@DaringSprinter - You don't think there's a stigma attached to paying somebody to cuddle you? That is one of the most misunderstood professions there is.
@Mike403: Sure. Because of the misunderstanding, which removes the plausible deniability.
How can you use cuddling as a cover for sex when everyone thinks cuddling is sex? Massage is different—everyone knows there are legitimate masseuses who don't have sex with their client—but pro cuddlers? Getouttahere. We all know what that is!
...And "we" are all wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that the plausible deniability doesn't work (except with people who actually do know that cuddling ≠ sex).
So on a scale of most believably not paying for sex to least:
• Masseuse • Pro cuddler • Prostitute
I'm just here for the hugs, man.
My thought is that predators on this website take pleasure in pushing boundaries and making someone do something they didn’t sign up for. There are plenty of websites people can go to, to find sex workers so I imagine what they are really looking for is power games. I really wish cuddle comfort provided training before allowing people to become professionals. I think that would cut down on this problem a lot. Also just having a better sense of community amongst the professionals on this site would help.
No training + seeing other pro cuddlers as competitors= vulnerable and easily manipulated professional cuddlers
Training + Having a support network of colleagues= Confident and assertive professional cuddlers.
Agreed 👆
...I guess most believably not paying for sex would be, like, an HVAC technician or something.
Some career where nobody would ever suspect sex might be involved (on account of, you know, it's not and everyone knows it).
Be nice to get pro cuddling there!
Taking the stigma off sex work might help. Nobody hires a carpet cleaner hoping to get some dental work done secretly—but they might if paying to have your teeth fixed was considered sinful, disgusting, pathetic, etc., and some carpet cleaners did dental work on the side.
Can you imagine the frustration of the cleaners who came in to find perfectly clean carpets and a guy with an impacted wisdom tooth wanting them to poke around in his mouth? Aaargh.
@DaringSprinter I understand what you are saying. One really great question that my training taught me to ask was “Do you want a platonic experience or are you settling for one?”. The proper training will teach a professional cuddler to help prospective clients identify their needs in the screening process and empower them to get their needs met elsewhere if they are not aligned with what cuddle therapy can offer them.
There are real predators who will outright lie about their needs and intentions to try and pass through the screening process and then proceed to push boundaries in the session. I have found that the firmer and more confident I am with communicating and upholding my boundaries the less attractive I am to predators. Having training and support from colleagues is how I learned all of these skills.
Although I am completely for it, I unfortunately dont think legalising sex work in the USA would make much of a difference to how often you pros are perstered by clients for sexual services. Sex work is legal in the UK (only really being a pimp or owning a brothel is illegal) so it would be VERY easy for the people who want sexual services to go to people happy to provide that service.
I completely agree with you @xandriarain, when I've confronted these men on why they still pester pros when sex work is so easy to access here they always say something along the lines of they want to 'convince' or 'turn' a pro cuddler. They see prostitutes as 'unclean' which is ridiculous.
@Healing_Hugs OMG The lack of logic. Lol Prostitutes are "unclean" so let's go ahead and try to convince a cuddler to BECOME one. 🙄 Not only is that an absurd thought process they have, but from research I've done, most - not all but most - sex workers only do covered services. You can pick up more STDs from Tinder dates.
@MaineCuddle @Healing_Hugs - If a cuddler is willing to cross the line with one client, how may other clients have she done that with?
@Mike403 That's a good question. Probably a lot. $$$ I'm not sure that clients are actually "turning" pro cuddlers who didn't already intend to do sexwork. The ones who are just new and allow someone to cross a boundary, I think typically report that client and build better boundaries.
Starting as a well-intentioned pro cuddler here without any training on boundaries and consent is dangerous.
Some of my first experiences here on this site were terrifying. I remember saying to myself... oh. this site is for sex work. I got rid of my account for a while, came back when I was vaccinated, to give it another shot (and because I did have a few lovely, non-boundary pushing clients as well).
I recently did an intake call with a new client who said about half of his experiences on here have been erotic. He said he's not looking for that at all, and I made it pretty clear that I operate by the terms of service. I have reported non-platonic behaviors from both client and pro, they are still on here. I have full confidence that I can keep myself safe, but I would say this is NOT a safe space for anyone unconfident in asserting their boundaries.
At one point at the beginning of using this site, during a cuddle session my whole body would be in stress response. I wondered sometimes if I would stop enjoying cuddling completely.
There's also the fact that prostitution is illegal in a lot of places (especially in the US), and there are still stings from time to time. Nobody with a job and maybe a family wants to end up with their mugshot on the news.
Prostitution stings? Do the police not have anything better to do? Any guy who solicits sex from children should have his manhood chopped off, but as long as all parties are of legal adults, let them be.
@WriterGF if these guys would figure out how to find an actual escort, they wouldn't end up with a mug shot. Instead they do dumb crap like going to an Asian massage parlor looking for HE. Or propositioning women who are just trying to cuddle. Or calling a phone number in an ad that doesn't lead to any internet footprint and meet this random person without screening or deposit.
And I've said it before and had the mob come after me, but if pros would just post profile pictures that don't make them look like escorts, it might help give the site a different look and feel.
One might think that being a man would give one ready insight into how a man's mind works, but I'll have to say that often isn't the case.
What is it that draws people towards what is forbidden? The mentality that says, "just a little bit more," ignores the cost to another person or group of people, and simply takes what is desired. As I think about it, this is the mentality that fuels everything from petty robbery and littering, to rape, murder, and war.
I have a guess about boundary-pushers, and that is that they have a fantasy that they are unwilling to admit, even to themselves. When that fantasy collides with a boundary, they give precedence to the fantasy, rather than to the boundary.
This last paragraph forces me to look in the mirror. I'm human. I have hopes, dreams, and even fantasies. Am I willing to be honest with myself and with others about these things? I'd like to think that the answer is yes, but even if it is, it's a question that I need to continue asking myself.
If anyone reading this is on the fence about pushing boundaries, I encourage you to engage in honesty. This site offers the most to people who REALLY WANT exactly what this site is offering.
@Mike403 Vice squads have to justify their budgets. In CT where I live, patronizing a prostitute is a Class A misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail. And not all of these prostitutes are consenting adults -- some are the result of human trafficking.
@WriterGF - That's what people say about pornography, but most porn stars enjoy their work and are not being forced into it.
Also, outside of looking for it on YouTube, I never seen a prostitution sting on TV. Most focus on men going after children which they should as kids don't have the mental capacity to understand what they're doing.
@Mike403 I have seen johns arrested in stings a number of times over the years. It does happen. It's probably less likely to be an issue if you are going through a high-end escort service, and if someone has the money for that, good for them. I certainly don't.
I haven’t read every comment so forgive me if that has been mentioned but it’s not just the men who push boundaries it’s also female pros who apparently offer these type of services. This is one of the reasons why I think the site really needs to monitor prices. There is one pro charging $600 an hour. What man in their right mind is going to pay that for just cuddles? Someone needs to wake up and smell the coffee.