Cuddlers and courtesy... or the lack of.

[Deleted User]j4jimbo (deleted user)
in General

So..... cuddlers... and especially those wishing to earn some money from this. Should you not be friendly, encouraging and just very nice?!?!.... or are you only that way until you find out a session is probably not going to happen??.... specifically, no more messaages, even just a simple friendly and kindhearted acknowledgement "So sorry you cannot cuddle with me (for whatever reason, etc, etc)... good luck on your searches"
Something like that!
When I first looke into "cuddling" and especially pro-cuddling I really thought it would be that sort of easy and enjoyable. But too often im afraid I have found it not to be the case. Courtesy costs nothing (and it is something I always give in abundance) but I have come to the conclusion many "pros" on here disagree.
I wonder if I am the only one finding this?????

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Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    I'm sorry to hear this has been your experience. 🤗

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited July 2023

    A pro cuddlers time and energy is of course going to be prioritized for potential and current clients. Sounds like you're wanting to message back and forth with no prospect of a session. Would you call a housekeeper and expect to message endlessly, or a acupuncturist, without ever scheduling anything? There are plenty of pros happy to be friends outside of a cuddle client dynamic. I'm fortunate to know some very lovely people from this site who I talk to on the regular. Some happen to be pros . And even though we are buds, I'm happy to not hear from them for a while if they need to get that money because it is a business and an income and that will and should be a priority for them. Can't take it personally, and it is your responsibility to manage your own emotions and how you deal with it . You're taking it as rejection and I don't believe that's the really the case.

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited July 2023

    @pmvines - With something as intimate as cuddling, I can see why some would like to know somebody better before deciding whether or not to be their client. That is why the forums are super important to me. I don't message anyone from my search results in fear of wasting their time if I don't decide to book them.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited July 2023

    A significant minority of the people who receive a "So sorry you cannot cuddle with me (for whatever reason, etc, etc)... good luck on your searches" message respond with abuse. Consequently, sending such messages is risky at best and dangerous at worst. Courtesy does not "cost nothing": it is often expensive.

    Furthermore, busy professionals receive several messages a day from people who are never going to make a booking for one reason or another. In some cases it can be difficult to identify which those are from the first message. (In other cases it is of course perfectly obvious.) Sending even a form response to such messages becomes an onerous task when there are so many of them. Professional cuddlers do not get paid for sending such messages, and most of them cuddle only part-time anyway.

    Time-wasting by malicious actors is one of the many banes of a cuddle professionals' job. These people send a vague enquiry and then string the professional along for half a dozen messages or more. If the professional, having failed to crystallise the enquiry into a booking, sends a polite "no thank you" the time wasters just use it as an excuse to extend the conversation.

    In other words, sending polite "no thank you" messages is, in general, foolish. Which is why most professionals don't do it.

    The notion that an unsolicited message (such as an opening message to a professional cuddler, or a job application) 'should' receive a reply died 30 years ago. It never applied to the internet in any case.

    That old-fashioned notion came from a world where sending a message was expensive both in money and time. You had to buy a stamp and an envelope and then go out again to post the letter. There was a genuine investment, so the recipient knew that the sender had some kind of genuine interest in them. A message on the internet requires no such investment and is therefore an entirely different kind of thing.

    Anybody looking to find a professional cuddler may find these threads useful:

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft
    edited July 2023

    Have you tried being a consistently irresistible loving and positive force? Some one we just can't help but entertain and engage with on a regular basis to the detriment of all other priorities? Sound difficult? Given your complaint, I would bet you're most likely not.
    That's what you are expecting from us.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @biancalovecraft So very well said.

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    @achetocuddle thank you.
    I think this complaint exemplifies the ridiculous expectations put primarily on women by an oblivious and entitled society that demands we be mother to the whole world (but you first of course) while expecting nothing in return.

    We have jobs to do, mouths to feed, a household to maintain, important relationships to foster, and sacred rites to perform my brothers. Save the drama for yo mama.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited July 2023

    “Courtesy costs nothing,” sounds true.
    But if a professional were to give you their time and (emotional) labor for free, that would detract from the finite energy they possess, which lessens their ability to cater satisfactorily to their paying customers. So, what you’re asking would actually cost these professionals real actual dollars.

