@bekah_cuddles ...to put to bed 🛌 innuendos, coming here to OUR WONDERFUL SITE looking for anything besides, cuddle sessions and good platonic friends ,is like me going to hell looking for a Baskin Robbins, we are all here for different reasons...🤷..you to make money, me I have severe sleeping disorders developed from war time in Iraq...we all have different personalities ...when I meet someone MALE or Female not just in a cuddle situation, I want to leave the impression..", that guy is super cool, I looking forward to hanging out with him again"..
However....when I saw the "term chick" I immediately left 🏃🏃🏃💨the comment section and went to get some popcorn🍿..lol...thanks for sharing @pmalloy ..don't let the scolding prevent you from engaging in the future...alot of us have gone thru it here🤭
@xelda to some women is offensive, some prefer womyn or womxn. Just fyi 😊
@GODHANDS
I want to leave the impression..", that guy is super cool, I looking forward to hanging out with him again"..
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Again, you've missed the point. That's not "becoming attached to a cuddle partner," that's just a sign that a session went well.
The OP has expressed that he finds himself "thinking about her all the time" and that he "[misses] her dearly." He also expressed that while he was overall "glad for the experience," he regrets it "because it amplified feeling" he didn't care to feel.
Those sentiments overall are signs of an unhealthy attachment.
I'm choosing to ignore the whole "chick" thing because it's irrelevant to the conversation.
@nurturingman yes! Thank you for your post …. Wise words.
@xelda Yeah exactly. That’s what I wanted to say. But then I’d have to go put on my white shiny armor apparently 😅
Developing secure attachments anywhere you can (even in a therapeutic environment) is a natural, healthy, good thing! However, if you are experiencing distress after a session, this may be an indication of a deeper issue like insecure attachment wounding or complex (childhood) PTSD. This all has to do with deep unmet needs and core wounds that linger in the subconscious mind, causing issues in our adult lives. Thankfully there ARE ways to learn about these patterns and to heal them. It can be very helpful to work with someone who is familiar with these common challenges so they can guide you through the healing process. HUGS!!
@bekah_cuddles To be fair, there are countless pros who literally offer to go on a date with a client. A variety of options are listed including a fairly often suggested perk of being a plus one.
I am desperately lonely so I have always tended to inappropriately attach feelings where they don’t belong. Once A waitres put her hand on my shoulder as she brought my meal and it was like a live electric wire to my nervous system so I left her an excessively large tip. I thought about her for weeks afterward and even went back to the restaurant to try and be served again…alas to no avail.
In these cases I have to revert to my old ways of not allowing myself to feel things. I know logically that those who pay attention to me are unavailable and unattainable. The heart wants what it wants so I have to shut down my emotions and pretend like they aren’t there. I’ve been doing this since I was an awkward teenager and now 40+ years later it is second nature. Otherwise the emotional pain is becoming unbearable and I don’t know how much more I can take.
@Spud424 🥺 yeah I hear that.. 😮💨
@pmalloy
" The problem is I never, ever get that kind of intimacy with anyone"
Maybe you should fix that?
@Saysoh because it’s just that easy for him or anyone to “fix that” ?
Where’s the empathy?
Or, frankly, where’s the class? Or, at the rock bottom level, where’s the manners?
@teddybear888
No. Fixing anything about yourself isn't easy at all. It takes grit and intentions. He recognized a problem and I suggested doing the work to fix it. Maybe I'm a toxic, "alpha," and choose not to play victim and just handle my problems? Self-awareness is a thing.
Appreciate the attack, though.
OP is the type of guy that says “I’m not x! I have x friends!” 🙄
@Stephens67 I don't think that's very nice.
I wish I could tag people in my response. If I can I can't find it. I love the discussion and the spectrum of people responding.
Man, I'm a writer. I use words to describe things. "i miss her dearly." "It's unhealthy" blah. I take joy in the fact that I can express myself in writing and that I have a stronger grasp of vocabulary than the average joe. It's something to aspire too.
Of course I miss her dearly.
