And to follow up on my post , some of y'all folks who dont wish to cuddle the same gender and sex as you can stand to be a little more respectful about voicing that. When you say shit like I'd rather cuddle a dog or go into a diatribe about how it's only a masquerade for straight men to be gay, and about a woke agenda to spread propaganda etc, then you kinda deserve any blow back you get . Would question some of you as being homophobic. But to those who just simply dont feel comfy with it and arent jackassess trying to troll, you deserve to be heard and there is nothing wrong with stating your boundaries. I do hope for folks to objectively dive into those feelings at some point in their lives to maybe figure out why there is a barrier there for you personally, a little introspection never hurts , however it is your life and journey to have so you do you .
When deciding whether and how to exchange touch with someone who wants to exchange touch with you, listen to your body, particularly your "no." You can make it a dialogue and push your comfort zone if you want. But most of us need more practice listening to what we truly want or are comfortable with. Do not override yourself from a place of self-judgment or moralizing.
@bobadevotee
I have women only on mine, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t cuddle men. I just don’t want to show up in everyone’s search. I do not have the thick skin that I think would be needed and I’m actually scared of the messages I would receive. Not that I really think I would be getting too many messages. It’s really just a fear I have built up in my mind that I can’t get past. I never even thought that I would be considered homophobic for having my profile set that way. I feel pretty horrible thinking someone may have had that takeaway after visiting 😢
Edit: Just to emphasize that I would def cuddle men I am comfortable with. I just have an aversion to meeting strangers on the internet, and this site is helping me get past that, albeit in baby steps.
Homophobia means having a prejudice against gay people, so I don' t know what having a cuddling preference has anything to do with that. You can be friends with somebody of the same gender, but not want to cuddle them.
@bobadevotee this is what I’m taking about when I say that I’ve been gaslit into feeling guilty because I only want to cuddle women. If I or man made a homophobic statement about cuddling other men, you would have a valid argument and you don’t. So do you have the energy for the women cuddlers that only cuddle because there are plenty of them on this site. Or what about the gay men on this site that only cuddle with other men? People are aloud to have preferences who they allow around them. I’m not trynna sound rude, you come off very angry and entitled. If you want to cuddle with everyone, that’s your prerogative. But don’t start projecting your own biases onto straight men because they only wanna cuddle with women, you’re completely out of line.
@JamesNoah
BTW, this thread is making me wonder about trying out cuddling men. Along with the fact that I've yet to find a woman to cuddle.
I feel ya. I'm in the same place on the other side of the fence.
Reported. Reviewed. Removed wholesale for baiting. @Midnight01 - you can read the forum rules (again) and ponder life's choices in forum timeout. [-Sid]
@JamesNoah @homeboy and others! I appreciate you open minded view points! 🤗🫂🎉🏆🏆
I really don't get some of the people in this thread. Lol like why are some people surprised that people are straight? I'm not surprised that people are gay and I don't tell them what to do. I have some customers that are gay and they're some of the nicest people.
Litterally if you payed me 1000 bucks I wouldn't cuddle a dude, just hell no. Has nothing to do with homophobia or whatever. It's just my taste, my life and my rules. It's also biology. I treat other people with the same respect. I am very secure in my masculinity and I actually worked with a gay guy for 5 years, we're good friends still.
If something makes you happy do it. It's for no one else to judge. The same goes for what you don't want to do.
Calling someone a pig or insecure because they're a man that likes women is absurd! That's like being "straight-o-phobic" lol
I’ve seen a bunch of these threads and this is different from the others. Most are saying cuddle with whom you like and discussing their reasons. Only one or two are accusing men of being homophobes for only wanting to cuddle men which I see as being narrow minded from supposed open-minded people. And if that anger comes from past trauma I’m sorry, but comes off as misandry.
On average, YES that is correct. There is nothing wrong with being either conventional or unorthodox. Nobody needs to validate our preferences and in turn, we do not need to validate anyone else’s. We just can’t be intrusive.
Agree with @pmvines , there is a lot of ugliness on this thread. That said, some people don’t just cuddle someone they are attracted to, some want to have a maternal experience with someone soft and welcoming so they can work out issues from childhood. Also, is pros are trained to accept ALL PEOPLE for cuddling (not that I needed to be told but we uphold it).
"I think it’s the way of the world because of misogyny, homophobia, and insecure men."
Good gracious this is such a bad take.. Us men aren't allowed to have any preferences, without us being labeled with something...
