Have you ever been assaulted, robbed, or met with some kind of violence when you met someone here?

InvestorLogicInvestorLogic
in General

I would like to know if anyone here has ever been assaulted, robbed or met with some kind of violence either on your way to meeting a person or when you met a person from here?

If so, what was the cause of the aggression?
Was it of opportunistic nature meaning that your cuddle buddy had little to none involvement, you were just in the wrong spot at the wrong time (eg: you got bugged somewhere in the streets as you tried to commute your way to the final destination). If this is what happened to you, were you able to still head over to your cuddle buddy after you dealt with the problem and filed any reports with police (if applicable)?

If your agression happened at your cuddle buddy's location, what caused the aggression? Was there a misunderstanding? Did the cuddle buddy tried to push your boundaries but you didn't gave in? Was the cuddle buddy really a fake cuddle buddy and just a thief that simply waited for you to get there before robbing you? If so, How can I, or anyone here do, to protect ourserlves from that kind of eventuality?

Did he/she robbed you?
Did he/she hurt you?
Was he/she unfrlendly?
Did it seemed that he/she was under some sort of influence (eg: drugs, alcohol)?

Any information you can provide here of the nature of the incident that you experienced on that day will greatly help me and anyone else here take measure to avoid falling victim from a bad experience in the future.

I have had people reach out to me with intentions to meet, and would like to establish best practice checklists to go thru to vet a potential cuddler before agreeing to meet them.

«1

Comments

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I don't know if this will help, but I believe there are a number of extant topics on safety and precautions you can take as a cuddler. I know most pros have set practices they follow.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute
    edited February 2022

    Have you?
    I have not.

    1.) The first time cuddling with someone can sometimes feel a little weird and scary. It’s great if the person has been highly rated and has lots of good experiences. My good experiences have all been with literally the nicest people I meet. This is a great community.

    2.) There are also already great guidelines both here and other resources that can help you be safe.

    3.) I am unaware of the act of cuddling being a front for organized criminal activity or even randomly being used by scammers to roll unsuspecting people in need of human touch.

    4.) The biggest problem I know of is mostly men who don’t follow the guidelines and make it unsafe for mostly ladies and try to make it something that isn’t platonic or men who don’t understand or care about consent. That is a real problem when it happens.

    I am a little baffled by this post. Again if violence and/or crime is resulting from cuddling I’d like to know about it. But I have found this to be a good, safe group.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod

    No, but the opposite has happened almost every single time - I've felt welcomed, loved, wanted, nurtured, emotionally filled, and willingly parted with money in exchange (when it has been a session with a pro.)

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    There are numerous threads here on how to stay safe while cuddling, and I'm not sure that knowing details of times that people have been assaulted or hurt while cuddling will tell you anything that the safety threads won't. It seems a bit thoughtless to ask people such probing questions about times they'd likely rather forget, especially since every situation is different, and what might have worked for them won't work in every situation.

  • SideonSideon

    There is information and advice on safety throughout the forums.

    From the FAQ at the top of the forum:

    Is it safe?

    No background checks are performed, but people are fairly vigilant about reporting and banning those who violate the Terms of Service. Nevertheless, it is wise to be careful. If someone raises red flags for you, go with your intuition and decline to cuddle with them.

    General safety tips: take some time getting to know the other person; discuss boundaries and expectations before cuddling; meet publicly first; maybe let a friend know where you are (and check in with them afterwards); avoid relying on other people for transport home unless you know them already.

    Under the site's Terms of Service:

    CUDDLE COMFORT STRONGLY ADVISES YOU TO USE EXTREME CAUTION BEFORE SHARING PERSONALLY IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION WITH OTHER USERS OF THIS WEBSITE.

