@nurturingman I think it’s totally normal for you to want you cuddle with men, especially since you may have not gotten enough as a child. There’s a video out there I’ll see if I can send it to you.
@nurturingman I have what you described wanting with my best friend @simsaddict Warm, safe, platonic cuddles all night! We even still did this when at one time we were both in relationships. There’s something magical about deep platonic love! I will say she’s a bit of a diva and sometimes requires dinner in bed and a couple hours of belly laughs before we tuck in ~ she also has a strong preference for coffee in bed in the morning but it’s kind of the perfect pairing because I’m the earlier riser and my love languages include touch, acts of service and quality time so it’s checking a lot of boxes for me. She gives as much as she receives is worth every bit of it. 💗😊
Of course, my previous comment with respect to the right cuddle buddy for an overnight, mutual trust and comfort still stand but I do agree making breakfast together, enjoying coffee together or sometimes going out for breakfast can definitely be the cherry on top!
Cuddling, in a structured form, with agreed-upon boundaries, has been for me, directly responsible for:
When I see others being critical, or doubtful, or cynical, or judgmental, I understand that they don't have the same needs, perspective, experience, understanding, as I do. I don't like it when I see people "attack" others. There's no reason for it, No positive outcome. There's no joy, growth, healing, respect. I believe it may make the antagonist feel good in their actions, but I don't imagine that it improves their lives. When I first got into cuddling, I came with a lot of negative attitudes. I've changed. I've seen people change. I hope that anyone can learn and find joy.
I encourage people to be open minded, respectful, patient. If you have your doubts (or certainties) about the legitimacy of "cuddling", you are entitled to your perspective and understanding of it. But keep in mind that your experience is yours. It is not universal. Your truth is not the same as others. Pointing out that cuddling is illegitimate is silly. It only hurts people that are searching to improve their own lives. It discounts other people's life experiences. I hope you find what you're looking for and you can come to a place where you are less triggered by seeing other people improve their lives.
As far as overnight sessions. There's no such thing. I cuddle for an hour and it's not long-enough to fully settle and it doesn't give me the same benefit as 3 hours. Overnight, is just a longer session. For me, an overnight means a portion of the time is spent, physically asleep. There is for me, additional benefit to a super-long session. I have time to think and integrate experience. I don't leave, feeling, "half full". I don't spend the next day wishing I had thought of some new insight, sooner. I sleep better. My "waking" thoughts don't shift to the problems of the day. They stay focused on the fact that I am sharing time and space with a compassionate person. It comforts me, brings me peace, makes my sleep deeper and more restful. It may not be for everyone, but it is legitimate.
Peace, Daniel
Thanks, @KozyKim and @Nature_Lover_ for your support and sharing your experience.
I am still trying to grasp why people come here and complain about paying a pro. If you do not agree with paying someone that is fine, but intentionally producing posts tearing down pros and clients is, well, kind of like putting a poster up in the post office as a wanted sign:
WANTED-FAILURE TO CONTROL TOXICITY
I think it reduces your chances with enthusiasts attacking pros because an enthusiast will probably wonder what you will attack them for. Persistently complaining about what others do is comparable to the one kid who after everyone said let’s play Legos and he wanted to play Candyland, would kick the Lego police station like Godzilla with a hangover. It is not a good look.
@SleepySheep1 the kind of troublesome members to whom you refer usually get banned in the end. (Or the beginning.) Sometimes it helps to remember that they are in as much pain as any of us. The really tragic part is their determination to remain in pain .... and seeing others doing things to alleviate their own pain must be almost unbearable for them. Hence the lashing out.
Happy people don't go onto internet forums to criticise strangers for doing their own thing.
It is possible to be a happy person and enjoy this website, but still think that cuddling for $1000 a night is a rip off.
The comment that really hurts is “The really tragic part is their determination to remain in pain .... and seeing others doing things to alleviate their own pain must be almost unbearable for them.” As if we can all afford the luxury of paid cuddling on the regular, but choose not to.
Most of us can’t afford cuddling. Having a one hour session every now and then is like putting a tiny bandage on a large open wound. Longer sessions, like overnights would be more effective, but many people can’t give up 1-2 weeks salary just for one night of cuddling.
