Could you cuddle with someone who believes something you don’t?

ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute
edited February 2022 in General

I’m not interested in this thread devolving into fights.

What am I interested in?
Can you cuddle with someone you disagree with on issues, points of view, fandom, lifestyle, etc.?

e.g. I’m a vegan and I have no problem cuddling with non-vegans (my partner is not a vegan and I make her food all the time.)

What about you?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    There are issues I would care about and issues I would not. Things like diet, religion, musical taste, etc. don't matter and might be fun to learn about. There are other beliefs that to me indicate the person is morally bankrupt and I wouldn't want anything to do with.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute
    edited February 2022

    @WriterGF I get that. Morals and ethics are important to me. But I also get that it’s a personal choice too when it comes to what the tipping point is for the individual. So yeah I can respect someone with a different set of morals and ethics.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Yes I have. In fact I do it all the time.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    Well @CuddleDuncan I’ve been reading enough on these these forums to know you’re an amazing person; this is yet another data point. :) I sincerely believe it’s admirable to be able to see to the human and cuddleable qualities of a person regardless of their perceived shortcomings.

    There could be exceptions to this rule; self-proclaimed sociopaths perhaps are people I wouldn’t cuddle with.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    There could be exceptions to this rule; self-proclaimed sociopaths perhaps are people I wouldn’t cuddle with.

    You are of course entitled to your opinion, but this is a gentle reminder that 'sociopathy' (Antisocial Personality Disorder/ASPD) is a mental illness, and mental illnesses are not a choice people make. Having said that, I respect your right to not put yourself in situations where you might feel unsafe for whatever reason.

    To answer your question, yes and no- my answer is much the same as that given by @WriterGF. Lifestyle factors like someone following a different diet, such as veganism, or a differing view on relationships, such as polyamory, or even different religions or faiths wouldn't bother me, because I might learn something. Differing tastes and interests are similar- I welcome people that enjoy different music, film and entertainment/hobbies because again, there is a good chance I will discover something I previously had little or no experience of, and I might even find something new that I really like.

    Where I draw the line is damaging or dangerous beliefs, or beliefs that I am morally or socially opposed to because said belief may lead to behaviour that is dangerous or damaging. I won't mention any specifics here, though I'm sure most people would be opposed to many of the same things, but anything illegal, socially selfish or anything that goes too far against the widely accepted social value concensus is a no from me.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    The way the question is worded, I ONLY cuddle with people who believe something different than me - I doubt there is anyone who believes the way I do on every subject 😂

    But seriously, I agree 100% with WriterGF, it depends on what specifically we disagree about - matters of belief / opinion or fundamental ethical / character issues.

    I enjoy talking to people who see the world differently than me on a wide variety of topics (religion, diet, even politics) as long as we are both doing so for the purpose of understanding each other and not for the purpose of trying to label, put down, or “convert” the other to our way of thinking.

    I disagree on several issues with some of my best friends but we are still friends because we have more in common than what we disagree about and none of us are trying to impose our opinions / beliefs on each other.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    I enjoy talking to people who see the world differently than me on a wide variety of topics (religion, diet, even politics) as long as we are both doing so for the purpose of understanding each other and not for the purpose of trying to label, put down, or “convert” the other to our way of thinking.

    ^^^^^ this.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @BuggleBear got it. I don’t think I said I believe mental illness is a choice but I have had a someone I decided to not be around anymore who went to the library’s reference section, copied the DSM’s description of sociopath and crossed out where it said “sociopath” and replaced it with her own name, then mailed it to me a large flat envelope with lots of other things probably designed to appear scary.

    So. THAT. Is what I mean by “self-described sociopath”.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @JohnR1972 i didn’t say or mean “only”. Ugh.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @ShaneMTB
    I was trying to be light hearted, that is why I used the LOL emoji.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited February 2022

    I cuddle people with different beliefs all the time. In fact, probably most of the time.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited February 2022

    I don’t think I said I believe mental illness is a choice

    @ShaneMTB you didn't, but it was a gentle reminder that what you termed being a 'sociopath' is a mental illness called 'Antisocial Personality Disorder' (which is not a choice) which is how it differs from someone choosing to be anti-social, or to have a collection of morals and beliefs that go so far against the grain that they become damaging or dangerous.

    I'm merely making the distinction in an attempt to destigmatise genuine mental illness from wilfully damaging behavior, that's all. I don't believe you meant any offense by how you phrased it, but technically speaking the word used was incorrect and rather outdated.

    Also, @JohnR1972 didn't say you did use the word 'only'. He said he would ONLY cuddle with people he could learn something from, as opposed to it being a compromise (correct me if I'm wrong, John).

  • HogboblinZweiHogboblinZwei

    I wouldn't cuddle with someone who I didn't respect. It would make for a bad experience, for myself and them.

    With that said, there are a few beliefs that I am adamantly against, and I cannot respect those who hold those beliefs dear. This isn't to say that I couldn't be kind to them, or at least tolerate their presence—it's just that I couldn't take them seriously. And without that respect, I wouldn't feel comfortable touching them or being touched by them.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited February 2022

    Frankly, I don't care what the person I'm cuddling believes unless their beliefs make them act in ways I find objectionable. Be it ever so wacky! You can believe you're a literal centuries-old vampire so long as you don't try to suck my blood, hypnotize me into a mindless minion, trap me in your basement, etc.