    And in the same way that a store’s paying customers bear the cost of shoplifting, those who cuddle with pros end up paying higher rates to offset the cost of all of these time-wasters. So, to anyone who feels entitled to a pro’s time and energy without paying them, try looking in a mirror when you attempt to parse out where the lack of courtesy is coming from.

    Regards,

    🐒

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @MonkeyNeedsAHug and that saves me one comment. Ty. Hugs.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited July 2023

    I’ve seen plenty of pros give kind responses gently letting the client know they are not able to cuddle (due to distance etc) and vice versa, and the other person completely went off on them calling them horrible things. There are going to be pros, clients, and enthusiasts that lack communication skills, but perhaps making a forum post about it is not going to accomplish what you wish it will.

  • Ash75Ash75

    Only 1 in 5 women I send messages to,I end up cuddling. Don't worry about others,pay attention to women who respond.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    I try to keep in mind that people who are being paid are not being nice to you. They are simply doing their job, for as long as you pay them.

    If you look for affection in a business relationship you will always be disappointed, or even worse, taken advantage of.

  • Mike403Mike403

    This type of business has vulnerable clients paying for somebody to give them affection. I'm not gonna keep texting them and expect them to give me their time for free, but if they act like they don't even like me when I'm not in a session with them, I will probably not book a future session with that person.

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    @Ash75 1 in 5? that's an impressive hit rate. Hats off to you.

  • Ash75Ash75
    edited July 2023

    @1_teddybear I meant pros. I rarely get a reply from women enthusiasts,let alone cuddle them.

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    As @CuddleDuncan and @Charlie_Bear suggested, I don't think I have ever received a respectful or courteous response to "a simple friendly and kindhearted acknowledgement 'So sorry you cannot cuddle with me (for whatever reason, etc, etc)... good luck on your searches'."

    In fact, this was the last message I sent to my latest cuddle request:

    I appreciate your interest and you taking the time to reach out, but I don't believe we'll be a good fit. I hope the memorial service goes well and I wish you the best of luck in your search for cuddles.

    Regardless of being as polite and courteous as I could be given the situation, I was immediately blocked after sending this message, which is about the least awful response I'm used to.

    Despite choosing to be courteous in my message, I didn't have to be. The entire reason we weren't a good fit is because he questioned and pushed a very firm boundary that's listed on my profile; this after describing himself as "big on respect and communication."

    I disagree that "courtesy costs nothing." It's a draining effort for someone who likely doesn't deserve it and likely won't offer it in return.

  • AllAboutSoulAllAboutSoul
    edited July 2023

    @j4jimbo , you're giving unsolicited advice while you have no experience in our shoes. That's not being courteous, it's rude.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I think each pro is an individual and should be acknowledged as opposed to the whole population of pros having to explain one person's sin.

    Also, as a client, you get to choose where to take your business, so it's not constructive to write negative reviews imo.

  • w8ed_blanketw8ed_blanket

    I didn't respond to a potential client's message after exchanging a few messages with him during one night. And he essentially got angry I didn't respond on his terms as if I don't have a life outside of CC.

    .....I was asleep. :expressionless:

    Generally I will let someone know I don't think it's a good fit for us. That being said, people generally don't take rejection well. If I got someone who blew up on me because I was asleep, imagine how he'd take it if I rejected him in a message?

    And conversely, I've asked clarifying questions to inquiring cuddlers on here, and they ignored me. Guess what I did? I moved on.

    Courtesy costs nothing

    Yes, it does. It requires emotional labor and this onus is disproportionately and unfairly pushed on women more than men to be nice in order to be liked at the cost of their safety and worth as a human being.

    Pros aren't here to be your friend. It's a business; time is money. A client will get my full attention during the session. Some users of CC are just here to chat with pros and waste their time with no intention of ever booking. I will be respectful and professional in answering questions a person has about cuddling me, but I am not here to spend time to just chat with people.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited July 2023

    .

  • SideonSideon

    @j4jimbo - there's good and bad news.

    The good news is that CC is a nexus of potential where enthusiasts or clients or Pros may meet and mingle: big world, many many participants, many many possibilities.

    The bad news is that it takes time and effort to make connections. No one is available 24/7, we all respond to messages at our discretion (or not), and we all have full lives. Folks confuse CC with Lyft/Uber or ordering something on Amazon - they have money, they want it NOW. CC isn't like that, thankfully.