After reading the comments in this thread, maybe part of why cuddling is so expensive is because people expect dinner, breakfast in bed, on-demand coffee, PPV movies and who knows what else with the appointment.
Don’t take my post too seriously. If we can’t civilly discuss the pros AND CONS of paid cuddling, where are we as a society?
@quincyq03 How is it a rip-off? The pro charges what the market will bear. If they are getting no business at that price, then they will reduce it accordingly (or go out of business). No one is being forced to pay it or to do overnight cuddles at all. It's only a rip-off if you pay for the experience and get a lousy cuddle. If you get the service you contracted for and it's satisfactory, nobody is being cheated or robbed.
As an outsider, I joined this site because I wanted to find comfort through cuddling. You realize there are two groups on here, the group that is enthusiastic about cuddling for free, and the other that charges $100 per hour.
I’m not saying all paid cuddling is a rip off, it’s just not a luxury most of us can afford. Especially when similar “services” are offered for free on this very same website.
Let’s please not derail this conversation and I’m sorry if I opened a can of worms by questioning the rates for paid overnight cuddling.
@quincyq03 I do know that I am privileged to be able to do cuddling. I can't afford to do overnights but I have-done, once. I feel it's unfair that I don't get touch/contact, enough in my personal life. That's just where I am in life. Cuddling fills a real need.
I don't hold it against (there's a joke in here somewhere) the cuddler, to charge what the market will bear. That's just grabbing the bag and we should all be expected to make the most of the life we have. Cuddling others takes time, effort, heart, skill, compassion, and deserves to be treated like any other income/occupation.
I’m pretty sure a majority of people have cuddled in this lives. Young, old, rich, poor. It’s not exactly the most rare or difficult talent to develop.
I do respect professional cuddlers who can make a positive impact on the lives of others. It’s a beautiful thing. I also respect those who do it for free.
@quincyq03 The best policy to avoid being put in time out, shredded by pros who rightfully feel attacked, and derailing the thread is to simply not say anything about something you never intend to use. As I said in my post above, it only serves to make yourself look bad. If you have a problem with the price don’t use them—isn’t that how life kind of works?
Here’s the deal apple peel, I think as a whole we can all benefit from tolerance and acceptance. I respect everyone’s personal views and love that we have a platform to do so openly 💗
What my pursuit to better understand and serve the people who so graciously entrust me with emotional and physical proximity by way of cuddling and companioning is that generally speaking, most people are programmed to use what is known as self referential encoding. Essentially this speaks to the way by which our minds reorganize, differentiate, and store the high volume of information we received on any given day. This suggests that people inherently interpret incoming information as it relates to themselves. This self referential processing is cited within studies such as one called, ‘the cocktail party effect,’ in which we are primed to hyper focus on our own name even within high stimulus or “noisy” environments. I can attest to this personally as well as when I hear any child say, ‘mom!’ 🤣🤷♀️ There is also something called the simulation theory of empathy which is the idea that one can make inferences about others using the knowledge that they have about themselves. In essence this theory suggests that people use self reflection to understand and interpret or predict the mental state of others. However it should be noted that the effect can cause people to make inaccurate judgements especially when considering the more similar a person is perceived to be to one’s self, the more deep or intricate a self reference or “mentalization,” can be. This effect can also cause people to believe that their own opinions are representative of others in general and this mis representation is known as the false consensus effect.
Now remember when I said, ‘most people,’ process things in this type of way in the beginning of the novel I’m typing? 🤣 It should be noted and I feel this is especially relevant to this platform or audience, that research suggests that people with Autism spectrum disorder do not always process things in exactly this self referential manner. Other folks, for other reasons may also not be “nuero typical.”
My big picture take away is that we all view things from different lenses and are entitled to do so. The lenses we use to view the world can be referenced psychologically as our schema which can be described as long lasting, stable set of memories beliefs, experiences and generalizations about the self within specific behavioral domains. Self schemas guide how people interpret or use incoming information and stimuli. They also activate specific cognitive, verbal, and behavioral, action sequences called scripts, and action plans.
