Guardrails, Opportunities, and Leeways

SideonSideon
in General

Mods ban people every day, Pros and enthusiasts and clients. None of us relish this part of moderating.

When anyone creates an account here, most scroll through the terms of service (they do NOT read) and click "ok." Congratulations, they just signed up to be an organ donor! Surprised? I bet they're just as surprised to find out that they:

  • can't treat CC as a dating site (because it's not)
  • can't post profile pics or send pics of bewbs or butts or d*cks (CC is not OF, duh!)
  • can't repeatedly attempt to take conversations offsite without booking and confirming a session (I'm looking at you, Pros)
  • can't sexually harass someone (I'm not going to joke about this - you do it, you're gone)
  • can't create (or attempt to create) duplicate accounts (we'll get you, my pretty)
  • can't wreak havoc in the forums and expect mods to pat your head nicely (we won't)
  • can't ask for skin-to-skin cuddles (no, you can't show me a note from your doc that you're allergic to fabric - and most Pros that this is the #1 creeper/non-platonic question there is that is asked)

These are the things we deal with daily. We take turns going offline because, you know, breaks are a good thing. I know when I need a break is when I forget to be kind, even when a transgressor has hit every DEFCON level and we're gonna hit that ban button. There's that moment we know we are revoking someone's account, disabling one way in which they could connect with others that they may not have had before. We mods give warnings, we timeout accounts, we suspend accounts until certain conditions are fulfilled. We try to create guiderails for proper conduct, and it's painful when people just. don't. get. it.

I don't know some of the players personally, recently, who've been banned. I know them from the forums. It brings me no satisfaction or pleasure when we do have to lay down the ban hammer. I'm writing this because I want folks here to know that we don't take these actions lightly, and for me personally, I'm a little bit sad when we've given ample opportunity (and some critics would rightly say we sometimes give too MUCH leeway), but some of these folks do not/will not/cannot change, which means that CC is not a place for them any longer.

(I was joking about the organ donor thing, in case anyone was freaking out about that. Snark is my fourth language, after alcohol, Spanish, and English.)

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Comments

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    @Sideon Wait...so I didn't sign up to be an organ donor? I really wanted to be one (after I'm no longer using them).

    Thank you for trying to be transparent about this. I know it is not easy for you mods.
    It shocks me when I see an account that just posted yesterday suddenly banned. It's a little scary too because I hope I am following everything like I should and don't end up that way myself. 🙈

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    I have personally met almost all the Moderators on CC. I definitely don't take them for granted at all. Having met them I can tell everyone here they are some of the nicest, calm, level-headed peeps around.

    I don't envy your positions at all. You were all well chosen and selected. Btw I am one of those members who think Mods give too much leeway, which reminds me why I would not be a good moderator and when I get in that mood of ARGH , I know it is time to get away from the forums and go off line like @Sideon recommends. 👍😊

  • [Deleted User]HumbleBaron (deleted user)

    Obrigado

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I don't know how you guys do it, I really don't. I'm slightly in awe. (And that's British awe, not the US kind.) And I'm very grateful that you do.

    In a previous life I was a forum admin. It broke my heart every time I had to ban somebody who'd been there for more than five minutes, because you're basically kicking somebody when they are down.

    I've been involved in a couple of cases when friends I'd made here were banned. I was always impressed at how thoughtful the moderating team was.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I’ve always 💯 supported and respected the decisions you have to make here daily.
    I accept them because I don’t think I could be so diplomatic and without some kind of emotional response.
    I won’t know all of the details or circumstances that lead to the bans. but I look up to you all. I can’t imagine trying to do your job.
    Thanks for all you put into this site!

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Much respect to what you guys do definitely not easy

  • TNNativeTNNative

    Thank you for all you all do.

  • Matt462Matt462

  • Matt462Matt462

    You guys are stern, stern but fair!

