CUDDLE QUIZ

MxSmithMxSmith
edited August 2022 in General

Hello friends, I've been working on this cuddle quiz to help our community in general to wrestle with different concepts that I think are really important as we all learn how to best set boundaries with each other around touch and intimacy. Recently we had @Sideon post a thread about consent and I wanted to make something that people could interact with and think about. I like taking online quizzes, so I decided to build my own. It's 21 questions long with 4 of them being written answers.

TAKE THE QUIZ

I put A LOT of work into it (specifically in the answer key which you can see when you click on "View Score"). I am very open to feedback. As I was working on this, I certainly came across questions I didn't know how to answer exactly either because some situations are tricky. If you want to give feedback, feel free to post on this thread, or DM me, I just ask that you be gentle as I'm also a learning human coming at this from my own perspective. I hope it generates lots of discussions.

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Comments

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    Great idea! It would be good to know before starting it how long you estimate it may take to complete. I started it because I had a few minutes then I saw an essay style question and realized I didn’t have time to properly answer something like that right now.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    Thanks @Syins it's just 21 questions, but a few written answers. I'll update the post. I'm not sure how to say how long it will take.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Is it normal to feel triggered for other people?

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    @BashfulLoner I mean I feel empathy to the point that it bothers me sometimes. Is the quiz triggering you vicariously?

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Great quiz! I just passed with a 100/100 :)

    However, there is one question that I’m
    Not so sure on. Question 2. Part D. I think that is still consent. Let’s say I don’t really like bricklaying. But someone offers me $30 /hr to do it - I still won’t like it, but for $30 /hr I find it worthwhile, and I’m still agreeing to it as I could easily just say no.

  • MxSmithMxSmith
    edited August 2022

    Congrats on your success @sunnysideup ! Great question, I was a bit confused as well for this. As I was reading about consent, I kept running into the ideas that consent under bribery or threat were not considered valid consent. Does it make a difference if it's a task or our bodies?

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @MxSmith maube I’m an empath of some sort, feeling the way others are triggered.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    @BashfulLoner what are you feeling triggered about?

  • justjennnjustjennn

    These are excellent questions! Thank you so much for creating this!

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    Great quiz. I managed to get 100. Yay

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I got 85/100, but the two I missed were because I chose the option to provide my own answer in which I wrote that I agreed with the answer that ended up being correct, but with the caveat that i believed they were being genuine.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Excellent quiz, @MxSmith. Well done!

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    @Charlie_Bear I don't know how to fix that option. I wanted to give people the opportunity to think of their own answers, but I can't auto- grade them as correct. You got 100 in my book.

  • TheDave90TheDave90
    edited August 2022

    Great quiz for sure, and very useful. I got 95/100 but only because I completely misread question 2 and picked the one answer I thought was worse.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    Thanks @DaringSprinter ❤

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @MxSmith haha ok sounds good to me ☺️

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @MxSmith I know you put a lot of effort into this. It did not go unnoticed. Thank you, it's a great tool for all if us especially newbies.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @MxSmith I think that if no coercion is involved, and the sunburnt person is truly agreeing to it because they want to, (or want the money), then I think that is proper consent. One may argue that it is exploiting the poor ; maybe a rich person wouldn't get their sunburnt faced touched for a measly $1000. But maybe that rich person would do it for a million.

    Bricklaying is also something that involves our bodies; your body will be beat by the heavy manual labor, your skin will get chafed, etc. But I suppose that bricklaying doesn't involve other bodies touching your own.

    I think that a 200 lb guy who is in a 100 lb woman's private residence who lives alone, who didn't want her face touched being asked to have her face touched for $100 might easily be interpreted as coercion. This same 200 lb guy asking a 100 lb woman in a populated starbucks would probably not be seen as coercion.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I got 100 but some of the the wrong answer resemble many many comments I’ve read in here (this me feeling triggered vicariously @MxSmith

  • ShakeShake

    @MxSmith This was really well put together! Ended up falling into the same trap as @Charlie_Bear haha. Got stuck deciding between C and D for question 7 and just found myself choosing other to write my own answer.

  • cde123cde123
    edited August 2022

    This is great! Wish it could be paired with a YouTube video complete with walkouts and takedowns to show clients what happens and pros how it’s done.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited August 2022

    Additionally, I think it might be an effective additional filter if everyone were required to pass this quiz before they could message other cuddlers.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @sunnysideup - alternatively, one could request a potential cuddler/client to take the quiz before cuddling with them.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @Babichev nice.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    95/100

    I guess I think of consent forms that spell out a tooth extraction being signed before the procedure, as the way it’s phrased on this question & that the dentist doesn’t have to verbally tell you as they extract and how they do it.
    And the sunburn one….that was tricky but I’ve never experienced a situation of doing something for money that I didn’t want to do, to begin with.
    My suggestion is phrasing but overall, loved the quiz.

    I have more suggestions I’ll PM you about

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    @sunnysideup I think we could certainly individually require the quiz.

    I'm going to make another post in a little while about the issue you brought up regarding consent and offering more money because I think it's extremely important to think about. I've had people offer me more money for something I've explicitly already said no to. And it just feels sooo gross. Would you really feel good cuddling with someone you knew hated something you were doing? Or caused them pain? We can laugh at the sunburn bribery situation, but the reality is people ask for stuff that feels deeply gross and the question itself feels like a violation.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @sunnysideup - It just occurred to me that one could also post a link to the quiz on one’s profile and suggest/request they take it.

    @MxSmith - Nicely done!

    I think the language in the answer to #7 could be tweaked. While I understand that “Gently” is a way to suggest one does not need to go off on someone who unintentionally does something they shouldn’t, it also sounds a bit . . . I’m not sure of exactly the word I want to describe it but perhaps kind of wimpy or too demure. I’d probably prefer a modification of it. Like perhaps, “Gently but firmly,” or maybe “Politely” rather than gently. Something along those lines. This is a minor detail.

    Regarding #11 - as a massage therapist, I’ve had clients text and say hey, my schedule changed and I can come an hour early. Would you like that or do you want to stick to our scheduled time? Sometimes it didn’t matter, sometimes it worked to my favor, so I don’t see the texting answer as necessarily a bad answer.

    The answer to #18 doesn’t actually answer the question. It poses reasoning but never answers the question of how to proceed. I would explicitly include in there not to ask.

    I’d also make the case that D could be an acceptable answer to #21. In practice, it might end up being the response some people might make because of being startled by this unexpected “hug.”

    However, I think this is excellent as it is and covers a lot of the most common things we run into. I think the greatest problem is that those who need to think about consent the most are probably the least likely to take the quiz.

    I especially like the explanations given in the answer key.

    Very nice. Thank you.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    Requiring tests seems like overkill. The second we start to impose a bureaucracy is the moment this place starts to suck. Maybe sign a pledge or something, but the discussion beforehand should be comprehensive. We should first try to make sure that pro cuddlers understand their role.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 I agree.

  • SleepyFellaSleepyFella

    This is such a unique way of opening up the conversation on consent and boundaries. What's the best way to phrase the question and what answers could be generated. I can imagine two people with good boundaries answer some questions differently.

    A standard questionnaire might be too bureaucratic for some but for others it might help initiate the dialogue.

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