So while my schema within some behavior domains might include statements such as, ‘ I am a happy little ball of positive energy who loves to laugh, play, adventure and explore. I’m an open minded sweetheart with a passion for personal growth, and making impactful connections, ‘ I acknowledge and accept that is not indicative of everyone I encounter.
Interestingly, the schema, or cognitive framework that organizes the relationship between external social stimuli and one’s behavioral reactions, is derived from past experiences, manifested in current experience, and stored in the long term memory. So while schema can be highly biased by what we attend to, what we remember, as well as what we are prepared to accept about ourselves, it often becomes self perpetuating. The long term memory storage of schema both facilitates and biases the processing of personally relevant information. Butttttt, we can influence and change this should we desire to do so.
Again, everyone is viewing and sharing based on our own lenses which I feel should all be tolerated and accepted. ✌️ 😊
Alright, thanks for coming to my TED talk, it’s time to make some coffee 💗
I am genuinely curious: Does overnight cuddling usually come with meals, coffee, movies, etc? I never said I’d never pay for cuddling, but I want to know more. Not being facetious.
@quincyq03 I agree, it is absolutely possible to be happy and enjoy this site.
However I don't agree that $1000 is a rip-off, it most certainly isn't. Ten hours work at $100 per hour. Nothing wrong with that. And yes, professional cuddlers are still working while they are asleep. And no, it isn't easy money. If anybody thinks either of those things then they don't fully understand what's happening. (Professional cuddlers come to me for advice on doing overnights, and I have talked about it at length both with them and with others who already do overnights. The most common outcome for those considering overnights is not to start doing them: it's not worth it. It normally comes up after a number of clients have asked for it.)
I'm sorry if you were hurt by my comment, it wasn't my intention. I wasn't talking about people who make posts like yours: I was in fact thinking of a member who was recently banned, for making posts very unlike yours. And secondly, I wasn't talking about people (like me) who will never be able to afford an overnight with a professional. The kind of guys I'm talking about do things like complaining that enthusiast women never reply to their messages ... but they have no photos, no profile worth the name, no Friends, no Karma and their forum posts demonstrate only unkindness and rudeness.
Coming back to the money for a second, I used to save up for several months to have a one hour cuddle. Things are better for me now, but I remember that. When I started to be able to afford a little more, and was also starting to have session with fellow enthusiasts, I discovered that, for me at least, having more sessions is more effective than having longer sessions. In other words, two one-hour sessions does me more good than one two-hour session.
@CuddleDuncan Thank you for the thoughtful reply. Overnight sessions would be the best option for me. I am touch starved and a quick cuddle might be nice, but it leaves me wishing I had more.
An overnight or otherwise longer cuddling session would be ideal. Both from a cost-efficiency standpoint and from fulfilling the need for a cuddle.
Sharing platonic closeness with someone you trust, for a whole night, is a very beautiful and comforting thing.
@quincyq03 I hear you %100! We all stand to benefit when we focus on being able to discuss divisive issues with respect and compassion for one another! 💗 I am big on tolerance and continuous self improvement especially within this new field, and your comments really resonate with me.
Someone recently called me out on posts / comments I’ve made within the forums which have and or could have indirectly harmed people. I was so grateful for the constructive criticism as I was previously only concerned with my personal view or lense and had failed to extend consideration to the view of other audience members. Of course, I didn’t feel amazing realizing that my posts were not effective in my original objective and additionally harmed someone. I truly believe there is a balance because we should always respect and honor our own inner voice even when it makes someone else uncomfortable ( think asserting or expressing a boundary ) yet we can still strive to do so in a way which is considerate of the impact or triggering of others. Huge take away for me. This person also shared with me a saying their loved one used to quote, ‘you get more of what you reward than punish,’ and I absolutely love that sentiment.
Another question you had was regarding what an overnight might consist of with respect to food and entertainment ( extra expenses ) and I would simply say that it is entirely up to the parties involved. I also fully encourage anyone who can do an overnight, transactionally or with a fellow enthusiast, to fully express your needs and wishes as long as they are ( for the love of god ) platonic.