I was in an intimate situation with a person who was invested in me, as a client. I do not pass on that investment and appreciate it. That alone is enough to understand feelings being developed. Even if those feelings are just care for another human being. I have friends that I can be close to. This is different simply because of the type of interaction. OF COURSE IM GOING TO MISS HER. She have me kindness and patience, most of which women these days are solely lacking in. Prove me wrong.
Coming to a place where I can be intimate with a cute girl, and that be ok, is a new thing I'm getting used to. I fight for healing every day. I'm sure someone will have a comment on the cute girl part. Go ahead, say your piece (peace).
I'm typing this response and I realize I'll never please everybody. Y'all can deal with it lol.
For that spud guy. I totally understand. Man, getting close to people can be an issue. For those of us that have had a less than "good upbringing", getting close to others in any way can be so intoxicating. We're not bad dudes. In my case I tend to think I didn't get the chance to learn certain socializing skills/ habits/ etc. That the average joe learned. And yet I hear stories daily of people jumping gin and out of relationships. That surely isn't right.
I appreciate the soldier dude and his popcorn lol.
Other things. Words. Eh Have fun
@teddybear888 paid dates are in no way romantic or imply anything more. Platonic dates exist. I’ve gone on dates with my friends platonically. Also, it’s a paid service. There’s zero attachment. I’m a professional providing a service.
In Japan they literally have a service where you can rent a man to do a fake wedding with you. I don’t think anyone is foolish enough to conflate that with genuine romantic connection.
@pmalloy why the judgment against others who go in and out of relationships? It’s rude and makes zero sense why you’d judge others on that when, as far as societal norms are concerned, you’d be more considered the one who “isn’t right” because you’re paying someone for intimacy.
Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Some people are poly and some just like variety and have plenty of options to jump between. As long as everyone is honest and respectful of one another, I see no issue. It’s rude to judge others for their preferences if they aren’t hurting anyone.
Honestly, I don’t think you’re really willing to hear any feedback or engage in any positive growth because your responses to others rightfully calling out demeaning language or even just asking a curious question have been so defensive and rude.
Like, seriously! Saying “screw you” to someone who asked a pretty common question on this site? They asked it respectfully, too. That’s just rude.
Plus the subtle misogyny… Most women these days lack kindness and patience, you say? Well, I am not seeing you exhibit either of those traits in this thread, so perhaps that might be the reason you’re not running into kind and patient women.
@bobadevotee Well said.
When I first saw this thread, I thought the OP would want to hear opinions/advice from the perspective of other professionals, but it's very apparent now that he only wanted to hear from other men who share his experience to enable those feelings.
The kind of attachment the OP has described is what makes me actually scared as a professional to continue providing this service. I do not want my cuddlers to become attached to me, and when I find it happening, I cut things off. I want them to enjoy the time they spend with me and look forward to the next session, but that's it. I'm providing a service, not a relationship.
As I said in my first response where I shared my own experiences, this keeps happening and I'd wager to say most other professionals are not okay with it, but some of these guys don't seem to care. They'll just continue to project whatever fantasies they have on us and complain when we don't go along with it.
@pmalloy Saying this...
She have me kindness and patience, most of which women these days are solely lacking in. Prove me wrong.
...makes the following statement false.
We're not bad dudes.
That's some incel bullshit.
The kind of attachment the OP has described is what makes me actually scared as a professional to continue providing this service. I do not want my cuddlers to become attached to me, and when I find it happening, I cut things off. this keeps happening and I'd wager to say most other professionals are not okay with it
The kind of attachment the OP has described is what makes me actually scared as a professional to continue providing this service. I do not want my cuddlers to become attached to me, and when I find it happening, I cut things off.
this keeps happening and I'd wager to say most other professionals are not okay with it
I am just going to go ahead and validate your feelings here. Yes other pros are not ok with it, having discussed with plenty who are absolutely shocked at how clients behave.
SOME of it is just like OP, touch and attention starved willing to throw away any semblance of propriety because "Fuck it they wouldn't like me anyway", but there is also a nasty element lurking on these sites whos whole purpose is to push boundaries past what the code of conduct allows.