    Your safety and security are very important to us. The nature of this Website promotes the sharing of personal information by users with other users. Cuddle Comfort cannot and does not assure that it is safe for you to have direct contact with other users of this Website. Current technological developments make it possible for users of the Internet to obtain personal information about, and locate, other users, with very little other information. For example, it is possible to use certain widely available commercial Internet search engines to locate a person’s home solely using that person’s correct name. If you believe that any user of this Website is harassing you or is otherwise using personal information about you for unlawful purposes, we encourage you to first inform local law enforcement authorities and then to contact us via The Feedback Form so that we may take appropriate action to block further use of the Website by any user who is using this Website and information obtained from it for improper purposes.

    There are various threads on safety:

    How do you handle safety?

    The idea of a Cuddle Contract between Pros and their Clients (prior to a session)

    Female cuddlers and safety

    Best wishes in your cuddle adventures, @InvestorLogic .

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @Sideon excellent resources! Thank you for sharing that here.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @CuddlesByDeep Love your response! So awesome to see your positivity and report of wonderful experiences.

    I can report the same from my perspective! It’s been an amazing journey thus far and I’ve met some groovy people and shared platonic intimacy and connection in ways I never imagined. Have felt safe, secure, seen, heard, welcomed and valued.

    While there are safety protocols and procedures as well as a community in place to help reinforce positive culture and practices I do encourage everyone to be vigilant because in general the world can be a dangerous place.

    When I see the name @InvestorLogic and review the profile I have to wonder if this is someone truly curious about exploring the wonderful world of professional cuddling or if the inquiry is more focused on the liability possibilities of such, perhaps with respect to the business side of things.

    This platform enables independent contractors such as myself, enthusiasts, as well as those who pay for cuddling use and with a contract or terms and agreements which release them from such liabilities.

    Regardless of the reason for inquiry I hope your questions have been answered and everyone continues to make safe and meaningful connections on and off this site 💗

  • mettamsomettamso

    21 years without incident for me. Though I often meet cuddlers through cuddle parties. If you're at a point in your life where talking about consent for 40+ minutes is interesting and fun, you're probably going to be low on drama, IMHO. :) Just like anything else in life, if you set an expectation of people well, people will respond well.

    I've seen lots of emotion come out of people during cuddles, usually in the form of laughter or tears, but it's always been in a way that's healing and growth oriented. Sometimes in a group there are dynamics that need a bit of management, like if someone has big emotions come up they or someone else might want private time to process or feel safe.

    Thanks for those who provided extra resources!

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited February 2022

    @Nature_Lover_ Thank you! I know it sounds a bit bizzare, but I believe my home is a sacred space and the universe has forces which work to keep out from entering into it those people who intend to commit harm to me or anyone inside. Even when I've had people with malicious intent contact me, some magic but fortunate circumstance has always kept them out. If someone is up to no good, it's usually pretty clear right at the start, though safety precautions should always be taken. I always trust my gut - if it doesn't feel right, I stay away.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Not even close

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @CuddlesByDeep well said! Always trust your gut.

  • desi_babedesi_babe

    I think many Pros have had an experience where they feel unsafe, have had their boundaries crossed, been sexually harassed, been groped, etc. (Sexual violence being violence after all). It's so common that it's accepted as an unfortunate part of the job.

  • BabichevBabichev

    No, only annoyed.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @desi_babe you could replace the word 'pro' with 'women' and you'd still be correct.

  • InvestorLogicInvestorLogic

    While its unfortunate that many Woman has fallen victim to assault, lets not pretend that this is something only women or mostly women fall victim too. Men also fall victim to assault, it may not be sexually based most of the time but they may be violent in nature, such as robbery, getting beat up, gun violence, and yes men can get their boundaries pushed too by both men and women and such incidences could even be happening as much as it happens to women men simply report less as to not be seen as "gay" or whatever derogatory terms society have invented to describe two men getting together. The fact of the matter is that assault is an equal opportunity plague affecting both men and women.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Nope. It's not. 97% of women have been sexually harassed or assaulted at some point in their life.

    97% of men can't say the same thing, about any kind of assault.