  • BearBear

    Thank you for the work you do. Especially since it’s voluntary.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I know acutely how thankless a job moderating can be, and how stressful and repetitive it gets. I hope y'all also know how very much we appreciate all that you do to keep things running smoothly, keep us all as safe as possible, and still manage to keep your senses of humor. You guys are rockstars and deserve all the rest and support you can snag.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I think it is only fitting to send you mods some cyber confectioner sugar donuts and coffee. Mod discount. Your money’s no good here.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @cuddlefaery - I appreciate human moderators, but I despise moderator bots.. I had an experience on Reddit about a year ago where I received a notice from a moderator bot informing me that I was banned from a certain subreddit that I followed but had NEVER posted to.

    What had I done to get banned? I had posted a comment in another subreddit. That comment was in no way mean or offensive, it was simply in a subreddit that a mod on the other subreddit didn’t like so they set up the bot to purge anyone who posted there. The notification from the bot even admitted it did not consider the content of what I posted, I was instantly banned for simply posting ANYTHING to the disfavored subreddit.

    The notice informing me of my ban told me I could have my ban lifted if I deleted my post in the other subreddit, apologized for having posted there, and promised to never post in that subreddit again. I responded by politely offering creative suggestions of what they could do with their subreddit.

  • SideonSideon

    @JohnR1972 - contrary to popular opinion, there aren't automated bot moderators here. I mean, I get MY batteries changed every few weeks.

  • JubalJubal

    I could probably deal with being signed up as an organ donor. But I draw the line at agreeing to join a human centipede like the South Park episode.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Sideon thank you for the transparency and heartfelt truth. I know there are those who think all the mods are silently waiting in eager anticipation for the misstep of cuddlers far and wide.

    Like @OhioMike I know all of you personally and it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Thank you. So much appreciation goes out to you all.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @Sideon - I never thought otherwise about the mods on here. I know all of you have a difficult, thankless job, one that I do not envy at all.

    Some of the big platforms like YouTube and Google Ads do a lot of automated content moderation and they drive me nuts. I have had ads declined by Google because I used a word that was on the “sensitive words” list and even though it was not a “bad word” it was rejected by the algorithm. I appealed and after human review the ad was approved because I was using the word in a respectful context but the algorithm didn’t take that into account.

    I had another Google ad rejected for “misleading information about housing” even though my content had nothing to do with housing. Again, the ad was approved after an appeal and human review.

  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSlug4U (deleted user)

    It's hard keeping this type of site right for those who respect the culture being upheld here. I definitely appreciate the diligent effort.

  • SideonSideon

    @LadyVel - Yes, I used a clickbait tactic to encourage reading/literacy. Mea Culpa! B)
    @HumbleBaron - No hay de que preocuparse.
    @OhioMike - I'm a pushover, what can I say? ;)
    @CuddleDuncan - What IS the U.S. vs British difference in "awe"?
    @Matt462 - "I like big guns and I cannot lie..." cf Sir Mixalot
    @cuddlefaery - I'm now imagining this mod posse as a big-hair rock band. B)
    @FunCartel - Thanks for the offer, but I'm more of a Kubla Khan kinda guy ("..for he on honeydew hath fed...")
    @Jubal - whew - fortunately, we only slipped in the organ donor agreement. No human centipedes here, full nope.
    @sillysassy - You rascal! That racoon and I might share the same gestures...
    @carrieanne @FutureHeart2023 @TNNative @Bear @JohnR1972 @SnuggleSlug4U - Thank you.

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    can't ask for skin-to-skin cuddles (no, you can't show me a note from your doc that you're allergic to fabric - and most Pros that this is the #1 creeper/non-platonic question there is that is asked)

    On this one, just so I don't break any rules in the future -- is it OK to ask a pro cuddler what they typically wear for a session? I know what the CC rules are about required coverage, and I know a client can't REQUEST specific clothing. And I know a pro cuddler is welcome to change their mind -- i.e. I usually wear shorts, but today I wore leggings, and that has to be OK.

    But if a cuddler (yes, it's me) generally prefers to cuddle with someone that has mostly bare legs and mostly bare arms (because I enjoy that skin to skin contact in non-prohibited areas), can I ask about typical attire in a session? Or is that a no-no?