I don’t think this post is meant to poke fingers and judgement on people. I also don’t think it’s meant for straight men to cuddle other men. I think it’s about addressing consent and comfortability as stated before. Most men have many of reasons for not wanting to cuddle other men and same as women. Communication is key and you shouldn’t cuddle anyone you don’t want to cuddle. However I do believe that for a lot of the same reasons men don’t want to cuddle other men is the same reason women might feel uncomfortable cuddling men. I do believe it’s internalized homophobia because in a strictly platonic situation you don’t view people in a sexual sense. Many guys are intimate with other dudes without being sexual and same with women however when only wanting intimacy from the opposite sex I feel it’s internalized homophobia. Not because you just don’t like it but because you are afraid of being put into a situation in which you could be sexualized without wanting to be. And women feel the same way. So whatever your reason for being a man and uncomfortable cuddling or being intimate with another man is probably the same reason a woman is cautious about being intimate with a man as well.
@homeboy this topic deserves more tact and thoughtful discussion. Not gas lighting and arguing. I'm sorry it headed this direction , however if you do a search, there are a plethora of threads about this that have essentially all been locked due to the baiting and trolling and arguing. Hopefully one day this subject can be the topic of a normal, civil, thoughtful conversation, and not be the same rehashed dumpster fire vomit that it tends to become.
When a guy who says he doesn’t want to cuddle with men that’s their truth. When others say it’s internalized homophobia that’s an opinion. Just putting that out there. If someone is telling you something, but you keep telling them they are wrong and a hater it’s quite weird. Imagine if a woman says they won’t do something but people tell her she’s wrong and etc etc. they would be called sexist and haters and gaslighters. Men and women are different in their preferences and feelings. We are just different, why can’t people accept that without interjecting their opinion and telling them they are homophobic, sexist, racist, fill in the blank? It’s frustrating.
What would you do if you didn’t know if they were gay or straight knowing that a blind taste test is against TOS?
Asking for a friend.
Wouldn't be interested to cuddle with a man though I'd cuddle a female bodybuilder who could bench press 500 lbs.
I think it's about the intimacy rather than the "sexuality" that causes the reluctance. There is not (usually) a lot of intimacy in relationships between straight men, so the experience is new and untested. Intimacy in itself requires trust and a sense of safety. Going into unexplored territory while looking for a place to be vulnerable, feels counterintuitive. So, not so much homophobic as new and a bit scary.
@Tejpen you are spot on. This illustrates the conditioned views of cis men:
Funny, but sad too. They were content until they awoke and became self-aware. That is not phobia, that is a reaction steeped in cultural mores and conditioning.
“The conditioned views of straight men” - that comment/video should have been flagged and deleted but it’s not 🫠. Self awareness means a lot, and saying that’s “ok” until they are aware eliminates CONSENT.
Invading /touching someone without consent or awareness is never ok. It’s never funny. But it’s allowed if you’re attacking non gay. Weird.
If attacks on the LGBT community aren’t ok then attacks on the CIS community shouldn’t be either.
The original poster stated that he wanted thoughts from “everyone” then says he mainly wants to hear from gay men.
OP- next time be more specific in your requests.
And I’m a woman by the way.
Not always an issue of sexuality or orientation. I think it's more that men just don't trust other men, and for good reason. From an evolutionary perspective, whenever tribes fought over land or resources, it was likely men facing other men who wanted to kill them or rob them of the food they just hunted. It's continued to this day, when men are victims of violent crime, it's almost always other men who were the perpetrators. Given this, it's no surprise men have evolved to not appear to be in a vulnerable state around other men.
@Tigerlilly32 the point i was trying to make was they were sleeping and platonic touch was fine—then they woke up and what they were taught is acceptable or not acceptable kicks in. When awake male touch is bad but when asleep or partially awake they have it no thought. If you think about it then it is a taught or conditioned reaction.
I am aware you are a woman. I am well aware of consent. But many of us grew up in a time when you were conditioned to think males touching either other was not only bad but made you of morally dubious character. You could get your ass kicked for doing such a thing—platonic or not. It’s sad. I grew up in a military environment and the only time you were really exposed to male physical touch was through combat sports such as martial arts, boxing and wrestling. I was conditioned that male physical touch equaled aggression. The point was not about consent but the fact that many men have negative associations with male touch that were learned. The short clip illustrates that.