  • cuddleversedcuddleversed

    No, never. Not even a close call or anything like that and I’ve met many pros and enthusiasts over the years.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @InvestorLogic
    I've seen this in so many threads in so many public forums. Every time someone talks about female victims of sexual assault, a guy has to bring up that guys can be victims of sexual assault too. I think by now most people should already know this simply because I've seen it brought up every time!
    But you know what? Some decades ago a girl I was dating brought up an interesting point that I haven't forgotten.
    She was upset about how as a woman she has to take so many more precautions than I do as a man. I asked what she means and she explained it to me.
    For example, any time she parks her car and knows that she'll be come back to it when its dark, she has to worry about where she parks her car. She worries if its in a well lit area, if its not going to be an empty lot when she gets there etc. She told me how she walks to her car with her keys held between her fingers in case she has to use it as a weapon. She told me how so many times when she goes anywhere she gets cat called and hears comments about her body or random guys asking her for her name. She told me how as a woman if she's raped she might get pregnant from it and then have to face the decision that she never wanted on what to do about that. As a man I can never be pregnant and while yes I can get std's and be hurt from a rape, I am incredibly lucky I can't be forced into a pregnancy by a rapist like a woman can. Remember in some states you cant' get an abortion even for rape.

    See...I NEVER feel like I have to worry about that stuff. I never have random guys cat call me or talk to me out of the blue like that. I never park my car and worry about if its well lit. I would often drive to 24 hours walmart and be walking to my car at 1am and not a care at all....but then I thought if I was a woman...I couldn't do that. I don't carry pepper spray like most women I know do.

  • desi_babedesi_babe

    Thank you, @Melancholy .

    @BuggleBear you are likely correct! I just didn't want to speak for woman enthusiasts as I'm not one.

    @InvestorLogic "gay" is not an inherently derogatory term and while I'm assuming that wasn't the intent of that comment, it kinda comes off like that (saying this as a queer person). That aside, I would be interested to see some sort of evidence (a reputable study, for example) that says that men experience the same or even similar levels of sexual violence as women, even correcting for lack of reporting (which happens with both genders).

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @Melancholy 📣📣📣📣📣

    Anytime there is a discussion about what women have to put up with, and someone says, "men too", they are changing the subject.

    In addition, mentioning the fact that many men are the victims of violent crimes ignores the fact that the overwhelming majority of violent crimes against men OR women are committed by men. It is not unreasonable to insist that men accept their share of responsibility, whether or not they themselves have been victims. It is not unreasonable for men to share responsibility even if they themselves have never committed an act of violence.

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited February 2022

    Women live with a constant fear of being sexually assaulted by men. We are so accustomed to it that we’re mostly not aware of it but it’s always there in the background. It’s the reason we walk with our keys gripped in our hands when we’re walking alone to our car at night in case we need to use them to defend ourselves. It’s the reason why we ask our host to stand in the door and watch while we walk to our car as we leave their home after an evening visit. It’s the reason we’re afraid to be alone with men we don’t know and even many men we do know.

    Men do not live with a constant fear of assault.

    I am really tired of men who dismiss this reality of women’s lives by whining, “Men get assaulted, too.” Give me a break.

    Reminds me of an incident that happened when I was 18 years old. By that tender age, even living in the suburbs, going to good schools, and generally leading a relatively protected life, I had already been groped, verbally harassed, inappropriately propositioned, etc., so many times that I could not recall all the times it had happened. A guy friend one day told me he’d been hitchhiking across town (something that was common for young men to do in those days but women absolutely did not do it because of a fear of assault) and a man who picked him up put his hand on his leg. The guy was completely freaked out and really, really angry and used this incident as an excuse to hate gay people. While I understood that this experience was upsetting to him, it was an isolated incident whereas for women this was a very common experience. In fact, while young men enjoyed the freedom that hitchhiking offered, women absolutely did not do it for fear of being raped.

    That’s how it is. Women live with this kind of stuff happening frequently whereas men experience (usually) isolated incidents and somehow think it’s equivalent.

    No, there is no comparison.

