things). So there it is, I am far from being a crazy guy. I also attend church, and I am not into drinking or smoking. Of course it doesn’t mean I am any more entitled or entitled at all, but I think that this site could be made a lot better by removing the creepy guys.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    The original question was

    Guys/Men, how do you guys deal with lack of female enthusiast cuddlers near your area responding to your messages?

    At first I found it very disheartening. I did have enough experience of the internet not to take it too personally, but sometimes it is very disappointing. In fact I gave up and left the site, having made one connection which at the time had not yet led to a cuddle.

    When I came back things started the same way, but I thought there's no point in doing this again so I abandoned it and went down the professionals' route. In due course I figured out how to get at least some of the enthusiasts to respond. I wrote up my experiences in two posts, and if you're struggling to meet people I suggest you read both threads .... Can't do any harm.

    I am now in the fortunate position of having strong real life connections with both professional and enthusiast cuddlers. However, the response rate to my opening messages is still very low. Note that women writing to women report the same thing. The plain fact is that the vast majority of people will not reply to your message, it's just how the world is.

    I'm not going to dig for it but there was an excellent post by a woman who receives a lot of messages. She reported that most were worthless ("hi" or "hey babe"). If I remember correctly something like 5% or 10% were at least actual messages, but most of those were obviously copy and paste standard messages that some guys presumably blast out to everybody. The ones that attracted her attention were those which were written to her as an individual.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I spoke to a woman on here who told me that she was offline for a few days, and when she came back, she had over 200 messages in her inbox. That's a lot to sort through. So if I write someone and don't hear back, I just figure my message is buried under the pile somewhere.

  • Libra0Libra0

    It's a pro site bro. Just own that you are going to have to pay for cuddles with women. Try to find a 1 or 2 and set a budget with them.

  • TouchmesoftlyTouchmesoftly

    @cuddles_ndream personally I would have to say as an enthusiast I learned pretty quick that looks mean nothing compared to how you physically feel during a cuddle session. Also never have I ever been with a pro.

    Everyone has their own perception of beauty but really ignore all that cause the cuddle could be amaaaaazing! Also learned that one body type that was unpleasant does not mean it will be the same for all of that body type. I cuddled a man that was very slim and felt like was trying to hug a sack of bones. To the other extreme the guy might as well have been a professional weight lifter but was like I was cuddling a bunch of rocks. Since then have cuddled plenty of the very slim and muscular body type with very positive results👍🏽👍🏽. Had very positive results because every body is different so I try not to assume.

  • TouchmesoftlyTouchmesoftly

    I say whatever to looks but hygiene, cleanliness of person and environment, being on same page for how we like to cuddle, and is the location safe are all things that are very very important… at least to me.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Back before Covid, when I was DarrenWalker, I dealt with the scarcity of female enthusiasts by cuddling male ones. Worked all right. And I did in fact end up cuddling one woman (who made me scrambled eggs before the cuddle).

    Generally speaking, you can skip to just cuddling much faster with a male enthusiast—they tend to be on the same page there, and less concerned with time-burning security measures.

    It's not for everybody, but dang it's a functional hack if you can swing it.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    @WriterGF @Libra0 It looks like you two summarized very well the whole deal here.
    A lot of guys (myself included at some point) are starving for some human touch - just hugging, cuddling, holding someone's hand - found this website and had high expectations with female enthusiasts.
    Depending on the person his own, particular situation, the reality of the male:female ratio and everything else simply hit hard.
    I try to improve/update my profile when I see some interesting tips (thanks again @Cuddle_RN ), also contact new or 'live' members in my area, but learnt to have no expectations. And there's always the option to contact a pro.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I always try to reply... but being inundated has never happened to me so...??

    This, "I imagine women probably just get, IDK , exhausted / frustrated at the lack of energy / input on men's profiles that they may think why bother answering/ messaging at all. I am not saying anything is a concern with your profile. Just that it probably takes an enthusiast female all day to find one like yours and by that time they probably are wondering if this site is useless also." from @OhioMike is spot on though.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    @quixotic_life I wish we're not that far apart ;) It'd be nice to get a reply from my messages :#
    But you brought out a very interesting point: how the male to female ratio changes in different parts of the country, as well as enthusiasts to pro - and how those would also relate to states or regions ranked as "best to life" or "happiest".

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Maverick07 ~ So true!!

  • FilmFanativFilmFanativ

    Based on this thread I updated my profile.

    Personally I find messages from users that don’t meet the criteria I have listed on my profile (distance, age) to be a waste of my time & theirs. Also those with no face photo or a complete profile don’t get a reply. If the message is generic like “hi, how are you” I also don’t reply unless their profile says more, like why would I want to spend my precious time with you in particular or risk physiological & physical safety.
    Tell me about your interests and how they align with mine.
    Why are you seeking a cuddle buddy?
    What would we talk about?
    What have you read or watched or heard that you think about years later?

    In other words, I’m looking for a human with whom I can establish trust, especially if they were to be invited into my home.

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