I will say that I personally barter, I also offer what I refer to as a good client discount, that means, if and when I can I waive travel fees, I bring water, non alcoholic drinks, snacks and often meals to share with my respectful cuddle buddys! I have also so much enjoyed sessions that I let them run over without extra charges. I truly love getting to connect with people and get as much or more out of this as my clients sometimes. There is a running joke amongst some of my friends who are also paid cuddlers that I leave too much, ‘money on the table,’ in providing such discounts and while I personally have an abundance mindset and don’t feel at a loss financially I do take extra care to reiterate as needed, for ethical reasons, the nature of our ‘business relationship,’ so that chatting on the phone between sessions or letting it run over without charging more, ect, is not mis perceived as relaxing boundaries or otherwise a blur from the client / provider dynamic to personal attachment. I specifically mean to say I take great care in expressing the gratitude I have for respectful clients who are truly seeking platonic cuddles and connection and am happy to reward exactly that. Compensation for time, energy and travel are a part of cuddling transactionally but it is clearly not my primary focus.
Also, I am still a work in process here, still learning, growing and defining across the board. Please take everything I say or share with a grain of salt.
@quincyq03 I am in the very fortunate position of having had sessions of all lengths with fellow enthusiasts. The longest you can cuddle in comfort in one go is about four hours. After that you need a drink/bathroom/food/stretch your muscles or whatever. And the reality is that having had a break, you don't go straight back into a cuddle unless there is time pressure.
In other words, a four hour continuous cuddle leaves you not wanting more, at least not right now.
You're right about the whole night though. That extra trust (sleeping, not just cuddling) is very meaningful and very comforting.
@CuddleDuncan This is a nuance I couldn't articulate. Thanks! "That extra trust (sleeping, not just cuddling) is very meaningful and very comforting."
@quincyq03 "You realize there are two groups on here, the group that is enthusiastic about cuddling for free, and the other that charges $100 per hour."
This is false and a gross overgeneralization.
As someone who was an enthusiast long before being a pro, I found people within my price range often. Sometimes it meant additional travel, accommodations, or asking for a discount, but certainly not everyone falls into those two groups.
I myself, as well as a few fellow Cuddler friends I have made, also do not charge as much as you're stating.
This is not the only site for such services either, and as someone who has been on nearly every (popular) site that has emerged, I have witnessed plenty of varying price ranges. These prices are also rarely dissimilar from the range you see for similar services, such as massage therapists.
Not only that there are whole associations, organizations, recreational groups, etc. who set up several hour long cuddle parties/gatherings for free or a set entrance fee (nearly always <100).
I have had the chance to engage in one and it was a wonderful time.
I think its also important to note male pros on average charge MUCH less than women do (supply and demand baby) and it's men who have insecurity regarding seeking them out.
I have never had an issue of cuddling anyone of any sex or gender, men often have hangups about cuddling other men and then complain that their pool is oh-so-limited.
I have seen firsthand the harassment my trans friends have gone through on sites like these for not disclosing their genitalia despite them passing and it not being relevant to the session at all.
Just some food for thought.
@SleepySheep1 of course there are those in between, but the average rate for a cuddler in my area tends to be $80-100. The rate for a nearby cuddler who has been online most recently, for example, is $120/ hour. There are very few active cuddlers near Oklahoma City. When I travel and seek cuddlers, the average is commonly around $100/ hour.
I also don’t think it’s fair to compare licensed professional massage therapists who have completed several years of schooling to cuddle professionals. To go to school for massage therapy probably costs what, $50,000? How much does it cost for cuddle training?
"I also don’t think it’s fair to compare licensed professional massage therapists who have completed several years of schooling to cuddle professionals"
This is brought up a lot under the premise all places require licensing, many do not.
I was a massage therapist for a period of 8 months while I was going to school in a different area. I had two weeks of training and off I went.
Many states have no requirements, particularly when they're in beautician/salon settings.
A physical therapist is not the same as a massage practitioner and there is many gradients of "touch" services that have completely different requirements and micro-nuances between them.
In addition places that DO have requirements usually require 500 hours of schooling, that is MUCH less than college or even a trade.
Also some people have put extensive training into their practice, @nurturingman is a great example of such. In fact many cuddler I know used to already be things like masseuses or have degrees/backgrounds in areas like psychology or kinestheology.