    That said... if somebody genuinely thinks they're an actual vampire, the odds of them trying to suck your blood at some point do go up the more time you spend around them.

    The same holds true for people with other wacky beliefs: the more comfortable they get with you, the more likely they are to, say, try to get you to join their cult, or try drug-assisted astral projection, or crystal healing, or something else you would rather not have pushed on you.

    I'm not likely to settle into repeat sessions with Dracula or Carmilla or whoever. Safer not.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    I don't see any issues, as long as we agree in disagreeing and learn from each other.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @BuggleBear ok… what was done to me was pretty horrible.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @ShaneMTB I'm not saying it wasn't, and I do sympathise.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @BuggleBear
    My comment was really meant as an acknowledgment that there probably isn’t anyone who agrees with me on every issue. If I cuddle with someone, it is a safe bet we disagree about something - hence, I only cuddle with people who disagree with me.

    With that said, I am a life long learner and I seldom learn anything about a topic by talking to people who agree with me on that topic. Years ago I read the book, “How to Argue and Win Every Time” by Gerry Spence (a famous trial lawyer in the US who never lost a criminal defense trial). Politically / socially I disagreed with many positions Mr. Spence publicly held but I learned so much from his book that I ended up writing him a short thank you letter and mailing it to his publisher (about a month later he wrote me back and told me my letter made his day when he read it).

    Mr. Spence is a master of communication and after reading in his own words more about why he believes what he believes, I had a whole new level of respect for him. I still disagreed with him on some issues but he won me over on a couple of issues. Not by name calling or attacking people who disagreed with him but by calmly and rationally explaining why he believes what he believes and some of it really resonated with me.

    Prior to reading his book, I really struggled with this question… “how can two intelligent, honest people with good intentions look at the same set of facts and draw opposite conclusions from those facts”? Before reading his book, my “simple” (but completely wrong) answer was, they can’t. One of them must either 1) not be smart / honest or 2) not have good intentions.

    After reading his book, I realized the true answer to my question starts with foundational beliefs. If I have a square foundation and Mr. Spence has a round foundation, we can each build a solid house upon our own foundation but those houses are going to look very different. This may be intuitively obvious to others but it was an epiphany to me.

    From that moment forward, I have sought to understand people who see the world differently and, hopefully, to be understood by them. Sometimes this means one of us will change our minds about something but changing minds is not the goal. Understanding is the goal and sometimes there is a ripple effect of one or both sides changing their beliefs. I have changed my beliefs in several issues over the past few years. Not on core matters of ethics or character but on a wide variety of other topics.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    @DaringSprinter, #NotAllVampires

    /s.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 thank you for the clarification and explanation. I think you're right, and I'll be sure to look out the book you mentioned, it sounds interesting.

  • supadupasupadupa

    I don’t care if the person has opposite beliefs from me, they could even have the most horrible thoughts and ideology because we each have freedom of thought a long as they don’t put those thoughts into action, all I care is if they have something about them that appeal to me, a kind smile, lovely eyes, soft skin, a soothing voice and feels just right when cuddling.

  • IsMeArrgghIsMeArrggh

    No issue whatsoever. Everyone not only deserves cuddling, but so many people right now really need it (including myself)! If for no other reason than to relieve stress.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Thank you @ShaneMTB, that's very kind.

    That does indeed sound like a pretty grim envelope to receive, my sympathies.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    Yes, I am very open minded. As a result I respectfully cuddle many types of people, with differing beliefs systems.

  • [Deleted User]ClubSamwiches (deleted user)

    Life would be boring if we all had the same exact beliefs

  • InvestorLogicInvestorLogic

    Of course I would. I don't care if they are Republican, Democrat, Independent, if they are religious or not, or even if they have chosen to receive some special treatment, I don't really care and its not my business to get into other people's business. I am genuinely an equal opportunity cuddler.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    or even if they have chosen to receive some special treatment

    I'm not sure what you mean by this. What kind of 'special treatment'?

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Yes! If someone believes you should still add more salt & butter to movie theater popcorn 🎥 🍿 , & I believe movie theater popcorn is just perfect as it is (which I do), I will still cuddle them.

  • InvestorLogicInvestorLogic
    edited February 2022

    I'm not sure what you mean by this. What kind of 'special treatment'?

    @BuggleBear I am sorry, but being specific here would probably instigate fighting on this thread as I have repeatedly seen it on other threads, so in the spirit of maintaining calm and civil discourse, I have decided not to be too specific but to generalize instead, including not just the term that causes the massive division here and among society, but anything else that involves receiving some treatment or undergoing some type of procedure(s). Example of special treatment or procedures people can do is: getting tattoos, there are people that discriminate against individuals that have tattoos, labeling them as unruly, but I don't do that and I don't mine them, or any other types of special treatment or procedures any individual may have done or have choices not to do provided that they are respectful towards me and don't push any of my boundaries.

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’m sure many of those I’ve cuddled believe and think things that I don’t. I simply don’t know it because it’s never come up. I don’t screen people for their beliefs, I screen them for whether they seem safe and inviting.

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