@pmalloy How hard is it to take 5 minutes and think to yourself, "Would this thread make the person uncomfortable or feel unsafe?"
I also understand the worries of some that things could become stalkerish in nature. It's a real concern, I'm sure.
You yourself acknowledge you understand the stalker tendencies here. You are WILLFULLY holding a torch for her in the form of this thread hoping she finds it, and you KNOW it's not cool. I'm not going to berate you because I empathize with your situation, but you are not going to fix your issues by being yet another unsafe person to the women around you.
Enjoy the cuddle session, keep contact to a minimum, and if you want to show her you enjoyed the time together book another one.
Wow…I come to these threads to learn more and understand how people think, but the level of hostility and hate almost takes me to the point of not even wanting to read comments anymore
Good to see a lady identify and call this what it is. Adds more legitimacy to the identification than if I or another male says it because we are dismissed as “white knights”. Kudos @bekah_cuddles
I’m going to try and say this as gently as I can to remain within the forum rules:
I have friends that I can be close to. This is different simply because of the type of interaction. OF COURSE IM GOING TO MISS HER. She have me kindness and patience, most of which women these days are solely lacking in. Prove me wrong.
This, right here, encapsulates the problem which the OP either cannot or chooses not to see. Their underlying resentment of women, combined with a sense of entitlement to a particular type of behavior FROM women, exists across a huge swath of men. It poisons our culture. It is contagious. The OP caught it from someone (probably a lot of someones). It’s what makes men think they can send nudes to women, can catcall, can take from women, who confuse purchasing a cuddle session or a massage or any time or service from a woman is indistinguishable from purchasing the woman herself. I’m not even saying the OP is consciously doing it. I’m saying that these are traits that are so ingrained that they are inherent in many men. That it takes work to overcome them. That the therapy men need to purchase is, in fact, psychotherapy, to do make and repair the internal connections before seeking or obtaining the external connections.
Patriarchy hurts all of us, the systems which spawn the mindsets of toxic attachments, language, and entitlement hurt all of us.
Saying that most women lack kindness and patience is like saying that most men are rapists. Some are, but I seriously doubt it's "most".
@Spud424 : I mean this in the nicest way possible. I think it's great that you were posting this on the forum. But I believe it's above everybody's pay grade here to be able to help you with the things that you said. I know if I was a close friend to you I would start considering whether I needed to make sure you did not hurt yourself.
I sincerely think you need professional help. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong and you lost nothing. If I'm right , based on the words and the tone of your post, it could be life saving.
Maybe I misread what you said. But please do not hurt yourself in any way. You will fuck up so many people's lives. And even if it's not so many people and it's just a couple you will mess up their lives so bad.
Once again if I misread your post I apologize. If my post is out of order I apologize.
@Saysoh : how can he fix that ? Maybe you're right about everything you said but a snarky comment with no advice is worthless. This seems to be a common theme with posts by you. As well as how you are so self aware and how making changes is hard but you did it because you have grit. I mean don't get me wrong the Steven Crowder comedy throw out is hilarious.
@hugo_stieglitz I agree with you 💯. If anyone on this thread is truly in need of our concerns and thoughts it’s @Spud424. He has been a kind soul on this board quite awhile now and though I do not know him personally, it hurts me that he is hurting so bad.
@Spud424 Please know a lot of us are pulling for you and you are the kind of person we need more of. You seem fragile but so self aware of your flaws and the potential harm you could cause as a result of your own suffering. I just want you to know that it is also ok to be self aware of your positive aspects and it seems you have a big loving heart. My thoughts are with you.
Damn those chemicals! They can really stronghold you into believing they're something more if you're not aware. Oxytocin withdrawals are very real. Just observe. Time, perspective and distraction with other people and things you enjoy will help.
@rainy_girl Right! Darn those feel good chemicals. I found myself becoming attached to some cuddlers and decided to take a few months to reset myself. Having my 1st cuddle in 3 months next week.
Lalala let it go. Lalala gonna pretend I didn’t read this. 😂😂😂 🤢🤢🤢🫣🫣🫣 @natickben I dig it. Ty.