Can a cuddle be too emotional evoking?

[Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

I think I mentioned in another post that I get lonely and blue at the holidays. My father and mother have been gone 29 and 19 years respectively, but both of their final illnesses were connected to the holiday season. Now my only sister (8 years my senior) is rapidly sliding into the valley of Alzheimer’s disease. I have infrequent brief crying jags that are probably good for me, but I think in a good cuddle, I’d fall apart. If I were with someone who knows me and understands, it might be okay. But I don’t have that person in my life right now, and I don’t think it would be fair of me to lay all of that on a new ( new to me ) cuddle partner. Then again, I may be not giving the other person enough credit.


  • [Deleted User]JB4 (deleted user)

    That's a lot, I'm sorry for your pain, know of my prayers. I hope your Christmas and New Year are abundantly blessed this year!
    I've never really done this cuddling thing outside of a few friends with whom I already had a close relationship (in other words, neither with a professional nor a non-professional cuddler I met online), but you might be able to ask a professional cuddler if they'd be comfortable with that or make a close friend and lean on them. That's what friends are for!

  • I think it depends on the person, id be okay with holding ans consoling a person though. Sorry to hear youre going through such rough times. Just remember youre not alone, even if you feel so alone, there will alsays be the option for you to connect with more people, and make a nonblood family <3

    Best wishes to you sweets!

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    @Brandi Thanks for your kind words. I’m not depressed beyond where I think a lot of single people living alone st the holidays. I just wondered how the experienced folk, especially you pros handle a “normal” cuddle partner when s/he comes unglued. It’s my internal need to appear to be in control of my emotions that keeps me from trying and finding out. Again, thank you.

  • @Greybeard For women, I think handling a situation where someone is having a hard time emotionally is what we are born to do! It comes naturally, whether it be cuddling and nurturing a crying child or holding an adult who is experiencing sadness and loss. Personally, I think the best thing would be to talk to a pro about it first, if that's what you're thinking of doing, and let those emotions out. What happens in a cuddle, stays in a cuddle. You will feel better for it afterwards.

  • @greybeard i'd like to echo some of the wisdom that @blueiris is dishing out. My first instinct would be to talk to a pro first. There are very few of my friends that I would be comfortable losing it in front of. I think that comes from being a man from an earlier generation. I had a great experience with @lifedoneright that while I didn't lose it, her support and nurturing helped me through a period when the pain of my wife's death (6 months prior) was all but crippling.
    I did have friend who did hold me and keep me safe and lived while I truly "lost it" about 3 months prior to that but that wasn't something I would have entertained dropping on an enthusiast cuddler unless we had known each other for a long time. I think a great pro will able to provide you what you need. And I think it would be easier to discuss this with them before hand than it would with a casual enthusiast.

    I wish you the best and if it helps, know that you aren't alone in feeling this and there are people in this community that care!

  • edited December 2017

    Depends on the person. Maybe you should make this clear to your potential cuddle buddy. I know of a couple pros that are professional licensed therapists. People like that are likely more inclined to be prepared to handle things if you as you said, fall apart.

  • Just going to post this link here incase it helps someone since it's on topic for OP...

  • If I was in your area, I would absolutely be up for it. I don’t mind if people cry or are emotional, I’m happy to offer my shoulder to cry on, my arms to hold them, and my chest to rest on while you get things off yours. Just getting to cuddle with someone else for the joy of cuddling is great, but... it’s cases like yours where I would really feel I was doing good.

  • I believe a cuddle can be emotionally evoking. And even though I am a professional, I want anyone I come into contact with feel not only comfortable, but that they have a friend. Life is hard and losing people even harder and it's okay to cry. It's okay to lay down your emotions and thoughts because it is healthy. Bottling it all up inside just makes it hurt more. While I cannot speak for any professional, other than myself, a session can be evoking and in some cases I think it should be. I may not know everything, but me and others out there will gladly listen.
    I just wish you the very best and that this holiday season isn't as hard. My heart truly feels for you.

  • [Deleted User]DeliMan (deleted user)

    This Holiday season is tough for me. My wife passed away this year. We would have been married for 31 years on December 27th. She was ill for many years.

    I know that it would be easy to come unglued if I were to try cuddling this time of year.

  • So many nice ones here!

  • I second the sentiments @blueiris has expressed. I would invite you into my arms in a second! Many of us are here with a very strong desire to nurture and support others. I've had enough life experience to not be phased by strong expressions of emotion any more. I agree that releasing it all can be very healthy. Nonjudgment & compassion are fundamental principles in my work here. Sending love and hugs to you!!

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    I have to think that the professional cuddler takes on a lot of the stress of others. While it would be nice to think that you could leave a window open a crack, and all the stress released would fly out and away, but I’m pretty certain it doesn’t always work that way. I hope you each have that lace you can go, that go-to cuddle partner that helps you, one that to you is the nurturing spirit, and that you are nurtured. Happy New Year.

  • It’s entirely possible as I’ve had a recent experience with this... I think it’s very important to be clear going in and to consider both sides of people’s situations... most importantly, it’s important to communicate clearly and heavily so everyone stays on the same page.

  • I encourage deep emotional release in session... especially if it’s coming up. A person truly gifted to hold space, knows intuitively how to witness someone’s emotional process without slipping into overwhelming emotional waters when that tide comes in. It’s a crap shoot.

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