@Sheena123 1. I saw nothing in the OP's post about anything safety related so I'm not sure where you're coming up with any of that stuff 2. I clearly stated she has the right to cuddle with whoever she wants 3. I never said she was responsible for someone else's mental health (although she could play a role in helping if she chooses) 4. Yes I agree men are just as responsible as women but the OP's post was referring to men not women 5. You are right it does not have to end in drugs and alcohol but unfortunately we live in the real world and that's how it usually happens sometimes. 6. Not one time did I say her choices drive someone to consider suicide 7. And most definitely at no time did I mention anything about guilting someone in cuddling. That comment was just plain ignorant. You didn't mention anything about caring, compassion or anything like that. I guess cuddlers on here aren't the type of people I thought they were. Guess I've missed the whole point. That being said I am moving on from this thread.
@robroo this comment you made has me thinking you were guilting her into cuddling.
— If someone was about to commit suicide, would you care about anything other than helping them? Or would you say "you're not worth helping because you don't meet my requirements"?—
It just seems to say “because this person isn’t what you’re looking for, they are going to commit suicide”. That’s how I read it. Maybe I’m the only one that took your comments to be presumptuous 🤷🏼♀️ People having boundaries (like not cuddling someone who is married) is a form of being safe for themselves. That’s why I brought in safety.
I’m all for being caring and cuddling for the sake of giving affection to those who need it (considering I have over 70 reviews and I’ve been doing this almost 3 years), but when you low key attack someone’s boundaries, that’s not very caring of yourself.
@In_Touch @robroo @Sheena123 I aspire to be a caring and compassionate person and to not judge others . I am coming from a background where I was told that I am supposed to consider the consequences of my actions including the “ripple effect” or “domino effect” that may result; as well as possible unintended harm to others. I am not opposed to cuddling with someone who is married. My hangup was that the spouse did not know and that I was being asked to participate in the subterfuge.
I ain't got the means to get into much of this, though wanna say good on you @Char0818 for standing your ground! I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who can't gracefully take a no and insults me for telling them my boundaries.
General comment:
Nobody owes you a cuddle, people saying no cause you don't fit their criterias doesn't make them bad.
Guilt tripping, shaming or pressuring them isn't okay.
There are more options than things like "gimme cuddles or you want me to turn to drugs?!" And one's failure to choose healthy alternatives isn't my responsibility.
I especially hate when suicide is mentioned in a way that comes off as emotional blackmailing others. Maybe if one's a kid or a teen (neither of whom is allowed here * if under 18 *, though just saying) I might cave to what they want within reason til they can get proper help asap. Though if they are grown people, they can miss me with the destruction they're trying to put me through for their own gain. That kinda behavior is abusive and I have zero tolerance for it, especially if coming from an adult.
If you're in a relationship that doesn't meet your 'needs', there are many options: Talking with your partner and trying to find a solution together*. Being honest with your partner. Finding someone who is then okay with you. Divorce.
Nobody has the right to violate someone else's boundaries or guilt/pressure them into discarding them.
At some point cuddling will become regulated just as massage therapy is and at that point it will be irrelevant who is or is not married. Touch is absolutely necessary for survival in this life, and everyone has the need to be loved, touched, and valued as a human being. I see that as paramount, and I will help accordingly. I love all of you, even if you disgagree. ❤️
@Mela_B 💯. This is a therapeutic modality and as a professional it’s unethical to deny someone services based on their marital status. It’s always good to encourage them to communicate their needs with their partner if they’re able to do so but not everyone has that luxury or ability. I have even told clients that I would vouch for them if they were worried about getting caught and would even provide documentation that this was a platonic therapeutic service.
@Mela_B "I love all of you, even if you disgagree." Good One!
@xandriarain I really wish cc would remove the martial status category from the info about people. It is irrelevant and unnecessary. I just want to help people and I have no business knowing their relationship status, nor should they know mine, unless we disclose that information during a session, which would be client/practitioner protected. I feel that cc including this info in bios subtly reinforces the misogynistic/patriarchal view that cuddling is something other than the platonic service that it is.
@vivlnnw 💜💜💜
@Mela_B Well it is an option not to fill it out but I agree with you. Sometimes I even question if age should be on here, as long as everyone’s over 18 it shouldn’t matter. Like if you go on any other website to hire a professional for a service there is never anything about age or marital status or body type etc.
@xandriarain it is only optional for enthusiasts. It will not show up on pro profiles.
@Lovelight @Mela_B @xandriarain @vivlnnw I am not faultless in this interaction. I realize now that I was pushing/trying to renegotiate his boundaries. That was wrong on my part. It was not his marital status that bothered me; it was being expected to participate (active measures on my part) to keep her in the dark.
@Char0818 no need to apologize to me. Your feelings are valid.
Meh, it's not your job to play the role of marriage counselor.
I made a post in the pro section recently asking if pros read clients profiles and talked about pros seeming surprised to find out that I was married when it clearly says that I am in my profile. Although I’m very open and honest about my marital status, it’s my opinion that my status is really not a pros business. I’m paying for a service and my status shouldn’t matter. The main thing that bothers me though is that most pros make the assumption that I am being dishonest with my wife and that my Wife must not be affectionate. When pros verbalize those thoughts to me, it’s an insult to me and a big turn off. Sometimes it feels like listing myself as single would be easier but that’s being dishonest and that’s just not me.
Thank you, Morpheus, for this.
@Char0818 definitely understand and I get it, I also tend to agree with @MxSmith, @Sheena123, but I also like @MCcuddles2 point, well said sir, and that's the scary part, because human nature is so so fickle. Marriage/relationships are based on Trust, Honesty and Respect and once that boundary is crossed we are going to have issues in society. Its a thin line and we have to be able to discern these certain life issues.