  • samfiddlesamfiddle

    Its just wild to me what lengths people will go to dismiss what others go through, whilst also hard flexing middle class white privelege. The demographic least likely to be a victim of violence is white women, so a lot of the comments here are just preposterous.
    Women absolutely suffer from patriarchy and have plenty of valid grievences that we need to address, but it is SO irritating when people make claims like "noone experiences more violence than women" cause it just demonstrably not true. Its false. It is a lie.
    It's.... weird watching people on here constantly reinforcing patriarchy by dismissing violence against men, a critical component of said patriarchy. Violence against men is so normalized yall dont even recognize it, or become angry when someone points it out.
    It needs to be addressed, not only for mens sake, but womens and others sake as well. Violence is contagious, and until we make serious efforts do delegitimize violence against men, rather than just "mEN bAd", the violence is going to spill over unto others. What do you expect? How do you expect empathy from a demographic that violence against is so normalized? Do you actually care about dismantling patriarchy and are willing to deeply examine the mechanisms that perpetuate it? Or are you satisfied with assigning blame and allowing it to continue uninterrupted in all but symbolic ways?
    Trans women, get the worst of all of it, especially if theyre less female-passing. Violence is normalized against them for being amab, and also experience the sexual violence and harassment women go through.
    (I did write very briefly about my own experiences recieving violence from both men and women, including sexual assault, but i cut it because this is exactly the opposite of a safe space to do so and I dont need my traumas thrown in my face while im getting dogpiled in the comments).
    Violence contagious. If you arent addressing violence against men than you arent addressing violence against anyone else either.
    Its not that men feel safe to walk alone at night, we just never feel safe anyways. Noones going to help me if i get attacked during the day in public, why would I be more afraid of night? Nobody cares either way.
    Go ahead and attack me, i definitely dont have a place in this community and am going to delete my profile soon, not like anyone wants to cuddle with me anyways.
    Noone cares, I dont know why I bother. Hope someone finds something valuable in my words.

    .

  • [Deleted User]MissX (deleted user)

    Yes. Twice within my first 5 sessions. I won't go into details but it is a good reason why new pros are especially vulnerable and should invest some time chatting with other pros about safety and vetting.

  • BabichevBabichev

    “ . . . am going to delete my profile soon . . . “

    This is not the train station, no need to announce your departure.

  • carinocarino

    Investorlogic seems like a very nosy person wants to know ppls business..first it was are you in a relationship with a cuddler and now he talks about being robbed or assaulted ,whats the next topic gonna be? Have you had more than just cuddling?

  • samfiddlesamfiddle

    @Babichev
    Youre a bully.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    Anyone can be a victim and have their boundaries pushed and someone said above that new pros are vulnerable and I feel they are.

    If you are a new pro of any race, location, sexual orientation, age, ect and have time, get in my inbox because I would love to share with you safety tips and advice and also point you to some awesome threads where there are great resources and of course I am offering you this for free.

    There are also some pros who offer mentorship’s and training and I strongly recommend that as an option specifically to prepare you regarding safety.

    Everyone please stay safe 💗

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @samfiddle i did find value in your words, & you do bring up a lot of valid points! If you’re a guy in Nyc & someone assaults you, the most anyone will do is take out their smartphone to record it for social media, a female is more than likely to get helped… this is not to dismiss assault for any gender or saying that one is more important or less important than the other , but just to let you know I genuinely do see a lot of valid points you bring (& have bring) & I’m sure many others do as well.

  • samfiddlesamfiddle

    @cuddles_ndream
    Thank you!!
    I just want to reemphasize that women absolutely have genuine and pressing grievances that must be addressed, and it is not my intent to minimize those. While much less likely to experience violence in general, women are much more likely to experience sexual and domestic violence when they do, in addition to ingrained expectations and the less violent but still quite harmful aspects of patriarchy. Both of these things are true, and it really points to the necessity for both men and women to dismantle patriarchy. I'm not trying to engage in trauma Olympics, but if we fail to address how patriarchy both brutalizes men and oppresses women than our analysis will always be incomplete and our success limited.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @samfiddle I don't think you read my comment or understood what I said.

Sign In or Register to comment.