  • SideonSideon

    @WiserGuy3000 - Fair warning - you asked, so here it is.

    Understand that asking Pros what they wear is a huge red flag. The premise of this site is platonic cuddles. Pros are not going to be wearing lingerie or just bras/panties, and dudes aren't cuddling in their boxers/briefs/jock straps. Pros aren't Barbies or Ken dolls, where clients get to dress them up for a cuddle.

    Clothing requests is a red flag for most Pros because the very nature of the request implies that clients are looking for more than platonic cuddles. "Skin-to-skin" is an oft-used phrase for guys asking for more. Pros do not like the phrase, mods do not like the phrase.

    Per the TOS: When communicating with another member, you agree to never indicate a desire to cuddle while doing any of the following: (1) being nude, (2) wearing only underwear, (3) kissing, (4) groping, (5) satisfying a fetish or kink, and (6) anything of a non-platonic nature.

    Per the Client Service Agreement: Both parties will remain clothed the entire session. Undergarments do not constitute as sufficient clothing. If either party needs to change clothing this will be done in private and out of sight of the other party. If a Client shows off areas normally covered by undergarments purposely, the Cuddler has the right to end the session immediately.

    Your request is better stated and appropriate that you're wanting "mostly bare legs and mostly bare arms and contactd in non-prohibited areas". Much better than saying "hi, can I have skin-to-skin?" No. No you can't, and mods will back up Pros in this regard every single time.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited April 2023

    @WiserGuy3000 it's pretty much a no-no.

    But what you can do is turn it round. There are many circumstances in life when it's much better to talk about yourself, your preferences and boundaries, rather than question somebody else's. This is one of them. What you are trying to do is give other other person information, and the freedom to use it, without putting any pressure on them.

    For example: "I like skin on skin contact during a cuddle, so if it's ok with you I would like to wear a tee shirt and shorts for our session. What you wear is of course entirely a matter for you - it's the person that matters, not the clothes - but if you would like to wear something similar that would be great." This makes it clear what you prefer, while giving the other person the space to do what they want without feeling bad. It's not phrased as a question, so they are not obliged to respond to the point if they don't want to.

    It so happens that I have cuddled in a variety of contexts with various amounts of skin contact and while I do agree that more skin is nicer, it makes much less difference than most people imagine.

    ________________________--

    @Sideon

    "That is awesome!"

    American - I wasn't really listening, but from what I did pick up it sounds like it was was broadly good, and probably in the top 40 or 50 things I've heard today.

    British - that is the single most impressive thing I have encountered in the last two or three years.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan would this be a good comparison I’m trying to learn more British phrases

    American- Yikes!

    British- Blimey!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @lonelytauros yes, I think that's a fair comparison. Although blimey is rather archaic now, I haven't heard it for ages.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    This is what I thought you meant:
    American
    Awww - A state of feeling bad or sorry for
    someone else. Sympathy
    Ahhhh - A state of being surprised or under-
    standing something suddenly.
    Something feeling really good,
    British and American
    Awe - A state of being amazed by some-
    thing or someone. “I’m in awe”

    Isn’t it all about spelling and inflection? Maybe I totally missed the point.

  • SideonSideon

    @carrieanne - same. I didn't know if @CuddleDuncan meant "Awww" or "Awe" :)

  • SideonSideon

    Apropos:

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @Sideon
    Not me realizing I only use “Awww” for both 🫨

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    When I think of our beloved moderators providing this community with a sense of guidance and opportunities…

    Thanks for leading us ! 😊

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @WiserGuy3000

    FYI, about the clothing thing, I don't have a good way to ask ahead of time what a cuddler will wear - as discussed, the question is likely to give the wrong impression. However, what I will do if someone shows up in cuddle-inappropriate clothing is offer to let her borrow something - "Hey, you might be uncomfortable cuddling in jeans, do you want to borrow some shorts?" Sometimes they accept, sometimes they don't.

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