With that said, you are right. Consent is always important. In the case of this clip what you don’t have is context. They were exhausted and forced to share a bed because it was the only one available. The touch was unintentional and not sexually motivated. It is from a comedy. There is always a kernel of truth in comedy and in this case there are tons of men like that. Being that repulsed by male touch—or any touch—is sad. Move away or get up but to be that visibly dramatic about another person who is also repulsed, amounts to a shared knowledge that a taboo act has been committed even though it was obviously inadvertent. Yet there are people who do react that way. The taboo shouldn’t be there yet it is. I am not saying you should cuddle a male if you are male, I am only saying the cultural stigmas that condition reactions like that shouldn’t exist. It causes divisions and stifles conversation.
And in the end, tough conversations that were had over decades are the only reason we can have this conversation on a cuddle site today. Some of the things that we take for granted now—a cuddle site and weed—were unthinkable when I was in my 20s. Both could get you locked up for reals then—one for possession and one for lewd behavior. Education, objective lessons, and a slow awakening from the mom, apple pie and a white picket fence sell of a dream that was heaped on us had to occur. At my age you take wonderment and pride in people at how much society has changed while recognizing the threats to those accomplishments and how much more needs to be done on stupid prejudices and silly beliefs that we pass off as acceptable.
I feel that we’re taught to look for what’s different and try to separate ourselves from anything outside of social norms. I cuddle everyone that as @sweetNsnuggly said is respectful and comfortable with themselves regardless of gender or nonbinary. Granted I am newbie, but it boggles the mind why we have these hard “no’s” without always knowing why. We all are working through something. We all need a safe space of sorts. We all need touch, platonic touch or holding space for someone is a very intimate experience. Please don’t muck it up. If it’s not for you ok, consider the reasons why. If you can’t find one, maybe challenge yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. I hope my message finds you well 🥰
@Cadawin 💯 That is entirely your choice and I do not feel like you are trying to foist it on anyone. I hope this finds you happy.
@FunCartel I dislike going back and forth, but in light of your lengthy comment, I would like to remind you that “what you choose to see, is what you will see.” Based on your life experiences, you cannot assume everyone is the same, military or not.
I see patients at my office, each and everyone signs a consent form. Assuming that someone doesn’t want to consent to touch , platonically or otherwise JUST based on cultural norms is unfair and tramples on human rights.
I jump in the bed with my little sister, she tells me to scoot so my rear doesn’t touch hers, was she conditioned that way? Haha 😆 no- But she has a right to consent , just like straight men do, without being told something is wrong with them-
The clip states nothing about males assumptions, it’s what you took from it. It’s simply two people, once aware, not okay with touching one another.
It’s everyone’s personal choice who they feel comfortable with. 🍻
@Tigerlilly32
Your comment referencing me misstates not only my intention but what I actually wrote. I contrasted two situations that are similar but different, then asked for comments on both. You indicate that I asked for comments from “everyone” but in fact, I never said that. But no matter. I understood your intention and will cop to “everyone” as a reasonable paraphrase of what I said. What I actually said was, “What’s your perspective? Anyone care to talk about exceptions? Just curious to hear what people have to say.”
On the other hand, when I wrote, “So far at least, straight men are dealing with the question—and thank you all—but not my partners in crime. I’d love to hear from gay men about their cuddles (or not) with women,” I guess you didn’t understand my intention since you paraphrased it as, “he mainly wants to hear from gay men.” Not what I said. Not my intention. We were (and are) having a lively discussion on one side of the original dyad, but less on the other. I would have written a similar message had things been reversed with a lot of discussion on the gay men and women side but few on the other.
Finally, as for your suggestion: “next time be more specific in your requests,” I am confident in my ability to make my requests known clearly and at the appropriate level of specificity. I probably won’t be making any changes in how I fiddle with the English language.
I think love is love But not everyone wants to cuddle same gender and that is ok. Some prefer cuddling with their pillows
SMH.
@homeboy I thought you were very clear about what you wanted to discuss and you have not deviated from your stated interest in your initial post. Some people read what they want to read for the sake of feeling superior. For the most part this has been an engaging debate. One person twisting everything they read won’t change that. Kudos for an interesting topic.
Based on your life experiences, you cannot assume everyone is the same, military or not.
I never said they were and you are making a lot of assumptions that aren’t there. I never said consent was never essential. I was talking about how many men were raised regarding male touch and I gave my example from my life. You are conflating way too many things, but you can believe whatever you want to believe, but your conclusions are based on nothing I was trying to say. But you do you. Just leave me out of it. I do not consent to having things attributed to me that I never said because that does not make me comfortable.