Also I don't think I need to explain to you how cuddling a stranger in your home (or theirs) is inherently a much more intimate and potentially emotionally exhaustive process than a 30 min. massage at an establishment.
Many things that clients bring up to me are not things they would ever feel comfortable bringing up to a massuese, for example.
And to be fair, I don't think tons of things are "fairly" priced.
My $200 a session therapy visits totally didn't feel "fair" to me.
I didn't go around invalidating their costs, I simply found other services that were better for me, or cheaper.
Also do you cuddle men or trans indivduals? Completely disregarded that part of my comment.
I ask because @BubblegumCuddle is active, in your area, and only charges a reasonable $60/hour. I see a few men within your radius as well, such as @dr_andrews76 who is an enthusiast with a great profile.
A lot of pros also travel around the country and have their dates+cities in their bios, so it'd be helpful to look at ones that aren't necessarily actively in your city in that moment as well.
@SleepySheep1 such amazing and valid points you have shared! Your profile, karma and presence on the forums speaks strongly to fact that you are in this for the right reasons! Even though @quincyq03 feels strongly about what others should feel and do, and is making potentially very offensive and inflammatory over generalizations you spent time and energy to respectfully consider their needs by way of actual provided solutions, real life experiences and facts. 👏😊
Very well said!
@quincyq03 A few things have changed since I last answered this.
Due to a snow storm back in January steady cuddle got stuck in town on business and was delayed . Rather than get a hotel as he had done it the past, I invited him over.
I cooked up one of my favorite easiest recipes, we shared dinner and then sipped hot chocolate watching the snowfall down over the farm.
It's not really an extra provided, for me its something to share with another person. I live alone and sometimes just sharing a meal with someone is awesome whether they spend the night to cuddle or not.
I have a long time friend who doesn't understand the draw of platonic cuddling but also lives alone. He likes to come down spend some time and ride around the property mowing the grass on the zero turn while I do other stuff and then cook dinner for us to share. Will mow for meatloaf is his mantra.
Sometimes it's not just the cuddling but the connection being able to spend time together in a relaxed comforting place.
As an enthusiast my time is my own and freely given to those I have a comfortable connection with. This weekend I am making corned beef and cabbage and sharing an evening watching movies with another member who chooses not to stay the night.
I think there would be more enthusiast women If so many of us had not grown up and experienced so much toxicity and damaging behavior. Especially when it comes to men. This has been an entirely different experience for me and I am in my fifties.
My overnight consists of a coffin, soil from my native state, and a strict no garlic policy.
@Nature_Lover_ I would second that. Just based on the forums, SleepySheep1 is one of the wiser voices on here.
That is high praise coming from you @WriterGF. Also, I never noticed you also live in the craziness that is CT 😅
We should totally get together sometime. ♡
@SleepySheep1 I do cuddle with men and trans people. Not going down that rapid hole, but I identify on the non-binary spectrum, but more male than female, most of the time.
@Nature_Lover_ I really appreciated an earlier reply from you that was very compassionate, kind and thoughtful, but now you are accusing me of controlling or dictating how others should feel, and/or what they should do?
As far as “actual provided solutions, real life experiences and facts,” it would be nice if you would also “respectfully consider” that I have had many cuddles with enthusiasts on and off this site, free of charge. They have been wonderful experiences. In my experience, based on actual solutions, real life experiences and facts, I don’t have a justifiable need to pay for cuddling. Why pay the “average” price for cuddling, when others in this conversation charge half of that, and there are people out there cuddling for free, for the “right” reasons.
Just when I’ve started to coming around to being open-minded about cuddling with a pro, then I am mischaracterized. An opinion is not invalidated simply because it might offend someone.
Boxcar Willie, gather the workers, we have a train going off the rails.
@FunCartel Coffin cuddles are a thing !! 🤪🤣
@WriterGF you also bring a wealth of wisdom and positivity 😊
@KYtranspant The way you describe the evening is so inviting and I especially appreciate the variability in experiences you share with respect to your thoughtful reply at @quincyq03. I’m glad to hear you are having great connections and experiences as a female enthusiast 😁
@SleepySheep1 its high praise coming from me too, right?! 🤪🤣🤷♀️