    Step back and look at what you're asking, how you're asking, and above all else have some patience.

    Best wishes.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Given the choice between someone (or myself) being "nice/polite" or "kind", I choose the latter every time. I would rather someone be blunt or rude while being kind, period.

    Being courteous is absolutely NOT free if it is false, putting us at risk, or continuing/dragging out a situation that is non-productive or even harmful. Sometimes the kindest option is the harshest - to put up a hard boundary.

    A LOT of people have very low self-awareness or less social skills than they think they do - to the point that they aren't even aware of how much of a deficit they in have. That's not a judgement, it's an observation. So when people with lack of self-awareness and lack of social skills are flat out rejected multiple times, they frequently either a) don't even realize they have been rejected, b) ignore the rejection thinking they can change our minds because they haven't learned healthy boundaries, or c) get angry and lash out because they have not learned the coping skills to deal with their emotions in a healthier manner. I have explicitly told people on this site "do not message me again" and they will continue to do so, so they get blocked... and then they'll complain in the forums about me blocking them. I've had to ask people to not discuss certain topics with me because they become too much of a hot button trigger for us - they ignore that boundary, so I enforce the consequences by withdrawing from interactions with them... and they'll lose their shit.

    Rejecting people (namely men) can be dangerous (namely for women and femmes). So excuse us if we don't feel like responding to every inane message or entertaining you for free at the risk of you attacking us verbally or worse if we dare stop.

    Courtesy is not free - it's dangerous.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Out of curiosity - how many other women (or people in general) besides myself automatically think that every time one of these posts comes up that the author most likely is so covered in red flags that they cannot even see all the warnings they get until it's too late?

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I don't know if I see them as potentially covered in red flags, but there's a bit of "Hrm...? Yeah..., Nope." that runs through my mind and seems like a fairly reasonable reaction. Though I rarely have to directly deal with that sort, so there's a 'yay for the day'.

    And I don't think those who are covered in flags are able to see past them enough to catch their reflection. Plus it's probably so cozy wrapped in their self-righteousness, the majority of them don't really care to anyway.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited July 2023

    @cuddlefaery Maybe not covered but it had been pointed out that I've dodged a bullet or two by not interacting with people with this mentality because some have taken their anger and have become threatening.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited July 2023

    I've been thinking about the phrase "courtesy costs nothing". I've heard it all my life, but on reflection I haven't heard it for years which makes me think that perhaps it is becoming old-fashioned.

    My recollection and perception is that is used predominantly by older people, most often to criticise younger people. It was a phrase that annoyed me as a child since it is so blindingly obvious that courtesy doesn't cost nothing.

    Anybody who has been part of receiving line at a wedding, where you have to be courteous to 100 people in a row, half of whom you don't know and six of whom you actively dislike, knows that courtesy is tough. Anybody who has worked or volunteered in any role facing the public knows it. So why do some people use it?

    I have thought of some possible answers to that question, which are all too long and and boring to write, but the unifying theme is that none of them reflect well on the user.

    So where does that leave us? @j4jimbo there is a lot of criticism in this thread and some of it probably wasn't easy to read. But nearly everybody who has commented is a forum regular, and all have thought about you and your situation. In other words there is a lot of support for you too - I know all these people and most if not all of us want you to find the cuddles that you need.

    From your post and your profile it seems you've had no luck. (And you live in a cuddle coldspot which doesn't help.) I've been there so I know that it isn't nice, it isn't nice at all.

    But the reason you've had no luck - and the thing that this thread has brought out - is that there is something in your attitudes, or expectations, or demeanor, or something, that is getting in the way of your cuddles. If you can reflect on what that might be, using the support and information in this thread to help you .... you'll be halfway there. Good luck.

  • taco_libretaco_libre

    it’s 2023 - courtesy is extinct

  • _marC_marC

    🍿

  • Mike403Mike403

    Bottom line, if they haven't said anything rude to you, don't worry about it. No response is not being rude as they don't have to talk to you.

    These venting posts almost never goes well for the OP.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @cuddlefaery

    I kinda see my former self a bit. I lacked a lot of social skill and awareness in the past.

    I had a bit of a stunted social growth so it took me some time to catch up to everyone else

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