@SuperManCuddles oh yea! This pro genuinely enjoys her cuddles. Especially with awesome humans like you!! Lol 🌸🌸🌸
When this has happened it has ended negatively
@CudLSeekR
You mean when there was mutual enjoyment, it ended poorly?
@Sheena123 Awe!❤️🤗 Thank you very much Sheena!🌺🌺🌺
I'm a caregiver by nature. So I've always checked in with who I'm cuddling. Plus I can do energy healing and offer it.
@Bear I'm a nurturer as well, but the Pro I saw just... radio silence outside of the session. It was killing me, earlier this week.
@cylee1180
Pro cuddling is not and likely never will be therapy. I also don't want it to be therapy, and I'm reasonably sure I'm not alone in this. So IMO your therapist's concerns are misplaced, as long as you're not trying to turn cuddle sessions into something they're not.
When I cuddle someone I want it to be a mutual connection we both enjoy. If someone showed up, tried to cater to my perceived needs, and didn't enjoy the session herself... that has less than zero appeal to me.
I don't expect any kind of fulfillment from sessions, but it has happened many times! That's what's wonderful about cuddling. I'm more than satisfied if the client can communicate well enough that I can feel safe to be fully present, offer my best, and do my thing. I don't personally find it inappropriate to be emotionally invested in my clients either. If I see someone regularly, and care for them in a nurturing way, they are vulnerable with me, whether its business or not, I'm going to grow to love them! That's inevitable! Speaking for myself at least. The caveat is, that attachment and love doesn't entitle you to anything, at all, whatsoever. There can't be an expectation of reciprocity, and if they suddenly disappear from your life, you accept it with bittersweet acceptance, emotional maturity, and hope that its because so many wonderful things are happening for them, they don't need you. I got similar feelings from teaching. I loved whole room after whole room full of people and do this day.
@zerocantaloupe Ohhhh!!! Sub zero(cantaloupe) wins! Mutuality!
*Edit: That's the mutuality to lose your head about. ..
As a pro who has been a client, I definitely want the pro I am seeing to be just as happy and into the session as I am, if not more. As a pro, it is nice to have at least reciprocation.
@cuddlezandhugz - I had to read your initial post three times, and then think for a long time, before deciding to reply. Your therapists warning about danger remind me of a long email conversation that I've been having with a woman from CC.
She suffers from both PTSD, and BWS (battered woman syndrome). There may be some Stockholm Syndrome mixed in as well. Although she lives far from me, over the course of several weeks, we've developed some strong feelings. Although, I have absolutely no formal training, I've been doing a bunch of reading, and trying to help her.
Recently, she commented that I was doing her more good than was her therapist. I responded that the reason that I was able to help her was because I had feelings for her that were only possible because I am not a real therapist. Her real therapist was prohibited from having feelings, and would be obligated to cease treatment .
I think that @CuddleWho hit the nail on the head when he said "Pro cuddling is not and likely never will be therapy," and "IMO your therapist's concerns are misplaced." Go right ahead and enjoy your cuddle sessions when you can.
BTW, I love your photo in the sunflowers. Here's my version:
I enjoy some more than others. As is life. What I enjoy in every cuddle is knowing that I am giving comfort and sincere caring to the person who has sought out my services in need. With that mindset I am able to relax, snuggle up and attend to the needs of an interesting individual that wanted to hire me for such a vulnerable service. That is the ultimate of flattery and makes me feel great and want them to feel cared about as well.
@CuddleWho
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! I’m actually really relieved to hear that you, and likely many other cuddlers, are wanting mutual enjoyment from sessions with pros. I’ve found myself feeling a bit guilty for how much I’ve enjoyed some sessions…wondered if I was approaching this wrong. It’s freeing to feel like it’s not just ok, but actually good, for me to enjoy it.
@biancalovecraft
I loved what you wrote! I definitely feel like I really have loving (but platonic) feelings for some of my cuddlers, which has definitely concerned me, but I feel much better about it after reading about your thoughts on this.
@GreatHornedOwl
It was interesting reading about your personal experience. Pretty incredible that you’re having such a profound impact on someone with trauma.
I think you make a really good point about the emotional connection between cuddler and pro being healing in a way that extends far past the impact of a strictly therapeutic relationship. I’m gonna have to meditate on that.
And thank you! Loved your pic too! Sunflowers are the best 😀 instantly brightens my day!
This is a good thread and I like how @GreatHornedOwl subverted the dominant paradigm by having the human subject of his photo face away from the blooms.
For a pro-cuddler the primary relationship expectation is companionship. As long as what you're doing involves time providing a service in exchange for a fee, that exchange falls squarely in the realm of companionship.
A friendship could occur if you started to act outside the fee-for-service exchange. If feelings become more mutually important than the activity of cuddling, that could be an early-stage friendship.
Success as a Pro cuddler depends on being able to discern between these two levels of relationship expectations. It’s unrealistic to expect a Pro to not get something more out of cuddling than money. The fulfillment of cuddling is a fringe benefit of this profession which includes oxytocin, comfort, contentment, etc.
The person paying may (or may not) expect the Pro to respond like a friend. If the Pro can and does fulfill that expectation, this is also for a fee and regardless of what some may call that (We use the term friendship casually in our culture), it's companionship, not friendship.
The dangerous part of all this would be an unhealthy relationship attachment. That’s an easy Google.
As a pro, it’s important to me that I enjoy the session in the sense that I need to feel comfortable, respected and safe the whole time (as should my client!) I have had a few scenarios where the conversation got a little too personal for me and I chose to redirect it, and of course when I sense sexual energy entering the vibe I make sure to redirect that too. I think the line of what feels comfortable and appropriate is different for everyone, which is why explicit communication is so important.
I think that if I started to feel that I was having an emotional need being met by a client (rather than simply enjoying our time together) that would be an indication that I needed to reassess my internal boundaries and make an adjustment. But if part of what my client wants is the feeling that they are comforting me, I am fine with just relaxing into that feeling.